#damnbrain

“      you   here   to   tell   me   off   too?      ”        bellamy   doesn’t   glance   up   as   he   speaks  ,    gaze   fixed   on   the   rifle   he’s   cleaning   with   methodical   movements  ,    if   only   to   give   his   hands   something   to   do.        “      i   don’t   want   to   hear   it  ,    raven.      we   did   what   we   had   to.      ”

she couldn’t even speak as she sunk down beside where she was sitting, she couldn’t because she knew threats would leave her lips, no, promises, of the retaliation the convict would be met with. luna couldn’t speak because she was too angry...and heart broken seeing the way that raven blamed herself, the way raven expected this. “stop please.” she utters on a breath, the words entirely breathless from the emotions that luna was feeling right now...like she was winded by them because they were so turbulent inside of her. “you think that you deserve this but you don’t. i’m sorry that i tend to speak softer to you, that i don’t tend to argue because every thought you share with me is just...beautiful to me.” maybe it was something raven wouldn’t understand, maybe it was something she wouldn’t ever understand, just how bated luna’s breaths could be on the thoughts raven shared with her. how much she cherished each because raven made the choice to share with her. “but you don’t deserve this.” 

           A LAUGH BUBBLES UP HER THROAT  .  clarke has to bite her lip to keep it from pouring out  ,  nearly drawing blood  .  the idea that she  ,  wanheda  ,  the commander of death  ,  doesn’t grasp the severity of the consequences is laughable  .   “   there are always consequences  ,  raven  .   ”   she hasn’t made a single decision since they hit the ground that didn’t cause some sort of domino effect  .  she’s drenched in blood  ,  she can’t close her eyes without seeing ghosts  .  her sleep is filled with terror and everything she eats tastes like dust  .  she’ll bear the weight of this decision  ,  just like she always has  .   “   i’ve already lost most of my soul to keep our people alive  ,  what’s a little more  .   ”

“      --      hey.      ”        he’s   still   hoarse  ,    voice   scraping   and   raw   against   his   throat  ,    but   he’s   finally   begun   to   gain   some   strength   back.      bracing   his   elbows   against   the   bed  ,    bellamy   heaves   himself   into   some   semblance   of   a   seated   position  ,    turning   his   head   against   the   pillow   to   face   her.        “      wondered   when   you’d   stop   by.      ”

         “ i saw what it does to a person. to let the bad consume you until you’re something... else. and , i’m not saying you don’t deserve to be angry. things are shit , but not everything , not everyone -- ” he doesn’t know what he’s saying , he’s scrambling. he’s been called an optimist , he knows that. but it’s hard to hold on to hope , it’s the hardest thing he’s ever done. but he’s happy to do it. to share it with the people he cares most about. “ i’m here. for what it’s worth. ”

she doesn’t give it a second thought as she pulls her back in for another kiss,  reciprocating the feelings and the passion that initially came from their first exchange.    deepening the kiss,  selene lets her thumb brush along her cheek,  a soft moan leaving her throat before she finally allows herself to pull away,  her forehead resting against her own as she catches her breath.    “  we should have done that a long time ago,  ”   she exhales with a laugh.    there’s something else that lingers,   and she tries not to let it ruin the moment between them.   everyone always leaves you.   she’ll leave you too.     “  raven  —  you’re not allowed to leave me now,  you know that,  right?   i don’t . . .  i don’t know what i’d do if you left.  ”

“    she   was   just   a   kid  ,    raven.    ”       and   he   knows  ,    can   fully   understand   why   she   doesn’t   approve   of   his   choice   to   rescue   the   farm   station   survivors      --      but   his   own   lingering   guilt   means   that   he   tries   again   and   again   to   justify   that   decision  ,    anyway.       “    a   kid   in   there  ,    staring   at   us  ,    and   we   were   her   only   hope.      what   was   i   supposed   to   do  ,    just   leave   her   there   as   a   slave?      i   couldn’t.    ”       

             annoyance briefly flickers over the mercenary’s features.  still,  he lowers to sit back down at her command.  “  it’s not that bad,  ”  he grumbles.  they still have work to do.  he has leads he needs to track down and a little wound isn’t enough of an excuse to lay low.  the fury of disobeying raven,  however,  is another matter altogether.  lips press together and emil’s gaze flickers towards her face before daring away towards the screen display on the table in front of them.  “  if his trail goes cold it’s both our asses on the line for it.  ”