#d.ii

She wasn’t hungry anymore - though it has been quite some time since the last time she chewed on some real food rather than the dried fruit she couldn’t even begin to understand. When the smell of what was inside of the container hinted Rosalind about what Cruz sent her, she felt like crying more than when Harper let her know about the baby and her gender. Instinct was winning over ration - especially with somebody as simple minded as herself. Yet, she kept from it, opening it instead. She told herself that she wasn’t hungry, but she ate until it hurt (which was not difficult to achieve indeed, but she still rushed into the meal). At the end of it, Harper and Cruz were her favorite people in the world and she wished she remembered any prayers to say for their future and fortune. At least for the baby girl she would never get to meet.

Rosalind swore she wouldn’t cry again before the cameras, but this time, as she had opened the envelope with a message from her mentor, she forgot both about the promise and the fact that they were capturing shots of her every once in a while. The tape was caught in her hair and there was no chance of removing it without pulling it off - she had been so foolish to use it as a weapon on herself - and there wasn’t a single purple spot tattooed on her skin that didn’t ache. Even her eyelashes, soaked in tears because life kept going on, hurt when she blinked. Looking at what was above with the epitome of an affected look painted on her face - reason why, unknown, because the baby wasn’t stealing anybody’s life and she cared deeply about her mentor even after just such a short time spent together - Rosalind wanted to have been on the other side of the Games. She imagined how easy it was from afar and how pain didn’t have to follow her every step. Though after the encounter with Pike, she found enough bandages not to feel like her bones were literally detaching from her skeleton, the pain wasn’t easy to swallow. She wondered if every Games hurt like this. Regret overwhelmed her - because the Games weren’t something she knew from before and, for the first time, she wished to know everything already, because finding out on her own skin wasn’t too pleasant.

“It’s a girl!” Rosalind exclaimed, proud, though suddenly saddened by a couple of emotions she couldn’t fathom. They had nothing to do with the happy family - even with the broken bones, she could still feel borrowed happiness for them. It said more about a discussion she has had with Daisy regarding children. She would never have hers, which was another knife cutting from her, but in a way, it was easy that she at least figured out how the Games ended. It was predictable. At least nobody would have to poison her for being a bad mother. The thought made her smile over the smile she was already wearing for Harper, Cruz, and the little girl. “I wish you all the best. Congratulations!” She blew a kiss at a camera, soft-hearted as the tears were sliding down her cheeks. “Harper and Cruz are having a girl,” she then explained for those who didn’t know, heart exploding with pride. But, oh, how that pride hurt.

Somehow, she managed to avoid the pixeled monsters she would have never managed to explain to herself, but the noises didn’t pass by her as easily. Somewhere in the distance, people were screaming and a robotic movement noise made her steps grow faster, as if she was rushing to a safe zone without realizing that nothing in this arena could be used as a shield and that every inch of it, even if in different ways and times. What she was heading towards was nothing like the viruses. It was worse.

Just before she approached the forth section of the arena, possibly the most lethal to some, the familiar beeping that had nothing to do with the demonic buzzing over her shoulder stopped her. As she was waiting for the parachute to fall to her feet, Rosalind found the Games easy because nothing that bad happened to her yet and she hasn’t even seen a human in a day - which was a blessing with her hair in the state it was. She read the note, understanding that it was supposed to be a clever one and wanting to oblige and come up with an appropriate way to use the... duct tape she didn’t even know what was capable of until she tried it and saw it’s sticky. She wanted to be witty and make Harper and her boyfriend proud, because they seemed to have such high hopes in her, but she simply didn’t know how. 

Her memory had come back first, but it came back with hunger and thirst. Luckily, the first was easy to solve, for she had a pack left from Harper’s last intervention. With a sweet smile, she didn’t spare any dried fruit or nut and they suddenly all tasted like the fresh apples and peaches from the Eleven meadows. Howsoever, even though the temperature wasn’t insufferable, in the ways it didn’t even remind her of a summer on the field, with the sun kicking the back of her neck and kissing her skin in more intense colors, the thirst wasn’t unnoticeable anymore. Rosalind wasn’t used to starving or thirsting, lucky enough to have lived a fulfilling life in at least that regard, therefore the losses were heavy enough.