A Punny Coming Out Story  (Pete Wentz)
Based Off of the Request: Dad!Pete imagine where u accidentally come out to him through a pun?! I need this in mah lyfe
Authorâs Note: I got two suggestions for a pun to use( thank you for both of them btw, they're perfect), so instead of choosing, I decided I might as well write them bothâŠ
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Iâm laying on my bed scrolling through my phone when I hear a loud crash and groan come from our living room. The muttered curses following it informs me that Dad probably either dropped something or fell down. I let out a heavy sigh- anytime Dad starts projects around the house they usually end up in minor disasters. I decide I should probably check to see if he needs help, so I slowly drag myself out of bed and down the stairs. Reaching the bottom of the steps, I see him setting up a ladder next to one of the walls, a hammer in one hand.
âWhatcha doin, Dad?â I ask, plopping down on the couch across from him,
âYour mom wanted me to hang up this family picture, but I wasn't tall enough to reach without a ladder so I dropped it the first timeâ
âWell youâre not tall enough to reach most things, so that makes senseâ I say with a grin.
âI hate to break it to you, kid, but youâre even shorter than I amâ he replies with a pointed look.
âFair point,â I say with a laugh, â but why didn't you just get Saint or Bronx to help you?â
âBronx has class and Saint has to work on his senior project or something, so Iâm left using this sketchy ladderâ he complains.
I stand up from the couch and walk over to help him, placing my foot on the ladder to steady it. He huffs a thanks to me as he grabs his hammer and the two nails and climbs up the few steps, carefully placing the nails and hammering them in. Once heâs done, I hand him the picture and he places the frame. When it fits nicely he steps down the ladder and looks at it proudly. But stepping back to look at it straight on, I start laughing.
âWhat?â he asks confused.
âDad thatâs not straight at all,â I said in between laughs, â the right side needs to be like and inch or two higher.â
Obviously not believing me, he walks over to me and turns to face it. He looks at it frustrated. âDammitâ he mutters, moving back over to the ladder. I continue to laugh at him, but move back over to help him. Five minutes later, I walk away from the ladder one more time to check again, and let out another laugh.
âNope, now the left side is too lowâ I say cracking up.
âAre you kidding me?â he grumbles, â This stupid picture will never be straight!â
âHey we have that in commonâ I throw out the words, immediately regretting them. As soon as theyâre out I cringe, âOh godâ I mutter.
Dad slowly turns around to me, a questioning look in his eyes,asking in a serious tone â Are you serious?â
I gulp, âYesâ I say quietly.
âOh my god!â He says laughing.
âDad!â I say shocked.
âNo sorry, itâs just, â he says still grinning, â did you just come out to me through a pun?â
âMaybeâ I say, laughing.
He shakes his head grinning and walks over to me, pulling me into a hug.
âWel;, Iâm glad you told meâ He says, â and itâs all good with me, Â you know nothing will evr chane how much your mother and I love you, Â but, you might want to pick a slightly more serious way to tell your motherâ he says thoughtfully, Â pulling away and looking at me, eyes still shining with laughter.
âOkay, will doâ I say grinning, â and thanks Dad, sorry I didn't tell you earlierâ
âNo worries, kid, I get itâ he replies gently, â But, what do you say we hang this picture correctly before your mother yells at me?â
âLetâs do itâ I agree with a grin.
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âYouâre so going down, Short Stuffâ My best friend Josh threatens from the other side of the couch.
âYou wishâ I huff, â Iâve beaten you in the last three rounds AND Iâm in the leadâ I taunt, eyes never leaving the screen.
We take our MarioKart very seriously.
âOnly this last lap decides who wins the trophyâ he throws back, â anything can happenâ
âOh please, keep dreamingâ I respond with a snort.
We reach the last half lap, neck in neck, and we both fall silent as we concentrate. As we reach the final stretch, Josh throws a red shell.
âNOOOO!â I yell in shock as I watch my character spin out, seconds before the finish line, allowing Josh to pass me. I pull in right after him, but it doesn't matter, he won.
The gold trophy fills the screen and Josh jumps up from the couch triumphantly
âFinally! Suck my dick (Y/N)!â He yells, arms up in victory.
âScrew youâ  I say chucking a pillow at him, â plus you know Iâm a vagitarianâ I say with a  grin.
I expect to get nothing from an eye roll from him ( itâs possible I overuse that joke) but instead, a loud choking noise comes from the back of the room. Shocked, I spin around to see my dad standing their with wide eyes, coughing as he chokes on the water he had just taken a drink of, staring at me in surprise.
âDad!â I say in an awkward panic, â I, uh. I didn't realize you were home!â
âOh my god,â Josh says quietly, â Have you told-?â he starts to ask me, only to be stopped by my frantically shaking head.
âOh wow!â he says loudly and overly dramatically , â I just realized I forgot my phone at my house! I guess I should go and get it!â
He moves towards the door, as I stare at him. â I guess you'll have time alone with your dad now, you know, to talk about thingsâ he emphasizes with a pointed look at me before he leaves through the front door.
I let out a heavy sigh and wonder again why heâs my best friend. â SoâŠâ I say, awkwardly looking back over to my dad.
He raises an eyebrow at me, speaking in his serius dad voice âIâm guessing by that reaction, what you just said wasnât just a jokeâ
âNo, it wasnâtâ I say lowering my head and moving to sit back on the couch.
I take a deep breath as he walks over to sit next to me. âDad, Iâm gayâ I say quietly.
âOh honey,â he says pulling me into a tight hug, â thatâs okay!â
I breath a sigh of relief as I hear those words and hug him back.
âWhy didnât you tell me earlier?â he asks. pulling away.
âI donât know,â I mumble, looking away from him, âI guess I was just scared of what you would think.â
He simply put his hand on my shoulder, smiling as I looked back at him. â(Y/N),Iâve always told you that I love you for you, because youâre my daughter, and nothing would ever change that, right?â
I smile at him, âRight.â
âExactly, and that still stands. Unfortunately,â he says with a thoughtful look, âI owe your mom twenty bucks nowâ
âWhat?â I say confused, â Why? Did you guys bet on my sexuality?â I ask incredulously.
âNo no of course not!ââ He replies, looking offended, before continuing sheepishly, â but I did bet your mom twenty bucks that you and Josh would end up as a coupleâ
I scrunch up my nose at the thought, causing him to laugh â Sorry, Dad, not going to happenâ
âHaha itâs alright kid, heâs been around so long heâs practically part of the family anyway.â He says rising from the couch. âSpeaking of, do you think he actually went home, or is he standing outside the door right now, trying to listen in?â
âOh heâs definitely outsideâ I say with a laugh. Holding a finger to his lips, Dad walks over to the door and pulls the door open quickly. Immediately, Â Josh falls to the floor, cheeks burning red in embarrassment as he scrambles to stand up.
âI definitely wasnât listening in, Pete, I promiseâ he says to my dad, though we can both tell heâs lying.
âNice try kid,â Dad says ruffling his hair, â but itâs alright, I donât mindâ
âHowever,â he says as Iâm still laughing, looking over to me, â maybe itâs a relief to know heâs not your typeâ
We high five as Josh lets out an indignant âHey!â, only causing us to laugh even harder.
Sometimes I really love my Dad.