Your eyes twitch, but you continue. Reports don’t get written by simply doing nothing after all. Even more so, when it’s a mountain that has been piling up slowly over time and has been haunting you with guilt and shame when you noticed they didn’t decrease at all even though you thought you were putting in the work.

It’s frustrating really. 

You let out a loud sigh, running your hands up and down your face in an attempt to wake up, even decide to take a small sip of the cold coffee that makes you scowl, but that is just not realistic considering how little you have been sleeping recently.

Crap, and now you feel like crying, too. When was the last time you took a proper rest again? You can’t remember anymore with all the stress weighting down on your shoulders. 

And this stupid headache hasn’t been getting better at all - maybe you should go look where you put those painkillers and hope it settles in a-

“Are you thinking about taking a break soon?”

A shaky exhale escapes your lips as you practice trying to smile to yourself even if it’s awfully forced. When you think it’s about right and almost convincing, you turn your head towards the familiar voice, hoping he won’t notice.

Rafayel is leaned up against the doorframe, arms crossed. You don’t know how long he has been standing over there, watching you, but next thing you know, he crosses the distance in mere seconds and puts his hands on your shoulders.

“Almost done?”, he asks, taking a quick glance at the screen and the mess you have created on the desk, “You have been holed up in here since you got back from work and didn’t have anything for dinner yet, right? I made something light to eat, let’s have some in the kitchen, hm?”

You press your lips together, trying to fight the tears that are welling up in your eyes. He has been so incredibly patient with you recently since you have started getting busy, which made you feel awful in return; letting you stay at his place, so you can work on your reports in peace - away from all the noise and responsibilities of life, making sure you eat and drink occasionally when he is on his breaks from painting, when he himself has his own deadlines to worry about technically.

But instead of agreeing, you shake your head, “I’ll eat when I’m done with this report.. no, when I’m done with the next two reports..”

Rafayel smiles, but you know he’s more worried than anything, “It’s already nine. Just a quick meal, hm? Then you can get right back to it”

Memories of you saying yes and ending up ditching your work to finish the following day flash before your eyes. Another wave of guilt washes over you, as you feel like you should spend more time with your partner, especially now that he offers it, but you can’t. It’s work. Something you simply cannot fall behind on again.

“It’s never ‘right back’ with you”, you mumble, a little bit of annoyance laced in the harsh words coming out of your mouth.

“What did you say?”

Huffing out loud, you shake his hands off your shoulders, “I need to focus, Rafayel. Can you please leave? I won’t get any work done when you keep poking behind my back like that.”

You are met with silence. No wonder; it’s not often that you blow up on him like that, especially out of nowhere. Not that it’s ever something you want to do, of course, but at this rate, you have been feeling horribly on edge the whole day and sense that you are just about to explode. Just one more shove and it’s going to be too much-

“...I’ll be waiting in the living room, probably watching a movie or something - nothing too important. Join me when you’re done, alright?”

You feel his hand gently petting your head, a faint gesture of comfort as if telling you it’s alright, before he backs off again and leaves to - what you assume to be - the living room.

His steps are quiet, but feel heavy; a guilt trapped inside your chest that makes you whip your head around and try to call out for him: “Wait, Raf, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

But the door to your office is already shut.

-

You don’t know how long you work on the reports, but by the time you walk back into the living room to search for Rafayel and apologize for what happened, you notice that it’s pitch-dark, the TV barely lit asking if someone was still watching, which you can quickly confirm by looking to your left where you see his body slumped against some pillows as he most likely fell asleep midst watching.

He’s wrapped up in two blankets, wearing his favorite pair of cozy socks which look kind of ridiculous but at least do their job of keeping him warm. 

On the coffee table you notice the little spread of light snacks: crisps, biscuits and cut-up fruit placed into pretty bowls, tea still brewing in his favorite tea kettle ready to be poured into the mugs he placed there. They are your favorite; the ones you two made together at the pottery workshop last summer. You can’t hide the smile that forms on your lips. 

Sitting down next to him, you watch as he lightly snores, body moving up and down rhythmically, his hair messy from how he is snuggled against the big pillow. Your hand reaches forward and before you can stop yourself, you are caressing his face, gently guiding your hand across his cheek down his neck, before you stop on his chest, right where his heart is.

“Eager now, aren’t you?”

You flinch, eyes darting upwards, where Rafayel is now staring at you with an amused grin. 

What he doesn’t know is that you can feel his heartbeat though, and how it made a little jump as you two stared at each other in comfortable silence.

“Didn’t want you to fall asleep out here”, you respond hesitantly, unsure how to meet his eyes when you remember what happened before you got here. “Is that so?”, he hums.

Rafyel takes your hand in his, giving it a light squeeze, “Finally done with work for today?”, he asks gently, rubbing his eyes awake. You nod meekly. 

“Come here, then”

Rafayel spreads out his arms, opening up the blanket and shifts back a bit so there is an obvious gap for you to leap right into. For the second time today, you kind of feel like crying. 

The warmth you are met with is something you didn’t realize you have been missing. Rafayel wraps his hands around you and pulls you close; your face in the crook of his neck as his hand rubs up and down your back in a soothing gesture. “Good job today”, he whispers, “You have been working hard these past days, haven’t you?”

A little sniffle. You nod, and tighten the grip on his sweater. “I’m sorry for getting angry at you earlier. I really didn’t mean to, it was just..” “too much?” He cups your face with both hands, leaning forward so your foreheads are touching. He is checking for your expression; for any discomfort behind those eyes that mean the world to him.

“Uh-huh.”

“I figured. Don’t worry, I know you are just stressed out from all the work you still need to do. But you need to take breaks sometimes. I can’t have you overdoing it until you don’t feel like yourself anymore. It’s great that you want to work, but think of yourself from time to time, alright?”, he brushes some tears away, “And if you can’t do that, then just let me know, because I’ll be just around the corner. I’m here if you need me.”

You nod and for the first time tonight, Rafayel lets out a little chuckle. “I’m worried about you, but I don’t want to be the one constantly nagging you. I’m not that much different after all, when I’m working on a painting and get lost in it, but that’s fine, right? We got each other for that.”

You nod again.

“Thank you, Raf. I really needed that”, you mutter once you have finally stopped crying.

Rafayel is cradling you gently, a constant smile plastered on his face since you started telling him about your recent worries with work; how you have been feeling like nothing is working but so much is happening that you cannot keep up. That reports have been piling up that you fear you cannot finish, but have to, because you don’t dare to disappoint your colleagues. He has listened, nodded along and given small phrases of advice; emphasizing that if you keep working steadily, it’s all going to be resolved soon. 

“I know you can do it. Because that’s just the kind of person you have been and I have fallen in love with: always hardworking. Always eager.”

He accompanies you into the kitchen for some soup, warming up some of the side dishes and stays by your side until you are done.

And when you two head back into bed, he doesn’t stop holding you until you are deep asleep, ensuring you are well rested for another day.