#csbb18

For months, years actually, Mary Margaret had bugged Emma about going out on a date with a family friend of hers. And for years, Emma had said no. Yet, once a month, there was Mary Margaret, begging her to go out on a date.

Emma had had enough. That was probably why she was sitting here now, glued to her computer screen instead of grading the six dozen science tests that her students had taken yesterday.

The profile opened on her screen was one she had found herself looking at time and time again. Even before Facebook, she would look up this profile on MySpace. She had issues, and she knew it, but Killian Jones was just too good to pass up.

He was the biggest reason she never went on a date with anyone Mary Margaret tried to set her up with - because he was her husband. In fact, they were just about to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary, too.

When Emma was five years old, during the fall in her first year of school, under the old oak tree in the back of their elementary school, with changing leaves falling all around them when the wind would whirl, Emma married her best friend. She had grown up with Killian Jones - they started daycare at the same time, each of them three months old. Their mothers were co-workers at the elementary school. They spent holidays together and even vacationed together. Their parents had called them boyfriend and girlfriend since they were little. So of course, they would marry each other - it was written in the stars.

They had a great honeymoon year - playing together on the playground during recess, going to the beach over summer break, even sneaking into each other's houses at night when they couldn't sleep.

Emma had her first kiss under that tree, too. Of course, kids of that age don't really know anything, but something inside Emma told her it was an important moment and she would remember it the rest of her life. What her body didn't tell her is that it would haunt her as well.

She and Killian were joined at the hip. Everyone knew it. So when Killian's mom said that she was going to be moving the family back to Ireland, Emma thought she would be going with them. Her bags were packed that night – well, packed enough that a six year old can do. She was heartbroken to say the least when the next morning her mom told her they were just going to the airport to say goodbye. Emma sat next to Killian at the gate, her hand in his, tears streaming down her face. Yes, Killian may have been her "husband", but he was also her best friend. She couldn't picture life without him. Both her mom and Killian's tried to console them, reminding them that they could write – since they both learned how that year – and that they would try to visit as much as possible. Emma knew the truth though; nothing would ever be the same.

She kicked and screamed when they called for boarding to start and she watched Killian walk down the air bridge. She tried to run after him, but her mother held tight and wouldn't budge. When her sobs finally subsided, her mother led her back out the airport, into a world that was minus Killian. Emma couldn't describe it at the time, but she knew the world was less bright without Killian Jones in it.

The next three weeks were the same, at least from what her mom tells her. She doesn't remember much. Her mom says she sulked around the house, refusing to do anything of interest. She just remembered being sad, wishing she had her best friend to talk to.

The first letter from him arrived three weeks after he left. Emma still kept it in a box next to her bed. It was paired with pictures of them from their trips, little knick knacks that held sentimental value, and birthday cards from her parents and family members. From time to time, she would pick up that old weathered letter, careful not to tear the fragile paper, and read the sloppy handwriting. The note was short, but filled her heart with glee.

Emma,

I miss you. I wish you were here. It's cold and I don't like it. I want to come home, but mom says I can't. She would miss me too much. She has been sick a lot. Liam's been crying. Write back soon.

Love,

Killian

On the back of the paper, he had drawn some pictures. There was a pirate ship – it looked a lot like the pirate ship from the park they played at. There was a dog, which Emma was sure was her own. But Emma's favorite was a group of stick figures, one with stringy hair and one with short hair, standing together, hands held, with giant smiles on their faces. Emma was positive they were of them, in happier times.

The letters came and went for about a year. Killian never went into any real detail of what was happening. Emma later realized it was simply because they were both too young to really talk about what was going on in his life. Emma always tried to make Killian feel better in her letters. She told him about her adventures in the first grade: how she got the teacher they hated, how this boy – Neal – was mean to her and tried to steal her lunch, how this pretty girl Ruby joined their class and had crazy hair colors. Yet, each letter she got back was filled with the same sadness. He missed her, he was scared, he missed his home, and more importantly, his letters ended the way they began, with his honest and heartfelt statement, I miss you, Emma.

One day, the letters stopped. Emma normally got her letters from Killian on Friday afternoons when she would race to the mailbox from school, making sure she didn't spend one minute without his words she didn't need to. However, about a year after Killian left, there was no Friday letter. She was so worried; she forced her mom to call the post office to make sure they didn't lose her letter. Her mom tried to calm her down, saying that sometimes things get lost in the mail – that maybe it would be here next week. Emma raced home from school again Monday, desperate to see the letter waiting. She did that each day for the rest of the week, but each day the mailbox was empty. No white envelope with her name scrawled across the front, no news, no Killian.

She begged her mom and dad to let her call Killian – but they said the call would be too expensive and they were sure Killian's letters would come soon. She couldn't tell anyone when it happened, but one day, she stopped looking for the letters, stopped wondering when they would come. Something inside of her clicked, and said she wouldn't be getting any more letters.

She did continue to write to him though, for about two months after that fated Friday. In each letter she questioned why she didn't hear from him. She was surprised at how well she was writing, surprised she was able to convey all she wanted to - writing long letters that said everything she wanted to was hard for a six year old. She asked him if he still missed her. She asked him if he had still planned on keeping his promise to her.

In one of his letters, the one that Emma keeps in the most pristine condition in her box, he told her that one day, he would return to their little town, and he would make her his real wife. He promised. He said he wouldn't be like his dad, and they wouldn't be like that kid's parents in their kindergarten class that got divorced. He said they would be together forever.

Emma didn't really understand what he meant when he sent that letter when she was six. It wasn't until a few years later, when her mom made an off handed comment, that she finally learned the truth about why Killian Jones and the rest of the Jones clan moved back to Ireland. Brennan Jones, the father of the family, had left them. So, in a desperate attempt to get Brennan back, Alice Jones packed up the family and moved them to her hometown.

It was a few years later that she found out the conclusion to that sad story. It was right before her sixteenth birthday party, and the family was going through old photos, trying to find ones suitable for the slideshow, that they stumbled upon one of her and Killian on Halloween. Emma smiled down at the picture and tried to be nonchalant about it. She hadn't told her parents that she still dreamt of Killian. She often would wonder what he looked like now, how his life turned out, what he was doing.

"Oh look at you and Killian, you two were just too cute!" her mother said, setting the photo down in the use pile.

"I remember when Alice took that photo, everything was so good," her father agreed.

"Yes, what a shame," her mom replied, prompting Emma to ask,

"What do you mean?"

"I just mean it's a shame she isn't around for this," her mom smiled at her, with what looked like tears in her eyes.

A light bulb clicked on in Emma's mind. Her mom didn't mean that it was a shame she wasn't around in the sense of location, but meant she wasn't around in terms of living. Emma didn't ask for clarification, she could tell from the looks her parents exchanged that her feelings on the matter were right. That night, she cried. Not just because of the memories that came flooding back, but for her friend, who lost his mother and didn't have someone to help him.

Emma could remember the very first time she saw Killian Jones again, so many years after he left her. MySpace had just become popular. It was a few months after her sweet sixteen party. Ruby was the first of them to be allowed a MySpace page. She remembered Ruby saying something about how she was friends with people from all over the world. So for months, she pleaded with her parents to let her have a page. She even wrote them a paper, stating why she deserved one and how she would be safe using it. She told them she wanted a page so that she was on track with all her other friends. But in reality, she just wanted to see if she could find Killian again.

Thinking back on that now, she knew she was a bit forward. When her parents finally caved and let her create her page (with a ton of overprotecting rules of course), she immediately searched him out. It took some pretty meticulous investigative work, since all she knew about him was his name, birthday, and that he had lived in Ireland. Other than that, she was flying blind. But she found him.

She immediately knew it was him, he had grown up that was for sure, but he was still the Killian Jones she had known and loved. His profile picture was recent; at least she thought it was. The boy in the picture looked about her age. His sparkling blue eyes were still as vibrant as ever. How they were able to stare through to her soul on a computer, she wasn't sure, but they still captivated her nonetheless. His hair was longer, making him look a bit tough and a bit moody. He was still skinny.

Without thinking, she friended him. His page was private, so she had to wait patiently for him to accept her friend request. She was up almost all night, worried that maybe he wouldn't remember her, that he would deny her request.

The next afternoon, after a long grueling day at school, she was finally able to get home and check. There it was: Killian Jones accepted your Friend Request. Thankfully, her mom was still at school and her dad was on a business trip, so no one was around to witness, what Emma knew was her most embarrassing dance and squeal.

Normally, she was only allowed to be on the internet for two hours a day, unless her homework required her to be on longer. At the time, she didn't have her own computer, so she had to use the family one downstairs in the living room. But since her dad was out of town and it was a Tuesday, she knew her mom would be at school till at least 6 with staff meetings and tutoring sessions. So, she used her time wisely and spent the rest of the afternoon learning everything she could about the new Killian Jones, homework be damned.

His About Me section was simple. I'm Killian. 16. I like sailing, music, football and reading. Emma had to laugh at that. He was what seemed like a typical teenage boy. His general information went into a bit more detail. He had a few bands listed under favorite music that Emma didn't know, so she wrote them down and said she would try to listen to them. Killian always had good taste in things, so she hoped he still had that quality.

Emma's heart soared through when she read what his favorite movie was. Most people would write out a ton of movies, but Killian didn't. He had just one: The Princess Bride. Emma's favorite. They used to stay up late some nights watching it, being able to quote the lines by the time they were five. In fact, the photo that her mom had found of them for the party was of them as Westley and Buttercup.

She studied the rest of his profile for hours, noting his friends, photos, and every little intricate detail that the page had to offer. Before she knew it, she heard her mom's car pulling into the garage. But, before she could stop herself, she quickly sent off a message to him.

Hi Killian, it's good to see you again. :)

She got a response back the next day.

Hello love, it's good to see you too. Hope all is well.

They didn't really form a new friendship again though. Both of them were too busy with their own lives. Emma's life was about to kick in full force, as she had to start studying for the SATs and all her advanced placement exams. Plus, she had sports that she had to deal with. It was spring, so softball season was starting up again. That meant very little time to stalk Killian.

Over the years, as they both grew up some more, and MySpace became uncool and the place to be was Facebook, they found each other again. This time though, they both sent the somewhat mandatory Happy Birthday messages to each other. They never said more than a few words to each other, and Emma, while impulsive before, was now way too self-conscious to send Killian a message asking him about what life was like and what had happened to their friendship.

Instead, she quietly stalked him, like any good wife would do. She still secretly wondered what it would be like to have him back in her life. She caught herself dreaming of what life might be like if he just showed up one day. She came up with all these crazy scenarios in her mind, each one more wild than the last, knowing that they would never come true. They both lived separate lives now. But it was a good escape when she needed it.

"I knew it! I knew I would find you here looking at that page again," she heard Mary Margaret's voice call out to her from her classroom doorway. Emma didn't know how Mary Margaret knew that she was looking at his page, but it didn't surprise her. Mary Margaret knew everything, mostly.

"How did you…" Emma started to say before Mary Margaret interrupted.

"I just know you. Plus, it seems like whenever I try to set you up - with really nice guys, by the way - you always find yourself daydreaming away over that page," she smiled.

"I know," Emma sighed.

"Emma, you know I am a sucker for love stories, and this does have the making to be a good one, but one day, you are going to have to let that dream go or do something about it," her friend said, coming over to sit down at the tutoring desk Emma and set up next to hers.

"You're right, but not today. It's just with everything that is going on, I guess I just needed a break from reality," she confessed.

"I know. So, anything new?" she asked cocking her head towards the computer screen.

Mary Margaret knew just what to do to make Emma smile. They had been friends since college, meeting on their first day at orientation and eventually becoming roommates. Mary Margaret knew all about Emma's weird obsession with her "husband". For a while, she thought it was cute. Two lovers who were always meant to be together, who have been separated by the world, finally come back together to live happily ever after. But, after getting married herself and having two kids, Mary Margaret was firmly stuck in reality and wanted Emma to join her in the mommy club soon. She also just wanted to see Emma happy, and she clearly wasn't happy stalking a man on Facebook.

"Nope, it's the same as always," Emma said.

"He is one of the only men I know that doesn't update his Facebook on a daily basis," Mary Margaret giggled, and it was funny considering she didn't really know him.

"It's refreshing though, and comforting," she smiled back.

"Is that why you were looking at it?" she questioned, and Emma knew she already knew the answer.

"Yeah, I guess. Just with the agency's decision and you trying to get me to go out with that guy, Walsh – by the way, who names their kid that? I guess I just needed to escape for a little," she confided.

"Emma, I know it sucks, but you will get Henry one day. It will all work out; you just have to believe in it." Mary Margaret always knew just what to say to make her feel better.

"I know; it's just hard. I mean, I work hard, I earn good money, and I am a great role model. Henry's been with me for almost two years now, and I think it's been very good for him, so why wouldn't they approve me already? And all over the fact I'm not married? I mean look at David – his father wasn't involved in his life and he turned out great!" Emma was starting to get upset.

David was Mary Margaret's husband and another teacher at the school Emma worked at. He taught History and the moment he met Mary Margaret, he fell in love and they were married less than a year after they met. He was raised by only a mother, a wonderful woman who passed away soon after they were married, and David was seriously the most honest, good, honorable guy anyone could meet.

"He did, but Emma, you know they have to make sure you really are set. You just have to keep trying and make sure they know you are serious. Have you talked to Henry about it?" she asked.

"I did, we went out to dinner last night and I explained it to him. He doesn't understand it either, but he said he still wants me to be his mom for real. I made sure I was still able to stay his foster mom no matter what, but like he said, we want it to be real." Emma was almost on the verge of tears.

She understood Henry, because she too was an orphan. Sure, she had a different upbringing, being adopted by the Swans when she was two days old – her birth mother choosing drugs over her own daughter and her father probably not even knowing she existed. But the Swans took her in and never treated her like she wasn't really theirs. They never hid her adoption, always willing to talk to her about it, even going through the motions of finding her birth mother when she was fourteen because she wanted to know what happened to her. They held her as she cried when told her birth mother overdosed a few years after she was born.

From the time she was twelve she had decided, even if she could have children naturally, she wanted to adopt and foster. She wanted to help out as many kids as she could. There was even a time in college when she wanted to be a social worker and work with children in that horrible situation, but teaching called to her.

During her third year of teaching, while she was volunteering at an adoption and fostering agency, she met Henry. He was a scrawny eight year old who was on his eighteenth foster family since being born. She really couldn't understand why though. He was bright, charming, and respectful – sure he was very inquisitive, always having a question that needed to be answered, but overall a good kid. The following year, after a long process, she was approved to be a foster parent and immediately brought Henry into her house.

The past two years with him had been amazing. Watching Henry experience everything that Emma gave him, was the best thing Emma has ever seen. She knew, almost right away, that she wanted to adopt him, but that it would take time. She just wasn't expecting this battle; she wasn't expecting what they were throwing at her.

Mary Margaret was right though: if she just kept fighting, if she just kept going, if she just kept the faith, in the end, Henry would be hers and they would be able to live happily ever after.

"Give it time; it will all work out in the end," her best friend smiled at her.

The bell rang, interrupting their conversation.

"Well, back to the trenches," Mary Margaret said, trying to sound sad.

"Please, we all know you love when your planning period ends and you get to get back to teaching," Emma said.

"It's true," she beamed, bouncing out of Emma's classroom, blowing her friend a kiss along the way.

She took a moment to compose herself. She knew everything Mary Margaret said was right. She knew she just had to keep the faith, and she knew that she would need to shake this fanciful fixation she had with Killian. She would be leading herself on if she continued to think that in some far off life, she would finally see him again. It was a pipe dream and she couldn't live with it anymore.

Thankfully she didn't have to think about it too long, as her class was starting to fill in and she was ready to get to work.

It didn't take long for Emma to be in the zone again. She was truly at home in the classroom. They say some people are just meant to be teachers, and Emma knew she was one of them. Her students loved her and respected her. She always knew how to teach them, make them laugh, and inspire them. Plus, today, she got to start her favorite lesson of them all: genetics.

She was so focused on what she was doing that when her computer pinged at the back of her classroom, she didn't even notice. Her afternoons were pretty busy and she didn't get a moment to look at her computer until the day had ended and the students had left. She went through the motions, clicking the menus until she was at the message center, where what she saw stopped her heart.

Killian had sent her a message. And from just the first few words that were previewed, she knew that it was way more than their normal birthday messages. She held her breath when she clicked the message to open it.

Hey Emma, So I'm back in town. I wanted to know if you wanted to meet up for dinner soon and catch up. I know it's been a while - a really long while - and you may be pissed at me for losing touch, but I would really like to meet up, give me a chance to explain. Let me know. I've missed you Swan.

She really couldn't believe what she was reading. It was just hours ago that she swore she was going to give up. That she was going to put the memory of Killian Jones to rest. She had spent a majority of her life wondering about him, thinking about him. Now, she could finally get her chance - she could finally figure out if she had been truly dreaming all along, making him out to be some fantasy he could never live up to, or if she really did have someone out there perfect for her.

Yet, she didn't reply back so quickly. She had more than herself to think about. She had Henry now. What effect would Killian coming back into her life have on him? What would she tell him? In the two years she has been with Henry, known him, she had never talked about going out, let alone actually going out on a date. And Henry was almost as bad as Mary Margaret, constantly asking her when she was going to actually go out and have some fun. What would he think if she told him she was going out with Killian?

Then more questions filled her mind - a constant bombardment of what ifs and why nots. Emma had always had some light anxiety issues - being orphaned will do that to you no matter how short of a period it was.

She found herself even questioning if it was a date? He didn't call it that. She thought to herself that it probably wasn't a date anyways - he probably wasn't even interested in her like that. She was just a dear old friend that he wanted to catch up with. But why wouldn't he want to date her? Well, she was pretty much a single mom now, not really anyone's catch. And those battles continued to fight for the next hour. Of course, her fears were amplified knowing that he knew she had read the message (stupid Facebook).

Finally, she came to a conclusion. She wasn't one hundred percent sure what his intentions were or why he even wanted to meet up in the first place - since, like he said, it had been so long. But she owed it to herself to get not only explanations but closure on the subject. Maybe this was just what she needed to finally move past this silly little school girl crush. She believed she didn't truly love him, just loved the idea of what could have been. So she sent him a quick reply before locking up.