#dan riley

The problem with teenagers is they get downright mortified if they’re reminded of exactly how they were made.

Well, maybe that’s not the perfect metaphor considering Charlie’s birth was via a surrogate mother and Leon’s adopted, or whatever it is if it’s not a metaphor — he’s sure Marc could tell him — but Dan can’t even kiss his husband in the comfort of his own home without a groaned ‘dad!’ from one of his kids now. It’s annoying.

It’s not like they’re making out like, well — he refuses to think about his teenagers making out, he knows it’s something that is probably going to happen if it’s not happening already, but even though Marc keeps saying it’s ‘healthy’ and ‘don’t stigmatise it’ and ‘if we want them to be open with us we need to be unilaterally supportive, stop making that face, Daniel’, all that totally reasonable stuff, he still refuses.

He can’t even get away with a hug or a peck to Marc’s hair in the morning without Charlie making a noise like he just ruined her breakfast, and even Leon, sweet, wonderful Leon, has started doing it too. They don’t let him hug them or peck their hair anymore either, with rare exceptions. He misses that.

“Ironic,” Marc says when Dan complains. “Considering you hate public displays of affection.”

“This isn’t public, it’s my house!” Dan says. “I should be able to kiss my husband in my own damn house.”

Marc gives him a condescending pat on the shoulder, but Dan knows it bugs him too.

Dan refuses to be bullied in his own house. He’s going to learn to tune out the ‘ugh’ noise the same way he learned to tune out tantrums and that particularly whiny ‘dad’ tone when Charlie wasn’t getting her way about something minor.

It works for awhile, but the kids change it up.

“Scoot,” Dan says, Marc blocking his path to the fridge while he’s trying to make dinner, and when Marc ignores him, makes it happen with a light hip check, finishing it off with a less light tap to his ass.

“Dad!” Charlie shrieks. It’s harder to tune out shrieking. Leon just ‘ugh’s, but he throws in a disappointed in Dan head shake, which is unfair.

“Ass slapping is a hockey thing!” Dan says. “You do it too!”

“With padding!” Charlie says.

“There’s padding,” Dan says. Plenty of padding. Ten years into retirement, and Marc’s thankfully still got a hell of a hockey ass.

Charlie groans and then says something about Dan being the most embarrassing father of all time into her hands. Marc smirks at him, probably just glad he isn’t being called the most embarrassing father of all time for once.

“Right?” Leon says to Charlie.

“You too, Lion?” Dan asks, hurt.