#curedolly

When I was a baby lesbian in the 80s I frequented the legendary bookstore Lambda Rising, which was located in the rather upscale gayborhood of DuPont Circle in DC. My favorite part of that store was the rack of zines made by queers of all kinds for various queer niches. I picked one up called Artemis, which purported to be for women who like women who look like women. I thought “that kind of sounds like me,” and I avidly read and reread it. It was clear that the community who made this zine were UK-based, and I was a pretty miserable teenager on the east coast of the US, struggling with more than my own share of stuff, so nothing more came of it.

About 10 years later, it was the mid-90s and I was using gopher to read Usenet. I kid you not! That is how ancient I am. I confess that I was poking around a number of groups at that time that fell into the “alt.sex” category. One day there appeared a message on the femdom group about a Feminine Empire where only girls were allowed, and that I must jump through the “shimmering portal” quickly as it would close in short order. There was a URL, which was a thing of which I had only become aware within a year or so of that fateful afternoon.

The site was called Femmeworld, and it was an absolute delight! I won’t go into any detail here about that site, as several very intelligent and competent blogesses here on Tumblr have done that. I learned about blondes and brunettes, and I was struck with a bolt of revelation that I was a brunette, and that explained me! I made sense! Of course I understood that this was all within a fantasy world and that there was no such thing as an Aristasian brunette, but it revealed to me that other women had these feelings and experiences, and had thought about and discussed it enough to invent a fictional designation.

To cut to the chase, here were these women, some of whom were enby, but also female essentialist. They were anti-patriarchal, but anti-feminist. Advocates of complete state welfare (see the “colleges” that girls can choose to live in) but entirely anti-socialist, and in fact monarchical. And of course one can’t hear about “blondes and brunettes” without immediately detecting at least a bit of racism. When questioned about that, they always insisted that in lands where girls were dark-skinned, the blondes simply had hair of silver or white, and honestly it’s a trivial point, and could I please drop the subject?

I won’t go into an extensive discussion of the implications here, but I am sensitive to them. I was raised in an actively anti-racist white family. I always strive to be aware of racism and white supremacy wherever I go in the real world and the virtual. I can only tell you that because all of my interactions were virtual, it would be hard for me to absolve the Aristasians of any such allegations, but I can say that the welcoming, vulnerable, friendly nature of these ladies suggests that hate of any kind would be quite alien to them. There were a couple of girls in Second Life whose avatars appeared to be Black, and they were accepted with as much joy and enthusiasm as all other girls present. More than that I can’t say.

For another 10 years, I popped in and out of Aristasian spaces. I contributed to forums, and even took part for a short time in an online schoolgirl RP by email. Some time in the mid aughts, it was announced that an Aristasian Embassy would be established in the virtual world of Second Life. I immediately started an SL account so I could go there (and how I spent the next 15 or so years in SL is a whoooole other narrative that isn’t particularly relevant.) I attended a couple of balls at the Embassy, and was very graciously complimented on my gown. I was present for Operation Bridgehead, but was privy to very little inside information about the disagreements that ensued. If I knew anything about that, I would not share it here. Despite any philosophical differences with these ladies, I have great respect and affection for them, and would be unwilling to air their dirty laundry, so to speak.

I was privileged to get to know Sushuri Madonna, who was at that time the undisputed leader, at least of the contingent that could be found in SL. She was entirely delightful, intelligent, and kind, and had an extremely delicate nature. Despite my best efforts not to offend, I am sure my most carefully curated speech had to seem terribly coarse to her. We exchanged some email, and she was kind enough to offer editorial assistance with a few bits of Aristasian fiction I was toying with. What little I learned about her personally, I will of course not disclose, but I felt that we were friends, and I cared for her very much. I hope she is still alive and well, and that the demise of the persona called Cure Dolly does not indicate her real life death.