Every time I get the chance to spend some time in a railway station, I take photos of trains from there, I’m a bit sad that in the last years my experience in train stations has been pretty similar—most of the time I had delays and my time in the station has been short and in a rush 😭
I will never forget in Frankfurt HBF when I had 2 minutes to change my train… I literally jumped in the train that was on the platform where theoretically my connection was and asked the people inside the train if that was the correct one (happily it was haha)
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My part of Maine (northeast US) has cool summers. If not for a skunk outside, I would've kept my windows open all night. Definitely hitting the dew point, but it's nice to feel cozy in bed.
50F is 10C, so 48F is about 8.9C. There's often a patch of warm weather in mid August, so I don't expect it to stay this way.
The upcoming forecast has us in the upper 70s F through the weekend. 77F is 25C, for comparison.
Sleep is getting a little better, or I'm less stressed about it. Story work is focusing on visions of the past and its ghosts, of the eyepatch guy's mother at the end of her life.
Nothing much is happening. Jay and I haven't had a call in a bit, as I've been so tired and she's been busy. But we're checking in and exchanging voice notes.
I did a tarot pull for myself a few nights ago, though not much came out. I got that troublesome oracle card again - the one that irks me a lot. This deck has an inadequate guide book, and the intended meanings and keywords often don't match the imagery. Maybe I also have issues with the mere keyword, in this case. Because I always think of the friction with my mom when I see it.
I talked with Saffy about it recently, along with other themes and images we relate to. This also includes deeper interpretations of religious characters. It's nice to put loose terms to intense feelings. Better a near-meaning than staying stuck in silence.
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I scrolled through my recent posts and noticed it was mostly my fav band. I think I've been reblogging them more often since my breakup in February. I know I've been listening to them a lot more, even with a brief interruption with new cds a couple months ago. They definitely comfort me, and I love the imagery.
I can't believe I am put in the situation of my parents finding out AI generated music and liking it... can you imagine me hearing this fake—without any real feelings transposed through the voice—music? I kind of hoped this would be a one time thing but YouTube has been recommending more and more and more songs like that and I keep overhearing, maybe not daily, but way too often.
And it gets worse.
Those songs have stolen lyrics and instrumentals from real songs but with all of the human love and emotion stripped away and they're somehow entranced by them—I am losing my mind every time I overhear those songs from their room.
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You ever wake up and not know if it's am or pm? I haven't slept that great in ages, even though it was under 3 hours. (I woke before the music video I was listening to ended, which was 3 hours long.)
I also said a sort of prayer and reblogged something as a signal before trying to sleep. Even was thinking of an intentionally vague post to write, as I was falling asleep. Basically, please don't curse someone or they won't be able to finish the task you asked. And that they can still reach out if they have something to say.
Part of my dream involved crosswalks and misreading the signals, not understanding which path led where.
Another part was that I had become a steward to a magical building and had to attend a socialite party. I wore clear platform sandals with a yellow rubber duck embedded in the platform. No one took me seriously, so I could sneak through the crowd as myself. I heard a lot of folks speculating who the new steward would be. I laughed a lot, knowing I would disappoint their assumptions.
Once I was exposed the next day, everyone was trying to kiss ass. A music company staged a kpop boy band to serenade me at the elevator, then tried to ride in the elevator car with me. I refused to get in with them, saying I'd rather take the rickety single person emergency car (more like a dumb waiter?) than ride with them.
There was also a Backrooms element, where I discovered these immense archives of things from my life. My dad also lived in this place with me, and he had saved my old school papers, just being so proud of me. My journals were on my side of the mansion, archived as eras, with physical copies of the pages separate from notebooks and computer screens.
Oof, I keep almost drifting off again, as I try to type on my phone.
Basically, I felt freedom to be myself and supported by this magical mansion. Enough room that I don't have to cull my stuff yet. The magic organized everything to be easily found. My waking life needs me to wash and put away laundry, in contrast.
I def felt like the mansion was an entity by itself, a single personality, but this also reminds me of the invisible servants in "Eros and Psyche" and "Beauty and the Beast". I can't remember specifically, but it might also happen with other tales also that motif, like "Hans My Hedgehog" and "East of the Sun, West of the Moon".
Why was I given stewardship of this mansion if it could do everything without supervision? Idk, but I know it was happy to see me comfortable as myself, and it could feel my appreciation. The mansion provided the rubber ducky shoes, so maybe it appreciated my whimsical side? I was also talking to it out loud as I explored - thanking it, admiring its wonders, appreciating the conversation it was trying to hold with me.
That reminds me: language barriers and slow attempts at communication are a recurring theme in my stories. The Little Mermaid and Project Hail Mary are examples, along with my changeling character being mute at times. Maybe it's also about the patience and dedication to keep trying.
Ugh, still drifting off. I keep seeing images of butterflies and pupas conflated with the underside of plant leaves - green with purple-red veining, like rhubarb.
Bronze nails (with Moscow and Wampus)
-- July 11, 2026
ref# lists: my collection and etooz box of polish
79 Finger Paints - Surreal Sunset
41 ILNP - Pyro
79 Finger Paints "Surreal Sunset" is a dark brown with a dark rose shimmer. The base is a gray jelly, but it doesn't take much to build it up. An oxidized bronze sort of vibe. (I couldn't think of a better name for this combo.)
41 ILNP Pyro also has a jelly base but needs more coats to build up. The steel blue of the jelly pairs nicely with the gold, bronze, and red shimmers. Took 3 coats to build up but would need another for full coverage. I like seeing the jelly at the edges, where I didn't apply it evenly.
Cats are by the window, enjoying the nice weather. Moscow on the window sill; Wampus in the still image. Their fur colors made a great background.
Moscow and Wampus, in peaceful proximity
-- July 11, 2026
These litter mates used to snuggle together as kittens. As they grew up, they got territorial and had fights. To have them so close and still be chill is a blessing.
I couldn't narrow down the selection of images further than this. Wampus has the best expressions. Moscow is my pretty pretty princess, though.
