#d.memes

"I worry about you. A lot. In the wake of Halloween I saw you in a way I hadn't seen you since the news about Bradley. This town's got a thing for putting too much on your shoulders and I know I'm just as guilty as they are, for assuming you've got it all figured out, that you're not just good at what I'm good at, and staring the devil in the eye and laughing, while your heart's trying to find it's first escape route through your ribcage. I see it, uncertainty."

"But it's fucked up for this place to put what it did on us the same way mom did. I wanted to be an artist- you wanted to get away and now both of us are back here, levying weight of a town that treated us like pariahs for the simple fact that we were the 'rough' founding family. I wish you'd tell them to go fuck themselves. I wish you could be selfish for a few fucking minutes, long enough to get your head right- long enough to get some well deserved rest."

"We were never close growing up and that's my fault. I was too cool for my little brothers and I was... avoidant, after Robbie was born. It was my sins you and Nicky and Cass got saddled with bearing when I left out for basic and when I came back everybody pretended I was some war hero. I'm proud of you. God, I wish a lot of the time I had been you, you know? You resisted mom's every effort to crush the creative that you were- you followed your heart, and left home to make art. I wanted to be a musician, an illustrator, a storyteller- I wanted to be you. I joined the marines, instead. I should have been nicer. To all of you. Shipping back in with presents and trips to the zoo and amusement parks- I know now they never could fix the way I prodded and bullied growing up. I just. thought it was helping. That you kids needed... toughening up."

"I'm not even mad you fucked Geanie. I- I know I should be, and I was, that day you tried to snap me out of myself. I was... livid. But... I knew what she was like. And I know what you and I are like, that we burn fast and hot and we're quicker to destroy each other than say anything kind. I wish that wasn't the case. I wish you'd told me about your heart before Huntsville happened. I wish that you and I could communicate like actual brothers who grew up thick as thieves and scrapping like wild dogs instead of you thinking you need to spare me from you, or whatever. You're my big brother. You've never been a burden. I love you, you know."

"You followed me and the Cravens home like you followed orders. Loyally and without question. I wish I'd known to warn you, that what we were coming home to was a warzone of a different kind. I blame myself, a bit. If I'd never mentioned Huntsville, West Virginia, you'd be somewhere else- probably just a riddled with the trauma a few tours brings along but at least it wouldn't be here, enduring more and more. The Howling 13 were family, and there ain't a lot of us left- some lost in the desert, some back home to themselves or the bottle. Some to things we couldn't help, like Leon. In all of you I had brothers away from brothers, family bonded in the thought we were doing the right thing. In others I found lovers, though that was short lived. But I always wanted to keep you safe."

"If we get out of here, I'm taking her everywhere that rich prick never would. She deserved better- better than her parents, better than Huntsville, better than him, better than me. I'll show her the world if she wants to see it- I just have to survive this place, first, and that's starting to look like a fool's errand."