#curbie

The infamous Autism Speaks is a promoted (advertisement) link on twitter. I am unimpressed. So unimpressed, in fact, that I tweeted this:

Why the hell is @autismspeaks promoted! I want to tear them into puzzle pieces, see how they like it! #autism #actuallyautistic

This is a nightmare for me. Injuring my throat in any way is a big deal/fear of mine. When I was 12, I fell on my bike landing on my throat and cried like a bitch for the longest time, which was when I realized I wasn’t dead. Longest 5 minutes of my life. I can’t even watch when some poor shmuck gets his throat slit in a movie. No matter how fake it looks, it still freaks me out to the point where I get goosebumps. Getting them now just thinking about it.

My real friends know how particular I am when I get my haircut. I’ve been going to the same dudes for the past 7 years. Even when I went away to college, I managed to make a trip back every two or three weeks to get a fresh cut. And you know why? Because white people do not have the first clue when it comes to cutting hair. And there is not a single person on earth that can convince me otherwise. Black and Latino dudes just get it. White dudes are all thumbs.

Anyway I think I’ll have to deal with a shitty cut for a while cause I think I need my throat un-slit to survive, but that might just be me. I know, Polly Prissy pants needing his throat to live blah blah blah, I wanna see you pussies go up against Stevie Wonder with a straight blade. That ain’t no joke, bro.

PS - Almost positive a prerequisite of haircutter or shaving school is to have a little bit of vision but that might just be me. Moot point

So Brownclown just posted about this debate we had the other night and I dont feel my argument was rightfully represented. Clearly the flying car is the right choice of this matter. I'll just list the first 3 reasons why off the top of my head:

3. Basically Flying: Next best thing to having the super power of flight is to have a vehicle to do the same.  Let's face it, no matter what I'm never gunna sprout wings or a jet engine on my back.  This is as close as its going to get and I am totally fine with that.

2. No Traffic: Delays on every major road? Fuck that noise.  Lemme just hover up to a nice altitude and breeze by these chumps on the freeway.  Later suckers.

1. 400% Guaranteed Snatch: What says panty dropper more so than Flying Car. Need I say more?

So if you're going to side with that fool and grab yourself a shinny new Giant Robot, ask yourself one question.... Do I like pussy, or do I not like pussy?

PS - My flying car is WAY too quick for your dumb robot, no chance it catches me with those sick flames coming out the back.