Communicating with some adults is like trying to explain what colour the number three smells like to a toddler.
Featuring Colorful Brushstrokes Black iPhone 16 Series Skin
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Communicating with some adults is like trying to explain what colour the number three smells like to a toddler.
Featuring Colorful Brushstrokes Black iPhone 16 Series Skin

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Those were the days when kids were crafting christmas decoration. Now they are building respirators! 🤷♂️🙈#covid_19 #pandemic #osnabrück #hell-ern #confusingtimes #handicraft (hier: Hellern, Niedersachsen, Germany) https://www.instagram.com/p/CXGveFIoSC8/?utm_medium=tumblr
This post pretty somes up my life right now 🐾🐾💓💕💓💕 CONFUSED 🤷♀️ #confused #confusing #confusingtimes #confusinglife #confusingshit #idk #idkanymore #idontcare #idontknow
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: he will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret – it leads only to evil. For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land. A little while, and the wicked will be no more; though you look for them, they will not be found. But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy peace and prosperity. The wicked plot against the righteous and gnash their teeth at them; but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he knows their day is coming. The wicked draw the sword and bend the bow to bring down the poor and needy, to slay those whose ways are upright. But their swords will pierce their own hearts, and their bows will be broken. Better the little that the righteous have than the wealth of many wicked; for the power of the wicked will be broken, but the Lord upholds the righteous. The blameless spend their days under the Lord’s care, and their inheritance will endure for ever. In times of disaster they will not wither; in days of famine they will enjoy plenty. But the wicked will perish: though the Lord’s enemies are like the flowers of the field, they will be consumed, they will go up in smoke. The wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously; those the Lord blesses will inherit the land, but those he curses will be destroyed. The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. They are always generous and lend freely; their children will be a blessing. Turn from evil and do good; then you will dwell in the land for ever. For the Lord loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. Wrongdoers will be completely destroyed; the offspring of the wicked will perish. The righteous will inherit the land and dwell in it for ever. The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom, and their tongues speak what is just. The law of their God is in their hearts; their feet do not slip. The wicked lie in wait for the righteous, intent on putting them to death; but the Lord will not leave them in the power of the wicked or let them be condemned when brought to trial. Hope in the Lord and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are destroyed, you will see it. I have seen a wicked and ruthless man flourishing like a luxuriant native tree, but he soon passed away and was no more; though I looked for him, he could not be found. Consider the blameless, observe the upright; a future awaits those who seek peace. But all sinners will be destroyed; there will be no future for the wicked. The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord; he is their stronghold in time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him.
David, King of Israel, Bible. Psalm 37
Telling People
Someone I know: "Are you excited to be going back to school? When are you leaving?"
Me: "I am! I'm super excited to be going back. I'm bringing Zoey with me so I'm excited for that adventure. Still will miss parts of home, but overall I can't wait! I leave in less than 2 weeks."
Someone I know: "Wow, Zoey's coming with you! How is she doing?"
Me: "Well... Ummm.. She actually recently went into heart failure. Medications are keeping her symptoms at bay, but this is our last year with her. We're just enjoying the time we have."
Someone I know: "I'm so sorry to hear that."
Me: *nod* "mhm"
*Awkward pause* *Time to try and shift the conversation to the weather or anything besides Zoey's ailing health*
This is what most conversations regarding Zoey seem to be going like. For some of the people who I'm closer to there's a little more explanation about what's going on with Zoey, but overall it just feels so cold. I feel like I just spew facts, nothing more and nothing less. When we first found out I kept speaking out loud, "Zoey is in heart failure. Zoey is dying" mainly because that seemed to make it real. But when it actually came to picking up the phone to text or call those closest to me about it; I couldn't do it. It was a hit or a miss as to if I would start crying when talking to someone. When I didn't cry though I always felt like my words were coming across as insensitive, disconnected, and cold. And when the tears did come I felt like I just needed to get a grip.
Some people don't understand when I would tell them that Zoey was in heart failure that it means that she has months, not years, left, hence why sometimes I add in that this is our last year together.
Another recent conversation:
Coworker: Oh yeah, we might be doing Zoey's dental after her dental???
Me: Well Zoey is actually in heart failure, so I highly doubt it. She's got anywhere from a month to a year, the ECHO will hopefully give us a better idea.
Coworker: Oh, wow I didn't realize that. I mean her teeth weren't that bad, so why spend $400 for the dental?
Me: Yeah, I don't know.
This conversation occurred as I was walking out of work and when I got in my car and drove home and started crying because I felt like I had just completely removed myself from Zoey. Like having Zoey only having months left was just a number, not a terrible, horrible, thing that was happening.
What people don't see is that I did cry, a lot, when we found out. I still am hurting, but I am trying not to let that interfere with the time that I have with Zoey. I am fighting to be happy with the time I do have with Zoey.
I think I need to have some distance when talking about it, because if I fully feel the gravity of what is going on every time I tell someone, I won't be able to handle it. So I'm trying to just let it all slide. People can think what they want to think, that I'm naive, that I'm cold, that I don't care, that I'm disconnecting, because I know that I love Zoey. I know that I am going to give her the care and the love that she deserves with the time that we have left.
Sometimes we have to take it day by day and that's okay.

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So
1. Is it weird I keep wanting to put down my address for the one in AZ? I still havent gotten it that I am NOT going back. Sigh. Stupid brain stupid!
2. I have a job interview tomorrow (well today Mon-1pm PST) at a pet store. Shall see how it goes. Wish I hadnt lost my job "index card" where I had all my info. Just had to take out 10 mint to make a new one. Still no *clue* where it went to I lost it last year after we moved out here... ugh
3. It raining tonight. I hope I can sleep. Stupid statement I'm so tired I know I can sleep. I kinda miss thunder storms though. Call me crazy but I got so used to them and even in AZ most times rain included you know at least thunder & lightening (and sometimes wind & dust LOL). I miss that kinda crap...
4. I wanted to say my last posted pict about the butteflies reminds me of when I was 10 yrs old. I went to do a speech. My teacher thought me and another guy had the best speeches so we had a competition with all the grades. I was so nervous I was only 10 in the 5th grade. The speech was about handicapped people & especially about my sister Misty. Before we were going to speak someone came by and told us to "breath deeply and let all the butteflies out" and so we did and it helped. But I was SO nervous still. And yet out of all the kids in all the grades they picked me to win. Even 6th graders! I went on to another school and sadly lost badly. But inbetween I had to practice I practiced at home with our new video camera (the big clunky kind from the late 80's we got ours Dec 1988), and also at school in front of class. When I lost my teacher felt so bad for me she got me flowers my first set of flowers. She was my favorite teacher and still is to this day. She was great! She even let me bring my super big dr pepper from Carl's Jr back to class. I will never forget the speech, the experience and all the inbetweens. Made me realize I was a good speech writer never did I dream back then I would one day want to be a communications person and want a career on tv... yeah haha.
Okay bed now too tired and need some zzzzzzz. Good night