#daisy pinecone

«We have to celebrate baby Finn.» You pout, trying hard not to laugh because he looks like a teenager.

You are in Four, all of you, even Katniss who had a special permit for Finn’s celebration, and you are overjoyed. You really missed your friends, and you spent most of the holiday gossiping with Perla and Lora and, well, the other part kissing and smooching with your non boyfriend.

You won’t see him for a whole week, because you are going away with Effie and Portia at the end of the holiday. It’s time for your internship to begin, now you are healthy enough and you feel stronger than before. You spent two months in bed, revered and served and you enjoyed it when you stopped being in pain (You will deny it, but maybe you could have stayed up a week before. Or two. But you didn’t have to cook or clean and when the sex strike was revoked, well, it was like a paradise. A holiday. And he never questioned why you were able to help the reconstruction in the district and not him at your home.) 

Haymitch took the change well, if “Well” means trying to take you to bed every five minutes and kissing you in front of everybody, which is huge for him. You are not going to complain about the sudden affection. 

You know he would have preferred having you behaving like a despotic queen from your bed but at home, instead of your usual self in Capitol City, even if he won’t tell you. But once a week he can see you and after the internship you will return. 

«Only Finnick could call his son “Finn”. Egomaniac.» 

You snort but you are fast to use his distraction to wear your blue dress before he decides to rip it out. Finn is an adorable baby, always with a smile on his face and Finnick is so happy he glows. Both him and Annie are so tired they have to stop the conversation and enjoy five minutes of nap sometimes, but when they watch the baby, the look on their faces tells you it’s worth it.

«Annie chose it. And stop the charade, you are happy for him. He is another of your children. That makes you a grandpa!»

The shock on his face is definitely worth the joke, but when he attacks you, he knows you’re ticklish way too much, you squeal and laugh. 

«Say that again.» He dares you, pushing you onto the mattress with his weight. The temperature in the room changes quickly, in a moment his strong hands are wandering around the zip of your dress and you suspect you are going to be late after all. You normally hate to be late but you are going to be in Capitol City tomorrow morning, so you want to indulge yourself a little.

«You are the hottest grandpa in town.» You taunt him, your voice lower and seductive now, and you eagerly accept his kisses and the hand that goes under your dress. It’s been almost a year now, and yet you are still crushing hard on this man. You love him, of course, but you are also in love. You prepare yourself for hours to be beautiful for him, you cook his favourite meals for special occasions, and you love when he reads to you with his deep voice. You even love when he feeds the geese, calling the animals with the names of the people you really know. The most quiet one is Peeta. 

«If I’m a grandpa, Gorgeous, you are a grandma.» He whispers against your ear before kissing your lobe. 

«Oh no, I’m the sexy young girl who seduced you, don’t you remember?»

«WE ARE GOING WITH OR WITHOUT YOU.» Perla shouts from the other room. She is not a patient person, and since you are in her house you have to follow her rules. And maybe you are not the easiest hosts ever. You always sneak out to make out and you giggle in dark corners.

«We are coming!» You answer her, and you threaten Haymitch with a finger on his face. «Don’t even try to sneak away.»

He snorts. «I would never. I love a party for someone who doesn’t even know how to poop.»

You wrinkle your nose. «You disgusting, disgusting man.»

He presses a rumorous kiss on your ear just to spite you. «And yet you love me anyway.»

The party looks like something that a family would do. Jellyfishes made on paper decorate the room, and sparkly fishes are printed on the windows. You are cutting the bread for everyone - the dreadful sea bread from district four - humming a song from Twelve, while Effie and Portia are fussing over Finn who sits on Annie, Peeta and Haymitch are playing chess, and Lora, Perla, Katniss and the others are on the couch, chatting. Mags is on a rocking chair, half sleeping, half listening.

The only people who are at home are Marjorie and Ivy, and Holly. Holly and Marjorie are closer than ever, especially since she is with Ivy now. Holly loves children and Ivy is a treasure of a child, you too spent a lot of time with her, telling her stories and fairytales. 

Katniss is doing better, you think. She speaks with Prim everyday on the phone, she refuses to talk with her mother - her mother never calls her, tho - and she is in your house on a daily basis with an excuse or the other, looking for Haymitch. You wanted to tell her it’s not a problem if she wants to see his adoptive father, but he stopped you, claiming she would stop showing up because she would have been too embarrassed. 

Peeta returns to the district today after six months in the Capitol hospital, and he will be with Katniss for the first time. He is not stable yet, but the doctors say he is ready for the next step.

As for Haymitch, he is really trying to stay sober. You threw out all the alcohol in the house - actually you sell the closed bottles, because why not - and you asked Finnick not to buy it for the party. He is learning how to live without booze, and sometimes it’s so hard, but your man is strong.

It’s a miracle you are all in District Four. After Coin was killed by Katniss and you were shot, the girl risked her life. District Thirteen didn’t want to let her go. Haymitch and Plutarch fought to keep her alive, and Coin was replaced as president by Command Paylor, the leader of the rebel forces In District Eight. You quite like her, she is not a fame or power hungry person, she wants what is right. She decided to pardon Katniss for her action, she voted against the new Hunger Games and she destroyed the arenas. She built memorials, and now she claims Capitol City is a new city with her. You don’t know if you believe her, but she is helping the districts as well with the reconstruction, so she is surely better than Snow and Coin, and for now that’s enough.

«Tomorrow we will go shopping, darling girl.» Effie announces. That’s another thing you have to clear up, because you don’t have any money and you have no intention of using Haymitch’s. You are thrilled you’re going to be in Effie’s home, first because you are really curious about her house, and second because you are going to live with your friend. You would really miss Effie.

«She doesn’t need clothes, isn’t she there to make clothes?» He asks, more to engage a banter with his friend than anything else.

«She needs to mingle. A perfect fashion choice will make it easier.» You have three dresses. Two for every day and one for special occasions, that in the District were weddings, funerals or the Hunger Games. You also have a pair of trousers, a nightgown and a coat, and it’s more than most in Twelve. 

«Maybe I can wait for the first month?» You taint. After the first month you will have a salary, and after a part for Holly, you could spend the rest to “mingle”.

«I have an announcement.» Lora says, so proud. It’s so good to see Lora happy, in the mess that is the war you forget that she is nineteen. This girl with big wide eyes is the youngest among you.

«Tell us!» Perla encourages her, and maybe she needs it because she rarely speaks in the group. She is witty and funny but nobody knows it, except for Chaff who was her mentor and a little bit of a father figure, like Haymitch for Katniss.

«I’m moving to Capitol City too. I don’t know what to do, but I want to travel, and I don’t want to stay in my district, so…» She declares, torturing her fingers. She is nervous, but you are so happy.

«So we'll be together!» You finish for her and you go to hug her. «But where are you staying? In a hotel?»

«Well, I have some news too…» Perla stands up, and Cinna becomes crimson. «I’m moving to Capitol too… because we are moving together.»

«Us three! Again!» You hug them in a group hug. The trio is together again, and now for the first time it’s not for a suicidal mission or a killing machine television game. That counts as progress.

«Yeah, well, I still have my family house here, but… yeah.» You feel calmer already, you are not alone in a new city. Effie and Portia are beyond generous, but they are home there. Perla and Lora can feel what you feel, it’s a new adventure for them as well.

«For six months, right?» Haymitch asks you, hugging you from behind. 

«Six months.» You promise. 

«You are long gone, my friend.» Chaff intervenes. «This one ruined you.»

You tend to forget Chaff is there, and you feel mean because he is one of Haymitch’s best friends.

«He is not ruined!» Annie protests, «He is in love.» 

And now you know your man would want to scoff, but if it’s Annie who talks he is gentle, like with Lora. 

«Isn’t that the same thing?» The eleven victor adds. 

«Shut up.» He murmurs before kissing you again because he refuses to be embarrassed.

«Hey, do you want to go for a walk?» Haymitch asks you while you are putting on your coats, after the party ends. You think Finn liked your present, an enormous stuffed animal (a dolphin) you sewed yourself. You needed to spend time while you were in bed, and it was worth it when the kid saw it. 

You are not that happy to leave. Maybe District Twelve is nowhere to be great, but you miss your home. And it will be rare from now on to be all together, and even if you like what you are going to do, and you are overjoyed Perla and Lora will be with you, you will live in Effie’s house so you will be with her, but this is good. This, a family dinner with everybody. Finnick and Annie are living their dream with baby Finn (and they love it, they are born to be parents and you bet you are celebrating the birth of another baby soon), you want to be there for them. For Finn too, you are ready to be a cool aunt. You want your mommy near you, and she took the fact that you’ll live with Effie Trinket very badly. She feels threatened by her presence, like she is another parent or something, but for you Effie is more like an older sister.

And Haymitch… you are not ready to see him once a week, maybe twice a month sometimes. You are so used to always being in his arms, to talk to him about everything and now you have to talk to him through the phone. No kisses. No hugs. No cuddles even if he claims that “he doesn’t cuddle”. No “Come to bed, sweetheart” and you will read side by side until one of you begins to kiss the other’s neck. 

But it’s your dream, you will become a good tailor, you will learn so much from Portia and you will return to Twelve. 

«A romantic walk? With you?» You repeat in disbelief because he is not the romantic type at all. He is the one who refused to light candles - because you are not sixteen - at your first proper date in the house - because he doesn’t date. At the first mention that if he doesn’t date then you could date other people, he stated that you were his. And then he cooked your favourite meal for dinner.

«Does it have to be romantic? Can’t it be just a walk?» He complains and his voice is rough and annoyed, but he squeezes your hand tight. 

«Well it’s a walk with your girl and there’s the ocean so…» And the sight of Four is really stunning. The ocean is so peaceful you almost don’t miss the meadow, but after the shark in the Games you don’t like to be in open water. Doctor Aurelius claims you need to overcome your fear, but then again Doctor Aurelius didn’t see a mutt white shark in front of her and you need time.

«If you don’t want to, we can just go back at Perla's.» This is not his usual answer, it’s rough even for him.

«No, no, let’s go.» You wince. «Are you nervous?»

«Perfectly fine.» He lies. That liar. He can’t say that he is sad because you move to Capitol City.

«Not thrilled that I go?» You try. 

«You can go, babe, I bought you the ticket.» Babe. He uses the term “Babe” or “Babygirl” when something is wrong. You don’t like them and he knows it. 

«I know I can go, thank you for the permit.» You jump into his arms. «But you can be sad too. I’m sad. Are you sad?»

«…Maybe.» He admits.

«Good. That means you love me. And that also means that every weekend will be precious.» You whisper against his lips. «And I will sew a lot of lingeries…»

The annoyed glimpse in his eyes is replaced by pure lust.

«Don’t put so much effort on them, I’ll rip them out every time.» He closes the space between your lips in a passionate kiss that definitely doesn’t belong in a street, it would be better in a bed. You can’t help it if he flirts like that.

«Walk.» You remind him, licking your lips.

«Walk.» He agrees. 

«If Katniss needs me, or Peeta, or my mother, please call me.» Or if you need me, you want to say, but you know he wouldn’t appreciate it. You are a little anxious about the alcohol stuff and the survival guilt.

«No one will need you, Sweetheart.» He kisses your hair «Go and have fun.»

«I’ll try.» You promise. You are a little worried about your mother, and… you are scared, of course.

«Is Effie okay with the visits? I don’t want her thrilling voice to wake me up in the morning every week.»

«I think so, yeah. We can stay in a motel sometimes, or with Perla and Cinna.»

«Yeah, no. Not Perla.» 

You almost burst into laughter at his tone. When you were in a coma, Perla was the one friend who stayed with you the most with Lora. Haymitch and Holly were arguing about everything, she said, and while Lora has a sweet temper and a great patience, Perla is hot blooded and frequently snapped.

«You don’t like my friends!?» You try to sound accusing. 

«I don’t mind Lora. Perla on the other hand…» His expression says everything.

«Oh c’mon. She is great.»

«You just say that because she has blue eyes.» 

«That’s not true. She also has great boobs.» You see his glare, «What? It’s true.» It is true. Perla is stunning. Sparkling blue eyes, legs for days and you are not blind, you can see her cleavage. You are in love with Haymitch but you are still bisexual, it’s not your fault you have eyes.

«That’s it, I’m going to lock you up in the highest tower.» He shakes his head. 

«Oh, with a dragon to guard me?» 

«No, you would manage to turn it into a pet in a week.»

«I don’t know, it would be fun to be a damsel in distress…» You trace patterns on his chest with your fingers. «And you are so hot as an evil king.»

His eyes darken and he takes you in his arms to kiss you again. «If we keep doing this, we will go back now.»

«No, I want my romantic walk. No more flirting with you.»

«It’s not a romantic walk. It’s a walk. Go to Perla if you want your romantic walk.» Yes, she is the right person for a romantic anything. You are sure she prepared the “Moving to Capitol” thing for weeks before talking about it with Cinna.

«You are not jealous at all, congrats! You know I only want my man.» You indulge on his lips again, taking his arm close to you. «Plus, she has a boyfriend.» 

«He is far too old to be called “boyfriend”.» You chuckle at his displeasure for the word. He fixed on this thing. You secretly call him your boyfriend with the girls, but when he hears that he grunts. 

«And what is she supposed to call him?» You laugh. 

«I don’t know, partner?»

«Do I need to call you “Partner” too?» 

«’Was hoping “Husband”.» 

What?

You turn around and he is handing you a little red box. Not on his knee, of course, and his expression is kinda annoyed, like he really doesn’t like to be in this situation.

This situation, asking you to marry him. A marriage. A wedding. A wedding and a toasting. And a life with him, forever, and nobody could say anything. 

«Oh my…» Daisy Abernathy. Daisy Pinecone Abernathy. It suits you, you think, maybe you can sign your dresses as DPA, or Daisy A. Pinecone, and the kids in the district will call you Mrs. Abernathy. 

You, a married woman. With Haymitch. You can only imagine it. Haymitch is not the kind of guy who asks you to marry him, you are speechless. 

You put your hands on your mouth and you are completely speechless. He opens the red little box and inside there is a ring. 

Well, of course there is a ring, but it’s the most beautiful ring you’ve ever seen. It’s very simple, but it is made of gold and there’s even a little diamond on it. You have no idea where it comes from, there are no diamonds in the district. Well of course there are in the mines, but not on rings.

«Doesn’t need to be tomorrow.» He clarifies. «Or a Capitol thing. We go, we sign, we do a toasting and that’s it.»

«You are crazy.» You only manage to say.

«That’s the smart thing to do, you know if one of us is sick the other can take a decision and you could have my money if I die, things like that.» 

You try hard not to laugh. «You propose and then you talk about dying? Right now?»  

«Usually people say yes or now.» He is sounding a little nervous, and you remember you didn’t actually say anything. 

«Yes! Yes of course, yes!» You jump into his arms and give him a deep passionate kiss. The world stops turning just for a moment.

«Daisy Abernathy.» He whispers against your lips. «Sounds good, mh?»

«Daisy Pinecone Abernathy.»

Yes. Daisy Pinecone Abernathy.

Your name.

-------------------------

THIS IS THE ENDDDDD. I'm so saaad and happyyy we got to finishhhh.

I want to ask you, would you like a sequel? I think I'll do it, but if you are not interested I can post it only on AO3.

SO SO SOOOOO LAST CHAPTER.

«Hay, before we start…» You try to say, which is hard if he wants you. And he definitely wants you. You are proud of the way he looks at you, and you are up to whatever he wants to do to show you he missed you and he is sorry, but you are also determined to clear the situation before.

«Didn’t we start already? I missed you. I was miserable without you. When I thought I lost you…» He is attacking your neck and he is so talented with those kisses, he knows every spot to make you ache with desire, that you almost give up. But no, you are the strongest soldier.

«The thing you said about the house, did you mean it? That it’s just your house and not mine?» You have to know it. You moved into his house without really meaning to, you were in a coma and then you needed him twenty four seven, but now you don’t have to. You could find a small house in the village or take one of the empty houses in the victor’s village, even if you are technically not a victor. There is no need for you to stay in a home you can’t call yours.

He wouldn’t be completely wrong either. Who is crazy enough to move together after six months of a relationship? Courtship in Twelve is much longer.

«It was just me not being able to live with someone else. I’ve been completely alone for twenty four years, Sweetheart, I took all the decisions by myself. I want to stay with you.» He takes your hand and kisses your palm. «And what is yours is mine, don’t doubt it. Sometimes I just slip into old habits.»

«So I don’t have to move out.» You want to be sure. His eyes darken in worry.

«Don’t even think of it. I want you by my side. Always.» He even kisses you on the cheek and you melt completely. «Why? Do you want to go? I understand I'm not the easiest roommate. And it's been rushed… I rushed it. If you want-»

«No!» You reassure him. You always forget it’s mutual, in your mind he is very sure of how you feel about him but in reality he isn’t much. «I want to stay. I like our life. I like waking up with you and dinner with you, I like our routine… I want to live like this forever.» You blurt it out. You are not one for great words. I mean you are, you always say to your friends and to him that you love them, but he does not, and in your everyday life you express your affection in other ways. 

«Same for me, Sweetheart. I asked you to marry me for this very reason.»

«And just for the records, you don’t think I’m a gold digger.» You bite your upper lip. You are aware you give off this vibe. You stay with an older man, a good looking and wonderful older man but still, you like money, and you are kinda spoiled. But you are not with Haymitch for his status. You are with him because you love him. 

«I’m not exactly a catch. You stayed with me in a hole under the ground with no guarantee of a life after that, you put up with my shit too many times. No, I don’t think you are a gold digger.»

This time it’s you who attacks him with kisses. «I didn’t put up with anything, and you are a catch. You are smart, and funny, and handsome and so good in bed I think I’m addicted to you…»

«I would hope so.» He strokes your cheek. «I’ll never let you go again. Doctor Payne says-»

«Who’s Doctor Payne?» You interrupt him.

«I… I went to therapy. I figured out something was wrong and now I don’t think Thirteen is spying on us so much anymore, so I called Dr. Aurelius and she called Dr. Payne.»

You pepper his face with kisses and giggles. «I’m so happy for you!»

Going to a therapist it’s a big thing for someone as paranoid as Haymitch. And he wasn’t wrong, there were spies everywhere before the revolution and sometimes you are still afraid of it too. 

«Me too, but now please… I can’t stay over a bed and not have a bite of my lady…»

«Bite me then.» You climb into his lap and whisper in his ear. «Kiss me, taste me. I think it’s time for you to fuck me properly, my love.»

«I didn’t give proper attention to this body lately, right Sweetheart? I neglected this poor stunning body of yours.» 

He approaches you like a hunter, tossing you on the mattress like a ragdoll, and you feel like a prey, you feel his eyes on your body like he wants to eat you out in a whole bite. 

You missed it so much, he has this magical power to make you feel like you are the most beautiful woman on earth.

«I feel very neglected.» You pout. It shouldn’t be true, but living in two different cities has been so difficult for this aspect. When you are at home, you two make love at least once a day. It’s not planned, but he brushes his hand against yours, or he reads to you with that deep voice that tickles your belly, and you aren’t without fault, you wear skimpy pyjamas and you giggle in a flirty way like you didn’t conquer him yet. You are the epitome of a coquette girl, when it comes to him.  

«I should always cherish you… your legs, your lips, your neck…» 

He is over you and he starts going south, until he reaches your tights. He smirks, he likes to undress you like he is unwrapping a present. He is careful not to break the tights and he tosses them away when your legs are free.

«So beautiful, Gorgeous.» He starts peppering kisses along your ankle, up and up on the leg until he meets your thighs. He avoids your panties to place wet kisses on your belly and he smirks against your skin when the bra is on the way. You are a painting mess, because while he is busy doing this you are shivering from his mouth and wondering hands.

«Let me taste you, my love.» You ask and you suddenly realise he is completely dressed, while you are in your panties and bra. Unfair, unfair! You want to see your man in all his glory. You love his body, he is firm and muscular in a manly way, he is so virile and strong. You almost sigh at the thoughts. 

«No protests from me.»

You quickly remove his shirt and start to trace a line with kisses along his taurine neck, his chest, his black boxers you bought him when you found out he was sleeping naked and you two were on a sex strike.

«I’m so happy you are mine, Haymitch, all mine.» 

«All yours.» He closes his eyes and you have to admit that this is one of your favourite feelings in the world, Haymitch completely broke, in your power, a shivering man who begs for more and more of you. «Babe, you are a view. Stunning.»

You blush, and doubt you are a view with your lips wrapped on his cock, but you love how powerful that makes you feel, and Haymitch is so handsome you almost whine in anticipation for what he will do to you.

«If you keep doing this I won't be able to resist for long.» He warns you, but he is guiding you with his hands on your scalp - and it’s hot, you don’t know why but it’s so hot when he does this - and you take the opportunity to look at him in a seductive smirk.

«And what’s the problem with that, darling?» You purr. 

«I want you to… to enjoy… Daisy, please.»

«Shh, just let me do this.» You suggest.

He gives up his protests almost immediately when you start to bob your head and you enjoy his moans very much, he cries in please and he claims your name on his lip like he is praying to a personal goddess.

You are his personal goddess, right now. 

When you finish you are satisfied and he looks so lost he is almost cute, his face open in a dumb smile.

«Shit, Sweetheart.» He pants, and his hands go to massage your neck. He loves your neck, you know that, he always bites it or kisses or, well, he does like to choke sometimes. Just as much as you like his wide hands wrapped around your skin. And you are not that innocent either, you clearly remember bites that needed medical attention after. 

«I think what you mean is “Yes, I’m going to marry the right woman”.» You climb into his lap again and you hide in the crook of his neck.

«Damn right.» He whispers, still a bit puzzled, «Give me a minute and then-»

«I didn’t do it to have anything in return. I did it because I like it. I quite like you.»

«Sweetheart, if I’m not in you in ten minutes I’m going to die from abstinence. Again.»

You laugh, and you violently blush because he is very blunt when he wants to. «So you are addicted to me now?»

He takes your lips in a fiery kiss. «Good thing you are with me.»

«Always, my love.»

Haymitch Abernathy does not disappoint, and you end up seeing little stars on the ceiling. It takes almost five minutes for you to remember how to talk again. You honestly regret him being your first time, because you have no idea if it’s normal or if he is particularly good at what he does. Is it normal to forget what your name is, is it normal to just want to whisper his when you are ecstatic?

«Did you see the article?» You ask, giving his shoulder a sleepy sloppy kiss. You don’t have the stamina to do something else and he is completely broke, but… his body is there and what are you supposed to do, not enjoying what is yours?

«Yeah. Didn’t believe it.» He reassures you. Then he begins to stroke your raven hair with his callous, big hands and you close your eyes feeling in paradise.

Yes, this is paradise. A post sex cuddle with the most handsome man in the entire galaxy.

«Good. I was just crying, he was consoling me.» You justify yourself. You don’t need to, he is the one who kissed someone else, not you. And yet.

«I’m sorry you cried, and I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner.» He strokes his hand on your cheek. You see regret in his eyes.

«Don’t worry. You are here now.»  You let out a content sigh, but then you remember something. «Haymitch, where is your kitten?»

Stew is too little to be alone for more than three hours, let alone a day. But it’s Haymitch you are talking about. The guy who made a fence so strong that wolves couldn’t pass through it to get a geese. The guy who never once thought a cat could survive in the wild and was willing to take him in. The guy that, when you laughed he got the kitty a cat’s bed, replied “Where do you think it could sleep, on the floor?” in an annoyed adorable voice.

«With Peeta. And, babe… our kitten.» Peeta makes sense. Katniss wouldn’t, she is not a big fan of animals, but Peeta has always been tender and kind. 

«She hates me, for now it’s your kitten.» You smile. You’ll win the kitty over, but you can understand she is totally in love with your almost husband. 

«She doesn’t hate you. She is jealous, possessive and spoiled. I see a resemblance.»

You pretend to gasp. You are not possessive… not really. You just like to joke, and when you play jealous you get kisses and reassurances. And he is not either, but he is insecure. Of his age, of his status, scared that somehow someday you will leave him.

«I’m prettier.» You smirk, your nails digging on his neck. «And my claws are sharper.»

«Let me see your claws, pretty kitten.» He laughs and you pull him in a kiss. 

«Try to kiss another woman and you’ll see them.» You warn him. You didn’t forget it just because you love him and you want to be with him. He dismissed your concerns and that was the result.

«She kissed me.» He reminds you, guilty flashing on his face.

«You let her.»

«Hey, never again. I promise you. Plus, I think Finnick will want my head.»

«So you are not just a bit jealous of the magnificent Finnick Odair? With his shining blonde hair and his charming smile and his chiselled abs and a pretty fine a- ehi, come here!» He tries to get out of the bed, but you put him down with a long kiss and you start peppering other pecks on his chest.

«You wanted Finnick so bad, I was going to get him for you.» He jokes. «I know I don’t have… chiselled abs or a charming smile. But I intend to make you happy.» And you believe him and his strangled voice.

«I don’t want Finnick. I never wanted him. I want you. And you don’t believe me, but you are a good looking, attractive man and I’m lucky to be your lady.»    

He can’t answer that, but his eyes are now a little flashy and watering and his lips are on yours.

«Don’t you have to go make dinner for Effie?» He asks because this is the routine. You do that even on the weekends when he is in her house. Effie has been magnificent and patient with you, and even after her delusion and your blackmailing little problem, she is worried about you. She is worried if you sleep enough, and she checks if you are in bed at a reasonable hour, and she controls if you eat enough. This is huge, Effie Trinket, who grew up in a strict house when it comes to food. She confessed to you her mother used to be severe, she went to model school when she was just a teenager because of her mom, and the situation was pretty abusive.

«She forced me to rest on bed.» You confess. 

«Great idea…» His hands go on your breasts and you giggle when he squeezes them. Sometimes he is not forty one, sometimes he is thirteen. And you love the childish side of his nature.

«That’s not resting.» You point out. Not that you mind, really. But he is forty two, how can he be so eager already? You don’t dare to ask if it’s normal but maybe you could drop the topic with Perla when she feels better.

«That’s relaxing.» He deadpans, and he starts to put little seductive kisses on your neck. «I missed you… your scent, babe, there is nothing like it.»

You blush, because you can’t help moaning a little. It’s like electricity. «I love you.»

«What about you two girls have a nice dinner together and I cook for you? You are both exhausted.» 

You close your eyes, enjoying the sensation of protection he always gives you when you are near to him. His cooking is something you love about him. You don’t mind the cooking part of your maid job, it’s better than scrubbing the floor or cleaning the clothes, but he loves it. He really enjoys it.

«That sounds like a wonderful idea. And then you eat with us?» 

«Nope. I eat here with peace and quiet.»

He needs his space. You are aware, he told you, and yet you feel like it’s wrong, as if you were doing a bad thing to him. For you it would be terrible not to be included, for him it’s the opposite.

«I don’t want you to tire yourself without a reward…»

You thought he was going to ask something sexy, but he surprises you. «Then give me a reward, cutie. Afterwards we can watch a movie or read a book together.»

You laugh and kiss him again. «A reward for a nice dinner. How domestic.»

«I’m going to spend all my life with you, Sweetheart. We will have plenty of domestic moments.»

This sounds so good you might cry. He doesn’t understand it, but it’s so good to be around him. You feel cuddled and protected and sure, he is your little piece of peace in this world. Your home.

«I can’t wait.» Your kiss is lingering on his lips. «We will be old together.»

«Impossible. I’m already old.» 

You burst into another laugh, and then you flirt, because he is your man and what’s more fun than flirting with your man? Nothing. You let a finger slide through his chest. «So you will be this sexy forever? I have to keep up.»

«Something tells me it won’t be that hard for you.» 

His hands are already on your butt but then you remember you have to eat with Effie, and you laugh against his lips. «Later. We have all night.»

«We have all our life, Sweetheart.»

The next morning, regenerated from your night with Haymitch - who wants to talk to Finnick - and relieved about Effie, you are ready to talk to Lora.

You are hosted just like me. Your whole world is collapsing and you don’t even help me for me! You are doing it to distract yourself!

You have to admit you didn’t like her words. She was cruel two nights ago, at the party. She aimed to hurt and she succeeded. You could have expected it from Perla or maybe Effie, because you bicker with the Four girl all the time and you know Effie’s comments are sharp, even if they are not directed to you. Lora has always been sweet, though. The kind girl from district Eleven you learned to know better. She thinks you have been helping her to distract yourself. She still thinks that. She didn’t call and you didn’t see her when you went to Perla, so she must still be mad.

This time you don’t bring pastries, because the comment stings. 

It’s Cinna who opens the door, again. You forget he has his office at home, partly because it’s cheaper to pay one place instead of two, partly because he wants to keep an eye on Perla. 

You are a little shocked by Perla, and you feel stupid you didn’t catch the signals before. And you feel powerless, impotent. What can you do for her? How can you say it without being disrespectful? Perla is always so eager to make everybody think she is the strong one, she would be offended.

«Daisy! Come, come. Do you want a coffee? Tea?»

Cinna is in a good mood today, and that makes you feel a little better towards Perla. He loves her so much that he is miserable when she is not okay.

«No thanks.»

You follow him to his office, and you are stunned. Portia’s office is linear and everything is in its place, but Cinna’s office is an explosion of colours. He has sketches up on the wall and on the desk, crayons and pencils and watercolours. It’s so pretty, like a studio for a child. This is how you want to have an office.

«Sorry about the mess, you know it. You missed Perla, she is better today so she decided to go to work. Silly decision if you want my opinion. Oh, you are here, you can take these to Portia… these are the drawings for District One.»

You always forget Cinna comes from District One and not from the Capitol. He was one of the few that climbed from a district to the Capitol thanks to his skills. It was almost impossible, but he is a legend, very good in what he does, and he played his game when he decided to offer himself for district Twelve, the only district that needed a stylist so badly because no one wanted to be associated.

Meanwhile, when no one knew it, he was a part of the revolution. And he met Perla through Finnick.

«I was actually looking for Lora.» You confess. «But these are beautiful. Mine are not… are not like that.» You are a little scared now. You were proud Portia decided to include you, but you are not her or Cinna.

«I would hope so, you are Daisy and I can’t wait for a Daisy original.» He tries to reassure you. «Lora? She doesn’t live here anymore.»

That shocks you. In two days?! Or she didn’t tell you? You try to relive the last conversations with her. You were aware she was guilty about living with them, but she doesn’t have a job.

«Excuse me, she what?» 

«She moved out last night, she said she was moving in with her model friend.»

Oh no. And… she moved in a night? That doesn’t make sense. Then again, she doesn’t have that much, she could probably just fill a suitcase, and if you know her better she also always kept everything in the suitcase just in case. 

«Lavinia?» You easily guess. Lavinia Crane is the only friend Lora has apart from you. But, for what you know, Lavinia is also a wealthy model from Capitol and that doesn’t add up. How is Lora paying? Chaff is not that rich. 

«Yeah. Perla was not happy about it, she doesn’t trust her.» Perla is right. Perla is right most of the time, you shouldn’t have questioned it.

«I can understand why. Do you have an address?»

«On the fridge.»

«If you have to puke, puke on the right.»

On your left, with a rough voice there is Finnick Odair, as waisted as you if not more, that is looking at you with a suspicious look, ready to fly away if you really have to vomit. His arm is under your waist, and he tightens the grip when he realizes you are waking up.

Because last night was terrible and he doesn’t want you to cry again.

Haymitch, Perla, Lora, Effie. You messed up badly with every person you love. With your eyes closed you see the look on their faces again.

You could have survived without Haymitch thanks to Effie. You can’t survive without Haymitch and Effie.

Stupid girl, you survived the Hunger Games, you can do this again, your internal (mean) voice tells you, but you survived thanks to them, because of them. When you are alone you are at your lowest point.

«I have lost everyone.» You state, frightened. You miss human touch, you crave human touch.

«You still have me.» Finnick argues and you thank heaven for him. Quite the best friend he is, and you can go in the same category just because you saved his life once. He did it twice and more. He never judged you. He knows your deepest secrets and he never dared to judge anything.

«Everybody hates me.» You whisper, and you hide your face on his chest. You try not to sob, and you can’t because you don’t have water in your body, but your eyes are shinier now. 

«Don’t be stupid, nobody hates you.» He strikes your hair. But he is lying, you are sure of it, you clearly remember Perla’s tone and Lora’s eyes. 

«You don’t hate me.» You try to get up, but your body doesn’t want to cooperate. «Finnick, I’m not feeling too well.» You are aware you act like a child, but you can’t get up to take your  medicine. 

He touches your forehead and raises his eyebrows. «You are feverish.»

«Must be the alcohol, I don’t drink often. With Haymitch at home I don’t risk it. I… didn’t risk it.»

«You should sleep it away.» Going back to bed is tempting, but Effie can’t stand you and you can’t abuse her hospitality now. You were so happy to share a home with her. You just wished you did more of the things you always saw in the movies. Effie was a wreck and you were even worse, it has not been the best timing.

«I can’t sleep, Fin. I have to go to a hotel.»

«A hotel?» 

«Yeah, Effie doesn’t want me home anymore. She doesn’t trust me anymore and you don’t want someone you don’t trust in your home.»

«I’ll talk to her.»

«No need.» Effie comes into the room and she hands you two a mug. She has makeup on again and her outfit is impeccable. And yet, you saw her dancing on the floor until morning. «I spent fifteen years  taking care of an addict and I have no intention to repeat history, okay?»

You and Finnick look at her like guilty puppies, well known she is totally right. She usually is. «Okay.»

Miss Trinket sighs and she looks at you, still a little annoyed.

«Now. Daisy, can you tell me what you do during the day?»

«Excuse me?» You don’t understand.

«Last night it wasn’t you. I have a theory, I want to understand, so answer me.»

«Well, I get up, I make breakfast and lunch-»

«For me?» She seems sad and ashamed by it and this is not the result you wanted. 

«For you, and sometimes for Portia. I go to work until six and a half p.m., I come home, I make dinner, I help you clean a little, we eat together and then I do the dishes and I work on the wedding dress until I fall asleep.»

«Where do you eat for lunch?»

«I eat an apple.» You start by saying it’s just a day, and then you go on and you suddenly tell yourself you don’t have time and you are not in the mood anyway, and it becomes a habit. 

«Just an apple? Why? Daisy, you need to eat! And to sleep! You make lunch for Effie and Portia, why not for you?»

«Because this is Effie’s food and she already hosts me.» You explain. But it’s not just that, it’s something else and you can’t quite put the finger on it, you can’t say it. In District Twelve there is not such thing as using food to control something. Food is a necessity.

«My God, darling girl, I never said you couldn’t eat!»

«But you are miserable all the time and I didn’t want to be a burden!»

«You are not a burden. And what about your money?»

«Partly is for Holly, I want to repay her, partly is for the wedding because Haymitch doesn’t want a big one so I want to contribute, and partly is for you. I was going to start paying rent.»

«So you sleep for hours at night, you eat an apple and a dinner, and between the chores at home, the job and the wedding dress you work all day. What did you buy for yourself in your time at the Capitol?»

«Uhm, nothing?»

 «What?»

«I have to save money! And I can do it.»

«You are burnt out.» She looks at you with her blue eyes so full of worrying. It must be a serious thing, but you have no idea what she is saying.

«What does it mean?» You ask her, 

«You don’t know it? Don’t you go to Doctor Aurelius?»

You blush. You were supposed to keep going, but the doctor is in Thirteen and it’s fine when you are in Twelve, but now you are in the Capitol and you canceled a lot of meetings.

«I’m supposed to go, but I’m really busy here.»

«Daisy… oh, darling girl.» She shakes her head and she goes near you. «Finnick, dear, can we have a moment alone, please?»

«I’ll go on the couch.» He answers, still sleepy from the night before.

You watch Effie like you are doing an exam. 

«I’m sorry. But it was for the best, I mean you are always tired and…» You begin, but she stops you.

«I get that you did it out of good intentions. But I need to believe in you.»

«You can!» You try not to cry again. «You are my best friend and I’m really sorry.»

«I still think you didn’t think it through, and that is because you are severely sleep deprived, but Daisy, what you did is wrong.»

«Totally wrong.» You confirm it.

«And you have your faults, my dear.» She rolls her eyes, totally unladylike, but she got soft on that part after the revolution. «Don’t look at me like a puppy, I forgive you.»

Maybe she didn’t expect the rush of you hugging her, but she strikes your hair anyway. You can’t lose Effie, you can manage to lose everybody else but not Effie. You clench your hands in her clothes.

«Unfortunately dear, that is not why I was here. This is a newspaper…»

On the cover there is you and Finnick, hugging in a club. You remember that part of the night, you were devastated because of the discussion with Perla and Lora and he was just comforting you.

There is a line in bold that says “ONCE A TRAITOR ALWAYS A TRAITOR?”.

You read the short paragraph in a hurry.

The former tribute Daisy Pinecone is caught in a passionate kiss with the leader of the rebellion Finnick Odair, who Capitol remembers as one of the most beloved victors of the Hunger Games of all times. Finnick Odair is married to Annie Cresta-Odair, and rumors tell us Daisy Pinecone was in a relationship with her mentor, Haymitch Abernathy. Trouble in paradise, open couple or shameless cheating? 

«Once a traitor? This is… This is…» You can’t find the right words. This is outrageous, you never betrayed anyone. And you are not a celebrity! Paparazzi were after YOU? You? You are nobody, only a tribute. Maybe they were after your friend, not you. Finnick was and still very much is a celebrity.

«Capitol propaganda.» Finnicks ends the line for you, appearing by the door. He looks better, he cleaned his face, but he is furious and rightfully so.

«Isn’t that supposed to be ancient history?» Effie asks, and she almost has tears in her eyes.

«We are not kissing!» You snap. «I was crying and we were hugging, we are not kissing!» 

If Haymitch thinks you two are kissing he can do anything. Or nothing, you don’t know if he still cares, you don’t know if you two are still together, but you don’t want him to think you are cheating. You are not a cheater. And what if Marjorie finds the magazine? She would give it to him as proof. They could kiss again. 

And Annie, oh poor Annie, who helped you so much. You feel like shit as the very thought, not only because of the kiss - she knows better than to believe that, but because she still got humiliated one way or another. 

«I’ll go check on Annie on the phone.» You see him leave and you can just murmur a phrase, a bit ashamed. It was your fault, you were crying.

«Please, tell her that I’m sorry.»

«You should sleep a little more. I’ll call Portia.» Effie kisses your head. You feel a lot comforted by her words, and sleeping a little more seems perfect. 

You use your free time from Portia to make amends with Perla and Lora, starting with Perla because you have to admit Lora’s words still hurt. 

You stop along the line to get some pastries and you knock at her and Cinna’s door. It’s Cinna who actually opens the door, in a black pair of jeans and a white shirt, and you have to admit you are curious about their house. 

You could have guessed, it’s very sober and moderate. The walls are white, all the furniture is in brown wood and there is no sign of an ornament, just some pictures of Cinna’s successes, and if you have to guest you think it’s Perla who hung them. Cinna seems like a humble man. 

It’s smaller than what you pictured, but then you remember Cinna lost almost everything in the war and Perla is a district girl, she is not wealthy. 

«This is not a good day, Daisy.» He warns you. What does he mean it’s not a good day? Does Perla have bad days? «Would you give her this? I was on my way to bring it to her.»

He hands you a cup of tea, and you nod.

The room is dark, and it scarcely reminds you about the times you caught Haymitch after a booze. 

«Ehi.» You whisper, and you see her. She is in the bed, and while she remains your brilliant friend, you can see she is tired and maybe sick. «Are you not feeling well?»

She takes the tea out of your hands, but then she puts it on the bedside table.  

«It’s nothing, it’s just a headache.» She briefly smiles at you and she shrugs. Her eyes are not smiling, though.

«I’m sorry about yesterday.» You taunt and you sit on the bed. «About jealousy and… I’m sorry. You were right.»

«It’s ok.» She murmurs. She looks like she is not even hearing you.

«You are worrying me, Perla.»

She stops smiling, her eyes are not shining and watering. You have never seen Perla like this. «I can't do this sometimes, Daisy.»

The confession shocks you. You are used to Strong Perla, she is the strongest of the trio, the one you know can handle herself. And that makes you selfish, you realize. Because you worry about Effie, you worry about Lora, but you never worry about Perla, because you think she is okay. She is your age, not younger like Lora, and she is from the District, not naivé and privileged like a Capitol girl, and she has a solid head on her neck, but that doesn’t mean she is not affected by the same things that shook you.

«What? But you have this special life, a job, a boyfriend and…» Your words fade.

«And you have the same life. Still, you tell me everything's alright?»

It's not and you both know it. The nightmares are so present in your life Doctor Aurelius suggested taking sleeping pills, but you are afraid you are going to be addicted to them. You saw how an addiction works, it's not pleasant and you do not wish to live the experience.

«Sometimes I can't get out of bed. I feel too tired and dizzy to even brush my teeth, and I know it's disgusting, I'm sorry.» She keeps going. «Sometimes I open my eyes and I’m still in that arena, in the caves, and I know I will have to kill or be killed. Sometimes I’m on the street and I suddenly remember the war. It’s the same street, Daisy. And I was there, fighting for my life. And I stand still, I can’t move even for hours, Cinna has to calm me down so much lately... You must think I’m crazy, it’s crazy…»

«It’s not. It’s usual for us.» You remember Doctor Aurelius’ voice. This is not your fault, this is Snow fault, and the Capitol, and later District Thirteen and Coin. Not yours. You are a victim, you have been a victim and there is no shame in this.

Except you feel guilty sometimes, and you bet Perla does too. Because you are here, you are alive and a lot of people are not, Capitol citizens, your classmates in Twelve, the kids. 

«Us?» She asks, and she is abruptly younger than her age, she is just eyes, her big, big blue eyes.

«Tributes.» You explain, and you hop in the bed close to her. 

«You are rocking this Capitol world…» She looks down.

«I wasn’t on the mission. I got caught by Thirteen before the action because I killed Caius, remember?» You fix her hair over her ear. «But I can’t go in the ocean, or open water for what it matters. And I’m not a big fan of a dark place like a cave. We all have our fragilities…»

«I’m not weak.» Her voice is harder now, rough. You know her so much and it must be a torture for her to perceive herself as fragile. You remember how much time she spent trying to convince herself she wasn’t in love, just because she didn’t want to depend on another person, as selfless and wonderful Cinna was.

«You are not! You are a member of the revolution, Perla, you volunteered for the mission! No one can think you are weak. But we are…» You can’t find the right word, because you don’t want to hurt her more.

«Damaged.» She finishes off for you.

«But we can be damaged together. Would you want it?» You propose. She just nods and she squeezes your hand, and you take it as a win.

After the long talk with Perla, you just want to go to bed ready to clear things out with Lora tomorrow. You can sleep more, now that you don’t need to work on your wedding dress, and you seriously need it because you are exhausted. 

But your plans are not these ones for tonight, because lining against the door there is Haymitch.

You didn’t remember every detail in your dreams. He is here, his blonde hair loose on his shoulders, his magnetic blue eyes forged on your sight, with little wrinkles on the sides. He looks slightly older, like he is really tired or sick, but dear heavens he is handsome.

You can't totally explain why you are so in love with him. He is just that charismatic and beautiful, and his brain is so fascinating to watch at work. And he is a good man, a very good one. 

«She didn’t want to let me in.» He explains. You missed his deep voice so much you already have chills on your spine.

He looks at you. 

You look at him.

And you both burst into laughs like you are utterly stupid. And then just like magic your laughing turns into sobbing.

«We will talk, we will make up but please, just tell me if you still love me.» You feel so stupid but you have to ask yourself this question, because what once was a stupid banter got so big in your head you don’t know what is real anymore.

«What a stupid question, of course I still love you.»

When you see him you try not to cry, but he wraps his arms around your waist and he kisses you and you swear he watches you like you hang up the moon, and you burst into tears against his chest.

«I missed you so much. I’m sorry.» You didn’t want to cry, the whole point here is being an adult and you are not behaving like one.

«I’m here now, babygirl, I’m here now. I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner.» He wanted to come, he wanted to come sooner. He wasn’t with Marjorie. 

«I’m sorry I didn’t call.» You say it at the same time.

«I screwed up, Sweetheart.» It’s cold outside but you can’t do anything right now, even if you are aware the common thing would be to tell him to join you in the house. 

«I slapped you.» You remind him.

«I deserved it.» He grants. And he did, the first instinct was to chop his head off, he kissed another woman. He kissed the love of his previous life.

«I know you didn’t want to kiss her. I know it. Because you love me, right?» You want him to tell you. He doesn’t like to say it often and you respect it, it brings back memories of when everyone he loved died, you usually don’t push it. He says it in other things, like giving you the last bite of a sweet, or preparing you your favorite meals, or kissing your head while you are sleeping. Usually it’s enough, but not now.

«You are the love of my life.» He kisses you again, and you almost moan. You moan from a kiss, and it’s pathetic you are well aware of it, but the butterflies on the stomach are dancing rock and roll.

«And you are the love of mine. I swear.» You take his hand. It’s an overkill, because you are already in his arms, where you belong, but you want to feel his skin.

«Things are… I didn’t want to be damaged. I tried and I tried to be perfect for you, but I’m not.»

«I didn’t want perfection, I wanted you.» You say, and you are cheating a little because you are giving him puppy eyes, but this way he knows you mean it.

«But you deserve it. Every time you come into the room you bring the light. You are, I…» He is working himself up, so you put a hand on his chest.

«Easy.»

«I tried to suppress what I didn’t want you to see, and it’s fucking hard. I was a victor for all my life, and now I don’t even know who I am.»

That actually makes sense. If you live all your life in a certain way, it’s hard to change even for the better. But you wish he just told you.

«Haymitch, I was your maid, I was your tribute, I was your friend before. I know you, and I knew what I was dealing with when I decided to begin this relationship. But I love you. I love you when you are brooding and when you don’t like people and… we all have issues, we all made mistakes. To be fair I thought you had a strange behavior these days. Loving you was not a choice, but if I could have a choice I would love you again and again for the rest of my life.»

This speech is marvelous, you admit to yourself, and you earn another kiss. Now that you can move, you come home and you go straight to your room, but only to talk, at least for now. Your first instinct is to toss him on the bed and have your way with him, you are still Daisy Pinecone and he is still fucking attractive, but you are about to be twenty six. You have to be an adult.

«Okay, cards on the table. Tell me what you tried to force.» You smile at him, and you hope the smile is welcoming.

«Living with another person it’s fucking hard. And you are not that difficult to live with, but sometimes I need… I need to be alone. Not time, space. I need some place for myself.»

«That can be arranged, I would use some space just for myself too. We can have a room just for us and a room together.»

«Sometimes I need silence. I love your voice, but I’m used to my silence. I’m not one of the people who talks when they are alone in a room, I enjoy the lack of words.»

You laugh. «I’ll be quiet.»

«Well, that’s it. I tried to force my attitude…»

«I love your brooding attitude, it’s sexy.» You kiss his protests away, «No other complaints?»

«Nope. Your turn, Sweetheart.»

You expect to be hurt, but these are reasonable demands. He needs to be alone, it’s okay. You are aware you are a cuddler, but you can look for cuddles elsewhere. Effie is always welcoming you for hugs. 

«I don’t want a small wedding. It won’t be a big wedding I assure you, but… a medium one. With all our friends and food and a big cake from Peeta. Katniss can sing. I’m doing the outfits. No cameras allowed, I promise you. But I don’t want just a toasting. I promise it will be very district, not Capitol. Is it okay?»

«Yes. Yes, of course.» He kisses your hand.

«And I want you to want it. I don’t want you to say yes because of me, if you changed your mind…» Maybe he loves you but he doesn’t want to get married. You got it granted last time, it’s not something you wanted so badly.

«I want to be your husband. I don’t care much for the ceremony, but I’ll spend the rest of my life wanting you. And I want to call you my wife.»

You blush and smile when he puts two fingers under your chin to lift it up and he gives you a sweet, sweet kiss. «You are stuck with me.»

«I thought I lost you.» You confess.

«We don’t deal well with the lack of sleep.» 

«Definitely not. Perla wanted to kill you.»

«I bet.» He snorts.

«I love you.» You whisper against his lips. «I was totally lost without you.»

The kiss grows messier and you suddenly remember it’s two whole weeks you don’t kiss him.

«I missed you so much, Sweetheart. I’m proud to be yours.»

«So proud you can dance at the wedding?» You try.

«Nope. So proud I can watch you dance and I can picture you naked the whole time.» 

You blush again - is this okay to be so affected by the man you sleep with for about a year? - and kiss him again giggling. «Rude.»

«Oh come on, don’t act like it doesn’t turn you on.»

You shove him, but then you push him on the mattress and you climb on his lap. «My love?»

«Yes?» He asks you with a smirk on his smug face.

«Why are you here? I thought you would sleep at Portia’s.» You ask, as curious as a monkey. 

«We decided not to make it fast.»

Oh. You did everything fast. One minute you said something about your feelings and the moment after you were moaning on his disgusting bed.

But then again, you were going to die, they are not.

«Wise women. So…?» You pat the bed, so she could sit there. 

«I don’t know, Daisy. I really don’t know. Mather would kill me.» You stroke her hair. Now that she has natural hair she is even more beautiful, you think. Strawberry blonde hair, you have no idea why she used to hide them. If you had strawberry blonde hair you would show them off everyday. 

«Welcome to the club, we meet on Saturdays.»

«I always thought we were friends. I loved her, but… I loved her as a friend. And now I’m feeling something else. I don’t know what I like, but I know I like Portia. I thought about losing her and I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t breathe.» You take her hand.

When you discovered you liked Dianna you were terrified and alone, at the age of fourteen in your room with a big secret that you knew could be dangerous in a place like District 12. Now it doesn’t have to be like that for Effie. It won’t be like that for Effie, if you can do something about it. She is not alone. 

«I’m so happy for you, Effie. You deserve it.» You hug her tight. «And Portia is beautiful, you are beautiful, you will make a great couple at the party!» 

With the last word is like she wakes up from a dream, she has a wedding to prepare. She almost finished everything, always on schedule, always on time. 

«Oh yeah, the party. Do you want a dress? I managed to take some with me.» She opens the little wardrobe they gave you. There are two or three dresses, such a pity for all the beautiful things you are sure she has.

«Oh no I did it, but can I say it’s one of yours?» You innocently ask. «I don’t think they would like for me to use their curtains. And maybe Perla or Lora won’t have anything to wear.»

«Of course.» She laughs, but then her eyes soften a little. «Ehi, I’ve seen your mother around. She is always with that woman.»

That woman. Marjorie. You don’t really want to hate her, but it’s like she tries to steal everything from you. She befriended Holly, and you and your mother are not on the best terms right now. You say hi, ask her how she is and then nothing. It’s a pity, considering you two were really close before the games.

«Yeah, I know. They were friends when they were children or something, apparently Holly was her babysitter.» You scuff, clearly annoyed.

«Is that okay for you?» Effie is too polite to say what she wants to say. Holly, on the other hand, is never kind with her opinion on the woman.

«I suppose.» You look at her, «No. No, it’s not okay. She’s the woman that broke my heart. My mother shouldn't want to spend time with her.» You curl against her. You never sleep in your bed, maybe Portia won’t like it and you will begin to, but for now you want your cuddles. «Is that selfish of me?»

«Maybe.» She takes some hair out of your face. «But your mother should have you as a priority.»

«I don’t get it. She said she was sorry for Clark when she saw he wanted to kill me, now she is friends with the woman who stole Haymitch from me… and I know it’s bad to say, women don’t “steal”, but she kinda did it. Just her.» You pout. You are being unfair and you know it, Marjorie has been through hell, but she demanded her price without thinking of you. You were there. You exist.

«You know your mother didn’t want you two together.»

«Yeah, she probably is her best friend for this reason.» You shrug, «Maybe she would prefer me to be still perfect but dead.»

«Don’t even mention it. I prefer you very much alive, darling girl.» She wraps her arms around your waist.

«And that is why you are my best friend.» You watch her with a grin. «And now that Portia is your girlfriend, I can be your best friend too!»

«You are sweet, you know that?» She laughs at you. «Yes.»

After a morning spent trying to prepare a very frightened bride, it seems like you succeeded. Annie is beautiful in her white long dress, with her red hair wrapped in a complicated braid and a little bit of makeup on her face. She is very simple, the best definition for her is pure. She is pure.

She will be a very happy bride. 

«I’ll go check on the groom.» You announce, because you don’t trust the men to do a great job with Finnick. «I’ll come back.»

Finnick is, in fact, alone in his room. Stupid men. How is it that Annie is surrounded by her friends and the male companions didn’t think of it? Nobody should prepare himself alone on the day of his wedding. 

You knock, but he already saw you and he just smiles at you. «If you came because you are utterly in love with me and you want to beg me to cancel the wedding, I’m afraid I can’t anymore.»

You roll your eyes. «You break my heart.»

«Well with you in this dress, likewise.» 

His flirting means nothing, you are well aware he is stranded with love for Annie Cresta. You admit you are beautiful today, tho. The dress you sew yourself suits you like a glove, and now you are wrapped in a long blue dress with a low cleavage - just to spite your mother - and a round skirt. Your raven hair is up in a loose braid, and you went for simple makeup too, it is all you have after all.

«Do you need help with that, Odair?» You ask, lifting the tie. He does not, you already know that, they are great with knots in District Four, but it’s a bit of a tradition. Mags is not there for him, and nobody apparently cares enough to stand with him - he is very close to Katniss, but the poor girl is not in her right mind at the moment, losing Peeta broke her. 

You can step up for a minute.

«If you want.» He flashes a smile at you. He is so happy and so calm. He is twenty four and he is getting married, and he is calm.

«How am I more nervous than you are?» You tease, while you knot the tie. 

«Annie is the woman of my life and I love her?» He guesses. «I’m sure of my intention. I want a family with her, raise a bunch of children, and I want to love her forever. Why would I be nervous? This is the first thing I’m sure of in my entire life.» 

Your smile fades a little. You are being selfish, but you can’t help but compare the situation. Finnick is sure he wants a future with Annie, and they went through hell and back to be with each other. Finnick was abused, Annie was tortured, and yet they were never in doubt with the love they had for each other. She is his first thought in the morning and the last at night. They are what poetry is about. 

He was her mentor too. They have just a few years of difference, but he was the first fourteen years old victor in the history of Panem. He has loved her since he was sixteen, like in a fairy tale.

«I envy you. What you have is precious.» You cup his cheek on your hand and squeeze a little in reassurance. «I’m sure you won’t waste it.»

«You will have that too. One day someone will step on the door and you’ll know you will love him forever.» 

You can’t help but shake your head. «I wanted it with someone and he didn’t. End of story.»

«End of story? You are twenty four!» He protests, but you shush him. 

«This is your wedding day. Let’s not talk about me.»

«Finnick for fucks sakes why you didn’t tell me- oh. Sweetheart.» 

Haymitch barges in the room like a fury, raging about something until he sees you. He is in his jumpsuit, didn’t bother to change into something more fitting for the occasion, but he is still handsome. His hair is brushed and he cutted his beard.

Or she did it for him.

Capitol City, two days before the games

You have been in the bathroom for an hour now and you didn’t accomplish anything. Alone you would, but your mentor is not as disciplined as you.

«Dear heavens Haymitch, I will hurt you! I have a blade in my hand!» You laugh, trying to sneak out of his embrace. He doesn’t let you go, though. Too busy kissing your neck, biting your collarbone like a damn cannibal.

«Why bother with the beard when we could spend our time together in a different, tastier way?» He grins as he puts a hand on your thigh, trying to open your legs a little. He is not gentle, he is never gentle, but he can handle his strength and he is sure he is not hurting you. 

«Tastier? Am I a cake?» You giggle. 

«You are delicious, sweetheart.» Now his hand is definitely between your legs, and you can’t think about anything when he kisses you like that.

«And you will be handsome when we cut your beard! Hands where I can see them!» You order. 

«You like my beard.» He pouts. He actually pouts. He is adorable when he is vulnerable, and you can’t help but kiss him again and again and again.

«Yeah, when it’s in control. Now it’s out of control and your hands shake too much to do it alone.»

«I trust you with a blade, gorgeous.» He grins like a devil, «It’s just hard to stay close to you without touching you.»

«Really?» You wrap your arms around his neck. «Are you whipped like that?» 

«I refuse to answer.» He locks you in his arms and pecks your lips. «Hi beautiful.»  

You look at him in a way that you really hope he doesn’t understand. «Hi. We won’t shorten the beard, will we?»  

«Let's see, shorten a beard or devour my girl?»

In the end, you didn’t cut the beard.

«Hi.»

He looks at you. You feel proud that his eyes go wide and he can’t stop wandering through your body for a moment before recollecting himself. You always loved how he watched you, like you are something precious, to protect. You don’t think you need protection so much, but you want someone who is willing to do that.

And then you remember you don’t have him anymore.

«Hi.» You answer, trying to keep your voice down.

«You look nice.» He offers, as he takes a step next to you. You are not sure you want him close, if you can’t kiss him. 

«You don’t look so bad yourself. You shaved.» You point out, memories creep in your mind. 

He shrugs, «Yeah, I needed it and it’s a way to keep Katniss out of her thoughts.»

So it’s Katniss who helped him, not Marjorie. It’s nothing, but you feel happier already. Although you don’t know if it’s safe to keep Katniss near a blade right now. 

«She did a good job.» You grant. He takes another step closer to you.  

«She didn’t cut my throat and that’s enough, I suppose. Nice dress.» 

You can’t help but grin when his eyes stare again at your body, knowing that he wants it too. A month ago he could have ripped it out of you at the end of the day. You would lie if you refused to admit you did sew it thinking about his reaction.

«I did it myself.» You add, very much proud of your job. 

«You are talented, I’ll give you that.» He caresses your hip with the palm of his hand and you whimper. «Are you going alone tonight?»

«All alone, yes. Well, with Perla and Lora.» You don’t want to ask him that stupid question. You know he doesn’t go alone at the wedding, he is taking that disgusting woman and you don’t want to be reminded of that.

You don’t speak anymore and neither does he, but you stay there, he has a hand on your waist, you begin to do small circles on his arm with your finger, your hazel eyes locked into his blue ones, and you really don’t want to move because for a minute you can pretend he is taking to the wedding, that everything is normal again.

Until Finnick clears his throat. 

«I feel very much ignored on my wedding day.» He declares, annoyed and offended. «Now, Haymitch has to stay with me at the altar and Daisy needs to help Annie, so go.»

«I’ll go, I’ll go!» You jump at his voice and you run to the door, back to reality.

You end up crying at the wedding. The ceremony is beautiful, Finnick and Annie are burning with happiness and they are so beautiful, they sincerely look like a team. If there’s someone out there who deserves it it’s Finnick. 

Also, the cafeteria is very nice and you are proud of what you and the others have done, the atmosphere is almost magical for a grey and sad place such as District 13. 

When the groom and the bride start the dance, you go sit down at a table. You are not in the mood for dancing, not with Holly who watches you like a hawk and Marjorie who is begging Haymitch to take her for a dance, claiming too loudly that he danced when he was sixteen and it’s just like a bicycle.

Effie and Portia are dancing together, and you don’t want to disturb them, Lora is nowhere to be seen, you are content just to stay alone.

«I refuse to see you like that.»

Perla sits next to you and she takes your hand in hers, and she ignores your glare. She is very beautiful tonight, she borrowed a dress from Effie that fits her like a glove, a bustier sundress white and silver. Not exactly Effie’s colours - she’s great in golden, but then again she must have packed the most simple dresses she had. 

Her auburn hair is let loose on her shoulders and, well, her sparkling blue eyes are always mesmerising. 

«Perla! I was perfectly fine-»

«Watching your ex dancing with his girlfriend? No way. You are hot. You are young. He is the one who has to eat his guts in regret.» She seems very convinced, and she is your friend, but you would really prefer to stay on your seat. «I’ve met someone.»

«Perla, it’s fantastic! Who’s the lucky guy?» You ask her, curious, but she dismisses.

«Not important.»

«Must be very special.» You deadpan.

She ignores you. «What’s important is that he has a friend.» 

You immediately shake your head. «No way. I’m sorry but I’m not ready for…»

«I’m not offering you the love of your life! Flirt a little, give him a kiss, have mind blowing sex to help you forget! That’s what boys are for. His name is Caius. C’mon… you know you want it…»

You roll your eyes and you are about to say no, but then you see them. Marjorie succeeded in the begging, and now they are dancing and laughing about something. He is not a dancer for sure, but he is trying, and she looks like she’s having the time of her life, smiling so hard that her face will ache tomorrow. They whisper and talk and sometimes she gives him a kiss on the cheek, always a little closer to the mouth. 

They are objectively cute. Same age, same district, same passions and same history. Made to be together. 

You repress the urge to cry. 

«Okay.» You tell her, «Take me to Caius.»

Caius is a good looking man. He is thirty, a guard in District 13 (You wonder if there are other jobs in this bloody district), he has blonde hair and green eyes, he is fit and tall. Good looking indeed.

And he is utterly, majestically, completely boring.

He takes you to dance and his hands are too low on your back for their own good, while he has a smile on his face that you claim all your patience not to call “stupid”.

C’mon, you are being mean. You are being mean and he is surely a great guy.

«…And that is how I managed to become a guard. I’ve watched you in the games.» He begins, and you try not to tense. You never talk or think about the games, but during the night sometimes you scream until Effie wakes you up and then you cry into her arms. Saint Effie. «The way you killed that man? Clever.»

You force a smile at him. At least now he wants you to talk, after half an hour of monologue. «I wish I wouldn’t. I had to.» You remind him. It has not been exactly a choice. 

«Yeah, yeah, of course. Now you are safe.» 

«Thank you, by the way. Your district saved us.» Your bloody disgusting district who nearly killed your lover.

Ex lover.

«When we take the Capitol, everything will be like District 13.» You hope you die before it. 

«Although… There are things I miss. Like the sun. Or the clothes! Don’t you want your own clothes?» You try. You really miss the sun, you are used to take care of Haymitch’s garden at home, and grow your plants. You miss the damn geese. 

«What do you mean? You have clothes.» He is confused. It’s okay he is confused, he grew up in hell.

«These are not clothes, they are uniforms. Clothes are supposed to be different, to be yours. You can express yourself through your choice of clothing. Like, I used to braid daisies in my hair and embroider them in my dresses.»

«Why?» 

«Because… My name is Daisy.» You look at him and you decide that the talking part is done.

The kissing part is no better. You don’t have that much experience, but even his kisses are boring. There is too much tongue, his hands are exploring you like you are a new continent and yet you don’t feel anything.

Nothing. Dry like the desert. 

«You are beautiful.» He pants. That, you like. You don’t like so much he took you in a dark corner and started to kiss your neck, but then again… at least it’s not your mouth.

«Thanks.» You answer and you kiss him again, absolutely not because Haymitch is looking at you. 

«Can’t wait to be in my room.» He keeps going. He talks a lot. «The things I’ll do to you.» 

«Yeah? Like what?» You try, you really try. Your hand is on his firm chest and you lift up your leg a little against his pants, just to give him a peek of what it could be having you. 

«Well, like… well I’ll show you.» He blabbers and you reprime the urge to roll your eyes. 

«Of course you will.» You pat his chest in a very friendly way and straight up. «Excuse me, I have to go to the toilet.» 

«I’ll wait here!» He offers, but you shake your head.

«Don’t need to, I’ll find you!»

You won’t.

You run through the corridor and stay there. You are hiding like a coward, but it’s better to listen to him talking again and again and it’s surely better than watching the wonderful couple dancing together. Oh, and Holly was looking at you like you were a complete disappointment and you probably are and…

«There you are.» You suddenly feel a hug from behind and you are ready to tell Caius to go away, but it’s not his voice, it’s another. A voice that should be dancing with a new girlfriend.

«What are you doing here?» You ask harshly, but you relax in his embrace. 

«I’ve seen you storming out and I got worried.» He makes you turn around and his face darkens. «Why are you crying? Did he do something to you? I’ll-»

«No.» You put a hand on his chest to block him. You didn’t even realise you were crying. «He didn’t do anything. He is nice.» 

«You like him?» He asks, and his voice is more accusing than what he is right to be. 

«So what if I do?» You shoot back, but then you make a face. There’s no point in lying. «No, I don’t. I tried. He is fucking boring.»

«Sweetheart…» He cups your face with his callous hands. It’s funny, Caius is your age, he is better looking, he is fitter… and yet right now you would jump Haymitch’s bones just because he caressed your cheek. «That’s not how it’s supposed to be. You have to find someone you really like. Even if it takes longer.»

You really don’t want a lecture from him, just because he found his person, his “One”. He was your One. He has no right to tell you what to do.

«I just wanted to fuck.» You answer bluntly, or better yet, you lie. You had no intention of going into his room. «Do you have a problem with that too?»

«No.»

«Good. So don’t save me when I fall, don’t punch people because of me, don’t follow me in dark corners, don’t do anything! Don’t talk to me, don’t touch me because every time you do that I want you more!» You push him away, clearly hurt. He is taken by surprise. «So what if I want to fuck all the boys from District 13? I’ll do that and then I’ll fuck away the pain and it doesn’t matter if I’ll be-»

You can’t finish your sentence, because his lips are on yours in a crashing kiss. His arms are around your waist and his hands on your back and he almost crushes you, but you let him. In a moment you are against the wall, and you know you should stop but you won’t. 

«I can’t stop thinking about you.» He whispers against your lips. «I try and I end up following you like a fucking lovesick puppy.»

You can’t help but smile fondly. «Because I’m perfect.»

«Because you are perfect.» He agrees, even though it was a joke, and he lifts you up, his hands touch you in places that are his. There’s not even competition.

«I should let you go.» He murmurs, but this time you are ready, this time you kiss away his doubts. 

«Don’t let me go.» You whisper in his ear.

«I’m being selfish.» He protests, but your hands are already unbuttoning his shirt. «When I saw you with that man I-» He kisses you again, with rage, with jealousy, but when the clothes are on the floor and you two are one, there is no doubt who you belong to. 

After a month in the city you figured out a lot of things. People walk for fun there, but only in malls and shopping centers, not in parks. Most of the citizens have jobs where they sit all the time, and then they go to the gym afterwards. And they have cinemas. When Portia took you to the cinema for the first time after the reconstruction - to help you see stage costumes - you nearly cried. 

The food is so good you are excited for every meal. And you can have meals everyday, not like in District Thirteen where every meal was for you to work harder, but a proper breakfast, a proper lunch and a proper dinner. A meal for the taste of it.

So, for these reasons and more you like living in Capitol City. But you miss your folks immensely. You hear from Holly every week, she is an ancient soul and she prefers to send you letters instead of just installing a telephone. And Haymitch comes every weekend, he stays for two days and he returns to Katniss and Peeta. 

There are a lot of ways you pictured your weekends with Haymitch during your stay in the Capitol: romantic dinners with candle lights, kisses under the moonlight, lazy morning cuddles, maybe a movie or two. 

Not fighting in a gym, your hair sweaty and a simple tank top and sweatpants as an outfit. 

«You got lazy.» He grumbles, and all you want is to scoff and go to a party. 

Haymitch grew paranoid in these months, since you got a threatening message written on the wall close to home. It simply said “GO AWAY”, but it was red like blood and you made the mistake of telling him, and now he wants you to become a skilled soldier.

You are definitely not a skilled soldier.

He is becoming one, though. He runs every morning, he helps Peeta with the bakery and sometimes he even hunts with Katniss. You wanted to point out that he can’t help you if he is in District Twelve and you are in Capitol City, but his abs are fantastic and his arms are so strong and big now that you quickly decided to shut up and enjoy the view.

«That’s because there is not a war anymore.» You glare at him, but he only attacks you again.

«And you are dead.» He puts you under him in a quick movement, mimicking a blade under your neck with a finger. In this position you can see his sparkling blue eyes and his neck, inviting you to bite it like a snack.

«If you wanted to get on top of me all you had to do was ask.» You purr, leaning for a kiss while your hands wander on his shoulders. He blocks you.

«Be serious.» He warns you, but you only pout. The times where you were kinda scared of him are long gone.

«Tomorrow you will be gone and I’ll have to work all day. Can I have at least a kiss from my fiancé?» He capitulates to your kiss and you are in his arms in the blink of an eye. Cheap shampoo, tobacco and the scent of woods, mixed now with a bread undertone, thanks to Peeta’s help. You miss his odor. Sometimes when you stop in a room, you feel like something is missing and it’s his scent. 

«I just want you safe.» He kisses your head and you lean against him, enjoying the feeling of your skin against his. 

«I know. And I love you. But you are obsessing.» He tries to rebut, but you stop him with your lips on his. «Now let me go, I have to prepare dinner for Effie.»

You want to thank her as much as you can, and cooking for her it’s a great way to do that. She is not a great chef, but she loves to eat and since Capitol is under reconstruction and she is not wealthy anymore, she can’t go out for dinner every day and you obviate it with your cooking qualities. You also clean her home and wash her clothes, basically what you did for Haymitch when you were his maid.

«I was hoping for a shower before that.» His eyes have a glimpse of lust that you can’t help but to appreciate. You are actually afraid he loses interest in you, since you are not close to him. You know it’s just your stupid fear and he asked you to marry him, and you can’t wait to be Daisy Pinecone-Abernathy, but he is so far away. 

«Oh, now you remember I exist?» You deadpan, but he doesn’t give you the decency of an answer, he just catches you and lifts you up on his shoulder like a caveman.

To be fair, you love when he acts like a caveman. 

The shower at Effie’s is one of the many perks of living in the city. Her bathroom is bigger than a house, and the shower has hydromassage, something that you really, really wanted to try with Haymitch, and it doesn’t disappoint at all.

You miss him. You miss him in the morning, because nobody wakes you up with little kisses and pecks. You miss him at lunch because you eat alone at Portia’s office, and you miss him at night, when you close the telephone and your bed is too large to be alone in it. And you can’t help but feel superficial because of how much you miss intimacy with him. 

The moments where you lived together in the Penthouse first and in Thirteen second are long gone, now you have to wait for the weekends to enjoy your partner. 

You still miss your house too, but you have to admit Effie’s home is marvelous and honestly so pretty. It’s very colorful, with light pink painted walls and trinkets all over the place. She used to be pretty rich, but now you pretend not to see she sometimes goes away with jewelry and comes back with cash.

When you asked her if your presence was a problem, she answered she gladly enjoyed your company and was more afraid of being alone than being a little less rich than usual.

The menù is simple tonight, so you can have your time with your boyfriend. Tomorrow you will have to wake up at six, to work for Portia.

Portia is a great stylist and you can’t wait to learn everything for her, and she is also a friend, but at work she is not the easiest person ever. She wants everything to be done perfectly, which is fair, but also you are still learning. And she has a lot of things to do during the day, she never catches a breath, she never stops to drink a coffee (you began to bring her coffee after she almost collapsed on her desk). 

You don’t know if she tries to be respected as she was before the war and she has to work more to gain that or if she used to work the same amount of time, but sometimes you watch her and you are not sure you want this life. You want to work in fashion, but you don’t want your life to be your job. You also want to go out with Haymitch (or, maybe, you want to stay in with Haymitch) or your friends. She barely sees Effie these days. 

«I love your hair.» He mumbles, more to himself than to you. You are flaming up the kitchen fires, you don’t have any makeup on anymore and the hair is not exactly combed. So you smile at him and you blow him a kiss.

«I love you. I can’t wait for you to see the wedding dress.» You pretend not to notice he is suddenly green at the mention of the wedding. You admit it is harder than you thought. «Effie loves it.»

«Where is Effie, by the way?» Haymitch asks while you are cooking. He doesn’t bother to put a shirt on when you two are alone, and you ogle him without shame. This piece of man is yours, all yours. You are in his shirt, that barely covers your thighs. By the way he is looking at you, like he wants to ravish you, he thinks the same thing.

«Out searching for a job, I suppose. She has not been lucky so far.» Poor Effie, nobody wants to hire the last escort alive. She is not in the television business anymore and she is trying everything. 

«Maybe Plutarch could help.» He suggests.

«Maybe.» You don’t like Plutarch and it shows. You can’t trust a snake. «For now I can help her with my income, but I wanted to send some money to Holly too.» 

You don’t know how Holly is doing. She is too proud to tell you the truth and her and your man are not on speaking terms, so you don’t have news. 

«Save some money for yourself.»

«Why? I’m marrying a rich man.» You whisper and you climb on his lap. «You are so hot, Mr. Abernathy. I think I’m falling for you.»

«You are so blind, but I won’t complain.» He laughs, circling you with his arms. «You are not so bad yourself, Mrs. Abernathy.»

«Daisy Abernathy.» You taste the name on your lips. «Go put a shirt on before dinner, you know Effie.»

«And you know how much I give a…» You stop him with a smack on his arm.

«Haymitch. Shirt on. C’mon.» 

«That’s not what you said in the shower, little lady.» He takes your wrist and places a rough kiss that looks more like a bite. He loves to mark you since you are not in your house. Like you have time to meet someone else. You spend all your day in Portia’s office or at home, you are not much of a socialite. Perla and Lora usually go out on fridays, but you are with him the next day and you don’t want him to smell wine or alcohol on you, so you say goodbye to them before sunset. He has been so good you don’t want to spoil everything.

«I don’t want to let you go for a whole week.» You are overdramatic and you know it. Still, you think it’s good for him that you tell him you like him. He always has so many doubts about it. «Can I kidnap you?»

«In Capitol City? Never.» He still kisses your shoulder and you stroke his blonde hair. He has more white hair than usual. You don’t mind, on him it’s sexy. 

«And…» You bite his neck. «In my bed?»

He lifts up his shirt on you, ready to make you sit on the table. «That’s better.»

The separation with your man is always hard. You kiss him goodbye too many times and he makes you promise there are only five months left and then you’ll come back in Twelve. He does that all the time.

Monday comes too quickly, and you are full of work even in the first hours of the morning. Portia is very meticulous on what she has to do. Today you have to sew like a hundred pieces before she comes, and when Lora approaches you, you have to turn her down.

«I’m afraid you got here for nothing. I can’t go out for lunch.» You look at her hoping she doesn’t do her famous big eyes, because it would be very hard for you to say no again.

«And what are you eating?» She wants to know instead. That’s a great question, which you don’t know the answer to. Either you starve or you pretend to bring something to Portia and then you eat with her in five minutes.

«I don’t think I will, I have to sew all these dresses and I don’t have time.» 

You like your life in Capitol City, and it’s just for six months. You can handle six months. Then you will have your knowledge, you’ll work as a tailor for District Twelve and you will live in your big house. 

«Nonsense. You have to eat.»

«I’m used to that, honey, don’t worry.» She doesn’t look so sure of it, so you try to change the subject. «So how are you in Perla and Cinna’s house?»

«Oh, well, good I think. I want a place that I can call mine, but I have to find a job first.»

The reconstruction of Capitol City is still going on. Many places are not ready, but they have money, more money than the districts, so they are faster. But you can still see the bombs in some parts of the city and the ruins, and it’s scary. You try not to think about it so much, and you don’t visit these places. Your face is unfortunately very famous, and not in a good way. Once you were Princess Daisy, beloved by the people, but now you are Rebel Daisy, who admitted killing a capitol citizen, who bombed their heads, and the fiancé - that got away from the news, you don’t know how - of one of the masterminds of the revolution.

Not really a good look.

And for Lora it is not really different.  

«Lora, you do know you don’t have to find a job or a place tomorrow, don’t you?»

«I don’t want to impose on Perla. When Chaff proposed that I could have gone to Capitol City to figure out what I wanted to do I thought it was a good idea, but now…»

Chaff proposed it because he couldn’t take care of her, probably. He is not in a good place with alcohol, Haymitch told you, and Lora is only nineteen and she needs a caregiver sometimes. She is bright and smart and brave, but she is so young and she has seen so many things. You want to suggest to her Doctor Aurelius, since you and Peeta are under her guide, but you don’t want to be inappropriate.

«You know Perla and Cinna like to be with you. You don’t impose yourself.» You squeeze her hand in support.

You admire them so much. You don’t know if you would want another person in your house the first days in the cohabitation. You know you are selfish, but the first weeks after the revocation of the sex strike you couldn’t stay five minutes with each other without ending up pushed against a wall. Or in the shower. Or on the kitchen table. 

Then again, Perla and Cinna have always been more responsible than you two. 

«I kinda do. Think about it, it’s their first days as a couple who live together. And I’m there.»

You cut her off. «They chose it.»

«Doesn’t mean they are not bothered by it. I just thought finding a job in a big city would have been easier. When I say I’m from the district they don’t want me anymore.»

That makes your blood boil and your first instinct is to shout to everybody that Lora is wonderful and they would be so lucky to have her, but then you remember you don’t have any power in the City. You notice that if they don’t recognise you from the games, they wrinkle their nose when they hear your accent. People are scared the revolution will end up like in the Dark Days, when the Capitol citizens didn’t have any food, and they don’t trust the districts. Paylor has been kind to them, definitely kinder than Coin, but it’s not enough. And maybe under that there is a sense of superiority.

«That’s kinda shitty.»

«Yeah…» She shrugs her shoulders. She is sad and you don’t know what to do to make her happy. Tomorrow, you decide, you will make her lunch. You have limited ways to make people happy: food, fabrics, or sex, but this particular way is just for your fiancé. You don’t have time to sew her a dress, so you will go with the food.

«You know what? We will have lunch with Portia. You can help us if you want, she promised me she has a great idea she can’t wait to show me. And we could ask her if she knows someone who needs an assistant or something like that.»

When you come back home you are tired as hell, your hands hurt and you just want to go to bed, but you have to prepare dinner. And Portia didn’t have time to see you, so you don’t know the big news. 

This is what you chose, and you like it. Cut the crap and stop acting like a spoiled brat, she lets you stay here for free. 

«You can’t imagine what Lora told me, she is… Effie?»

You spot your roommate on the big purple couch, with her nose red and a bunch of tissues near her. She cried. She wasn’t supposed to get caught, you get from the expression on her face. She is still very much an escort on that aspect: eyes bright, chin up, smile on. Doesn’t matter if your life is falling apart.

«Effie? What happened?» You rush to her, in case she needs help. Maybe she is hurt, maybe someone hurt her. You think Haymitch is paranoid about these words near the house, but it’s her house.

«Nothing, darling girl, don’t worry about me.» She dismisses it waving her hand. 

She is different. She doesn’t have a wig on anymore because the fashion in the Capitol is changed, tamed. She is better this way, her blonde curls on her shoulders are let loose, and they shine like gold. She has makeup on, but not as much as she used to, more like a rich district woman and less like a television star. She is breathtaking, the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen. You wish Portia didn’t have to work so much, because she deserves to be revered every second.

«That’s a little too late. Tell me what happened.» You insist.

«It’s… it’s my fault, I deserve it.»

«What?» You spot a magazine. She shouldn’t buy that rubbish, but you understand why she did it: she is on the cover. An old picture of her, when a twenty something beautiful Effie Trinket was smiling at the cameras without a worry in the world. Under that there is written “Child killer”. 

Look who's talking. Like they didn’t. All Capitol City is guilty except for the rebels, and she is very much of a rebel.

«Let’s burn this. They don’t know you.» On page six, you read, there is an article about Finnick Odair and why he is not the sex bomb he was before. On page nine a piece about “Which girl you are? A Finnick girl or a Peeta girl?”. This magazine really is trash. 

«They are telling the truth.» She curls on the couch and you sit next to her. She cuddled all the time in Thirteen, you can do it one time.

«I don’t think so.» You repeat.

«I thought… I thought that it would have ended. The guilt, the nightmares. I thought, with the Revolution…» You pretend not to hear her at night, sometimes. She screams and then you make her a cup of tea or milk and you place it next to the door, or you pretend you wanted one for yourself and you made one more. You have nightmares too, Haymitch too and you are sure there is no news for Finnick or Annie either. 

«Effie, no. You have nothing to be guilty of.»

«I picked the names, Daisy. Katniss. Peeta. Your name.» But she was so young when she auditioned. She figured out everything by herself, you wish she could see it.

«It was your job. Haymitch was there too.»

«I chose it.»

«Yes, you chose it. At twenty, young and brainwashed. As you chose to be part of the revolution.»

She stays silent, drinking her herbal tea. She is too silent, and you don’t want her to suffer again.

«Haymitch lost his family and girlfriend because of Capitol City. He jumped at the thought of a revolution. Same thing for Finnick and Johanna. They are brave and strong, and you know how much I love my fiancé, but that is the truth.» You cup her face in your hands. «You chose it. You had every comfort here, you were famous, wealthy, hell you were even rich. No one in their right mind would have chosen the other side, except you. And not because you are crazy, but because you saw the injustice and corrected it. Effie Trinket, you are a hero and you are a rebel.»

She is still silent and you go heating up a soup. When you come back she still doesn’t speak but she rests on your shoulder. She smiles now. Mission accomplished.

TWO MONTHS BEFORE

«Haymitch! When did you come back? I didn’t see you.» You turn around from the couch where you are sitting. You spent the morning tidying up the house and you feel a little stronger already. You like not being in bed all the time, but to be fair you liked that your man did everything too. The fact that he was willing to bear the house, the geese, the cooking and you in general all by himself was really arousing. But now it’s time to get up.

«Hi sweetheart.» He kisses you and you notice he places something on the table.

«What is it?» You want to know, but he blocks you in his arms. «Oh, hi again… are you planning on seducing me?»

«Always.» He answers and the slap he gives you on the ass is so strong you actually whimper. «You know I was out in the woods and I kept thinking of you all the time. Fucking addiction.» 

«That’s how it is meant to be. I think everyone should think about me all the time.» You say smugly and you lean for a kiss. You love the fact that he is taller than you, you feel protected.

«You think you deserve it?» He taunts, and his hands are already toying with the buttons of your shirt. 

«I think I can show you how much I deserve it.» You flirt, and that much is enough for him to lift you up and push you to the couch, with him on top.

You can see the table in this position. And there *is* something on it.

«What’s that?» You ask, but your man is so focused on biting your breasts than you don’t think he even heard anything. And to be fair that’s really flattering and hot but now you want to know. «Darling, what’s that?»

You get up, with much of his displeasure, and you see what’s on the table. Flowers. Pretty flowers. «Do you want tea with those?» You question, confused.

«Nah.» He seems uneasy and embarrassed, and you slowly realize it. 

«Then why did you bring those home?» You turn around to see him, and you take the flowers in your hand. «Haymitch Abernathy, did you bring me flowers?» 

«It’s not a big deal.» He answers rougher than usual, «Don’t read anything on it. I was just trying to get in your pants.» 

You want to laugh so bad, because you are about to marry the guy and he still points out you shouldn’t read anything on a sweet gesture. And truth to be told he doesn’t need much effort to get in your pants.

«I wouldn’t dream of it.» You humor him and you smell them. They are so pretty! Yellow and pink. You will find a vase for them. «I still love them.»

«Figured you would have liked useless stuff.» 

«Such a gentleman.» You lick your lips, but he throws you on the couch again after you lay the flowers on the table. «Haymitch!»

He kisses your cheek and your nose. «Did you like them?»

«Love them. Now gimme your kisses.»     

The next day, on lunch break you need to speak with Haymitch. You know you usually call the other one at night - and you quickly found out it’s not the easiest thing ever to make him talk on the phone, he is not used to it - but you need to hear his voice. You fell asleep while working on your wedding dress last night, and thanks heavens you didn’t drool on the fabric. You would use a bed right now, your back is killing you and you still need to call a thousand stockists for Portia.

«Hi?» 

This is not his voice, though. This is a female voice, and not Katniss, who is there all the time. You don’t mind Katniss, she is nice and she is your fiancé’s daughter, not to mention she brings you delicious meat you don’t have to hunt yourself, but this is not Katniss.

«Hi, who’s this?» You try to remain calm, because you are not jealous of every girl in the whole world. Just the ones in your house.

«Sorry? Who are you.» Oh, you recognise it now. «Marjorie?»

«Oh, hi Daisy.» She has the nerve to be surprised. She is the one in your house and she has the nerve of being surprised.

You don’t understand. If she is visiting, and you are not so happy she is visiting, why is she answering the phone? And why is she visiting? They remained on good terms, and you pretend to be happy about it so you can babysit Ivy in your free time. Maybe she is just bringing him fresh bread or something.

«What are you doing in my house?» You are not supposed to say this, this is not calculated. My house seems petty and childish. Our house is better, because it is your house. 

«I was just bringing Ivy to Haymitch.» She was whating the what?

«Ivy? To Haymitch?» Ivy is a wonderful kid. She is nice, she is quiet, she enjoys talking about herbs and she is a joy to be around, she goes along with every animal, even with the geese. You really like to stay with her when you have time, but Haymitch? He doesn’t like kids. He doesn’t have any patience or interest for them. You can catch him playing football with some of the neighbors' children, but that’s when they are old enough to play. 

The sudden image of a loving family hits you in the guts. Haymitch and Marjorie with Ivy, it would be perfect, but you wouldn’t be in the picture. 

«He offered to watch her while I’m… cleaning.» 

«You are cleaning? Sorry, I don’t understand.»

«He didn’t tell you?» If she has to explain it maybe no, he didn’t tell you anything. «I’m working for him while I’m looking for a job.»

«You are looking for a- you are a nurse.» Your tone is rude and impolite and Effie wouldn’t be proud of you, but you are annoyed. She is talking nonsense. Haymitch would have told you. You quickly try to remember if he said anything about Marjorie, but he didn’t, you are sure of it. You would have remembered. 

«Yeah, in Thirteen, and it takes time for the documents to arrive in Twelve. Your mother is helping me as well. But I need money to take care of Ivy.»

«Oh.» You don’t want her to look in your things, you don’t want her to touch your drawers and your clothes.

Your job. That was your job. She is his new maid. And you trust him, but Marjorie is still so beautiful. She has majestic blonde hair, bright and magnetic blue eyes, the poise of a queen. Oh hell no.

Don’t trust her, your voice says. Maybe none of this is true, maybe she is in the house for some other reason and she is telling you this to hurt you like you hurt her.

«Did you need anything?»

«I was looking for my- my-» You can’t say “Your boyfriend”, it’s childish. Again. «Haymitch.»

«Do you want me to tell him? He can call you back. Your Haymitch.» You don’t know if she is being difficult on purpose or she is just trying to be funny, but suddenly you regret saving her from that damn bunker.

«Yeah, thank you.»

«Thank you, Daisy, it’s nice you let me stay in your house.» 

Not if you can’t help it.

----

An appointment in white.

«You shouldn’t be here! Effie will be here in a minute.» You scold your partner, since you know what he wants. Oh, you shouldn’t have. You should already be up, preparing yourself for the big day, curling your hair in a complicated braid and all the other things you usually adore to do. 

But his eyes are so blue…

«I just couldn’t sleep without you tonight.» He whispers in your ear and you melt at his hot breath. He is so sexy. When did he become so hot? Is it weird that you feel more attracted to him than ever? One thing is true, you are going to be very lucky if you are always going to feel this way. And his scent, that wood and tobacco even though he doesn’t smoke, like a smell he got attached to him since he was a teenager. 

There was also alcohol in that scent before, but not anymore. He is sober, not always in the easiest way, but he managed to stay sober so far. You are so freaking proud of him, he is the strongest man you know.

«I know, me neither…» You tried. You really tried, but you couldn’t sleep. You felt excited and scared, and you kept thinking you only wanted to be in his arms. That is a little concerning, the small amount of time that was needed to make you feel like the world was exploding without him. 

When you were about to go to your house, your real house and not your mom’s, you saw him sneaking from the window.

This is a signal. A signal that everything is going to be okay, if you and your soon to be husband can’t stay away from each other. 

And also a signal you sometimes really behave like teenagers in love.

«But Effie is going to be here any minute and if he finds you here...» She will scold you two. Effie Trinket being allied to your mother was not in your bingo card for the year, but as soon as they heard the words “planned” and “wedding” they teamed up. Effie became big on district tradition, and part of it is that the night before the wedding the girl has to sleep in her mother’s house. Well, usually just because the girl lived there before and now you are living in sin, but for them it’s a detail, a tradition is a tradition and so you spent your night in your mom’s house, dresses in a white simple long nightgown and covered in lilium candidum, to symbolise innocence.

Haymitch laughed for half an hour when you told him they called you “Innocent”, the irony wasn’t lost on him.

«So you are saying I can’t stay in my bed.» He deadpans, and you shake your head, but you are so happy he is with you.

«This is not your bed, this is my mother’s house and you introduced yourself like a thief.» And it’s very hot, but you are not going to tell him that.

He only smirks, like every time he is going to say something that you wouldn’t approve. «It is only my bed when you are in it. And you are a thief. Only thing I stole was your virginity.»

«Haymitch!» You laugh, because he is very stupid sometimes. He has been a serious, shattered, sad person for twenty years, and now that everything seems calmer he is discovering himself as a funny man when he is in a good mood. The sky still has clouds sometimes. «And my heart.»

His gaze softens, a hand on your cheek again, the other playing with your hair. «Aren’t we sweet this morning?»

«It happens when you have to get married.» You still don’t think this is real. You are going to get married. You. Daisy Pinecone. Daisy Pinecone becomes Daisy Abernathy. You are very happy you are taking his name. You are keeping yours, of course, but it’s good to be an Abernathy now.

«In like six hours, babe, nobody is coming in now…» He starts to pepper kisses on your neck. Babe. You developed a taste for this word from his lips, it is tacky from other lips but when he pronounces those words it’s like music, especially if he traces caresses on your shoulders and neck. «Let me wake you properly.»

«Don’t even think about it, the bride has to go down now!» You try to interrupt him, but his hands are already on your butt again, and you feel so desired. He makes you feel powerful and beautiful.

«But I wanted to go down.» He deadpans, and you chuckle. A kid. He is a kid today, and if he is in this goofy mood now it’s because it’s a happy day for him too. He is happy because he is marrying you. What a crazy thought. 

«Haymitch… you really have to go. It’s crazy enough that we spent the night together!» You stroke his hair and he grins at you, because usually when you begin like this you end with a fist in his hair. 

Not today. You will be stronger.

«I don’t get why, we’ll spend the night together for the rest of our life.»

«But it's tradition.» You pout. «Me in my childhood’s bed, our cat with Katniss and you… going out with the men from the district.»

«Ugh, I’ll pass. I can’t stand those men. They are always complaining about their wives. Why the hell did you get married if you hate your wife?» This is another side of this man that you love. He is not afraid of being himself and if he hates someone he really hates someone. 

He is right about the men in the district, most of them treat their wives like shit. At twelve it’s common for women to take care of the house and men go to work outside when they can handle the money, and it’s not fun. Men don’t think what women do it’s a real job, they tend to harass them whenever they can and they generally think they are better. In adulthood men start to dislike women. They think women are shallow and less intelligent than them, and they don’t have a purpose anymore since they are not beautiful anymore. If they give them children, they are seen as an inconvenience and a burden. 

This is the life your mother didn’t want. She chose to be alone, and she made the right choice because now she is happy.

This is the life you didn’t want. You never dreamed of getting married with someone from Twelve because you had a lot of examples of good guys who became insufferable old men. But this is not the life you are going to live. First, because Haymitch is already an old man. And second, and most important, he is not like this. He cherishes you, he loves you and he proved it a lot of times.

«Maybe in twenty years you will complain about me too.» You joke. 

«In twenty years you will be a ravishing fourty woman and I’ll be a wreck. If I start complaining, finish me off.»

You laugh again, he is in a very good mood today, and you put a hand on his shoulder to get him closer.

«And what are you going to do with me once you have married me, Mr. Abernathy?» This is dangerous business, if you begin to flirt when you can’t make love to him. 

«The things I’ll do to you, Mrs. Abernathy.» The hunger in his eyes makes you blush even now. And you believe him, that man has a great fantasy when it comes to you.

«Miss Pinecone! At least for some hours.» You protest. 

«It’s too much. I want you mine now.» He bites you on your neck and you almost let out a moan. With your mother in the other room, that’s outrageous. But his teeth are lingering on your skin and what a girl gotta do? 

«I am yours. From head to toe. Every inch of my skin…» You whisper in his ear.

«I’ll kiss every bit of skin you have.» You believe him. He has already done it multiple times by now, each of them better than the previous one.

«Is that a promise, my love? We will always be as passionate as we are now?» You ask him, a bit more serious now. You really don’t want to lose that, or the jokeness you have. You know it’s a little shocking for everyone, but he makes you laugh. Really laugh. He is funny, he has a good sense of humour and you can’t help but chuckle when he wants to be hilarious.

Everyone told you that a married life is not easy, you tend to fall into a routine and you end up bored. It is better to be bored than to be constantly in danger, but if you could just avoid it you would be happier.

«Sweetheart, I have to tell myself I cannot eat you and fuck you and kiss you all day… I’m sure that won’t be a concern.» He wants you. He really wants you. He has been wanting you for two years now more or less, and yet you can’t believe it. You remember when you used to daydream about him, a less hot version of him if you have to be honest, because now he is sober, he gained strength thanks to Peeta’s exercises and he washes his hair more. 

«Really? You want to have me all the time?» You try to play it cool, but you fail miserably.

«You can’t even imagine…» The bite he gives you, though… that’s not fair. It reminds you of all the time he used his weapons against you. Or against a wall. 

«I think I can. Are we behaving like teenagers again?» You ask him, but he shakes his head and kisses your lips again.

«Let me be happy for a minute.»

Happy. You can see it in his smile, in his eyes, in his movements during the day. 

«I’m so proud I can make you happy.»

«Feeling mutual. Now, how much do you think we have until our actual teenagers come to our house to find me?» The fact that now you have actual children is scary, because sometimes you feel like a teenager yourself (although you are almost thirty, you have a job and you are about to get married), but in the last few months Katniss got closer to you and you always had a good relationship with Peeta. Lora is the one who got you worried the most, because you clearly remember the moment you thought you lost her, but she is getting better. When you asked her what job she dreamed about, she answered that she doesn’t dream about a job. You are fucking proud of her. Not your mood, because you actually dreamed of multiple jobs in your life, but the fact that she stated it is very good. She is starting to know what she wants.

«Katniss is slower but Peeta will be there any minute and Lora is living with you, but will come to me. But that doesn’t matter because Effie is probably already here, waiting for me to get up.» You kiss his cheek.

«And the fishes?»

«Don’t call them that! Finnick, Annie and Perla will be here in two hours. Perla will bring Cinna, of course.»

«Of course.» His tone is hilarious. He had always been a little jealous of Cinna, because Katniss adores him. He doesn’t understand that the girl loves him like a fun uncle, but she considers him as a father.

«You are still jealous of him and Katniss?» You taunt, but he just snorts, because heaven helps him if he has to name a feeling.

«No, why would I?»

«You jealous, jealous man. She is your daughter, you know?» You are all over him again, he is too cute when he is insecure.

«I have no idea what you are talking about, you crazy wife.»

«You have to go! Don’t even think about it… stop kissing me…» You try to sound convincing, but the moan you let out when he hits that particular spot under the ear exposes you. «Stop… maybe just five minutes.» He smiles like he just conquered the world.

«That’s my girl.» The room soon fills with giggles and kisses.

It’s more than five minutes. You are never sick of each other, but eventually even Haymitch realizes that it’s not ideal for him to be in your mother’s house doing some unholy things. You are sore and still giggling when he goes away, and you stand up from the bed before someone enters through the door. 

You watch yourself in the mirror. Your hair is messy and your eyes are tired, Effie is going to be very mad at you. And you don’t even want to start with the nightgown.

«Mother!» You half-yell, because she appears behind you in the mirror. It’s scary and you shouldn’t scare a victor.

It’s weird how you don’t even feel like you are a victor anymore, some days. You are so different from that Daisy, the Daisy who didn’t win the Hunger Games. And yet, sometimes you are still in the arena.

The therapist is helping a lot. You came back from Dr. Aurelius and now she is helping you to understand how it feels, about your choices and you are learning a lot about yourself. Haymitch is going to a therapist too, and so is Lora. You try to help each other in every way possible.

«Daughter! I’ll pretend I didn’t see Haymitch sneaking through the door.» She reaches out for you and she starts to unwrap your night braids. «So… I’m about to lose my daughter.»

Her voice is a little sad. This is not what she wanted for you, and you know it. She always dreamed about a big career for you, a district-shaped career, but she is a known figure in Twelve and she wanted the same thing for you. A recognizable name. The fact that you chose to use the double surname, Pinecone-Abernathy, wounded her a little. 

You think she is a little better now. She accepted that you love Haymitch and, most importantly, he loves you. He helped you with your new job, spent a lot of time working with you and that lightened him in her eyes. And you are working, you have your own money, that reassures your mom.

«You won’t lose me! I’m just getting married.» You try to say, but now she has tears in her pretty eyes.

Your mother is very pretty. Prettier now, after the war. She is a bit of a celebrity in Twelve now, she helped everyone during the reconstruction and you caught more than one man lurking at her, but she doesn’t want anybody. 

She strokes your hair, and she watches you like you are about to go away.

«But you will be so grown up… and you are starting your shop, and even have an apprentice. You are an adult now.»

You shake your head. You have been an adult for several years now, and you risked your life at least twice.

«I was an adult when I went to the Hunger Games…» You try to resonate, but she is trying not to cry now.

«Yes, but now, now it’s a happy thing.»

«Really? You are happy for me.»

«Yeah well, I didn’t like it so much at first but he is a good man. He loves you. Even I have to admit it. And it’s obvious you love him too.» It’s a great thing for her to admit that Haymitch is a good man.

«I love him so much, mama.»

You hug her. It’s weird, you never hug each other, you are a hugger but not with your mother, and yet you need to hug her now. She squeezes you like she doesn’t want you to leave, but then she takes a step back.

«Promise me you will be happy. There will be problems, in every family there are problems but promise me you will try to be happy.»

«I promise you.»

She smiles and she looks satisfied now.

The dress is beautiful. You designed it after a tale you read, one of those fairy tales your mother used to tell you when you were a little one. The white fabric is thin, maybe a little too thin but you are sure you are so excited you won’t be cold, and there are little flowers and crystals all over it.

Your raven hair is up in a majestic braid, thanks to Effie, and she put crystals and little pearls in it. Apparently she had it back at home, but you have to give it back to her. Your makeup is elegant as you requested, Peeta discovered himself a great painter even on faces. 

You look the best you could. You weren’t as stunning as you are now even in the preparations for the Hunger Games.

«Oh, darling girl. You are beautiful.» Effie opens the door and she already has tears in her eyes. She is beautiful. She is one of the bridesmaids, in a light pink dress that suits her shape. You are so happy for her, she is going to be a bride herself in a few months and you are making her the dress, as Portia made Haymitch’s. 

After the fashion show you came back to District Twelve and you opened a small shop in the town. It wasn’t easy and you were so scared at first, but it’s turning out great. The shop itself is very cute, with plants and a lot of fabric everywhere and a large table where you can work everyday. It’s rather small, but two girls asked you one day if they could come and learn. You said yes, and you are happy you can teach them. It’s almost like being a teacher again. They are adorable, and they really want to learn from you. You try not to bear them with work, they are still in school, but there is a lot you can teach. They are helping a lot. You like this new district life, people tend to help each other, you spent several times in the bakery with Peeta, and Katniss gives you the animals she hunts. Well, she gives Haymitch the animals she hunts, because you can’t stand the sight of a dead animal. You are well aware this makes you a hypocrite, but you really can’t.

«Thanks to you.» You hug Effie again and you try to memorise her scent. You miss her a lot, now she lives in the Capitol and you are in Twelve, you always talk on the phone but it’s not the same thing. And she is about to get married. Everything is changing, and you are happy because it’s changing for the best, but you would want Effie Trinket in your life again everyday. «Thank you, Eff. You gave me a home when I needed one, and you always protected me.»

She blushes, she is not used to compliments anymore. «No, thanks to you. So, are you ready?»

«No.» You find yourself saying. Not of the marriage, but the wedding. You love a spotlight, you try to remember. Well, you love the idea of a spotlight.

«Yes you are!» She squeezes your arms.

«Yes I am. But what if I trip?» 

«Haymitch will catch you.»

«Oh. That’s really sweet.»

«Are we ready?» Finnick comes in, in his dashing suit (you made for him) and he offers you his arm. Thank heaven for Finnick on this day, this is just the face you want to see. «How are you feeling?»

«Scared to trip and fall. But apart from that, you were right. I know this is the right thing, I’m not scared of getting married.»

You hug him too. Somehow he is taller now, and you can tell by his eyes that he is really happy. He is living his best life in Four, with Annie and little Finn, who is growing up joyous and carefree. He will never live the games. Hopefully he will know the games from the school books, when he will be older.

They are trying to have a second child, hoping for a daughter. You are ready to spoil her rotten too.

«Good, because it’s time.»

You start walking, leaning a little to Finnick because of the heels, and you see the people in the aisle. You wanted a little district marriage and not a great Capitol wedding, and you had it but you also managed to gather together the people you love. 

Your mother is splendid in her light blue dress and now she looks even younger, calmer and happier. Next to her there are Cinna, Plutarch and Fulvia, Johanna and Finnick with Annie and little Finn, who is being a very good boy; Effie and Portia are on the other side of the aisle, with Chaff and Beetle. Mags and Tigris are in armchairs, because they are too old to be in chairs.

Ivy and Marjorie are here too. You didn’t want Marjorie at first, and Haymitch didn’t even think about it because he knew your position, but you wanted Ivy. You didn’t want to explain to the little girl why she wasn’t at your wedding. So you knocked at the woman’s door and you talked for hours. You will never be friends, but she explained the situation to you and she promised she would never do something like that again. You agreed to be civil, for baby Ivy. You swore to protect her, after all.  

Effie, Perla and Lora are behind you, the bridesmaid and the maid of honour. You are going to be Effie’s and she is yours. You designed their dresses to suit them, because your friends have to be beautiful.

On the other side, Peeta and Katniss are behind Haymitch.

Oh, Haymitch. He is dashing in his suit, and you didn’t even think he would have worn a suit, but he is and he is smiling about it. When you are next to him he winks at you.

«Do you want to take this woman as your wife, to live together in matrimony, to love her, to honour her, to comfort her, and to keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?» The major asks him.

«Yes.» He takes your hand and you have to resist the urge to smack him, because that’s not the tradition. «I would be crazy not to have her as a wife.»

You blush, and you blow him a kiss. The major represses the urge to roll his eyes, you just know.

«Do you want to take this man as your husband, to live together in matrimony, to love him, to honour him, to comfort him, and to keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?» Now this is your turn.

You watch him with your doe eyes, and you keep your hands in his.

«Of course I want to!» You answer with joy.

«You may kiss the bride.» The major offers, and he barely ends the sentence before Haymitch takes you in his arms to kiss you with passion.

Twelve might be the poorest District, but you people know how to party. 

Not a Capitol party, a Twelve one. Katniss sings old songs, there is a band and everyone is dancing. Your mother is the heart of the dance, she was a wonderful dancer when she was younger. You watch Finn and Ivy giggling together, your best friends moving with the music and you find yourself happy. Mags and Tigris are sitting down, chatting like the old ladies they are, and Chaff is with them, remembering old days.

Everything is going fine now. Perla and Cinna are in Capitol City, trying to live an adult normal life, they are not talking about a wedding but they would like to have a child. Effie and Portia are on the verge of preparing for their special day, and you think you are going to spend a lot of time in the Capitol to help them, especially Effie.

Lora is living with you and Haymitch. She has good days and worse ones, but she is managing it. She wants to travel, when she will be better, to see other cities, other places, other districts. She sometimes babbles about going over the district, in the land where you don’t know what the hell is there.

You go near Haymitch and you kiss his cheek. He is thinking, alone on the porch, but he doesn’t startle: you can’t surprise him. He smells like wood and cologne today and it’s different, but good different.

Your husband. Now he is your husband. 

«So, we are married.» You state, a smile on your face. But he has his dose of dumb smiles on his face too, so you are not too worried.

«I’m very lucky to have you in my life, Sweetheart.» He circles your hips with his arm and he kisses you again. You’ll never get tired of it.

«And I’m the luckiest woman on earth. Sweetheart.» You mock him, but he just stays there, watching you like he just saw you hanging up the moon. Maybe it’s a bit too much, but you are not going to complain about it. «And apparently my mother likes you now.»

«She knows I love you.» He states, and strokes your hair. You know he loves your raven hair.

«You are not scared to say it.» 

«No, not with you. Not anymore.» He kisses your cheek and you are supposed to be worried about your makeup, but you danced your heart out and sang and you already made the pictures, so he can snuggle as much as he wants to.

«I’m serious when I say I’m so lucky.» You whisper. 

«You are a survivor, Daisy, this is not exactly being lucky.»

«Yeah, but now I have everything I want. My shop, two girls I can teach to, my friends, you.» You explain. «You are mine now, I can’t quite put the finger on it.»

«Totally yours, also because no one else wants me.» He jokes.

«Good! Just mine!» You are completely in his arms again, and you make a coy smile, hoping to be flirtatious. «I made some alterations to the wedding dress, so you can…» You finish the phrase in his ear, and you feel the grip becoming stronger. 

«You are a total minx.» He growls. Exactly the growl you wanted to have from him.

«And I’m yours. Are you happy?» You shameless flirt.

«You know what, yes. I am.» 

You ring the bell, but nobody answers you. So you ring again, you are not exactly a patient person. You are well aware you look crazy, flying around in your red shirt and black jeans, an outfit so not you, but you had other problems this morning and you thought you were going just to Perla’s home.

Instead you are running around the streets of Capitol City. Fine streets of Capitol City, too fine to not feel a little overwhelmed.

«Lavinia? Do you remember me? I’m Daisy. I was looking for Lora.» You yell. Holly would be horrified by your manners - one day she scolded you because you said “Thank you” badly, it wasn’t that you didn’t say “Thank you”, you said it badly, that how your mother is, and probably Effie too, but you need to know where she is.

It’s effective nonetheless, because she hears you now. Or she heard you before but now she doesn’t want you to embarrass her. 

Effective either way.

«She is not here.»

She finally opens the door. Lavinia is always beautiful, but she looks ready to go out even if it’s just four p.m.. She wears a beautiful long blue gown that looks like a butterfly. It has diamonds on the corset and long lighter blue sleeves. It’s exquisite, and you are quite jealous you don’t have one like this, but she looks… vintage, maybe. Definitely before the revolution. It gives you the ick, like nothing you lived ever happened. Then again you see how Effie looks at her older dresses, how much she wants to try them on, and there is nothing bad about it.

She doesn’t let you in. Like she has a big secret or something.

«Didn’t she move in?» You ask her. Your makeup must be smudged now and maybe you look a little scary. Good. You suddenly remember she must have seen you on television last year. She saw you surviving a shark, the caves, she saw you saving Lora from the sagittaria and she definitely saw you killing Clark.

«Well, no. We thought about it, but then in the morning she stormed out.»

She sounds like she has no idea what happened, but the girl you know doesn’t behave like that and Lavinia is a mediocre actress. But the point still stands, a nineteen year old girl is missing.

«Stormed out? Oh, please, let me in. I’m worried.» She has to feel the urge in your voice, doesn’t she? She is Capitol but she has a heart too, the way she moves, like she is not interested at all in Lora, makes your blood boil.

«I’m sorry, I’m busy.»

She is busy. Busy.

You force the door. You are heavier than her and definitely more pissed. The look on her face tells you she is scared of you, but now you don’t care anymore that her blonde hair is shiny or her face is perfect or her legs are endless, you don’t care she is more than you, her apartment is big and rich. You look around a little, her apartment is huge, bigger than Effie’s and still full of trinkets. It doesn’t look very lived, though. It looks like a magazine that wants to sell you a house, not a home. The couch is cream, the walls are white, everything is clean and spotless, but it’s not natural for a home to be so immaculate. You don’t even remember the last time your house, old or new, has been so stainless. Probably never.

She still has a housekeeper. She is still rich. 

«She is your friend too, you don’t want to know where she is?!» You are raising your voice, but right now you are very proud of yourself because you are not jumping her throat.

«Listen, we are not friends, we go out sometimes, that’s not a friendship.»

You clearly remember the two of them going out together for months. And now that piece of garbage tells you she is not her friend, probably because she is district, or not wealthy enough for her. 

«Where is she?!» You are growing angrier and angrier every minute you spend with Lavinia. Breath, Daisy, breath.

You don’t breathe really well because the next thing you do is take her arm in a very strong grip.

«I don’t know where your friend is! Let me go!» Her voice is squeaky. I could break her arm, she is so slim she can’t be strong, I can outstrong her easily. But I don’t need to do this, I can’t let my rage win. I never killed because I wanted to, I always did it to protect someone and this wouldn’t protect Lora.

You let her go. She looks scared but she stays in her place.

«What are these?» On the sofa there are pictures. Pictures of you and Finnick. You are crying and he is consoling you, everything is innocent but you have to admit that from some angolations it looks like you two are kissing. Studied angolations, and there are a lot of those. Pictures with you and Effie, with you and Perla, Perla and Finnick, Finnick and Effie. It’s like someone, her, was trying to catch something. The victors in the Capitol with sparkly dresses in a famous club. Like you are wasting your victory and you are becoming what you fought for so long.

«What?» You ask. It’s not like you trusted her, but this is traumatising anyway.

«If you don’t leave my house I’ll call the police.» She is more dignified now, but you don’t really need the police. You are charged for a murder, you are a rebel, and people don’t like you anymore after the pass-pro.

«Did you take these?» You ask her, in a really angry tone. You can’t believe she saw you crying and the first thing she thought was “Oh, I’m going to make a lot of money with her tears!”. Little bastard.

«Daisy, please.» Her voice is so calm, you don’t think she understands the urgency of the situation.

«Did you take these pictures of me and Finnick?» You yell, and you throw her over a wall. She is so thin it’s not even difficult, even if you were ready to play tough. Finally her eyes are terrified.

You would like some recognition for being a Hunger Games survival.

«Where is Lora?» You repeat, getting annoyed and tired of it.

«S-she found the photos and she started screaming…» 

«Of course she started screaming! You took these pictures, it is all your fault.» You let her go. You are not a monster, you don’t want her scared all the time, you just want to find your friend.

«Come on darling, you were a tribute and you were entwined with Finnick Odair. You know how it works.»

She is so cocky now that she is far away from you, but when you take a step close to her she shuts up. Good. She is hitting your nerves.

«You are a model. Did you have to?» You can’t imagine she doesn’t have money. She is out clubbing every night.

She has the audacity to light a cigarette. You want to make her eat this damn cigarette.

«Someone was going to get these photos. I just took the chance. Don’t cheat on your boyfriend and this won’t happen.»

«I wasn’t chea- it’s not important now, okay? I just need to know what happened with Lora. She is young, and she doesn’t know the city as well as you. If she is alone, maybe she got lost.»

«She is an adult! She stayed alive during the games.» She doesn’t dare talk about the games like it’s a casual thing someone could run into. You were there because her people put you there. Lora was robbed of her life because of them. Now you understand the hatred Haymitch has towards Capitol citizens, they will never understand.  

«If you know where she is… Think, please.» Although for her it must be hard. 

«I mentioned something to her earlier.» She knew something, you were sure of it! 

«What? What did you mention?» 

«Oh, if she went there she would be very immature.»

«She is nineteen! She has every right to be immature!» You put a finger on your temple, trying not to strangle her. «Lavinia, I’m this close to hitting you and I’m really sensing that the only person who is trying not to hurt you it’s me, the person who is going to do it so please, just tell me and then shut up!»

«Capitol moved your arena into the city. They don’t know what to do with it, they tried to use it but they can’t, and they just put it there. I told Lora…»

The arena. You feel a shiver on your back. You don’t want to go to the arena, you don’t want to put a hand on it again. The most horrible experience of your life has been there. You would prefer to return to district Thirteen, but not the arena.

«Fuck, fuck, fuck.»

«She stormed out! She felt responsible or something. She said that she was my friend and I took the pictures, so…»

«And you let her go.» You accuse her. Of course she felt responsible, she probably got into a fight with Perla too, she said those words towards me and she probably thought Lavinia was her only friend left, and then she felt betrayed. That’s a mess, a raging mess.

«It was the dawn, I was wasted, she was wasted, it’s a miracle I remember it.»

You easily take the cigarette out of her hand - thanks to the exercises with Haymitch in the gym - and you watch her closely. 

«You hope I’ll find her soon.» 

You are frightened. Lora is alone and this is your fault too. Perla was busy with her job and with Cinna, and you too, but you knew she was fragile and she deserved more attention. She was alone, without her family, and Capitol City can be tricky. In no time you go from being happy for a new adventure to remain home because you are ashamed of who you are. You feel guilty because you don’t have the right clothes, less money than them, the right body type and because you are district. The revolution happened but they still think they are better than you, and Lora is District Eleven like you are District Twelve, the poorest districts. You have Effie that reminds you of your worth, but she is alone. 

It wasn’t hard to find the arena. It’s abandoned in a suburb area, you just had to take a bus to get here. It’s quite famous, if you don’t live in a bubble sewing and consoling your friends. You are positive Haymitch and Finnick knew that, but they tried to shield you.

You are not ready to come back to the arena. Even if you can see it’s all staged, it’s abandoned and there are no cameras, you don’t want to go there. You want Haymitch, you want Effie, you even want your mother who is in District Twelve and she definitely can’t come rescue you now. You start to shiver. You can’t. There is any public phone or shop nearby, so you can’t even warn anyone.

But Lora is in there, a voice tells you. Lora is scared and alone and maybe even in danger, because the place is wonky and unstable. And there are caves.

Dear heavens, you hope she is not hiding in the caves.

You trespass because there is no real security. 

It all seems… fake. The caves are not real, and with light you see the exit. You hope there are no more poisonous plants, but you dare walking fast and you scream your friend’s name.

You finally find her and she is a mess. She has been crying, her mascara is on her cheek. And she is near the Cornucopia, water between her and you.

Oh God, oh God. 

They couldn’t leave a shark in still water, right? Sharks die this way. They removed the shark. They definitely removed the shark.

Unless… How do you remove a shark? After a revolution, with no funds and no money, and you don’t imagine Capitol City being big on animal facilities. They used mutts for years without questioning any ethical issue. You suddenly remember the first hours in the arena, it hits you like a bus.

You run as much as you can to the caves, often falling, and suddenly from the ice emerges a giant black shark.

A shark.

You are going to be killed by a shark. There is no way you can run away from a huge shark, with a big mouth and big teeth. 

You calm yourself down. 

«Lora?»

She lifts her eyes up. She is in a dress, and she is soaked wet, she is going to catch a cold. And the Cornucopia is full of weapons, if they didn’t take them, they are rusting now and they are dangerous.

«Lora, now please… remain calm. I’ll be here.» You really, really, really don’t want to go into the water.

«Don’t come any closer!» She yells. She is shivering, you can see it and you feel so guilty and worried it’s choking you. You failed her, you failed Lora and now you feel helpless and powerless, you don’t know what to do. You damn yourself because you didn’t wait for Perla, she always knows exactly what to do. But you remember the time she almost died because of the sagittaria.

Lora still has the plants in her hands, and you take them from her to toss it on the ground. 

«Are you okay? Did you eat something?» You ask her frantically, watching her and touching her face in suspect of something weird on her body. 

She looks shocked, maybe she was friends with the other tribute, but she shakes her head. «No, I was about to but… no.» 

You almost faint in relief. «Dear Heavens, girl. You scared me to death.»

«That should be easy.»

No, now it’s not time to joke around. What was she doing here? You hope she didn’t want to do something terrible. You hope it was just a crisis and she wanted to be alone. You hope, but that is not enough.

«I didn’t want to do it, Daisy. It broke.»

It broke. They must have taken the cornucopia closer, and she walked there but then the little platform started moving to the centre, and she got trapped. Just like her situation in Capitol City.

«That’s a relief but now you have to take my hand.» Maybe she can come to you, because you don’t really think you are able to swim. You have never swam again after the shark.

«I can’t.» She is stuck, paralysed, she can’t walk. You get it.

The only opportunity you have is the bracelet that’s never out of your hand. Maybe Haymitch does not have the beeping thing anymore and he doesn’t know where you are, but there is the possibility that he kept it, your paranoid boyfriend. You adore that he is paranoid, it comes handy. You press the little daisy charm and you hope for the best, because that is the only chance.

«No, no you can.» You try to convince her but she shakes her head vigorously.

«I just wanted somewhere calm.» She explains. 

«And you had to pick a place with water?!» No, you have to calm yourself down, you can’t scream at her. You have to pretend you are in a class with kids. You were a teacher for a brief piece of time, you should be able to do it. At least, to do it. 

If you fall you are over, everything is over. But no, you have to fall, you have to swim to save her. You can freak out later.

«Everything is falling apart.» She whispers, but you catch it.

«No, Lora, don’t say that.»

«But it’s true! I don’t have a job, I don’t have a house, I don’t have someone who loves me!» That is not true. She managed to win even Effie over. She is adorable, everybody likes her. The only reason Chaff doesn’t want her in his house is because he has a severe problem with alcohol and he doesn’t want to be a danger for her.

«You have plenty of people who love you! You have me, you have Perla.»

«Chaff can’t take care of me. My mother and father are gone, and so are my brothers. I’m alone, Daisy, and I thought maybe Capitol could distract me but I feel so alone…»

She is alone. As you are, as Perla is, as everybody is in this city, but she is a little more alone because her parents died in the war and she is a kid who never had a chance to say goodbye.

«We can stay together, you can stay at my place!»

«You don’t really want me!»

You have no idea how to, but this can work. Haymitch likes Lora, you will go back to Twelve after the campaign and you think she will be fine in Twelve.

«Yes I want you! And you are scaring me.»

«I should be able to take care of myself but nothing is right. Nothing is right, nothing I do is right…»

«You survived! That is a pretty big thing and you are so young, you are barely twenty! Lora, you need to slow down. Give yourself time to understand what you want. You don’t have a job yet, and so what? You are a kid. Slow down, you are doing fine.» She is marvellous, that is the truth. 

«Am I?» She watches you for the first time.

«Yes. You survived, you are a survivor. And I love you. Perla loves you. Chaff loves you, baby we all love you.» Believe me, believe me, please believe me.

«But the pictures in the magazines are my fault.»

«Nothing happened! Haymitch and Annie didn’t believe any of it, nothing is ruined. Stay there, I’m coming.»

Every step you take in the water, much lower than in the games, you think the shark is going to catch you. It will bite you. It will murder. It’s over, it’s over, it’s over, that’s it, that is how you are going to die, all you can think about is their giant teeth.

And then you take her hand and you take Lora in your arms to lift her up, suddenly you are back in the land.

«Okay, it’s okay, we can stay here for a while. Just a while, until my legs begin to work again.» You murmur to her ears, and you lull her. «Everything is going to be okay.»

You two are both in shock, and when Haymitch walks towards you he finds you rocking with Lora, silent, in that damn arena.

Your fiancé is perfect. He deals with Lora, he takes her to bed and he leaves you alone for a while, to let you decompress.

When Haymitch finds you, hours later, you are shivering in the bathtub. Your hand is white and you feel like ice, the water is very cold. All you can think about is that you hate water. You could have fallen, maybe a shark was there. You can’t help but fix your thoughts on the giant teeth, the bite it could give.

«Sweetheart, what are you doing?» He takes your hand, and he gives you a look when he finds out it’s glacial. He kisses it. You hate to worry him, especially after a discussion. He has been great, he took care of Lora like she was Katniss and he let you deal with your emotions.

«Where is Lora?» You ask, lifting your head up to see him. He watches you with worry in his green eyes.

«She is sleeping, I made her hot tea and everything, don’t worry about the little one. I’ll check on her in a hour or two, but now she is exhausted. You, on the other hand.» He gets up to take a towel, «Are freezing. You are going to catch a cold, what are you doing in the bathtub?»

«Doctor Aurelius said to do this when I’m scared of water…»

It's not working the way it should be, you can still hear the water in the caves, you still have a foot in the Arena. The last Arena.

It's funny, you didn't think about it almost at all in District Thirteen. The war was on and you had to fight, to protect the ones you loved and to survive. 

After the war ended the nightmares began again, and most of them were, and still are, about water.

«Yeah, maybe with hot water. I’m lifting you up, okay? Is that okay?» He wants to be sure because one time you had a crisis. You were spiralling and he touched you, you didn't realise it was him, you were so scared. 

«Okay.» You whisper, and you close your eyes against his chest. He wraps you in a towel and keeps you in his arms, going straight to the bedroom. You are soaking his shirt, but he doesn’t seem to notice or he simply doesn’t care.

«Let’s put you to bed, Princess.» He tucks you under the sheets and he comes with you. You are immediately glued to his side, and you cry silent tears while he is petting you and playing with your hair. 

«Thank you so much. I’m sorry.» 

«You are sorry you just saved a life? Daisy, come on.» He is not big on cuddling, not without some heat, but he is just being flawless.

«But you have to take care of everyone.»

«Not everyone, just you. And I like that.» He lifts your chin up. «I like taking care of my wife.»

«I was just so scared of losing her.»

«You won’t.» He tights his embrace. «You won’t lose her.» Like I lost Maysilee. That’s the silent end. The girl he allied with, the original owner of the mockingjay pin, the little kid who died during the games, attacked by pink birds. Haymitch, at sixteen, stayed with her holding her hand until she died and then he won.

«I like taking care of you too.» You swear. You are not the only one who is bad sometimes, he still has an addiction, even if he doesn't touch alcohol anymore. He trembles and he occasionally throws up because he can't take it anymore. He is grumpy for days or he doesn't go out of his room. 

His ways are just different than yours.

You two stay silent for a while, but you can’t sleep. Everytime you close your eyes you only see horrible scenes, the shark who tries to kill you or Lora, Lora scared and alone, Perla during one of the crises, Effie who cries on the couch, Haymitch who tries and fails to stay sober.

Everyone you love is full of problems. The Games screwed up your people. 

«Do you believe in a God?» You whisper in his ear, because you know he is not sleeping either.

«Sweetheart…»

District Twelve does not ask questions about it. People there are just too busy to notice, or they wouldn’t like the answer. They knew something in the old days, you barely remember your grandmother singing an old, old song about a religion, a goddess or someone like that. “Salve Regina mater misericordiae, vita, dulcedo et spes nostra salve.” She sang it with her heart, but she memorised the words, not the meaning. Your mother tried to sing it to you but you were too little and she had other things in her mind.

But you keep thinking about Lora and the way she could have died in that damn arena. Having her in another life is a consoling thought.

«I nearly lost Lora today.» You put your head on his shoulders, crying. He pats and kisses your hair. «If there is a God, maybe I could see my parents in the afterlife. Maybe we are not so alone.»

He sighs. «You wouldn't like my opinions. But I do hope there is an afterlife, I hope my parents and brother are okay, I hope they are happy. And I hope we will be together even there.»

«So, you don't believe a God exists.»

«I don't know, but if there is someone they have to explain a lot of things. If God exists he has let innocent children get slaughtered for years, women dying in childbirth, not to mention the war… he is either not powerful enough or just plain evil.» He kisses your hair, «I don’t know if there is an afterlife or not, if it’s related to a God or even if there is a God, but I don’t trust it. I believe in you. I believe in my children. We have each other.»

You snuggle your nose against his cheek. «I believe in you too.»