seen from Malaysia
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seen from United States
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I fear I'm becoming a dreadful creature, each day I try to write about sunshine but all I can think of is the rain.
The rain is beautiful yet it's melancholic, and each day I think I'm getting closer to the melancholy and away from the beauty.
I fear I'm going to drown in this rain, while sunshine is clouded by my own sorrow.
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You know, some days this fandom content creation all feels so pointless. I have so many projects I want to work on, so many things I want to express via fics or vids or meta that it’s overwhelming, like a crushing pressure weighing down on me, but a) I don’t have the time b) I don’t have the energy c) when I do have time and sit down to create I can’t make my brain fucking focus. And it all feels so daunting. And it seems pointless anyway because I almost always have minority opinions and no matter what I say and how eloquently I phrase or illustrate it, more popular and viral artists will keep influencing the fandoms more because that’s what the goddamn internet is like. My depression is frustrating me and the frustration is in turn making me depressed. I don’t care right now and I hate that I don’t care, because I do care. I’m just so fucking tired and spread too thin. Projects left untouched for years that I never wanted to abandon. One very cool WIP I was excited for and then got distracted by Hail Mary and haven’t gotten back to yet. I miss being excited. I don’t want to stop working on stuff. I want to get some of it off my chest and create because I feel better when I can create, but I just feel so all over the place right now and like I’m letting myself down along with everyone else who likes my content.
today i lit a candle, opened a document, took a deep breath—and then sat in silence as the weight of all unfinished things circled like vultures.
i think that counts as effort. maybe even a summoning.
Why did Goethe go to Italy?
So, why was Goethe so eager to go to Italy? Why did he have to go right then? Goethe's longing for the south during the dull summer of 1786 finally spurred him into action. In his travel diary "Italian Journey" (published later under this title), Goethe repeatedly emphasized how much he needed the blue skies and warm air of September that year. More than anything, he suffered from a creative paralysis due to his public duties as a Privy Counselor at the Weimar Court. Today, we would say Goethe was struggling with a writer's block.
Even a great writer like Goethe experienced creative paralysis and extreme slumps. At such times, one must seek out 'blue skies and warm air.' When you're constantly pushed from within for an unknown reason, when your soul sends you the message to 'leave,' you must follow that inner guidance, even if reality is tough. Like prophets or artists often do, you must leave, even if you don't fully understand why.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Adventures in Editing: In One Sitting
New blog post & occasional feature - Adventures in Editing. Come over & look. #amediting
A little back story, after several years of toiling, I finished a SFD draft of After Life (AL) in July 2015. I let it set on the back burner until March 2016 and have started the process of editing in earnest. Adventures in Editing is an occasional feature that chronicles the travails of trying to bring a bunch of muddle into a more cohesive draft. Thanks for reading! I do believe in the adage…
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