#crap update

I swear to Odin, I am not dead. Everyone has been messaging me like "UR DED ARNT U" or liek "WHY ARNT YOU REPLYING U H8 ME DONT U"

No, I love you all, and I will reply to you soon. You are all lovely an--

HEY BY THE WAY

I made it to test chamber 19 in like 2 hours. I think that's good.

IT'S GOOD, RIGHT?

Also, I got this sweater because i thought it was a Grinch reference

IT'S NOT

IT'S JUST A HEART SWEATER.

            When I pulled up in front of my house, I was livid; Cristiano had beaten my here and was now parking outside. He was sitting on the front porch, scrolling through his phone. I could just drive away, but he already saw me. Then again, it didn’t bother me to leave him there. I slammed my car door shut with all my possible force. My hands were clenched in my fists and shoved them deep into my pockets.

            “You know, you’re quite persistent.” I commented, walking past him. “It’s kind of annoying.

            “You liked my persistence the other night…” He said under his breath.

            “Did I not slap you hard enough last night?” I spun around, almost dropping my purse. My teeth smashed together as I fought back the urge to hit him again. He laughed and stood up. “You’re not coming inside.” He rolled his eyes and waited for me to unlock the door. “I’m serious.” My voice wavered a little, but I tried to put on my best stern face. I had no intentions of letting him come inside my home. I shoved my hands onto my coat’s pocket and waited.

            “You are not a very good serious person.” He mocked, smiling. I opened my mouth to protest, but I closed it when a gust of wind blew. “Unlock your door! It is cold outside.” He whined. Groaning, I unlocked the door and walked inside. Cristiano snaked inside before I could slam the door in his face. He rubbed his arms dramatically as he sat down on the sofa. I could tell he was judging my small house; his eyes wandered around the room slowly. They lingered on the stack of bills and envelopes on the coffee table. I walked into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. If I closed my eyes, I could pretend I was alone. Cris was sitting silent in the living room; the only noise was the dripping of coffee.

            “Here.” I poked a mug at him.

            “Obrigado.” He said kindly. It took me by surprise.

            “What?” I asked, sitting beside him. He laughed.

            “It means thank you in Portuguese.” He took a small sip of his drink and stuck his tongue out. “This is horrible…” He set the mug on the coffee table. “But thank you still.” I shrugged and finished mine.

            “I’m surprised you aren’t telling me coffee isn’t good for pregnant woman.”

            “I did not know it wasn’t.” He mumbled. “I know that you are not fond of me—“

            “That’s a nice way to put that.” I muttered into my mug. He blinked a few times, letting the comment slide.

            “But, I am trying to be responsible about this. I want what is best for my child.” His voice was steady, but his hands shook a little.

            “Our child.”

            “Either way…” He groaned, “you were correct, I can not force you onto a plane, but I really wish you would just see that I am trying to do what’s right.” He looked at his watch; the thing was probably worth more than my car. “I must go now, the plane back to Fuchal leaves in tomorrow afternoon.”

            “Tomorrow?” I repeated. He nodded. “How am I supposed to explain that to anyone? You can’t be serious.” He shrugged. “Thanks for the help.” I said sarcastically. I felt my cheeks growing warm from anger. Did he honestly expect me to just drop my life and move to Europe, just because he said so?

            “I am offering help, as much as I can. I have to get back now though—“

            “So you came here to just tell me that I had left than twenty four hours to create a lie so that I can fly across the world?”

            “Renai.” He groaned, standing up. “I do not mean to be rude but I think I can provide for a child than you.” As he spoke, his eyes returned to the stack of bills.

            “Caring for a child is more than just buying it things!” I yelled.

            “There is no need to raise your voice…” he commented. “I am not just referring to buying toys, and such. I am talking about paying medical bills, any medicines or basic things.”

            “I can provide for this child.” I said through gritted teeth.

            “Really?” He reached down, grabbing the envelopes. “What are these then? Renai, if it were to given to a court, I would be granted custody.” When he said those words, I felt a switch flip inside me. I held my breath and clenched my fists together. At the thought of losing this baby, tears built up in my eyes. I was fighting so hard to not flip the coffee table over and scream at the top of my lungs. Cristiano must have felt this shift; he took a step back and stopped talking.

            “I think you should leave now.”

            “I did not mean to upset you.” He started, but I refused to listen at this point.

            “Whatever…” I rolled my eyes and stared at my shoes. “Just get out.”

            When the door shut behind Cristiano, my stomach turned. Coffee was not a smart idea. I ran into the bathroom just in time to bend over the toilet. Maybe it was because of the stress? I thought to myself. I rested against the wall in between heaves and tried to calm down. Did Cristiano threaten me with a custody battle be the best way to get me to do as he asked?  Once I finished and cleaned my mouth, I realized how little time I had to decide. How could I tell my parents I was moving to Portugal? Sure I’m an adult, but I could never just leave my family like this, especially without any answers. How could I tell Cristiano that I wasn’t moving?

            All this things made my headache spiral out of control. With any remaining strength I had, I walked into my bedroom and fell asleep.

            It felt like as soon as I laid down to sleep, my alarm went off. The buzzing was growing loud and loud with each second that passed by. I threw the warm covers off me. I could already tell that this day was going to be long and tiring. As I got dressed, my eyes kept wandering back to my bed. It was practically screaming my name. But I couldn’t crawl back in; today I had to see my family.

            “Honey, don’t slouch.” My mother chastised as we waited for our food. It was a traditional—an annoying custom—for us to go to this one Italian restaurant every time they came into the city to see me. And every visit, my mother finds something new to bitch about. This time it was my posture. Sighing loudly, I rolled my shoulders back and kept my back straight as wood. I had been leaning forward to conceal the tiny bump under my shirt. It was barely visible this early on, but my mother had eyes like a hawk. Even in the oversized navy tunic I was wearing, I felt like I had a giant sign over me reading ‘pregnant’. My sister’s light grey eyes stared at me; every time I looked over at her she was squinting at me. When my parents were deep in conversation, I turned to her.

            “Why do you keep staring at me?” I snapped in a whisper.

            “You seem… different.” She said slowly, looking over my face. A cold sweat built on the back of my neck. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. Did she know? I tried to keep my emotions in check.

            “Stop staring.” I said childishly, slouching back in my chair.

            “You bought a house?” David asked the next morning. He had just woken up when Patricia told him the news. She had been sitting on the bed next to him, waiting for him to wake up. He looked at his wife, waiting for the rest of the story.

            “Yes?” Patricia started. “The agent called again, and I got frustrated and I really liked the house—“

            “Which one?” He asked, sitting up.

            “The biggest one…” She pretended to clean under her nails.

            “You mean the most expensive one?” David clarified. Hesitantly, Patricia nodded. “Are you serious? That house is too much for us; it’s twice as big as our old house! I thought you said smaller this time? What happened to that idea? Wait, is this the house that’s on the opposite side of the city? Tricia….” He groaned and tossed the cover off of him. Tricia figured he might be a little upset, but she wasn’t expecting this. He was acting as if the house was out of their budget. He did have a  point; the house was the furthest from the stadium.

            “We can back out, neither of us has signed yet—“

            “We are not buying that house.” David interrupted.

            “Then what house do you want, David? Please tell me, because so far you have offered no help! You say it’s my decision, but when I decide on a house, you hate the idea. So, you decide, right now.” She countered. David was standing by the door, with his hands resting on his waist. “Decide.”

            “I’m not having this argument right now.” He turned away.

            “Yes you are! This was the problem back in Valencia!” She blurted. David turned back to face her. “We stopped talking, that’s what the problem was. Now, we aren’t talking. I did not just pick up my life—my daughter’s life—to go through this again.”

            “The big house is fine.” David mumbled.

            “David… whatever, just go ahead and leave.” She spat at him. She turned away and started to make the bed. David took a second to move. His eyes were glued onto his angry wife. They had argued before, but Patricia had always tried to be the peacekeeper. He slipped his shoes on and grabbed his car keys.

            Once he had closed the door behind him, he rode the elevator down to the parking garage. He had absolutely no idea where he was going once he started driving. He had barely any knowledge of the streets, so it didn’t take long before he was lost in the heart of the city. He kept making turns onto side streets, hoping to come to a main street, or recognize something. But that never happened. He refused to stop though.

            Patricia sighed loudly in the empty room and sat down on the bed, running her hands through her hair. The couple had only been in Barcelona a few days, and things were already back to normal. Her eyes burned with tears as she dialed her mother’s number.  She needed to speak to someone, even though she already knew what she was going to say. The ringing echoed in her ear as she waited.

            “Patricia?” Her mother answered. Within seconds, Tricia had spilled everything to her mother. Her cheeks were dripping with tears. Her mother kept telling her that she had been right all along. “Just come back to Valencia mija. Zaida misses you…” Hearing her daughter’s name brought about a new round of tears.  She covered the phone with her hand, hoping to hide the sound of her crying. She pretended to listen as Zaida talked about painting something for her. Listening to her daughter speak actually calmed Patricia down a little. Not wanting to upset Zaida, she pulled herself together long enough to talk to her. She explained to her that they had a new house and that she missed her very much. Zaida asked for her dad. Patricia coughed as she tried to make an excuse for David. Luckily, she didn’t have to. Her mother grabbed the phone and told her that she was welcome back in Valencia, at any time, for as long as she wanted. Patricia rolled her eyes. She was not happy, but she wasn’t about to give up on her marriage.

            The day went by; Patricia never left the hotel room and David never left his car. He drove until the gas light flickered on. Patricia had called the relator and told her to cancel the paperwork. When asked if they had picked a different house, Patricia just hung up. It was clear the family was not going to be moving to a real home anytime soon.

            “Where are you?” David had finally gotten back to the room a little before sundown. Patricia grabbed her room key and shoes.

            “We only booked the room for three days, those three days ended today. And since we don’t have a house…” She said through gritted teeth, “I’m going to extend our stay.”

            “One of the players is leaving, he offered us his house.”

            “No.” She smiled sarcastically before shutting the door. David ran his fingers through his spiked hair and sat down on the sofa. Barcelona was supposed to be their fresh start. But in a matter of a few days, that dream had died. They couldn’t even decide on which house to buy. David breathed in deeply. He had done nothing expect drive all day, but he was exhausted. He got up and walked to the bedroom. Grabbing a pillow and a spare blanket, he made a bed on the sofa.