#dad!cassian

The quiet moments were your most cherished; they were the ones that you never thought would matter before finding yourself so wholly in love with the little family you had joined and could no longer imagine yourself without.

Those quiet moments around the breakfast table where you were all too tired to speak. The ones where Cassian would all but grunt in acknowledgement when handing you your coffee, eyes still half closed; or when Ottie would cover her mouth when yawning, toast still in hand, accidentally spearing raspberry jam across her face. These were the moments when you would sit next to Cassian, leaning against him and gratefully taking a bite of the perfectly buttered toast he would hold out for you.

Some mornings when the frost was crisp across the lawn and the touch of night still lingered across the sky, these quiet moments tended linger. The three of you would slowly wake up together, life and energy beginning to recirculate through the bump of a hip as you and Cassian brushed your teeth side-by-side, or through the soft giggles that echoed down the hallway as Ottie showed off the mismatched outfit she had picked out all by herself.

It was in these moments, when words weren’t needed and small glances were shared, that the house seemed full to the brim with love and fondness; like when your eyes met Cassian’s in the mirror as he braided Ottie’s hair, the ever-growing 4-year-old humming absentmindedly to herself as she swayed on the spot. Or when Cassian would glance back at the house before leaving for work, knowing you and Ottie would still be standing in the doorway waving him off.

Tomorrow it would be the same, the sleepy grunts, the jam-smeared cheeks, the warmth of Cassian’s shoulder against yours. Tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that. And in those quiet, simple, seemingly insignificant moments, you found everything you had ever wanted and more.

*****

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As he moved through the House of Wind, the hallways draped with decorations- he made his way towards his daughter’s room. The last area he decorated in case she woke up earlier during the night, so that the decorations would still be a surprise. This stemmed from the years where she would run screaming for their bedroom at the slightest sound and he would scoop her up in his arms to read her a book and give her some warm milk, comforting her worries away. As she grew, he kept the tradition. 

He strung strands of faelights high on the walls, hovering to place them in the perfect spots. His sleepless night was absolutely worth it as he placed the pink and gold garland that currently reflected his daughter’s favorite colors. Even if he had had to get the information from Elain, because he was no longer the ‘cool’ dad, which was fine by him. He wanted the boys that had started to come to their doorsteps to be slightly intimidated by him. He placed the finishing touches- birthday breakfast- in front of her door and then moved to the nearest balcony. Where he could greet his daughter on her birthday, but give her the space that she had begun to ask for in the last year. 

He stared towards the horizon, where the faintest pinks had begun to play across the sky. Seventy years, it had taken them seventy years of trying for Nesta to get pregnant the first time and another fifteen years before Furia had been born. He had almost given up on the idea of children, it had killed him to watch what each loss did to Nesta. Furia was the happiest of accidents to ever happen in their lives. A few hours ago- she had turned 18. 

A hand settled on his back and he smiled as Nesta wiggled her way into his arms, joining him in staring out over Velaris. They had known peace in recent years, but the difficulties of his life made him grateful for every morning like this. Quiet days with his family, away from the needs of Rhys’ army. 

A squeal went up in the corridor, as he gave Nesta a knowing look and a quick kiss. Furia had found the Valkyrie armor that signified her training would be allowed to move to the next level. It killed him to think of his daughter being in harm’s way, but Feyre had reminded him that not training her at all would be far worse. She was a target, all of their children were and that meant training from the time they could walk. Furia’s temper and stubbornness leading her towards following more directly in his footsteps than in her mother’s. The idea of her entering the Blood Rite made his blood run cold, but he would not deny her that if it was what she truly wanted. 

“Eighteen pancakes, Cass?” 

“Like always- although this might be the first year she doesn’t inhale them.”

Furia sprinted out onto the balcony and tackle hugged the both of them, her broad smile so much like her father’s. Her hair and eyes like her mother’s. The wings that were still perfectly functional flapping with her joy. She would never be clipped- the one tradition that Cassian refused to participate in. No- his wild daughter needed to be able to fly and run and experience the world exactly as she had been born into it. The way that so many Illyrian females had never been able to experience the world. 

When Nyx went to the mountains to train, to learn the Illyrian fighting style- it had nearly killed Feyre. The brutality of the Illyrian fae had been hard for her to stomach, even with Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel checking in on him at regular intervals. He had seen a glimpse of what was to come for him and what he assumed would be his son. Instead his fiery daughter stood in front of him ready to embrace a tradition that haunted him. 

Furia had begged to follow in her cousin’s footsteps and much like her mother and aunt- she was a fierce fighter. Valkyrie training was the obvious compromise, but now she was to prepare for the Blood Rite and his entire being rebelled against the idea. Nesta had been taken against her will, but this- this was Furia’s choice. And as he saw the fire and excitement in her eyes, he knew that the only thing that might hold her out of the rite was passing the qualifications. Which she had successfully done at age sixteen, but she did not know that. 

“I’m flying down to see Nyx and the twins- they’ll flip over this armor. I’ll be back for birthday dinner- I promise.” 

“Go wild-heart and happy birthday.” 

Here's to Tradition

You Too

Can't You See?

Concord

Come Back

Burning Man

Family Dynamic

Two is Better Than One

Summer Daze

Promises

Sticking Together

The Rowdy Bunch

Snatched

The Calm Beneath the Storm

The Honeycrisp Grove

No Tricks, Just Treats

Warrior Status

The Safeguard

In the Azsazz Universe, Rhy's x Reader have Nyx. They're going to have one more child, a daughter, who has yet to be written into the universe.

Cassian x Reader have a son called Gideon. He can be read about in some of the Az fics as well as in Terrible Twos. They'll be having two daughters who are yet to be written in.

Eris x Reader currently have a daughter named Maude. I'm giving them two more children eventually as well, but if you'd like to read about Maude you can do so in Due Time and Sweater Weather.

Lucien x Reader don't have any children currently but they'll be having two, a boy and a girl eventually.

And even Tamlin's daughter, Linden, makes an appearance in The Safeguard. 😅

The full birthing order of every child in the universe right now is as follows: Nyx, Wren, Gideon, Baz, Zuzu, Jax, Maude, Malos, Knox.

When your close friend Elain told you that she knew someone who would really appreciate your help, you jumped at the opportunity. However, what you weren’t expecting was to come face to face with the General of the Night Court’s armies, crying baby in his arms and a distressed expression of his face.

“Y/N?”

“Yes, hi…” You trailed off, unsure how to address the male in front of you. General? Lord? But he didn’t seem to notice your hesitancy as he gestured you inside.

“Hey, I’m Cassian. Seriously, thank you so much for agreeing to this. I know it’s last minute, but somethings come up and I just… Well, I really need the help, so thank you.”

You smiled at him, taking the time to look around the open layout of the house as he tried to settle his crying daughter. You couldn’t help but cringe a bit at the state of the place. There were baby clothes and toys everywhere, plates and dirty laundry piled up, not to mention the daggers and knives that seemed to be scattered throughout the place.

“This,” Cassian said as he walked back into the lounge room, the babe now happily looking around, “is Otilia, or Ottie. Ottie, this is Y/N, she’s going to be looking after you while Daddy is away. You’re going to be a good girl for Y/N?” Ottie just smiled up at him as though he were her favourite person in the world, making happy little noises as she kicked her feet and grasped at the front of his top.

The sight had your heart melting. If you didn’t already know who Cassian was, there was no way in a million years you would’ve guessed that the male in front of you was the infamous General, the Lord of Bloodshed.

With Ottie still is his arms, Cassian moved around the room, gathering items, and trying to clean up what he could before leaving.

“I’ve left a note in the kitchen, just with all the general things like nap times, where the baby food is, where the nappies are, what her favourite toy is. But she’s a pretty happy baby so hopefully she won’t be any trouble.”

“I’m sure she’ll be perfect, won’t you, sweetheart?” You cooed at the little girl as she watched you with wide eyes. “Here, do you want me to take her so she can get comfortable with me while you’re still here?” You offered, as she wrapped her small hand around your finger.

“If you don’t mind. Don’t be offended if she starts crying, she usually takes a few minutes to warm up to new people,” Cassian passed her over, helping her settle in your arms, a protective hand cupping her cheek as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Well, look at that, you’re clearly some sort of baby whisperer.”

Smiling down at her, you gently tickled her with your pointer finger, grinning as her feet started kicking, her sweet melodic laugh filling the room. Cassian hurriedly pulled the rest of his gear together, sending lingering looks over to the pair of you as he did so.

“Everything alright?” You asked as you sat on the green velvet couch, Ottie still in your arms. You knew how hard it could be for the parents, having a complete stranger looking after their children, so you tried to give Cassian the chance to ask any questions or dispel any concerns before he left.

“Yeah, yeah sorry of course. All fine.” He seemed to hesitate before leaning against the table as he watched Ottie, a loving smile gracing his features. “Sorry,” a sheepish expression replaced that smile as he met your eye, “it’s the first time I’m leaving her, and I can’t seem to make myself walk out the door.”

You softly laughed, trying to ease his tension as you said, “That’s completely normal. If it helps, is there a way I can get in touch with you while you’re out? That way you’ll know straight away if something happens?”

He gave you a grateful smile but shook his head, “No it’s nothing like that. After everything I’ve heard Elain say about you, I trust you with her completely. It’s more so that I just don’t want to be away from her, don’t want to miss anything, you know? Even if it’s just the same smile I’ve already seen a hundred times,” He chuckled as he got up to press a kiss to the top of her head, then her cheeks, then her tiny, clenched hands. “Trust me, I know how pathetic this sounds, I don’t even know why I’m telling you, but I just really love hanging out with her. It’s just been the two of us against the world, especially after everything that happened with…” He suddenly stopped, as if catching what he was about to say.

“Anyway, I should be off. I’m already half an hour late and have had Rhys mind yelling at me for the last 15 minutes. Thank you so much, Y/N. I should only be gone a few hours.” With a final kiss to Ottie’s cheeks, Cassian walked out the door.

"Well now, what are we going to do today, sweetheart?" You asked the small baby in your arms. She just fixed you with another smile and burst into giggles.

*****

You had spent the better part of an hour playing with Ottie, hoping to tire her out so that she would easily go down for her nap. You plan miraculously worked, after wrapping her up in a blanket and running a soothing hand over her stomach, she fell fast asleep without even the smallest fuss. Cassian was right, she was a happy baby.

You quietly closed the door behind you and headed down to the kitchen. With nothing else to do, you figured you would help by cleaning the place up. With the dishes washed and drying, the benches wiped, and rubbish taken out, you started on the piles of laundry, however, a small painting tucked behind a chair in the corner of the lounge room piked your interest.

You picked Cassian out of the painting immediately, the telltale red Siphons and overall uncanny accuracy making it an easy conclusion. You tensed upon looking at the female painted beside him. The similarities between her and your High Lady were all too familiar, this was clearly her sister, Nesta.

Quickly putting the painting back where it had been hidden you felt guilt course through you; you hadn't meant to snoop. You knew what had happened between Cassian and Nesta. Everyone knew what had happened. They had been mated for just five years before falling pregnant then two weeks after the baby, after Ottie, had been born Nesta had simply left. It was all the people of Velaris could talk about, wild rumours and stories spreading about what had happened. Eventually, the truth came out; she had left Cassian, left her baby, for Eris.

Elain had explained to you the pressure her sister had felt and had realised she was only with Cassian because everyone had said that was what the mating bond required. But she wasn't actually happy with him, and Cassian hadn't been happy with her either. Then there had been a visit to the Autumn Court, and something had sparked between Nesta and Eris. She had felt torn and confused but a baby was never something she wanted, and Eris was offering her a life where she could be her own person, not someone shadowed by her High Lady sister, according to Nesta.

Given all of this, you were surprised by how put together Cassian seemed. You couldn't imagine the conflicting emotions he would've felt with his mate leaving just days after they had had a baby. But he seemed to have picked up the pieces and, no doubt, had the support of his family during that time, but you supposed there did reach a point where his duties to the court had to be met again, and you were more than happy to step in and help where you could.

*****

Several hours later, you had just finished giving Ottie her lunch when a piece of paper appeared on the table in front of you:

Y/N, Cassian has asked that I let you know he is going to be later than anticipated and that he is very sorry for the inconvenience. However, if this doesn't work, let me know and I'll have someone over to watch Ottie as soon as possible - Rhys

You blinked.

Rhys? As in Rhysand, your High Lord? Just casually sending you a magically note? You blanched at the thought of him even knowing you existed, which, you supposed made sense, seeing that you were friends with his wife's sister.

You didn't mind staying longer to look after Ottie, but you had no way of conveying that to Rhysand or Cassian. As if your thoughts had been sent out into the abyss, a pen appeared atop the paper as if in answer to your question.

Hesitantly, you picked it up, unsure how to even start a note of this manner that would be read by your High Lord.

It's not a problem, High Lord. Please tell Cassian that I can stay as long as required - Y/N

You didn't have a chance to read over the message before it was whisked away by magic. But, shit. Cassian had introduced himself to you as Cassian, but should you have referred to him as General in your note? Had you been too informal or improper. Before you could mull over it any further, the piece of paper was back in front of you:

Lovely.

By the way, just Rhys is fine - Rhys

Well, that settled that matter.

*****

You had given Ottie her dinner and put her down for bed with little fuss. There had been a few tears once she sensed that Cassian wasn't there, but you had managed to coax her back to her happy little self by quietly singing and rubbing soothing circles across her dark mass of hair until she fell asleep.

Now you sat curled up on the couch with the makeshift dinner you had prepared and a book that had been on the bulking bookshelf that sat in the corner of the room. You were sure that Cassian wouldn't have minded your rummaging through the pantry but had made enough for him to eat once he came home just in case.

An hour or so later, you had been so engrossed in your book that you didn't hear the front door open or the heavy footsteps that padded down the hall.

"Hi," You looked up with a slight jump, having been startled by Cassian's sudden presence. He was leaning against the doorway and looked absolutely exhausted. "Y/N, I am so sorry. I was up at some of the Illyrian camps and, well, things were worse than I anticipated... I won't bore you with all that, but I am so sorry for keeping you here."

You brushed him off, noticing the tension somewhat leave his body upon realising you weren't bothered by it.

"It's fine, I promise. The High Lord... Rhys," Cassian grinned at your correction, clearly privy to the notes that had passed between the two of you, "said you were going to be late. If it wasn't going to work, I would have let him know."

Cassian offered you another grateful smile as he slumped into the armchair opposite the couch. "How was she? Not too difficult?"

"She was perfect. A few tears at bedtime but we managed to sort that out. I think she was just missing you." You could have sworn his eyes twinkled at your last comment.

"Before I head off, I cooked some dinner and left a bit to the side for you in case you were hungry when you got back. I hope you don't mind?"

"Mind? Y/N, you are honestly cauldron sent. You also cleaned? All whilst looking after Ottie. Thank you."

You felt your cheeks heat up and preyed he wouldn't notice your slight blush.

"It was nothing, seriously. I had nothing else to do while Ottie was sleeping so thought I would help out. Why don't you go up and see her? I'll get dinner heated for you."

Cassian sent another grateful smile your way before leaving the room, you laughed to yourself as you heard his steps pick up in pace as he bounded up the stairs towards his daughter's room.

*****

He came back 10 minutes later just as you were putting on your coat and collecting your belongings.

"I've left your dinner on the stove to stay warm." You said over your shoulder. He really did look exhausted.

"Thank you, you have no idea how much of a life saver you were today." You brushed off the compliment as he led you towards the front door. "Oh, before you go, we never spoke about payment? How much do I owe you?"

Honestly, you hadn't even thought about payment, it had completely slipped your mind.

"Right. Don't worry about that now–"

"Y/N, I'm not going to not pay you for today."

"No, I know. But you look like you're seconds away from passing out, no offence. So go back inside, finish your dinner then go to bed. We can sort the money part out later."

"Okay, only if you're sure? Thank you again, so much. Get home safe, alright?"

"I will. Night, Cassian."

You had barely made it to the front gate before the door was opening again.

"Y/N? Before you go, would you mind looking after Ottie again in a few days? Rhys is needing me to get back into my work, so I'll need to have someone watching her while I'm away. You're so good with her, so if you wouldn't mind..." He trailed off.

"Of course, she's an absolute angel. I would love to look after her again. Let me know when you need me."

"Okay, Goodnight. Thanks again."

*****

Over a year had passed since you first met Cassian and Ottie. After the first few weeks, Cassian had sat you down and asked if you would be happy looking after her on a more permanent basis, so you had decided on four days a week while Cassian was busy helping out Rhys and the Inner Circle. Sometimes you would stay until later into the evenings if Cassian came home with piles of paperwork, helping with Ottie's bedtime and cleaning up the house, despite Cassian's protests that it was his mess to deal with.

"Y/N?"

You had just finished feeding Ottie her dinner when Cassian appeared in the doorway. You looked up at him, waiting for him to continue as you wiped the food away from her chubby cheeks.

"Ottie is turning two on Saturday, and I was just wondering, if you weren't doing anything, if you wanted to come to her birthday party? It won't be a big thing, but she adores you and it would be nice to have you there," You smiled at him, delighted that he even considered you important enough to be there to celebrate, but before you could reply, Cassian hurriedly continued, "Of course, there's no pressure. You probably want a break from us, it is your day off after all…"

"Cass, I would love to be there." His face lit up as your response.

"Good. Okay. Great," He remained in the doorway, still softly smiling as he watched you pick up Ottie from her highchair, "Well I better... Still got some work to finish off, so..." He gestured back towards his office and then made his way out of the room.

You were caught off guard by the momentary awkwardness that seemed to radiate from him, not used to seeing him in any other way but the confident and playful General who was absolutely smitten with his little girl.

*****

Standing outside Cassian's house, you lingered on the doorstep as you hyped yourself up to knock on the door. It had only just dawned on you as you walked over that the guests at Ottie's birthday party, weren't going to be any old day-to-day fae. No, you were about to spend the afternoon with your High Lord and Lady, and their inner circle. Not a daunting prospect in the slightest.

As luck would have it, you weren't given a chance to psych yourself out before the door opened, revealing a grinning Cassian and Ottie who merrily clapped and said your name when she saw you, arms reaching out for you to hold her.

"Hello, Birthday Girl. Don't you look beautiful." She giggled as you cooed at her and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Hi, thanks for inviting me." You looked at Cassian now who was fondly watching the scene in front of him playout.

"Thanks for coming," Cassian opened the door wider for you to come inside, taking the pink gift bag you had brought with you that contained Ottie's birthday present. "Fair warning, everyone here has a bone to pick with you."

You froze, body tensing at his words.

"What?" You would have cringed at the stutter in your voice had you not been so worried. But Cassian just laughed and led you further into the house, a hand on the small of your back.

"Well, apparently since you've come along, Ottie doesn't have the time of day for anyone else. She was fussing all morning until she saw you walking up the road through the kitchen window. You seemed to have gotten lost somewhere between the gate to the door with how long you stood out there, so we thought we would see what you were doing, didn't we Ottie?" Cassian gave you a knowing smirk, clearly aware of your nerves towards who you would be spending the day with.

"Come on, I'm just joking. They're all dying to meet you."

Right on queue, a female, who you knew without needing to be told was Morrigan, jumped up from her seat as you walked into the room.

"Y/N," She squealed as she bounded over and pulled you into a tight hug, Cassian quickly grabbing Ottie out of your arms. "It's about time we all finally get to meet you. First Elain kept you all to herself, and now Cassian? If you had said no to coming today, I would have gone over to your house myself and forced you to be here."

"Mor..." Cassian's tone was laced in warning, but you immediately felt at ease in her presence.

"Come on, let's introduce you to the others."

*****

To your absolute delight, the rest of Cassian's family welcomed you into their group with open arms. Elain had jumped up and refused to leave your side once she noticed you had arrived. Having been away with Lucien for some time, it had been a while since the two of you had been able to catch up.

After the presents had been opened - Ottie had adored the fluffy bear you had gotten her - everyone was lounging outside, watching as little Nyx sat with his younger cousin in his lap, showing her all of the presents she had received and telling her the best way to play with them in order to have the most fun. Clearly the ever-destined High Lord in the making, you had grinned, already seeing the type of male he would become as Feyre and Rhys watched on sharing content smiles.

It was only then that you realised that Cassian was missing from the group. You excused yourself and headed back inside, searching the house until finally finding him in Ottie's bedroom.

"Hi," You voice was quiet as you made your presence known, unsure if he had just forgotten something up here or if he needed a moment to himself.

"Hey," He turned to face you, looking as though he had just been pulled out of some sort of trance. However, his lopsided smile was quick to return as he said, "sorry for leaving you out there with that lot."

Letting out a laugh you walked into the room, "They're really not that bad. Imagine what the other courts would think if they ever saw the High Lord of the Night Court dressed up in a pink tutu with a fluffy matching crown on his head."

Cassian laughed at that, smile widening as the voices and shrill giggles from outside echoed through the bedroom window, but that reserved expression was quick to reappear.

"You alright?" You quietly asked, already having a sense of what was eating him up.

"Yeah, fine." A glance at your unconvinced expression had Cassian letting out a low sigh before continuing. "I thought she would've at least shown up today. I know she wants no part in this, but it's still her daughter’s birthday. For Ottie's sake, I thought she would've shown. She needs her mum."

You let out a sigh of your own now, crossing the space between you and wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug.

Pulling away you said, "Cass, I get it. Believe me I do. But Ottie is doing just fine. You're absolutely amazing with her and it's so special watching the two of you together. And in terms of her needing her mum, look at all the amazing females Ottie has in her life: Mor, Feyre, Elain, Amren. There's no short supply of love for her, if anything, Nesta is the one missing out on this."

The words had rushed out of you without being able to truly process what you had said. You and Cassian had never directly spoken about Nesta, it had always been an unspoken awareness that you knew what had happened and that was enough. Looking at the ground, you could feel yourself tensing with worry at the thought of having overstepped.

"And she has you."

"What?"

"And Ottie has you. You were listing off the amazing females she has in her life but missed the one who she spends the most time with. The one who she loves the most."

There was no stopping the blush that crept over your face as you stared back at Cassian.

"Cass-"

But the sounds of hurried little footsteps running up the stairs interrupted whatever you had been about to say.

"Uncle Cass, Uncle Cass," Nyx burst into the room, dramatically taking in deep breathes as he waved up at you.

"What is it, bud?" Cassian shot you a bemused glance, still somewhat laced with the intensity from before, then knelt in front of Nyx who lifted his arms and placed his little hands on Cassian's shoulders.

"It's cake time. Come on." Then he was running out of the room again.

"You'd think it was the end of the world with the entrance he just made." You let out a laugh but before you could respond, Nyx was bursting back in.

"Come on." He yelled, grabbing you and Cassian by the hand, and forcing you down the stairs to where Elain had just finished lighting the candles on top of the cake.

*****

The rest of the afternoon raced by, so fast, in fact, that you didn't have time to process the moment you and Cassian had shared until you were home. The intensity in his expression as he stared at you and the implication of his words... Your heart was racing at the mere thought.

Letting out a groan you tossed and turned in your bed, unable to settle your racing thoughts at the realisation that you had, somehow, without even being aware of it starting, had begun to fall for Cassian. To make matters even worse, you had no idea where you truly stood with him. Despite the closeness and friendship that had formed, he was technically still your boss.

You had a whole day before you were due back to look after Ottie. A whole 24 hours to figure out how you wanted to move forward in the wake of this realisation.

*****

Monday morning arrived much too quickly for your liking. It wasn't until the door opened and Cassian greeted you on the other side of it that you decided you weren't going to do anything about your feelings. He had been emotional the other day, grieving what he thought was missing from his daughter's life and, honestly, you thought to yourself, he probably hadn't even intended it to come out the way you had perceived it. He wasn't wrong, you did spend a lot of time with her. But you were paid to do so, so did it really count?

"Morning, Y/N? Have a good rest of you weekend?" Oh, sure it had been fantastic. Just a nice dose of inner turmoil. But of course, you didn't say any of that.

"I did," You smiled at him, acting as though your insides weren't currently screaming out. "Did Ottie have a good birthday? It was so nice meeting everyone."

As Cassian got ready to leave, your usual chatter filled the space as you made yourself a coffee, but you couldn't help but notice that his usual, carefree smile didn't quite meet his eyes, and that he seemed to be watching you as though waiting or assessing something.

"Alright, well I might be home a bit later tonight, if that's alright?" You brushed him off, of course it was alright, it always was. You sat down next to Ottie as she continued to happily munch away on her breakfast. "Okay, bye Ottie, you'll be good for Y/N today?" He pressed a kiss to her cheek before turning back to you, "See you later, yeah?"

"Mhm," You replied, "have a good day."

"You too." Then he was leaning down and pressing a kiss to your cheek as well before standing up and leaving as though nothing had happened.

What. The. Fuck.

You stared at the empty door frame he had walked through, only half hearing the front door close as he took off.

Again.

What. The. Fuck.

You turned to look at Ottie, as though she would provide you with some sort of explanation as to what just happened, or to confirm that it had even happened in the first place, that it wasn't just something you had imagined.

But she provided you with no deeper insight as she sat in her seat, happily kicking her little feet and giggling to herself. Upon noticing you watching her, she gave you one of her big cheesy grins you had grown to love and offered you a piece of the fruit Cassian had cut up for her.

*****

What. The. Fuck.

Cassian's heart was racing as he flew up to the House of Wind. What had he done?

Clearly you were more than happy to ignore his complete lack of control from the other day, when he all but said you were basically like a mum to Ottie. He was surprised he hadn't scared you off, especially when all you had signed up for was to be her babysitter, which was a harsh truth in itself that Cassian found himself constantly having to remember whenever he watched you and his daughter interact and he felt his heart stammer in his chest.

And then to turn around and kiss you on the cheek before leaving for work - as you turned up for work, he had to remind himself, again - as though it was a normal morning, between a normal little family...

He felt sick.

He had really screwed up.

"What's wrong with you today?" Azriel asked as Cassian landed with an ungrateful grunt next to the training ring located on the roof.

"Nothing."

"You sure?" Rhys now asked, sensing Cassian's inner turmoil even through the steadfast mental shield he had up around his mind.

With a grumble, Cassian lowered said shield, giving Rhys a look at what had occurred that morning. Scowling even deeper when Rhys let out a bark of a laugh. The snicker that followed from Azriel as Rhys showed him what had happened sent Cassian marching into the training ring, readying himself to forget his stupidity as Azriel approached to spar with him.

*****

He hadn't even got half an hour into his training before pulling up short, his mind was too distracted.

"Should I have stayed?" He blurtedly asked.

"What?" Unbeknownst to Cassian, Rhys and Az had been having a silent conversation whilst he had been spaced out.

"This morning. With Y/N. Should I have stayed and, I don't know, talked about it?"

He missed the glance his brother's shared.

"Well," Rhys started. "What would you have talked about?"

"I don't know, what is there to talk about?" Cassian snapped back, frustration and worry getting the better of him the more he thought about what he might now lose.

"Would you have tried to pass it off as a joke, or explain it away?" Rhys cautiously asked, trying to judge which direction Cassian's mind was heading in.

"Or would you have stayed and finally admitted your feelings to her?” Azriel interjected.

"My feelings?"

"Yes, you idiot. And the fact that you're in love with her."

"I'm not in love with..." Cassian trailed off though. He was, he absolutely was, and there was no point in denying it.

Azriel scoffed, "Please, you're in love with her. We've never seen you like this before with anyone."

"Well, Nesta-" Cassian tried to counter but Rhys cut him off.

"Nesta wasn't love. That was the mating bond, you've said as much to us multiple times so don't try to deflect now."

Cassian let out a deep sigh, he wasn't expected home for a few hours and a plan was starting to form in his mind.

*****

You had been surprised, but pleased all the same, when Feyre turned up with Nyx.

"Y/N! Hi, how are you?" You still weren't quite used to the casualness that surrounded the rulers of your court but did your best to act as though being in their presence wasn't one of the most intimidating things you had ever experienced.

"I'm good. What are you doing here?"

"Well, it's such a lovely day, Nyx and I thought it would be nice to get you and Ottie over to ours for the afternoon."

"Oh, thank you. Are you sure though?"

"Of course, we can walk back now. Go along the Sidra if you'd like?

"Easy, let me just grab Ottie's things."

Feyre shut the door behind you, Nyx already running over to where Ottie sat with her toys and planting a big kiss to her cheek.

"There's no need to grab much. Cass bought double ups of basically everything and has them stored at ours for when we look after her. Just yourselves will do."

You smiled warmly at her before scooping Ottie up, "Do you want to go play at Auntie Feyre's with Nyx?

Her excited squeals were enough of an answer, still, she excitedly said "yes, yes, yes, yes, yes," as you headed out the door, watching as her and Nyx ran ahead of the two of you.

*****

The afternoon spent with Feyre was the perfect distraction from your racing thoughts after what had happened with Cassian that morning.

The two of you chatted outside until the sun started to set, watching Ottie and Nyx run around across the grass.

"Well, hello, Feyre, Y/N." Rhys greeted as he walked out to join you, still dressed in his leathers, clearly having just got home.

You said hi back, watching with a laugh as Ottie caught sight of who now stood with you.

"Uncle Rhysie." She yelled, her little feet pounding across the grass as she leapt into his arms.

"Hello, princess. How's my favourite girl?" Ottie giggled at the nickname and hugged into him even tighter, "What do you say to a sleepover tonight, Ots?"

Turning to you, Ottie still in his arms, Rhys said, "Cass is fine with it. I think he needed you to head back at some point before going home tonight though."

"Oh, alright. Well, I might head off now then. Bye Ottie." She looked around at you, eyes wide as she wriggled out of Rhys' hold and ran over to you.

"You're not staying?" Her lip started to quiver so you quickly wrapped her up into a hug before the tears started.

"Not tonight, sweetheart. But we can play all day tomorrow, yeah?" She seemed to contemplate this for a moment before deciding it was acceptable enough and planted a kiss on your cheek before running back over to Nyx.

Feyre and Rhys were both smiling at you, clearly watching, and overhearing the entire interaction.

"What?" You asked with a laugh.

"Nothing, you're just really good with her."

"Oh, well..." You trailed off, not sure what to say as Rhys' words from before struck. Cassian needed to talk to you about something and, well, shit, clearly you were about to get fired, or, more kindly, were about to be told your ‘services were no longer required’.

"I'll see you both later. Goodnight." You missed the conspiratorial grin they shared behind your back, Rhys letting his thoughts drift over to Cassian's mind to tell him you were on your way.

*****

The house was dark when you got back, the only form of light was coming from the study and, from the looks of it, the backyard.

"Cass?" You called out as you closed the door behind you.

Hurried movements sounded from his office, then Cassian was quickly walking towards you.

"Y/N. Hi."

"Hi."

You felt as though your entire body was on guard. You needed to explain that you could easily put your feelings aside, but losing the chance of being in Ottie and Cassian's lives was something that filled you with dread, you would be happy to stay on in whatever capacity you could.

"Do you... Do you want to talk?" Cassian's nervousness was unsettling, yet you followed as he led you towards the couch.

"What are you doing tonight?"

That wasn't the question you were expecting.

You hesitated before answering, "Just going home I guess."

He seemed to contemplate your answer, looking so much like Ottie did earlier when you were saying goodbye.

"Dinner?" His voice was strained, leaving you even more confused.

"Um, yeah I'll be having dinner."

"No... Ugh this isn't working." He leant his head against the back of the couch, running his hands over his face.

"Cassian, are you alright?"

"Yes. No. I don't know." You were stunned, maintaining your silence as Cassian continued. "This morning, Y/N, I'm sorry. I don't know what that was, it just happened without me thinking about what I was doing. And then everything I said at Ottie's birthday. And now, fucks sake..." He trailed off again, leaving you just as confused as he blurted out "I need to have dinner."

"Oh, sure," You felt as though you were waiting for the other shoe to drop, as if his bizarre behaviour was some sort of test. "Did you want me to heat something up? I think there's still some frozen pasta from the other night." You went to stand but Cassian placed a hand on your knee to stop you before quickly pulling it away.

"No, it's alright. I've got it sorted." Then he was standing, offering you his hand as he guided you towards the back door.

You froze at the sight before you. Candles flickered across the table and the deck, a table set for two, lined with trays of food and a bottle of wine which sat in the middle of it all.

"Cass?"

"Look, Y/N, I get it if this is completely out of line. If it is then I am so sorry. But I needed you to know that this, whatever this is between us, means something to me."

You couldn't move, you were stuck on the spot as Cassian continued, the flickering lights casting a shadow across his handsome features.

"It's not even because you're so good with Ottie. I mean, you are, you're amazing with her and she adores you, so, so much. But it's how you treat me. Even that first time you looked after her, I was so close to crumbling. I felt so torn, between staying home and looking after my baby girl, but also knowing I needed to step back into reality and my responsibilities. It wasn't fair on the others that they had to pick up my slack."

You tried to interject, to say something about how the others wouldn't have minded, not one bit, especially with everything Cassian had been going through at the time, but he was already moving on.

"Not going to lie, I was reluctant when Elain first told me about you. It was nothing to do with you," He quickly clarified, "But more so because you were a complete stranger to me, and as much as Elain vouched for you, I still felt wary."

"Then you walked in and that first time you held her; I swear my heart skipped a beat. Even with Elain and Feyre, it took them ages to be able to hold her without Ottie bursting into tears. But with you, it all just seemed to fall into place." His voice was beginning to shake, and you silently wiped the tears from your eyes as he kept talking.

"But if anything, Y/N, it's the way you make me feel. Before even knowing me, you had me convinced that I wasn't completely failing at being her dad, that even though everything was well and truly fucked up, she was doing just fine. You helped me realise that I was going to be fine as well."

Cassian approached you now, calloused hands reaching up to your cheeks as he wiped away the rest of your tears with his thumbs. "So, I guess what I'm trying to say, and what I'm not doing a very good job of getting across, is that I love you?"

A watery laugh left you at the overall Cassian-ness of the statement, the sound making him grin lovingly at you.

"I love you, Y/N. And I am so thankful for the day that you walked into our lives and changed them for the better. And, assuming I haven't completely misread the situation, and assuming that those are happy tears," He laughed, his own eyes beginning to well. "I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me?"

With his hands still on your cheeks, you brought your arms up around his neck and pulled him down so that his face was level with yours.

"I thought you were going to fire me." You whispered.

A cheeky smile passed over Cassian's face, "Well, technically, I suppose I am? I can't have my...whatever you are to me now, being paid to look after my kid now, can I?"

"How romantic. Being fired then called your 'whatever'."

"We'll figure that out later." Cassian murmured against your lips.

"Yes, I suppose we will." Then you were leaning forward, lips pressing to his, feeling as though you were finally home.

*****

Part 2

“Cass, I’m pregnant.”

You held your breath as you stared across the table at your friend waiting for his response, your vision narrowing in on his expression as the rest of the world dissipated into a fast-moving blur.

“You’re… what?” Cassian let out a disbelieving huff of a laugh, as if waiting for you to crack a smile and tell him it was all a joke. The look on your face pulled him far away from that thought though as he took in a deep breath and lent back against his chair, hands running through his hair. “Fuck. You… you’re sure?”

“Feel free to double check the ten other tests I have littered across my bathroom floor, but yeah, I’m pretty sure.”

“And it’s mine? I mean, I don’t mean for it to sound like… it’s just that that night was, what, two months ago?”

“It’s yours, Cass.”

“You’re pregnant.”

“I’m pregnant.”

It was as though saying the words aloud gave life to the thought itself, leading it to become a fact, a hard hitting reality that had what felt like the weight of the world tumbling down around you. A wave of panic coursed through you as you tried to even out your breathing, but the blur in your vision, amplified by the sudden onset of tears, did little to calm your racing heart.

Cassian was quick to get out of his seat, kneeling beside you as he clasped your hands in his, giving them a reassuring squeeze. “Hey, hey, hey. It’s going to be alright. We’ll sort something out, okay? Let’s just…,” Cassian looked at you, taking in the panic and fear that he was sure wasn’t too dissimilar to what had flickered across his face moments earlier, before glancing around the busy cafe. “Okay, you wait here, I’m going to get our drinks to-go then we can head back to mine to talk, alright? I’ll be right back.”

It was as though the world had veered right down into slow motion as your eyes trailed Cassian, watching as he approached the counter and spoke to the disgruntled waiter from earlier who nodded before walking away. Cassian turned back to face you, offering you a tight smile which you attempted to return. Taking in a deep breath and blinking back the remainder of your tears, you stood up, grabbing Cassian’s jackets that had been draped over his seat, before making your over to him in somewhat of a daze.

“Thanks,” the tight lipped smile remained as he took the jacket from you and slipped into it, eyes lingering on your face as his thoughts began to spiral. The sight of you looking so lost and terrified had his own racing heart aching for you. With a sigh he pulled you against him in a one-armed hug as you waited for your drinks. “We’ll figure this out, together, alright?”

“Really?” Your voice sounded so small — over all the years of friendship he had never seen you like this.

Ignoring the slight punch to the gut at your question — did you really think he would make you deal with this alone? — Cassian bumped his hip against yours, “Yes, really. I mean, what else are friends for? Other than getting them knocked up whilst drunk at a work event.”

The joke fell flat and Cassian cringed as his mind raced with what else to say. He wasn’t good at this. Humour was his default when it came to cheering people up but he had never found himself in this particular situation; he was torn between wanting to comfort you, to do anything to make the furrow between your brows and the slight quiver of your lip to make way for the smile he knew so well, whilst also needing a moment to process his own thoughts and the role he had to play in what was occurring.

In silence, the two of you waited for your drinks before making your way back to the apartment Cassian shared with Rhys. As if the universe were trying to mock the pair of you, it seemed that every second person you passed was either pushing a stroller or running after the resounding giggle of children running.

“Rhys isn’t home, said something about heading away for the weekend,” Cassian started, finally breaking the long stretch of quiet that had settled between you as he held the apartment door open and gestured you inside. When all you could muster in return was a small sound of acknowledgment, he continued, unsure of how to even begin to have this conversation. “Have you told anyone else? Feyre? Mor?”

Sitting across from him on the slightly-worn couch, you offered a shake of your head. “No, just you. Mor had work this morning and I’ve got no idea where Feyre is. I took the test and came straight here. Sorry, by the way.”

“Sorry? Why are you sorry?”

“I should’ve called beforehand, I didn’t even consider you might have plans or… well, company.”

“Oh, right. Well, that doesn’t matter.”

The silence returned in a heavy wave. Despite the pair of you having been friends for years, rarely had there been a moment that required such seriousness, instead, opting for the easy banter that had naturally evolved over the course of your friendship.

“I don’t know how this happened,” you quietly said, pulling Cassian away from his thoughts. “We were safe, right? That night when…?”

Cassian nodded quickly, slightly taken aback by the intensity in the way your wide eyes landed on him, your sudden increase in pace a vast difference from the detachment you had been displaying since arriving at the cafe.

“And I’m on the pill. We were safe.” Cassian wasn’t sure if you were talking to him or just voicing your thoughts as you listed off all the reasons why it didn’t make sense that you were pregnant. “I didn’t have any symptoms, it only clicked because I realised I hadn’t had my period in ages and…”

“That’s not true,” Cassian cut you off, breaking your train of thought as your eyes darted back to him. “About you not having any symptoms. You were sick a few weeks ago.”

“Hmm? Oh, no that was just a stomach bug…” Your voice trailed and Cassian had to hold back a chuckle as your mouth fell open in realisation. “Oh shit, well that makes sense. So, I’m pregnant then.”

“That seems to be the case.” Cassian laughed, he wasn’t quite sure what at but before he knew it you were laughing too, an almost manic air to it that had his own laughter increasing. This was short lived, however, as you took a deep breath and quickly dissolved into tears.

“Fuck,” Cassian said, seemingly to himself. “Sorry, I wasn’t laughing at you. I dunno why I was laughing. I think this whole mess just caught up to me and… wait, no, not that this is a mess, its just unexpected… shit. It’s gonna be okay, Y/N.”

Slumping back against the couch you sniffed and took a few deep breaths, not noticing Cassian glaring to himself as he tried to reel in the word vomit he had just dumped on you.

“You alright?” Cassian asked, cautiously watching you whilst also trying to work out what he should be doing: Giving you a hug? Making you a cup of tea? Offering suggestions on what to do about the baby…?

He cut the thought off, mind not wanting to go there just yet. The fact that one of his friends was pregnant, let alone the fact that he was the father, had barely started to make sense to him.

“Yeah.” Your voice was gruff as your rubbed at your face, eyes closing as you tried to quieten your thoughts. Fuck. This was not how you expected today to go. A million questions and scenarios raced around your head, all quite pressing given the situation but all you wanted in that moment was for everything to go quiet, to give yourself a few moments of peace before figuring out the next step.

Your eyes swept over to the other end of the couch, taking in Cassian’s expression as he stared blankly at the wall, brows furrowed and mouth pinched, clearly lost in his own thoughts. Letting out a sigh, you let your eyes flutter shut once more. This wasn’t just happening to you, you reminded yourself, he was also trying to process and make sense of the earth shattering news you dropped on his lap on a seemingly normal Sunday morning.

“You said Rhys isn’t home today?”

“Hmm?” Cassian looked over at you, quirking his head in question. “Oh right. Yeah, he’s away for the weekend.”

“Okay. Good, that’s good.”

Cassian sat in a confused state of silence, waiting for you to explain your thoughts.

“I don’t want to have to think or…decide anything yet,” Your tone was heavy, pointed, confirming to Cassian that, like him, you hadn’t yet made up your mind about whether or not you wanted to keep the baby. “I don’t even know what I should be thinking or feeling. So can we just, I dunno, play Mario Kart or something?”

“You want to play Mario Kart? Now?” You shrugged, slumping against the back of the couch and raising your eyebrows at Cassian. “Fuck it, why not? Lets play some Mario Kart.”

—————

Read Part 3 here!

Again, I have so many ideas (13k words + of them) but if you’ve got any requests for this fic or anything else please send them through!

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