#dandyupdates

I think it's just a big deal for the upcoming season and all. I personally don't follow his social media presence, but I am happy to do the request because it's harmless.

content warning; angst

Author's note; based on this ask

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What happened? A question you’ve asked more than ‘why?’ and one with no right answer.   

You tried to go over it, from the beginning. It all made sense, until it didn’t.   

That night, when paled fists gripped the soiled fabric of your shirt, head burrowing further into the pit of your lap.

It was over.   

The midnight heartache, the bruising of knees from crumbling to the floor, whispers of sweet nothings into the night through red eyes, fleeting warmth from bodies pressed together like molded clay, ribs colliding, and hearts intertwining through strong arms and soft intentions.  

No more.   

Your eyes burned themselves from exhaustion. You were tired, tired of watching his world crumble before you and holding him together with gentle strokes to his hair while he cried himself to sleep almost every night.  

“Rafe,” your voice barely above a whisper, he twitched at the coolness over your fingers caressing his heated skin. His recoil told you he wasn’t ready, it would be too much, too soon.   

So, you waited.   

Night turned into day, and by morning he had snuck out like he always did, a projection of guilt from him when he got like this. Unfortunately it happens more often than not these days.  

By morning, you slugged out of bed, dragging yourself over to the bathroom, you caught a glimpse of yourself. Drained, clothes wrinkled from the presence of what once was, hair tousled in every which way from troubles of your own, and an increasing darkness under your eyes.   

You managed a short shower, it didn’t help lessen the weight of last night like you thought it would.  

And the day went on like that, slowly, not so surely, it seemed to drag on longer than usual.  

You hadn't talked to Rafe since he crept out of a solid embrace all those hours ago, but you knew where to find him.  

There is only so far one can go in this place.  

Everyone knows everything and if they don't…they will.  

You were brought back to your surroundings by the inharmonious bitching of customers, granted you had been spacing out rather than taking orders.   

“Hi,” you huffed, not even bothering to fake enthusiasm you didn't possess, “what can I do for you?”  

The guy scoffed, looking you up and down.   

You didn't stop him because there wasn't much to see in a ratty shirt with smoothie stains on it, a full length apron and knee length skirt that he could only catch a glimpse of from behind the counter.

“You can smile for me,” he proposed, leaning on his forearms resting on the counter.   

Before you had the privilege of endangering your job, your boss intervened, ordering you to switch stations with Adan. So, you rotated around, shifting to the board station where you would cut up, peel, and puree fruits and vegetables, thankful you didn’t have to deal with asshats this early in the morning. Even if it is closer to noon.  

You seemed to be doing better by the time lunch rush would start, calm, dishing orders left and right. After all, there was a sudden peace about cutting your feelings.  

On your lunch break you had nothing to do, nothing you wanted to. So you untied your apron, balling and tossing it in your work cubby.   

You hooked your fingers through a thin crate, dragging it behind you to wedge the door open while you went out. With only a 30 minute break you got started walking, your feet leading you through tough gravel, over acres of sand to the planks at the edge of your world. 

The ocean is where it ends.

 And the concept was no stranger to the universe, calling darkened souls alike to the end of the world where you met a familiar face.

Rafe.

His back turned to you, spine curved as he leaned over his knee, you spotted a sliver of smoke pooling over his head. 

This was the part you didn’t have to see to feel. 

Sometimes you weren’t enough, you know that, you didn’t care. Your nights were spent restless, consoling him after days spent at home, you did what you could. And for that you don’t blame him. 

“Am I that predictable?” His voice carried no humor despite the attempt, how could it? It was still hoarse from crying.

He knew that you knew to seek him out after last night, just like the unspoken tears that shed harder, the softer your touch got. 

He knew you too.

You knelt down beside him, smoothing your skirt out across your knees. He didn’t turn to face you, keeping his distant stare at the waves crashing at the end of the dock. The salty air left a sour taste on your tongue, all the time spent on water and you never learned how to keep yourself afloat. 

How to not sink beneath the waves crashing together, pulling you in, sweeping you away from the shore. That’s how you felt some nights, nights when Rafe didn’t crawl in through your window or darken your doorstep. 

You watched Rafe inhale the smoke like it’ll grant him death in an instant, a mercy he longed for. 

He flicked at the stick, ash sprinkling into the waves, his hand deviating from his mouth to your hand. His poison, your turn.

“Have you gone home yet?” you know he hasn’t, routine kept him in an endless cycle and right now you were the only constant. It started with you, it continues with you.

“Nah,” he grumbles, watching you bring the cigarette to your lips, letting it sit in the corner of your mouth, smoke flooding your nostrils, tobacco staining your senses. 

And you sat in silence for a moment, passing the dart back to Rafe. 

“Do you want to go back?” Does anybody? Did you?

His lips parted, but no sound came out, instead he silenced himself with another puff of smoke. Something he only did before the waterworks started. His eyes told a different story, clouded with anger, lips curled in disgust, but with a subtle quiver, you couldn’t pinpoint where the gesture was directed. 

At himself. You would come to find when he pressed his forehead into your shoulder, averting your worried gaze, your sleeves soon dampened. 

Words bobbed in his throat, but they didn’t dare surface like the nauseous feeling he was fighting. 

You couldn’t help but hate yourself for feeling an ounce of anything but sympathy, but irritation had itched itself into the back of your mind. It wasn’t at him, never him, but it had been the fourth time in less than 24 hours that you found yourself like this. Who held you like this when it's all over? 

Your hand instinctively reached for his hair, fingers combing through tangled knots, a lot like how this looked. Sifting through parts of the problem to find the source, except every time you got close you were rerouted. 

Last night sleep deprived you would have waited, but you weren’t sure you’d be compliant enough to handle a small conversation if it waited any longer. “We don’t have to.”

You offered that weeks ago. 

Nerves settled in the pit of your stomach, nerves you tried to ignore, thoughts you tried to ignore, all resurfaced in the absence of Rafe. 

You haven't seen him since he was curled into you on the dock, stuttering out broken sentences through dry lips, shivering against your silent embrace. 

Where was he?

You contemplated asking around, but your efforts would be futile. 

Finally, he washed up on your doorstep again, his state no different than last. Disheveled, strung thin by emotions that had his knees weak, nearly caving at the whining of your front door.

You knew the routine like muscle memory, but you didn’t move.

His shadow shifted behind the door, knuckles grazing the wood a second time. It wasn’t a knock anymore, it was softer than that, pleading, but with a fragility that might splinter if you reached for it.

“Please,” he rasped, the word barely audible.

Your breath hitched, fingers flexing at your sides. You hated how quickly the sound of him could undo you.

When you finally pulled the door open, he was hunched forward, shoulders bowed like the weight of him had doubled since you last saw him. Red-rimmed eyes darted up to yours, just for a moment, before flicking away. He didn’t ask. He just stepped forward as if you’d fold.

“I-” he cut himself off with a cough, ducking his head down like you had scolded him, “I-I wanna leave.” 

Those magic words brought the drained life back to you, brightening your own dull complexion. You didn’t smile. You weren’t out of the woods yet, but it was a start. 

He stepped forward, toeing the entrance of the door, coming to meet you with his glossy eyes. His tongue prodded his cheek and he needed his head, something he did when he wanted to say more. Ultimately he decided against it, draping himself over your shoulder. 

“...Okay.” 

That was the easiest decision you had to make, but not for free. When the day came, he texted you and promised to meet at the dock. It was all set, the plan you’ve been holding on to. You’d take “My Druthers”–a final ‘fuck you’ to Ward–to the Bahamas, live off the vacation home long enough to get on your feet and then the world was yours. 

What you didn’t count on was being bailed on. You’d packed your bags the day you offered to leave, you’ve just been waiting on Rafe, but it’s becoming too regular– waiting on Rafe. 

Maybe he’s on his way. Maybe he’s already here. You wanted to believe everything but the reality that he may have opted out of this one. 

You rolled your suitcases back to your car, shoving them in the back seat before settling into the front, hands gripping the steering wheel, rolling the leather cover in sync with your breathing. You let out a huff through your nose, putting the car in drive.

The drive didn’t take long, filled with uneasy silence bordering tears. Tears you haven’t cried since Rafe shed all of them for you. Pulling into the driveway you could see the figure of someone sitting on the porch.

It was Rafe. 

He was sitting on the bench beside the door, cradling a beer, staring off into the distance like he hadn’t made the biggest plan of his life.

“Rafe, wha-” and then your eyes dropped, sank like your heart at the sight of bottles around his seat, a small duffle bag tucked beneath him, a red shirt half tucked in the zipper. 

Nononononono. You were supposed to leave. You were supposed to be far from this place by now. And you hadn’t seen Rafe drink since after the first time he climbed in your window. He swore it off after he cried in your shower the whole night, cradling himself into the cold tile to not disturb you.

“I couldn’t do it.”

Your ears rang with the echo of his voice, void of emotion, like you were speaking to the shell of your friend. You hadn’t felt your knees stutter until you braced yourself against the porcelain railing of the porch. Lips parted to catch the breath that had left you, but words failed you. 

He failed you.

Maybe this adventure was too big.

Maybe you were too big for him.

Some part of him was convinced he was doing you a favor. You knew him too, well enough to know you’d be dragging him around until you settled down and by then he’d be homesick. That he’d bail every chance he got because despite you, running is all he knew. He’d spend the rest of his life looking over his shoulder, but that didn’t mean you had to. If there was one thing he was sure of, it was this. But he’d never tell, no. 

He stared blankly ahead, bringing the glass bottle to his lips, but not sipping it, just taking it in. 

You wanted to scream, but you choked up, silent tears stinging the corner of your eyes. How could he do this?  

You drew in a short breath, biting a curse back–it’s not right. 

What TikTok is this anon talking about? I didn’t realize Drew had an official TikTok account

Madness Monday

Something about Monday makes me hate the hell out of life, so it's possible you will too

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Updates on stories, series, and upcoming works

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If I happen to post on the weekend it's to make up for missing a date or it's spontaneous.

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Can be multi fandom

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Remember, you're always welcome to request what you would like to see more of

Comments, likes, and reblogs are always appreciated

Good question, I've thought about it and verdicts still out on that one. But you can absolutely make a suggestion and I'll look into it. While I still have OBX asks out, I'm gonna be working on those and finishing ITAOE, but I am considering expanding my horizon. Hope that answers your question.

-dandy