#crumbled papers

Slowly, she began opening her eyes. For a moment, it was all blurry, but she could make out two shades towering over her.

"Oliver?" she asked, her throat sore and her voice raspy and muffled. Her fingers moved to touch her mouth, but were met by plastic. Her mouth was covered with an oxygen mask.

Why was her mouth and nose covered with an oxygen mask?

She squinted and tried to make out the other form on the other side of the bed. "Diggle? What happened?"

She began removing the oxygen mask, but Diggle stopped her. "You need to wait until Dr. Applebeam gets here and gets a look on you," he told her.

"You're all blurry," she replied, her eyebrows still furrowed. "Where are my glasses?"

"Here," Oliver supplied, helping her put them on. She blinked a couple of times to adjust to the new, much sharper scene in front of her.

She clearly wasn't in her own room.

No, she was laying in a hospital bed, with an oxygen mask covering the lower part of her face, making it easier for her to breathe while her two best friends were looking at her in concern. She glanced at Oliver, who was now looking down, avoiding her stare and then turned to Diggle, who gave her a sympathetic look.

When she opened her mouth to say something, however, she was interrupted by Dr. Applebeam stepping into the room, two nurses on his heel.

"Ah, Felicity," he said, looking over some charts. "It's good to see that you're finally awake. Excuse us, gentlemen," he nodded at Oliver and Diggle, who immediately moved away from the bed. One nurse came up on Felicity's left side, where Oliver had been standing and checked a small device that was connected to her index finger while the other walked to her right and helped her remove the oxygen mask, offering her a small, but reassuring smile.

"You gave us quite a scare," Dr. Applebeam informed her, leaning over her with a small light, instructing her to open her eyes wide. "Do you remember what happened?" he asked.

The question seemed to force her brain into action as it all flooded back to her: the argument with Oliver at Queen Consolidated, the pain in her stomach that she had been feeling all morning which caused her to reschedule her treatment, the way everything in the office had turned blurry right after the pain had shot through her again...

"Yes," she answered hoarsely, not looking at Oliver, who she could feel had looked up at her. "I remember."

"That's good, Felicity," Dr. Applebeam said. "Mr. Diggle noticed that you were in pain, Felicity. Can you tell me on a scale from one to ten how bad the pain was, ten being the highest imaginable pain?"

Felicity thought back to when she had felt as if someone had sliced straight through her stomach with a blade. It was definitively a ten.

"Eight," she lied, looking at the doctor, who only offered her a wry smile. He had seen right through her, that much was clear, but he didn't comment.

"Okay," he replied with a nod, writing something down in his charts. "The pain combined with exhaustion seems to have caused your collapse," he concluded. "I've personally checked the blood we drew from you while you were unconscious and if we overlook the sick cells we found, everything else seems to be just the way we left it last week," he told her.

She remembered when she had gone to visit him after coughing up blood the first time. He had told her it was normal, a sign that the cancer was there and that it was strong, which of course was a thought that didn't comfort her much. He had reassured her that he would do everything he could in order for her to get better but she had left his office with less hope than ever.

"How long was I out?" she asked him as he continued to write down some values on his papers.

"A couple of hours," he said. "Mr. Diggle and Mr. Queen haven't left your side since we cleared you. You're very lucky to have friends like them." Felicity only looked at him as the nurses finished up and told him some numbers regarding the measured oxygen level in her blood. "I'll come back in an hour to check on you again, Felicity," Dr. Applebeam told her. "Until then, I suggest you rest and try not to strain yourself too much."

With a final nod, he walked out of the room, still scribbling on his papers as the nurses followed him. Felicity's eyes remained trained on the door for a little while before she gathered the courage to turn around and look at her friends.

"We were really worried about you, Felicity," Diggle spoke up first, taking his seat again on her right side, grasping her hand.

"I'm sorry," Felicity mumbled, avoiding to look at Oliver's face. Things were still unresolved between the two of them and she knew that he would want to talk about it and probably apologize for acting the way he did. She knew him well enough to know that he would once again try to take the blame for her fainting and that was exactly the reason she hadn't wanted to tell him anything about the blood to begin with. He always found a way to blame himself and she always tried to remind him of the fact that it wasn't his fault.

She glanced up at Diggle, who met her eyes and then looked at the door. It wasn't exactly subtle, and for a second she actually felt a little bad about asking him to leave them alone. She knew that Diggle had probably been just as worried as Oliver, so she might be treating him unfairly, but she really, really needed to talk to Oliver alone.

The way a small smile appeared on Diggle's face before he squeezed her hand and stood up told her that she didn't have anything to worry about though. Honestly, the older man looked a little glad that she had decided that it was better take take the bull by it's horns and just try to talk to Oliver about what had gone down between the two of them.

"I'll be back in a few minutes," Diggle excused himself and walked to the door, closing it after himself and the room was once again filled with silence. Felicity glanced at Oliver and noticed that he had hung his head, looking deep in thought. He looked tired, just like the time he had come home to her and admitted that he was exhausted. She cursed herself for not sensing that he had been avoiding her this last week. He had slept at her place every night and had then abruptly stopped and started acting distantly. She should have known that her own strange behavior had been noticed by him.

"I'm sorry-"

"Oliver, don't-"

They stopped and stared at each other for a moment, having spoken at the same time. He nodded at her to proceed and she offered him a grateful smile.

"I don't want you to apologize for anything, Oliver," she told him softly. "What happened to me wasn't your fault."

Oliver moved his chair a bit closer to her bedside and for a brief second, his hand moved up as if to take hers, but he stopped himself, resting it on his knee instead. Felicity didn't know what to think of herself when she felt a little disappointed that he hadn't taken her hand.

"Felicity, if I hadn't argued with you..." he trailed off. "I upset you and that might have been the reason-"

"Oliver," Felicity interrupted him again. "It wasn't your fault that I fainted. I'm sorry. For not telling you the truth sooner. I should have told you that the pain had gotten worse and that I was coughing up blood. I should have told you. You and Diggle," she said, realizing her mistake. "I know how much you two worry about me and I just thought that you didn't need to have yet another thing regarding me on your mind."

"Felicity," Oliver let out in a breath. "I think it's too late when it comes to that. You're always on my- on our minds."

It seemed that she wasn't the only one slipping up in this room. At least she could always blame the pain killers Dr. Applebeam had given her, which she knew she had received since she wasn't feeling the pain that had been constant for a week now.

"I tried to explain to you in the office that I had only rescheduled my treatment, Oliver," she said, deciding that it might be better not to comment on what he had just shared. She wasn't ready for that conversation, despite the fact that she had a feeling it would come up sooner or later.

The problem she had with it wasn't that she didn't care about Oliver. It was the fact that she knew that she cared too much. She had noticed that he was acting differently around her, but she'd always blamed it on the fact that he was uncomfortable with discussing her illness. Lately- actually, it was more like these last two months- she had thought of the other possibility; that he had actually grown to care about her as more than a friend.

But what could she do about it? Despite the feelings she may or may not have for him, she didn't want to drag him down with her. She knew that hurting him was inevitable if she died. First and foremost, he would feel the loss of his friend, but if she actually talked to him about their feelings, she might learn that he would loose someone he thinks of as more than a friend and that was something she wasn't ready to handle.

"I know, and I'm sorry that I overreacted," Oliver said, bringing her back from where her mind had taken her. "I should have listened to you first before just assuming that you'd skipped out on your appointment." He chuckled to himself. "What was I thinking, right? For a second, I had actually thought that you were giving up."

Felicity bit the inside of her cheek. She was tired of everything that had to do with cancer. She just wanted it to be over. "I'm tired of fighting," she silently admitted, her eyes searching his for any kind of response.

"I am too," he replied solemly. "I don't want to fight with you."

"No," she shook her head. "It's not just you I'm tired of fighting," she told him, "it's the cancer. I'm tired of fighting my cancer."

Oliver stared at her blankly for a moment before taking a deep breath. She could almost feel the panic that rose inside of him radiate out in the room.

"You need to keep fighting, Felicity," he said, after managing to calm himself down. She could tell that he had been close to exploding into yet another tantrum at her admission. "This isn't you."

"But what if it is me, Oliver?" she groaned, closing her eyes briefly before looking into his again.

"No, it's not," he told her stubbornly. "You're stronger than this," he said, only a hint of anger in his tone. "Why the hell would you allow your illness to get worse? There's still a chance for you to survive this! Unless there's something else you're not telling me," he accused, but the look in his eyes was clearly looking for answers in her face. "A minimal chance of survival!" she exclaimed. "'Rare cases only'! I don't know why I would be so lucky," she said bitterly. "You are special; to us," Oliver said. "Oliver..."

What else could she say? It was useless to tell him that she didn't believe it would be worth all the pain and suffering she was going through with chemo therapy and being even sicker because of it, when she could actually be spending her remaining time on Hawaii or some other tropical place that she'd always wanted to visit. "No, Felicity! You don't get a say in this anymore," Oliver protested loudly, standing up, once again towering over her.

She sat up straighter in bed and glared at him, "It's my life."

"But you're a part of our lives too," he retorted, effectively making her shut her mouth that had once again opened to fight him on the matter. "We don't want to lose you, Felicity," Oliver admitted before falling silent. His eyes remained focused on her.

"Oliver," she began with a small sigh, looking at him. It was at the tip of her tongue, bringing up what she had thought about earlier. He was in too deep. Actually, they were both in too deep.

"Okay," she finally caved. "You'll keep fighting?" he asked, relief flooding his face once again.

"Yes," she nodded and this time, he did reach for her hand, lacing their fingers together. She couldn't help but feel how her throat seemed a lot thicker as she tried to keep her emotions in check. She cared about him too much to hurt him, but she didn't want to tell him that he needed to take a step back from her. If things didn't go the way they wanted to, she wanted Oliver to get as far away from her as possible, because deep down, she knew she might ruin him completely.

"Good," Oliver told her genuine smile appearing on his lips.