ok hear me out: in a world where everything is better, Baelor lives and takes Dunk as his sworn sword. He goes on to be King and he’s vibing but his sworn sword keeps telling him about all his adventures out in the world and waxing romantic about sleeping below the stars and living with naught but what he and his horses can carry. And so Baelor begins to scheme—he needs out of the court, he needs to get his man alone and he needs to be there the next time some handsome stable boy offers Dunk’s horses free oats and apples for being such ‘honorable and strong beasts, just like their master’
so! Cue Baelor inventing Undercover Boss hundreds of years earlier—he tells the counsel that it’s his job to learn what the realm looks like, how small folk actually feel about his policies, etc. and he overcommits. He’s too effective and so instead of absconding with his boyfriend for a few weeks, it becomes a family affair—Valaar (who doesn’t die bc without his father dying, his immune system isn’t as stressed? Bc his father demands he quarantine in Dragonstone? Idk man) is convinced that this is necessary training as Heir, Maekar is not about to let his brother out of his sight (he’s still clingy post-Ashford and the idea of leaving his brothers care in Dunks hands offends so suddenly the Red Keep is without King and Hand), Matarys is still not over his fomo from Ashford and insists on coming along, and Egg is territorial over his father-brother so he’s also there, insisting that he’s an expert in being undercover and everyone should listen to him.
that many Targs mean the Kingsguard is also there and everyone who sees them knows something is up. No wealthy merchant, regardless of his business, needs to travel with such a large company but no one says anything.
The small folk they pass are just trading heavy glances with Dunk every time someone slips about their bourgeoisie tastes. None of the Targs realize that they are being completely seen through
the crew gets lost and have to hunt for themselves because Maekar, in classic angry divorced dad competing for his sons affection fashion (Dunk does not know it’s a competition), insists on leading them and they get lost—it takes them a week to get back to the path and everyone starts competing re who can get through the rough terrain best. It’s a good time until Valaar nearly gets thrown from his horse and then Baelor is no longer having It and he’s giving Maekar the cold shoulder
Baelor and Dunk are sneaking off constantly for some alone time and they are constantly getting either A. Cockblocked or B. Walked in on. The Kingsguard start keeping score—most traumatized knight gets the next feast day off
Dunk makes the mistake of taking them to one of his favorite inns and a tavern maid who clearly recognizes Dunk asks about his ‘old man’—whether he liked the blankets Dunk bought him and what he thought about Dunk’s hair now that it’s grown out. Baelor overhears and spirals about how he doesn’t know his man as well as he thought—how this stranger might know more about Dunk than himself--he had assumed that Dunk's father was dead/Dunk was a bastard who never knew him. he makes the mistake of asking Dunk, so casually, about it over dinner and suddenly Dunk had to explain to everyone how, yes, he is a bastard and the ‘old man’ that she was referring to was in fact Baelor himself and the term is interchangeable for one’s father and for one’s lover.
