Been a while, so I thought I'd rant a bit about where I stand on things today. I never really find a gender or sexuality label that isn't ideologically charged in some manner, but like... I may be rather gender critical, but this is not the (main) reason for why I ultimately choose to label myself with female terms despite my dysphoria and transition. I quite literally feel like I'm a woman and bio female, that's just kinda how I relate to myself. But I still struggle with it as well.
For the most part, I don't really label myself much. I'm happy with my transition and relate to it as a form of extreme gender non-conformity, as it's doing the opposite of what I get told I "should" be doing as a woman. My identity as a woman is a private, not public, identity, however. Publically I'm just whatever you perceive me to be, unless we're getting intimate or you're my doctor. This is mostly to protect myself from misogyny, and any other kinds of unwanted attention.
I still feel a lot like I'm a male impersonator, a woman who lives as a man, a pseudo-transsexual, tomboy, etc. And a lot of this has to do with that over my years of analyzing my dysphoria, I've found that most if not all of it can be explained with social factors and mere personal preference.
So, I'll either call myself a pseudo-transsexual and not quite a "real" trans person due to knowing my dysphoria is not innate, or I'm gonna have to say that dysphoria in and of itself is not innate or biological. So please think long and hard before telling me I'm just a self-hating trans man. I could say that I am one, with a long list of controversial caveats, which would inadvertently call all transmen "women with issues", but do we really want that? I give a better name to transmen by not claiming to be one myself. But I still consider my issues with my sex to be a type of sex dysphoria best treated with transition.
As for nonbinary, I'd be open to consider myself a duosex nb with a need to have a mix of male and female sex characteristics, but I'm not comfortable with foregoing sex-based labels for myself and I don't like being referred to gender neutrally. It feels dehumanizing. I'm also wildly uncomfortable with presenting in an androgynous fashion. But if you just see me as nonbinary without needing for me to change to fit the neutrality stereotypes of that label... sure, I don't really care. I'm certainly of some kinda ambiguity. Just not the trendy type.
As for my sexuality, I've figured I'm only into men (bio males) when I just stop overthinking and micromanaging it. I want dick. It's that fucking simple. Then if he's masc or fem, has big muscles and a beard or tits and curves, I don't really care. Anything can be hot on a man, if he's hot as a person. So yeah I can be into transwomen on rare occasion, but they kinda have to be at least a little clocky (as in I can see that they were born male) and non-op for me to be into that. But I still have a preference for males who are not trans, whether gender conforming or total femboys or anything in between.
For this, I consider myself straight, as they are the opposite sex to me, and have the opposite genitals. But most open I don't really label my sexuality. Because I pass as male, it would be awfully confusing if I went around calling myself straight without an explanation. So then it's easier to just omit the label and just go with the explanation right away.
However, my straightness does not mean I enjoy following heteronormative standards. Fuck that shit. Fuck all of that shit! I want gender equality in my relationships, I show chivalry to men I'm into, I like being both submissive and dominant, I love reversing gender roles, and just fucking with gender roles in general. Which is also a big reason I have such an affinity for gnc men. I find beauty in femininity and I'm not against it per se. I'm just not comfortable with being feminine myself.
That being said, I hate laning and have a fuck ton of experience with believing I was non-het for well over a decade and dating the same sex during that time, facing homophobia, etc, I will still insert my opinions on LGB issues that I gathered from my such experiences and talking to many actually gay/lesbian/bisexual people.
If you have a problem with my opinions on LGB stuff, address that then. Leave my heterosexuality out of it. This modern climate has a serious issue with judging people based on their labels instead of based on what they do/say. For whatever it's worth, I'm in support of same sex attraction and gay rights, I base sexuality on bio sex, and I don't judge same-sex attracted people for how they form their such relationships. I feel like I can mostly understand why they do x, y and z.
So I might on occasion be that random, weirdo hetty who comes in to defend lesbians enjoying penetration, butch/femme couples, dysphoria in homosexuals, gay men who don't wanna date transmen, bisexual men in gay male spaces, the struggles gay couples have in becoming parents, etc. I do that because I care, as an ally, and because their autonomy automatically translates to everyone's autonomy, including my own and all the other hetties, and because I think I genuinely have a deeper understanding of many LGB topics than most hetties do. My experiences are not average by far.
Likewise, I may occasionally chime in on men's issues, for basically the same reasons. I cross-lane on trans spaces and women's spaces, because of my transition/dysphoria and female sex and identity. I genuinely think I belong in both categories regardless of if I'm "actually a woman" or "actually trans." That level of micromanaging people's labels is just tedious.
Also, I hate how intersex people get used as pawns for trans rights. Intersex is not comparable to trans and does not prove you can change sex.
I care about both men's and women's rights, as well as trans and LGB rights. My core values are autonomy and freedom of expression, which in practice means I care a lot about everyone's freedom to do what they wish with their own bodies, whether I personally agree with their individual desires or not.
This means pro abortion and pro women choosing to be pregnant, pro female only spaces and mixed sex "women's" spaces, pro gay spaces without trans peoole of the opposite sex as well as less rigid gay spaces, pro sex based sexuality and pro people identifying however they want, pro detransition and pro transition, and so on. Then how exactly to apply all that in reality... I dunno. Good I'm not a politician then!
I see both bio sex and gender dysphoria as immutable traits, which is what makes it tricky consider both camps equally. But damned if I do, damned if I don't, I refuse to pick a side. My female rights matter as much as my trans rights do.
Having a right to treat my dysphoria with what actually works, transition, matters a lot to me. But it shouldn't override men's and women's right to congregate based on sex. Nor should it be applicable to children. I do not want to see a world where dysphoric, transitioning people get pushed to the corners of society because people are uncomfortable with us, with for ex either a transwoman or a bearded transman in a public female space.
How I see trans people kinda depends on what they look like, tbh. If you look like a man, I will see you as one, if you look like a woman I will see you as one. I try my best to make exceptions for non-passing trans people and very gnc/detrans people who aren't trans. I won't neccesarily validate you, but I also kinda don't wanna be an arse on purpose just because we may have different priorities in regards to sex and gender. I'm okay with they/them pronouns but I'm not gonna amuse your neo or xeno pronouns.
I generally think you need to have some kinda dysphoria and/or transition to be trans. Yes, if you transition without dysphoria and it genuinely made you more comfortable, you are trans in my eyes. I'm not against people having obscure gender labels, but I won't truly see you as a demigirl treegender maveric agenderflux spaceship, because I don't even know what to even imagine in my head with that. But I respect your right to see yourself as that.
I'm not against trans people (or anyone) having fetishes, as long as it's between consenting adults, but please keep it in your pants... unless I'm into it, then I'm not gonna complain. If you're hot, I will unabashedly love your girldick. Just please don't pester the lesbians with it. They won't appreciate it like I do.
I have certain critiques against kink, but I'm not against kink per se. It really depends on what is going on and who's involved.
I'm not fully pro either transmed, gender theory, conservatives or radfem/gender criticals. I have something to agree and disagree with all of those. I swear no alliance to any ideology. I'm a fence-sitter and always harp on nuance. That annoys some people, I've noticed.
I'm still careful with getting into discourse about racism and adjacent topics, but since learning more about it lately, I've relaxed a bit on that. The white guilt is still strong in this one though. I reccon I still have a lot of bias to work through, but absolutely no ill intent, even when I say something sketchy.
I'm still interested in having these kinda discussions in general, with people on all sides, but I'm mostly here to reblog cat pics, cool looking art and to fangirl over hot/beautiful men. If you're also a writer and wanna chat about that, or anything else that's not "gender discourse" that's totally welcomed as well!
I'm not here very often anymore though. I'm more focused on writing/editing my fiction novel, socializing irl at a daily activity center, and otherwise... touching grass, you know. Because I easily end up obsessing about gender and sexuality until I get lost in my own navel, which isn't good. I feel better when I just go out there and live my life, and stop thinking about all that "what am I?" bullshit. So that's what I'm trying to focus on.
