Bitterness is not sweet
I have been growing increasingly bitter. Where does this foul root grows from? This emotion is completely foreign to me and to be completely honest, I find it difficult to cope with.
A new friend told me recently I seem like a "caged bird." This broke my heart, as you can imagine. I have always viewed myself as someone beyond bounds, uninhibited by others. But I agreed with him. I do feel like a caged bird. I felt defeated.
Maybe being bitter is a symptom of feeling trapped. But why do I feel trapped when I am about be launched into a new direction of life? It seems paradoxical. Which is exactly how I feel in most parts of my life--polarized, at ends. I have been bouncing between ecstatic and depressed. Lonely and socially overwhelmed. Sleepless nights. Over sleeping. Over eating. No eating. This is the truth.
This ping-pong effect is exhausting. And with each day I feel my self slowly loosening my grip on everything I thought I was and more welcoming to everything I am fated to be.
I just hope that person isn't bitter. I just hope I am not transforming from a wild brumby to a broken down mare.
That is not in my blood.
