{IMPORTANT POST} -My Story-

Tw- slight cursing, emotional abuse, stress

(am i suffering from emotional abuse in real time?) 

March 2025, i had my first in person interview after applying to many jobs, i couldnt get there by bus cus it took too long so had to go with uber (this was my first time doing that) it was 100% my moms idea and she offered to pay for my rides.

Fast forward i had to go to a doctors appointment in May due to menstruation issues (it was necessary) again, mom is still helping me with my ride payment cus im not in a good financial position to do that..she was irritated by this and started complaining/guilt tripping me so i was like “ok bet” i wont go to you for help no more. This only made me more stressed out cus at the time i had nothing and my mom was refusing to lend her hand out so i went to my grandma and shes been helping me since, im so grateful i have her in my life <3 

Unfortunately, this only caused more problems; my mom started accusing me of being enabled by my grandmother.  which was and still is NOT the case at all! If i was being enabled like she truly thinks..i would be sitting on my ass not doing shit- i cant rely just off my grandmas money, yes it helps me get necessary essentials and treats but not enough to solely live off of??? Again, projecting her issues onto me. Youre mother is not the enemy. 

I have showed my independence time and time again but it isnt enough for them or matches their standards...i suffer from an anxiety disorder  (im being medicated for) the fact im even going out in public by myself at all is a fucking miracle. But still i hear im not doing enough, im behind, I'll be turning 21 soon and still no job- way to kick me down while im already struggling and trying my best. 

Im tired of talking about this, im tired of them talking to me about it, i cant even cry about this no more because now all i ask is “why”? Why did i have to have parents like this? Of course youre always gonna have those good times but that will never take away from the shit theyve done to you.. 

Thanks for making the first 2 years of my adult life a living hell to the point where i couldnt even enjoy getting accepted into college, i cant tell them anything (not like they’ll listen anyway) imagine having a parent who constantly complains about being a parent/responsibility and is begging her kids to take the weight off even tho theyre unable to??? Why be a mom at all? (i ask) i understand its hard, but ive helped raise your sons enough..what else can i do? I dont mind paying for my phone bill but not for everything else cus i just want to save and get the hell out of here and never look back. 

Maybe i should be honest about my situation to my dvr assistant? I dont want people to worry about me but i was honest with my doctor the last time and thats how i got the social worker in the first place and the help i needed so if i just open my mouth more then maybe i can get somewhere quicker? Idk- 

Thanks for reading through all this tho~ i appreciate it..ily <33 

Cry Freedom by John Briley