#coping...

Sometimes vent art can look cute, too! 🩷🩷🩷

"Once you find a partner and get married you wont be alone in this apartment" or "kids will fill that void". Hey hEY HEY! First of all... I am not alone I have a parrot!! My family keeps forgetting about him 😭 how rude!! Second, ask first if I really want those things, don't force on me your desires, way of living and what I will have and not.

I'd expect my family to know at this point that I actually like to be alone (doesnt have to relate romantic wise only, like in general, I enjoy spending time alone). My mom never forced or guilt tripped me about these things the past 4 years we've been living peacefully. Peacefully bc she cut ties with certain family members (with good reason) and also knew how to set boundries too (see mom, you knew how to respect yourself I am proud of you! You put yourself in first place like you always wanted to do, but other problems clouded that achievement for you to perceive, it happens it's okay).

On the latter note, that reminds me when she was slightly mad at me about something, but then she got a call to help a very old neighbour. She told me that and went to visit them and when she arrived... it was in a hostile enviroment. A mother and daughter there at each others throats, shouting, cursing. She was so shocked and confused when she got there and what they needed help with. The older neighbour (the mother) called her so she could talk with someone and also have her blood pressure taken. Anyway even when my mom arrived in their apartment they kept continuing being at each other's throats. My mom left bc she didnt want to deal with that lol and came back at our apartment - silent, peaceful. Our parrot wasnt even screamimg but napping. I asked how's the neighbour, but instead she said she's greatful to have this peace we made.

And something similar happened here to me. Mostly in regards to living in a certain space you made and being accustomed to it you forget about other enviroments people live in. And since my mom didnt impose the thoughts I mentioned above on me, I got... well more annoyed how everyone else thinks this way. The enviroment (family) breached my and my late mother's peaceful space.

Anyway, the way she was thankful about the space we had when she returned from that neighbour's hell (bc I also made it easier for her as she did for me bc we were alike and we adapted to each other but we were still free to express ourselves), I'm also thankful the space she started to create 4 years ago.

I got Tinnitus ._. i had it for a while now.. (mater of months) its ok sometimes (like not always there...) and i learned to cope with that. 

BUT then the other night (think it was last night or the night before?) it woke me up. ._.