A little background: I have ADHD and have struggled with anxiety, depression, past trauma, and anger. I've been in therapy for a little over a year and have made a lot of progress. More recently, I've started focusing specifically on my temper because I know it's something I need to improve.
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 9 months, and it's the healthiest relationship I've ever had. We rarely argue and genuinely enjoy spending time together.
Recently, though, she told me my temper has become too much for her. She said I get angry over things that aren't a big deal and she's worried her friends will see that side of me.
The biggest example was a camping trip. We joined her friends and another group she had already warned me wasn't great. During a game of beer pong, several people, including one of her own friends, kept talking down to her, criticizing her, and giving unsolicited advice. Watching that made me really angry.
Instead of confronting anyone, I removed myself and went to the tent to cool off. My girlfriend checked on me, and I told her I was trying not to snap at anyone. Later, as we were leaving for a walk, I did make a passive-aggressive comment toward one of the people who had been treating her poorly. (Not a good look I know)
That night, the other group stayed up loudly until 4:30 a.m., and none of us got any sleep. Several people in our group were frustrated, and another couple even decided to leave because of them. My girlfriend and I also chose to head home that evening.
The next morning, she told me my temper was becoming a serious issue for her. I initially defended myself because I felt my anger was justified because these people were rude and disrespectful to both of us. She also brought up other situations from weeks earlier where my reactions and the way I spoke to her had bothered her, which surprised me because she hadn't mentioned them at the time.
I'm taking what she said seriously. I don't want my anger to damage an otherwise great relationship. I'm continuing therapy and am considering medication, seeing a psychiatrist, meditation, and mindfulness. For anyone, especially ADHD or neurodivergent people, who's struggled with anger or emotional regulation, what actually helped you?
The examples you gave sound less like you have a temper and more like your girlfriend - and her entire friend group - has a people pleasing problem. Why in the world are these people inviting an entire group of people that they don't like, don't get along with, are mean to them, and are generally so awful to be around that they tend to put an end to events??? That's fucking ridiculous. The ridiculous expectation where was that you - or your girlfriend - should hold their tongue at being mistreated. Healthy communication means sometimes having awkward conversations like "hey, that hurts my feelings, please stop" or "it's fucking 5 am, you need to go the hell to bed, jesus fucking christ, we're not 15 anymore".
