#criticwriter

Me being a new lawyer at that time (technically still not a lawyer because I haven’t taken my oath that time yet nor signed the roll), I was just really happy that I passed and I remembered someone who knows Li who is still a law student and I somehow reached out to him and just wished him good luck on his journey.

You see, there was a part of me that wants to get close to him so that I’ll know whether or not they’re still friends with him and if they knew something about him and all that, but a huge part of me knows that I really shouldn’t bother anymore.

Well this guy just straight up wanted to meet up with me to ask for tips about the Bar exams, etc. and I was just caught up in excitement that I agreed. He seemed like a good guy.

Before we met, we didn’t chat or anything. We talked a bit, purely law school stuff and all, and I thought, hey, why not? He seems fine.

He scheduled the meet-up a week after that talk and during that week we really didn’t chat that much. I didn’t want to initiate anything because I’m not really the one who wanted to go out. I didn’t want to look desperate and all.

It was scheduled on a Sunday but moved to a Monday and during these times, like, the Saturday one, he really wasn’t sending me a message or what. It was kinda stressful for me because I like my stuff planned.

Monday at around 4am I woke up and there was a message from him and I replied and he called me and we were talking until around 7am and we decided to meet-up that morning.

I am too lazy to go into detail about it because in retrospect it was not really a good “date.” It was fun - I had fun. But the realizations about things came days after and now I just don’t really want to reminisce that much.

So, this is Kpop-related. Stray Kids is a rookie from JYP Entertainment. I had to make this post because I am consumed by them since I dreamt about a certain member of this group who became my bias ever since.

I learned about them months ago.  My sister was watching this reality show like thing and I didn’t really care about it until I heard the song Hellevator and it caught my ear. JYP is in the process of having them do missions and perform and if someone is not up to the standards, he will be removed from the group and he will not debut. I was pissed by that idea. This group is formed by the leader, Bang Chan, so it really hurt them all when someone was removed. There were 2 members who were removed during the 10-episode show but they were allowed to debut because the people really want all 9 to debut and the performance they did was awesome when they were 9.

I didn’t really watch the show because I got pissed when he removed members. I couldn’t take the grief they were experiencing even though I already know by the time we’re watching it that all 9 debuted because they already released their debut album.

I just enjoyed watching them, but I really didn’t have anyone in particular that I liked. I liked them as a group and I like their songs. I watched all of their performances on music shows just because I really liked to see them sing and dance.

When we went to Japan, I really looked for their album and I bought their pre-debut album Mixtape, and debut album I Am NOT. I loved the album because it’s a photobook and I just really wanted to support to their sales because I saw how hard they worked.

As I am still not obsessed with them that time, I didn’t know that they have this CD-only song and boy was I surprised when I listened to the CD and it’s one of my most favorite songs.

Their songs are in Korean so I didn’t really understand the lyrics but as I watched the show, I know how the songs in Mixtape were made and what were they about. The melody of the songs is nice and the lyrics is nice, so it’s a win-win for me. When I listened to the album I Am Not, the song GROW UP caught my ears. I started crying even though I really didn’t know the lyrics. From the beginning, it consumed me. Then there’s a part there which said “uljima” which means don’t cry, and I cried even harder (it’s one of the few words I know in Korean because K-drama, etc). When I looked into the lyrics, I saw the meaning and I cried even more.

I listened to that song the day I learned that I won’t be able to graduate this year. When I went to school and learned of the news, I didn’t cry. I thought I was okay, that I can accept it because I know of my shortcomings. It hurt a lot, but I kind of knew it was going to happen. Then I listened to this song which basically tells me that it’s okay, I should not cry, we’ll make mistakes, I’m doing my best, and I just cried so freaking hard because deep inside me I know it’s not okay and I need someone to tell me this. A 27-year old getting encouraged by 18-year old kids through their music. I thanked them for this and I will always thank them for writing that song.

So just recently, I got obsessed with them. I dreamt of Hwang Hyunjin for no reason at all. The dream was a nice dream and when I woke up, it’s like, I wanted to see him, I wanted to watch him. I know I watched him from the show, I saw him perform, but I did not really pay any close attention to him - or to anyone in particular for that matter. I admired them as a group.

From there, I re-watched everything. I watched fancams of Hyunjin. Endless fancams. Still not done with those fancams. (Thank you STAYs for that!) I watched how they grew up, how they improved. I watched their variety show guestings. Everything I already watched before, I watched again and found greater joy because of having Hyunjin as my bias. Don’t get me wrong, I admired them already from Hellevator, and the songs from 3:3:3 mission. It’s just that, I admire them even more now than before.

It was a good thing that I had that Hyunjin dream before the release of I Am WHO so I was able to be part of many things since the I Am WHO release.

Have you listened to the I Am WHO album? I LOVED ALL OF THEIR SONGS THERE. So freaking relatable. I can’t even explain how awesome the songs are because you just have to listen to the album. I was also able to find some English translation and of course it’s once again meaningful. I swear they inspire me so much right now.

This Holy Week 2026 was my second solo trip to Japan, the first one being on the Holy Week of 2025. Going solo is nice because I don't have to mind other people and I just have to focus on myself. Everything goes smoothly because I kinda overthink things and plan accordingly lol.

So during my first ever solo trip to Japan, I really wasn't able to make the most out of it maybe because I'm not used to going solo? I planned a lot of things but forgot a lot of food places to go to because I just ended up winging my day. It was fun, don't get me wrong, but at the same time when I went home there's this regret that I wasn't able to eat at a certain food place again because I forgot.

Also, I was busy buying things off the list of my friends so technically I was stressing about accomplishing that task. Anyway, lesson learned and all that so I was able to plan my 2026 trip based on that experience.

On to the 2026 story. Of course before I went on vacation, I made sure that the things needed to be done are done. I had a checklist and even double-checked it. From things needed to be done and submitted at work, to things I needed to do once I come home from vacation at work, and all those things for my family - I made sure that everything's good.

However, the night before I left, my sister was not really feeling well. She didn't tell me immediately, I wasn't really able to do anything to help anymore as I was leaving. Her condition is not new but she doesn't want to go to the doctor no matter how many times I told her to do so.

Fast forward to the next days I was on vacation, she's not okay and all that, and it ended up with her having to go to the ER because we don't know how bad things are.

During the first days I was there, I told her to consult online. She was able to do so but cannot have tests done because they don't have anyone who can drive there and it's the Holy Week. So it was up to me going home that she'll be able to do that.

She was prescribed medicines during the online consultation but somehow she felt really off days after that she had to go to the ER to have her blood checked. The request to have her blood checked was given during the online consultation but she wasn't able to do so because I. WAS. NOT. THERE.

At the ER, she was told that she needed to be admitted and all that but they decided against it and all that. I had to check too if that's okay since being admitted is really a hassle and all that so I also had to decide if it's safe for her to stay at home and have her condition be monitored at home while drinking the prescribed meds.

So every night since she's not feeling okay, she will call me and I wasn't really able to sleep immediately because of that, on top of worrying about it and just wanting to go home.

I tried my best to relax and enjoy my trip but of course I couldn't fully do that because I was worrying about the things at home. There was even some family drama that happened, and my other sister was also tired because of everything. My vacation was just for 9 days but it felt like everything's falling apart at home without me there.

Honestly, I couldn't fully enjoy my trip. I still enjoyed it and all that but with the realization that I kinda cannot do this anymore - not until my sisters step up for themselves and be able to do everything that I'm able to do so that they can take care of themselves even without me present.

During my trip also, I was confronted with my own mortality and weakness. I have decided on not pushing through with some locations that are walk-heavy and just chose the places I can do. I have decided on going back to my Airbnb early so that I can rest because I don't know if I will survive the day if I don't immediately rest. I have taken care of how I moved because I might slip and fall and no one will know that something happened to me. All these are things I didn't need to think about but I had to because I have people waiting at home for me who need me. Like, they need me to come home safe and sound so that their lives can go on. So that they'll have someone to decide for them, to drive them and accompany them to wherever.

I still want to go back to Japan but I don't want to do it under these circumstances. I kinda want to have someone to be with me too? Like, I'm conflicted because this solo trip is nice - I am accountable for my mistakes (like when I missed the bus because the time didn't sync) - but at the same time, I need someone to take care of me as well? Or just, I need to be with someone.

You decided not to be friends with her anymore because she hurt you and you told her your feelings in a letter. She did not reply to that anymore, and you have not been speaking for almost a year already. This friend is one of your best friends whom you talk to everyday before. You know deep inside you that you still care about her but you chose to end the friendship because she hurt you in a way that if you just let it be without changing anything, you're going to loathe her and that would make you the horrible, two-faced friend. How and why she hurt you are because that's who she is based on her, damn it, religion, which by the way was your former religion which you loathe right now because of all the brainwashing it did to you.

Like, how do you act when you see them in public? How do you act when you know you have the tendency to just go up to them like nothing's happened because you know how much you still care about them that it's just automatic that you're genuinely happy to see them?

It's a toxic relationship that if you're left unchecked, you know you're going back to her and your comfortable friendship while regretting doing it everyday because you know you'll both get hurt in the future because nothing will change. She hurt you before with a "reason." The reason why she hurt you is still the reason why she will choose to hurt you in the future. Unless something changes, this is just bound to happen over and over again.

You are frustrated that you have to choose your self, your peace, so that it wouldn't get to the point where you're too hurt that you end up really loathing that person. Yet you are having a difficult time figuring out how to navigate certain situations/instances where you'll end up seeing her because your heart honestly just wants to be with her again but your logical brain is telling you to stop listening only to your feelings at that moment and consider what it means for you in the next days.

I randomly remembered that workmate who has a girlfriend then we became a thing because I'm stupid like that lol

Even though he's basically a cheater, I am still grateful to him because he's the reason why I was able to finally leave my abusive relationship. I don't know if he really had feelings for me or if it was really just something that inflated his ego or if he's just a playboy, but it's because he made me feel liked and loved and still capable of being loved that I was able to leave my abusive ex.

I was young and stupid back then. I also did not realize that I was emotionally abused, aside from being physically abused, that I was staying in that relationship because I sincerely believed that no one can love me as much as he apparently did anymore.

I felt loved by this guy even though he has a girlfriend that time, so yeah, I broke free from the abuse only to be in another wrong pseudo-relationship.

My lovelife right now is stable and chill and I'm happy. There are just random times like these when I remember all those decisions I made in my life, all those experiences that somewhat shaped me, just, everything in the past who is not me anymore.

NANA is still my most favorite anime even though I know of its flaws and its forever hiatus, so July is some sort of a NANA month because it's the 7th month of the year and all that.

It's not exactly related to my post but allow me to humor myself with a useless fact lol.

Anyway, so this July, I got sick. Not sick enough that I can't get out of bed but sick enough to drink meds and to almost question my existence in this world.

The last weeks of June I was so busy and the weather was crazy so I think it contributed to the weakening of my immune system making me sick for a week.

When I was sick, I remembered how since I was in high school, July was one of my heartbreaking months throughout the entire year because something bad always happens. I don't really believe in this 100% anymore but I was reminded of this when I got sick because I don't get sick often. However, those July things when I was younger were always because of my lovelife so, yeah. It's not really that applicable now but I just want to note that suddenly it came to mind.

So on July 9, there was the announcement for the new phones and I think wearables of Samsung. I didn't watch the livestream or anything. My sister just showed me the video of the color of the Z Flip7 phone in Coral Red and it looked pink and I fell in love with it. I couldn't stop thinking about it so long story short I bought the phone. It was delivered last July 22. It's somewhat a win for me. It's my first Samsung phone and it's really nice and I love it so much.

Last June was also the ticketing for the HoYoFEST 2025 event happening from July 24-27 at SMX Convention Center in Pasay (MOA). I was able to buy Fast Pass tickets (PHP1,000) for the July 26 schedule. It was sold out in about 10 minutes. I am so happy I was able to buy tickets!!!

Fast forward to July 26, we were able to attend the event and I was so happy it was so fun despite all the lining up we had to do. It was worth it getting the Fast Pass tickets because if we didn't have those, I would have hated it. Anyway, if I wasn't able to buy the Fast Pass we actually wouldn't go because I don't really want the regular pass. I want the perks of the Fast Pass! There were lots of freebies but I also bought some official and fan-made merch since there's an artist alley.

I got to meet my long-time online friend too, MJ, who I play with in Genshin and some other games as well (but I stopped playing them because I just can't commit huhu) She was with her cousin and younger brother. I gave her my gifts and she gave me gifts as well. She gifted me a Neuvillette and Albedo acrylic stands among many others. Makukumpleto ko yung mga characters dahil sa kanya lol. Hindi ko kasi sila binibili eh??? Pero binibigyan nya ako hahaha. I am just so happy I met her and I really want to hang out with her for a longer time soon. Hopefully we'll be able to do that.

We went home at around 5pm and got home at around 6:30pm. It was nice despite the rains in some areas.

Speaking of rains, during the week of July 20-26, there were typhoons. We didn't go to work from Tuesday to Wednesday because government offices were also suspended and it was raining hard. We thought there wouldn't be clients because government offices are closed. We opened the office on Thursday and Friday and there were clients naman.

My kwento does not stop with the HoYoFEST event!

I wasn't able to sleep early the night of the 26th. I think I fell asleep past 1am, then woke up at around 10:30am. I woke up to the message of Bajo asking me when I'm free. I told her I'm usually free on weekdays after work, and whole day weekends. Suddenly she asked me if we could meet in the afternoon. And so we met!!!

At around 5pm we met at Infinity, ate at Makimura Ramen Bar, and had smoothies at Adhika. Actually nag-kwentuhan lang kami eh! It was so so so fun, walang nagbago talaga. More than a decade na kami hindi nagkakasama talaga ng ganito pero walang awkwardness or anything. As in catch up lang ng many years. Hanggang ngayon na tintype ko ito sobrang saya pa din ng heart ko. She's gonna be one of my bridesmaids too!

Dami ko na nakwento sa kanya as in pati current na mga nangyari sa life ko. She's a good listener tapos grabe interested talaga siya, as in sobrang daling makipag-usap sa kanya. Kaya kahit hindi kami nagcchat ng ilang taon talaga, alam ko friends pa din kami kasi nga hindi naman namin hinohold against each other yung hindi namin pagcchat at pagkkwento bilang hindi kami nagkkwento sa chat.

Nakwento ko pa sa kanya yung isang girl sa barkada na kinaiinisan ko - nakwento ko yung ginawa niya at habang kinkwento ko, I didn't even need to tell her how I thought of it and how I felt kasi gets na niya agad na bakit ganon siya? Like, oh my God gets niya ako! Hindi ako nag-ooverexplain sa kanya kasi naiintindihan na niya. Sa mga kwento ko, alam niya kung paano ako, hindi ko nafeel ever na jinujudge niya ako, na mali iniisip ko or decisions ko or reactions ko. Gets niya ako!!! Sobrang saya ko talaga kahapon and I really hope we get to meet each other again soon. Like, sobrang saya ko talaga na yung connection namin hindi lang natapos nung college since nag-work kami sa same company after - at doon pa din siya hanggang ngayon at AMM na. Eh nung nag-work ako doon, yung AMM yung boss ko eh hahahaha.

I'm well-aware that I haven't posted here in sooooo long but I'm just really lazy and I need to let this out here tutal masipag naman ako kahit papaano.

So O and I have a set group of friends na. Sila yung core group na. Nung una, yung mga boys lang ito and then me as O's girlfriend. Fast forward to 2024 may mga partners na sila.

So ito yung mga partners maliban sa amin:

B & R

N & J

E & M

T & V

J & C

C & Z

Hindi masyadong ka-close talaga yung C & Z partners so basta sinama ko na lang dyan hahahaha.

Anyway there have been at least 2 parties na nakasama ko sila. The most recent one nung bandang Pasko.

Hirap pa rin ako makisama sa mga girls pero sa mga guys okay ako since matagal ko na sila kaibigan tsaka alam ko na din trip nila. Sa mga new girls, hindi talaga. Hirap ako kasi iba din ugali nila and trip nila sa life.

So recently nasali ako dun sa GC nila. Last year pa itong GC pero hindi ako ininvite pero long story short sinama na ako ni O and ayun.

Because of this GC lumalabas talaga yung inis ko? Naiinis ako kasi yung mga girls madalas, parang may gustong patunayan lagi ang chat. Parang laging dapat mas lamang sila dun sa nagkkwento. Parang dapat laging may input sila na better dun sa kung ano man topic ng conversation. It's draining for me kahit hindi ako nakikisama kasi talagang nakakapagod mabasa?

I am trying to get to know them better sana para mas makilala ko sila since medyo oversharer sila and I'm trying to use that to my advantage. Kaso naiinis lang ako sa nababasa ko.

Honestly ayokong isipin yung mga iniisip ko, hence this post, kaso wala eh, may strong feelings about it ako and ayun, ilalabas ko na lang dito.

I hate how M seems like this pick-me girl. Lahat na lang may ebas siya, lahat na lang naiinis siya. Magddump ng negativity tapos mag-aapologize kasi parang soul-sucker siya ganon, eh parang ever since naman yung chats niya ganon na eh? Syempre icocomfort siya sa GC and, IDK, naiirita ako kase pwede naman na hindi na lang niya sabihin in the first place.

Iniisip ko na nakikita nila na safe space yung GC, which is maybe for them ganun nga, tapos ayan ako naman yung panira kase ako naiinis ako, pero kase I don't want to be subjected to those kinds of messages or conversations.

Ang lakas kasi talaga ng pagiging pick-me girlies nila. Hindi naman big deal yung isang bagay kung tutuusin pero sila dami gustong ipaglaban tapos parang naghahanap sila ng magsside sa kanila or mag-aaggree?

Tsaka ayun nga, ayaw nila nalalamangan. Nagkkwento lang yung iba, tapos sila din meron na kwento. Gets ko yung may kwento ka na related dun or similar doon, pero tangina naman LAHAT na lang meron sila dapat kwento kahit na sa anak ng pang-apat na pinsan na nila yung kwento or yung kinwento lang nung nakakita. Yung ganon ba? I want to think na hindi ako nagninitpick lang at talagang ganon yung tone and content ng messages nila sa group chat.

AND I HATE MYSELF FOR GETTING AFFECTED BY THIS. Me saying na pick-me girls sila? Me saying na nagpapapansin sila or pabida sila? Me being like this? I don't like this.

Dapat wala naman akong pakealam eh. I can't leave naman sa GC kasi it will spark controversy and tbh yung mga friends ko talaga dun natatawa ako sa mga convo nila or mga pinagsesend nila eh and nakakausapp ko din naman sila doon.

Gosh, where does one begin with 7 months worth of 2024? Of course this will be a mess of a post kasi ganyan talaga. I think hindi din ako nagpopost kasi masyado na madami dapat ko sabihin tapos tinatamad ako as usual.

Anyway, let's start with the first month of 2024. January 2024 was one for the books. My sisters and I went back to Japan, and, Kaye, Gian, and Dhey also went there! Hindi kami sabay-sabay and may iba talaga sila pupuntahan so hindi kami magkakasama everyday pero nagkita kaming lahat pagkalapag namin sa Japan (nauna kasi sila) tapos nagkita din kami ni Dhey bago siya umuwi ng Pinas.

It was so fucking surreal na andun kami sa pangarap naming lugar. Na naglibot kami sa Japan. Na we're breathing the same cold air, looking at the same beautiful Skytree light. Naluluha ako every time naaalala ko na nangyari ito. Na hindi namin expect na mangyayari ito this soon. It's so nice.

With that January update, meron pang isang major update. Dad's secretary suffered a stroke. He survived but he's still isn't okay mentally up to now. So nangyari, ako yung nandito sa office ngayon. Days or a week before kami pupuntang Japan nangyari yun so I spent the days before going to Japan na nasa office nagttrabaho. Pagkauwi namin, ayun, ako na yung nandito sa office hanggang ngayon.

I don't remember much sa February except that ayun, first full month ko sa office working.

March, merong IBP Convention na inattendan ko and Oni. During that time, we had talks of getting back together. By the end of March, we got back together. I may or may not elaborate on this or post stuff about our relationship. Depende sa kasipagan ko magtype lols.

Ano pa ba? Since I started working here, it's been a mess sa bahay. Nakakainis kasi hindi naman ako compensated dito, tapos nakakastress. I don't really want to blog about it pero I know it's relevant somehow sa updates hahahaha.

This July nag-aattend kami ng MCLE ni Oni kasi deadline na for the compliance next year. Online pa rin siya though.

Hmm ano pa ba? What inspired me to blog? HAHAHA. Hindi ko maalala kung may topic ba talaga ako na dapat itype.

I'm currently at work kasi and so far lahat ng pending work ko tapos ko na.

Oh wait, we have a new house pala. Since last year pinapagawa pero hindi kami aware. Nasabi lang samin bandang 3rd week of April. Ayun, hindi pa siya maayos and malinis pero tapos na siya. Ako pa lang yung laging natutulog doon because I need my peace. Lol.