#cotl fics

this might sound absolutely insane but I... kinda wanna start God in a Godless Land (main fic, not the whole series) over. I'm not exactly happy with how I'm writing it and I suspect it's because I'm trying so hard to keep the chapters a "reasonable length" that I think my writing's degraded for it... and I figure if I do wanna restart I should do it before I get 100k words in

I was thinking this when I was struggling to write the last chapter but like... I think I was trying to move on from Riverwood too fast? Like logically I know it hasn't been fast but I dropped a lot of details and events I would've liked to write about before Riverwood got attacked for the sake of "chapter length" and "moving on with the story", and I. Kinda feel like I got them to Riverwood too fast.

And there were also things I wanted to write about in Riverwood- like I completely dropped a scene with Lamb and Narinder's daughters for the sake of "flow" which I really shouldn't have dropped because it was supposed to come back later but it just didn't feel like it had a place and now I am. Sitting here wondering why the fuck I did that, because?? that conversation is??? Really super fucking important later on wHY DID I drop it???? I was just. Trying to usher them out so fast that I completely forgot that there were reasons I should have taken my time.

.... So I might start over. For my sake AND the story's sake, bc I think I got so hung up on chapter lengths and "moving the story along" that I've, ironically, written a good chunk of Nothing At All and the story feels stunted for it. Like, I could've written so much more about the Lantern Festival and the Lamb and Bishops seeing this completely different culture in this completely different land really alive and thriving, despite everything. But then I basically bulldoze through the Lantern Festival to get to Narinder and Lamb's little confrontation and the attack after it.

I could've done. So much more with the adventure leading up to Riverwood and the whole Riverwood section, but I didn't. Because I wanted to push the story on, but the story is. Really suffering for that.

I've just reread Death Comes Home to Stay and am rereading Rise of the New Faith right now and, legitimately, they feel like much fuller stories than God in a Godless Land despite literally being chopped up snapshots of a bigger story taking place over two hundred years. Like, my writing just feels better in them than God in a Godless Land.

Also I feel very weird about Narinder's reasoning for leaving his literal ten year old child in a sixteen and nineteen year old (neither of whom are adults by Arcadia's standards)'s care, and I much prefer the reasoning I had given him during the planning stage of the fic... Don't get me wrong, Narinder choosing to go for the sake of revenge? VERY in character, even for godless!Narinder. Leaving his ten year old behind when he KNOWS he could (perma!!)die for this, just for a chance at revenge? That is where I feel like this falls apart, because godless!Narinder's love for his family FAR outweighs his desire for revenge. Like, if he just wants the chromatic Crown's cult wiped out he could just give the Lamb and Bishops something to prove they know him and people throughout Arcadia would be willing to help them?? He wouldn't need to go with them?? He KNOWS the Lamb and Bishops will wipe the floor with that cult?? Like why did I go that route instead of the original route. Hello. What.

So yeah. I might just... start the main fic over and let chapters be as long as they want. I'm better at writing in arcs than chapters and I think it's really showing, and as much as people are enjoying it if I'm not enjoying it then I think I need to make a change. Writing is supposed to be fun, I like writing, but I'm just. Not having fun right now. It would mean longer time between updates but I think those updates would be more worth it, because right now it all feels so... I dunno. Rushed. Disjointed. The biggest problem is I'm not having fun writing it, except for specific Scenes™, and I also don't feel like I'm giving those scenes enough to hit the way I want them to... But I write for fun so if I'm not having fun it's just. Work. I've literally had a doc titled "08" up for more than 24 hours now and it's completely blank. I haven't written a single word yet, and usually I'd have at least a scene done already.

Anyway... the question is, if I do start over, what should I do with the current God in a Godless Land? Delete it? Leave it up with a note? Remove it from the series page or leave it there? ... What do y'all think?

Chapters: 1/4 Fandom: Cult of the Lamb (Video Game) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Narinder/OC Characters: The One Who Waits | Narinder Additional Tags: The Lamb is there at the beginning, The Bishops are mentioned a LOT, This one is OC heavy, Narinder Runs Away AU, This is OC heavy bc it's about Narinder and his new community, Prequel, Injury, Death, Illness, vague mentions of pregnancy, Narinder becomes a dad, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Unhappy Ending, unhappy ending but it's a prequel so uh, Narinder still has magic Series: Part 1 of God in a Godless Land Summary: