#coranzan asks

First some background on my interpretation of Eilistraee:

I consider Eilistraee to be a pretty sexually positive goddess. She's a fertility goddess, her cult is full of ritualistic orgies, there's no way she's not getting down now and then herself. And I find it strange that a lot of the fandom treats her as this sexually untouchable being.

So I'm like, be the change you want to see in the world. Sexualize 👏 that 👏 goddess👏!

Let me be clear, Coranzan having sex with Eilistraee is pretty cool, but I don't think it's a particularly unique experience on its own. What is unique is her manifesting before him at all and choosing to spend time with him and him alone, as opposed to appearing in a group prayer or orgy setting.

Generally, it's understood that Eilistraee is pretty distant from her worshippers, compared to Vhaeraun or Lolth. Why she's this way is anyone's guess (maybe she's more like Corellon than Lolth in this way, maybe she feels interference is hindering drow self reliance and independence or something). But my interpretation is her physical manifestations of her bodily form are rare and deeply welcomed events, but primarily appear to groups performing ritual songs, dances, or orgies.

And to add another bit of context, it's worth remembering that Coranzan's previous intimacy with gods was with Keptolo, over a century prior. Keptolo stoked Coranzan's obsession to serve and simultaneously rewarded and abused him as he did so. His sexual experiences with Keptolo were far from gentle experiences, and Eilistraee couldn't have been more different in that regard. This is kind of a healing moment for him where faith and intimacy intersect.

So with that established let me get into how this occurred.

Coranzan wistfully smiles at Eilistraee's manifestation on the Phalar Aluve.

I've previously established that Coranzan has wanted to be a part of Eilistraee's clergy since he was brought to the Promenade of the Dark Maiden in the 1330s DR and Eilistraee's Message deeply resonated with him. However, according to Eilistraee's priestesses, men were not allowed to become clergy until Eilistraee herself intervened upon her return in 1489 DR. That's well over a century of him trying to convince her priestesses that he was worthy, hoping Eilistraee herself might recognize his burning desire to serve and redeem himself for his past service for Keptolo and Lolth.

At some point, not even the encouragement of his family and mentors was enough to keep him going down this path. The constant rejections over a century overcame his usual resilience and positivity. On the verge of throwing away over a century of training and hard work, he broke down in a sobbing prayer to Eilistraee, begging for some sign that he should keep going or that she agreed with her priestesses and he would seek another path.

Miraculously, Eilistraee heard his prayer. She appeared to him, comforted him, told him he was worthy, and that she did love him. She chose to show him her love through a rare moment of intimacy just between the two of them. I have difficulty describing how this would go down specifically since hand wavey metaphysical god stuff is difficult for me to get into... but part of this process involved her soothing him, running her fingers through his hair, granting him the Moonfire blessing to linger in his hair.

Coranzan was left feeling deeply connected to her, his faith renewed, and inspired to be worthy of her faith in him. Furthermore, the lingering Moonfire hair demonstrated Eilistraee's personal blessing and it was enough to show he was worthy of becoming a Cleric of Eilistraee to her priestesses. Shortly after this event, men were generally allowed to become clergy.

He took his charge seriously, doubling down on missions to serve her cause. He wanted to make Eilistraee proud. But part of him also hoped he'd get another chance to see her again, spend another moment alone with her again. However, he hadn't seen more than the usual manifestations to guide him. Moths fluttering in patterns, moonlit paths for guidance, but she herself hadn't appeared before him again.

Coranzan sometimes dances alone, hoping to be visited by Eilistraee again.

He knew the moment he had with Eilistraee herself was rare and special, but he couldn't help but wish for more. He tried to be her star cleric, hoping he might be worthy of another visit and only became more obsessed with the idea of her. He currently borders on the edge of zealotry, but his sister, who remains a lay worshipper of Eilistraee, keeps him in check.

In BG3, it's kind of important to understand he's still obsessed with Eilistraee to a nigh unhealthy degree. She guides him through his journey in signs and symbols - to the point Coranzan believes Eilistraee guided his hand to spare and rescue Minthara.

Coranzan helps Minthara break out of Moonrise Towers.

By the time Coranzan was born, his family was starting up a little-known merchant guild, following the fall of his mother's/grandmother's House. It was a collaborative front between his parents (needing a cover for their Secret Moondancing movement) and the Coranzan's Vhaeraunite uncle (who also needed a similar cover for his own reasons).

Veldrin and Zil'haress - Coranzan's parents, Secret Moondancers, and founding members of their own merchant guild.

By Coranzan's 20s-30s, his family's main occupation was running it and he was expected to be a major part of managing it, after his sister. But there's a lot of numerical concepts involved in the administration of this guild and Coranzan found it immensely frustrating. Compounded with the fact that no one really knew how to help him (his sister did her best, but Coranzan loses his patience on this issue very easily), he tended to drift away from it at every opportunity.

At some point, he found himself quite adept in reading and retaining stories instead. He could recite something he'd recently learned within a few reads. Theater troupes and plays attracted his attention and he desired to be up there doing that instead. His ego and love of attention also being a major part of that desire.

A young Coranzan and his sister, Z'ress ( @susann-noir ), still living in the Underdark.

He got into trouble a lot by drifting away from his responsibilities, due to the amount of frustration that job gave him. He needed some kind of occupation to keep him out of trouble. His ego combined with his boredom resulted in his sister having to save his ass frequently.

His main focus was reciting and acting rather than musical performances at this time. When it came to music and rhythms as a part of plays, he scraped by with a lot of copying and practice and a little understanding of the fundamentals. His sister would coach him and guide him in the things he struggled with and it was enough to get by.

Young Coranzan as a theater actor in Menzoberranzan.

There's a lot of story details between here and there but this is the first domino to fall that led to his leaving the Underdark and converting to Eilistraee's Church. The decision to join a theater troupe ended up getting him caught up in House scheming that got him sent unprepared for a Surface Raid and nearly getting killed. A paladin showing him mercy gave him the chance to join his Secret Moondancer parents at the Promenade of the Dark Maiden instead.

Coranzan and Z'ress pleading to a paladin of Lathander.

Eilistraeens had a more compassionate approach towards teaching him math-adjacent skills, especially ones related to music and song - since that's deeply a part of their rituals. They recognized his issues and patiently worked with him to help him understand these concepts, particularly with regards to reading, writing music, and rhythms. They also managed to work on his impatience and lack of focus through rituals meant to calm him. He leans heavily on those.

Coranzan intensely focusing on his playing.

Coranzan's main focus as a bard is still not music, but he is far more comfortable with it now than he was before and indulges in it as a hobby and occasional entertainment for the camp. He still does not prefer to work in math-heavy concepts and rather leaves those concepts to his sister instead, who handles them with relative ease. He's far more adept than he was in Menzoberranzan, but he knows it's not his strength and finds it frustrating if he's expected to engage with numerical concepts for extended periods.