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Dad: Why is Shape of Water Rated R? It looks innocent enough.
Me: There’s a sex scene with the fish man.
Dad: Wait...What?
Me: Yeah, they have sex in a bathtub.
Dad: A human and the fish man?
Me: Yes.
Dad: Well, we’ve just jumped into the hand basket haven’t we?
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Dad Conversations Over Aliens and Flying Cars
Dream Diary: June 12, 2025
Background: It was near father's day which is probaly I dreamt of my long deceased father.
The conversation went on like this:
Me: Dad did you know the aliens are here? I can finally drive a flying car soon. (As I told him this, I suddenly realized why I loved a certain carnival ride a flying saucer an umbrella light cover during childhood because the levitating part felt so familiar)
Dad: Of course I know. (I then understood that he is just around one of the alien ships somewhere watching).
Dad: what is that route that starts with an S?
Me: what do you mean?
Dad: like you’re Resistance. What is the one that starts with an S?
Me: scoundrel?
Dad: no, that sounds bad. What’s the other one?
Me: Smuggler but thats kinda-
Dad: no, not smuggler.
Me: are you talking like Bounty hunters?
Dad: kinda but not. Starts with an s
Me: scoundrel.
Dad: no
*looks it up*
Dad: its scoundrel.
Me: so I was right
Dad: no, I just looked it up. Scoundrel.
a regular conversation with my father
Me: Have you ever considered... You may have too many weapons?
My dad, holding a katana and a battle-axe he got on Amazon: I may.. have a problem.
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Conversation with my dad this morning...
Dad: Did you see that Phantom of the Opera is opening in Norway?
Me: Oslo? Yeah.
Dad: It doesn't look like the regular show though. His mask looks different.
Me: No, it's called a non-replica production. Same music, but they differ on the costumes, staging, and other stuff.
Dad: ...so, you're saying they're an IMPOSTER Phantom?
Me: ....um, sorta.
Dad: That's stupid. Nothing beats the original!
Planning for senility
Me: So when do you think you'll retire?
Dad: *triumphantly* 2nd of February, 2020.
Me: That's...awfully specific.
Dad: I figure this way it'll be especially memorable - the date will read the same forward and backward.
How much I care about Sports.
Me: Hey I want to show you something.
Dad: Do I need my glasses?
Me: It's just Trump saying China a bunch of times.
Dad: I don't care. I don't want to watch it.
Me:
Me: Oh, okay.
Dad: Hey look! They're talking about the Cavs!
Fox 8: *shows picture highlight of Cavs Parade*
Me: *glares at TV* This can wait. I'm going downstairs.
Me: *stands*
Dad: *laughing uproariously like a hyena*
Me: I forgot my bear. Bye. I'm done
