#creativebitch

You want a "rush job". More accurately, you need it done, like, yesterday. You want it cheap, too, possibly because you've already paid someone else to do it and they haven't delivered or met your expectations. You don't have any specs or details, and you don't really know what you want. "Be creative," you say. (Because that's what I do, right?) "I trust you," you say. And then when I do all of this, you need about 100 revisions, or even a complete redesign, because you have no direction and you don't know what you want until you see it. And there are grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, because you didn't proofread the copy before you sent it to me. You get upset because that is really my fault - I should have noticed and corrected it. You constantly bug and berate me about how long it's taking to finish, even though I work just as quickly as you do, and you're not my only client, and I've had to take a part-time bartending job to supplement my income, because you refuse to pay market value for my creative services. You also give me a hard time about how long it takes me to respond to your e-mails or text messages, even though it's only been a few hours, but of course you don't understand why I don't spend my entire day and night in front of my computer, or holding my smartphone.

When the project is done, you want me to help you figure out how to save your design on to a zip drive, or a flash drive, or a CD, and you don't even know where it is on your computer because you don't pay attention to where you save things when you click "download". (I've also had clients ask me to help them remove viruses from their computers,  install programs, do things in Microsoft Word/Excel/Outlook, etc., and backup miscellaneous data not related to our projects.)

Then, when it comes time to pay up, I have to e-mail you 10 invoices and call you 20 times to remind you that I have yet to be compensated. You say, "I didn't realize we were finished!" even though I've been working with you for over a year on a $100 deposit, and your site has been live for three months. You say, "I mailed the check on Tuesday!" but after three weeks of checking my mailbox, I KNOW you didn't mail the check on Tuesday, because you live across town and it therefore would have taken no more than 48 hours to get to me. (Sometimes this goes on for months. Sometimes I have to threaten legal action or do drastic things like pull your website down for you to even acknowledge the multiple notices.)

The best part comes a few months down the line when you need some changes, or modifications, or updates. Because YOU think I should do them for free, even though you practically stole my time at the rate I charged you. You think these updates or changes are small and not a big deal, and I should just do them because they'll only take me a few minutes, even though you really have no idea or you would have done them yourself. You also don't take into account the fact that I've had over 100 clients in my career, and those minutes add up quick if I provide these services gratis to everyone I've worked with in the past. You say you need maintenance or someone to update your social media accounts, and you'll pay me for my time, but when I receive the payment I find that you basically paid me minimum wage, even though I have over 15 years of experience in my field(s).

Then a year goes by, and you don't understand why you aren't getting e-mails and your website is down, and it must be my fault somehow, even though you've practically ignored all of the e-mails from GoDaddy or your web host about how it isn't free and you need to pay them annually, lest your accounts expire. And when you lose your domain name and are forced to start over, I have to do this process with you again... for free, of course.

I could go on, obviously. But I already know this rant comes off mostly as petty complaining and you probably think I should just go get a "real job" with a salary and less stress, when in reality, the entire purpose here is merely to give a bit of insight into what life is like on a daily basis for a creative contractor. If you have ever used my services or services like them, it's because you needed a creative contractor, so it is a "real job". Just like the guy who changes your oil, because you don't know how and don't want to, or the printer you send my designs to who keeps strict business hours, closes his office and doesn't take your phone calls or e-mails after 6PM. These examples are not all one nightmare client either, thankfully. This is years and years of experiences with clients. Every single one of these things I went on about has actually happened to me; this is in no way an exaggeration. And at the end of the day, the bottom line is that I do enjoy being a creative contractor most of the time. I enjoy making my own schedule, wearing yoga pants and flip flops to "work", and taking hike breaks in the afternoon, all while utilizing my creative skills. But... I paid cash-money for my fancy computer and all the latest software. I spent years and years developing skills and fostering business relationships. I am not an IT person, or a copy editor, or a personal assistant, or a wizard. I am not sitting around waiting for you to contact me with work because I'm bored or I "can use it for my portfolio". I, personally, have been known to work 14 hour days, because I actually have TWO creative businesses as well as a supplemental job.