#cycle 28

Top Photo: This afternoon's test. Bottom Photo: All the tests in line, today's on the bottom. This mixed with what the doctor said earlier, I think it's truly going to do the thing this time. I'm really, really hoping that second follicle manages to ovulate. Not because I want twins or anything like that - I just want more of a chance. Nervous, excited, and actually feeling hopeful for once. That might bite me in the butt later.

5 DPO I had originally set my "do not test" goal until tomorrow - but now I'm pushing it until Wednesday, which will be 8 DPO. At least then tests aren't a total waste. I've been taking ovulation tests to hold myself over, it seems to be working. Just having something to look at takes away that feeling of needing to test. I was checking my CM today.... okay, let me restate that. I was checking to make sure I didn't have any implantation spotting that I may miss otherwise. I realize only like 1/3 of pregnancies have that, but. Ya know. Sanity kind of goes out the window. But in doing that I realized I have EWCM, ish. It's darker than EWCM but has that elastic nature to it. I'm getting contradictory reviews via google about if that's good or bad. I don't normally check after O so I'm not sure if it's normal for me or not. Either way, I found it interesting. I didn't have much time to think about it today (post about that to come) so at least my mind was free of TTC. I did buy more prenatals today. I had been taking them for a while but after going through like four bottles and still being TTC it became too depressing to keep buying more. But I know it's a safe choice, healthy choice, for this process regardless. So here I go again. Let's hope a BFP comes before I go through four bottles of them.

(Can you hear my sigh of relief and flow of pent up tears?) Doctor came in saying, "things look much better." to start the conversation. He then told me that my lining was good (woo!). He went on to say that my left ovary has a follicle perfectly sized and ready to go, my right has a follicle teetering on the edge of the size he looks for (didn't specify what that was) and thinks it may catch up in time. Should be ovulating any day now. Sex today (✔️), tomorrow, and the day after. Ended the visit by asking if we had any questions and a cheerful "Call back in two weeks with a positive pregnancy test." Here's to hoping he's right.

13 DPO No period today... It's not unheard of for me to have a 13 day luteal phase. It happened both 8 and 9 cycles ago. It's just been consistently 12 since. The current theory is that I haven't ovulated in the past, possibly inadequate follicles. With at least one (most likely two) good ones confirmed it's not that hard to imagine them creating more progesterone to lengthen that luteal phase closer to 14 days. I was testing and had very obvious negatives at 8,9,10,12. So I'm not very hopeful for a positive anytime soon, just a luteal phase longer than I am used to. I've been checking my CM looking for any indication of blood - but nothing yet. There is quite a bit of it though. It appears watery with some spots of EWCM. I don't track this often but I've had months with and without CM prior to a period before. Cervix is still very high but I've had months where I wake up to a high cervix and have a full blown period by noon. Nothing is a good indicator, but whatever it could mean - I'm logging it. I also had some cramping at 10 DPO. I figured it was period related but now it seems to be a little early for that since it hasn't come yet. I'm *trying* not to read too much into it, although I'm not sure that's working. Ill keep an eye out and try not to get too excited for a couple more days. Expecting to wake up to a period in the morning and that will be okay.

6 DPO I didn't test today! I'm proud. Going to hang in there until 8 at least. I will, I swear it. Increased sex drive today - not sure if that's relevant, but ya know. Within the next 3-4 days I'll be keeping an eye out for headaches, depression/anxiety, bowel movements, and tender breasts/nipples. All of which are pretty standard PMS symptoms for me and come within 48 hours(ish) of each other. So far, none of that. But it's a little early for that to be a truly positive thing. I bought some prenatals yesterday and am getting back into the swing of things there. Two days down, probably an eternity left.

CD 16 Finally done "trying" for this cycle. Last month the doctor did every other day for the timed intercourse, this time he did every day. I'm really not sure what the reason behind the change is but it's fine - we managed in the end. Hopefully I actually ovulated this month. With one follicle for sure large enough, likely two, I have to believe that my body was able to do what it was supposed to. The OPK fell slightly yesterday (definitely lighter than the day before but still very visible) but today it was completely down. Should get a little lighter to match pre-ovulation colors but it's good enough for me. Ovia says my period should start on the 17th but I'm mentally moving it up to the 15th. I'm almost always right, between the two of us. Emotionally I'm just ready for this one to be over. I have a fear that if it doesn't happen this month it's going to be the cycle that breaks me. I keep having dreams about miscarriages, missing my fertile days, missing Clomid pills, etc. I'm not even getting a break from the worry in my sleep.

8 DPO Tested this morning and it was negative. I managed to brush it off pretty decently knowing that it's early and "false negatives" aren't uncommon at this point. And then my oh so reliable PMS poops started. I hate them, but they're like clockwork. 8 or 9 DPO for two days, disappear, come back shortly after my period starts. While it's in no way a for sure thing and I still have a chance. It's not this month. It just won't be.