#conflict resolution

Price is there to greet you when you get back to base with regret pooling in his eyes. He'd been so caught up in his anxiety over Kyle's recovery and frustration at the failed mission that he'd taken it out on you. He'd told you it was your fault, forced you out of Kyle's recovery room, and iced you out of the team completely.

There was no excuse for what he'd put you through, watching as you head towards the base entrance. Your steps falter slightly as you approach, pulling your face into a neutral expression. "Hey, Captain."

"Welcome back, Y/N. Can we talk in my office once you get settled?" He asks, giving you a warm handshake and pulling you into a one-armed hug. Hearing Price speak to you after so long didn't fill you with the relief you were hoping it would. Sure, he finally wants to talk to you again, but you couldn't get over getting the silent treatment from him, and the fact that Johnny and Simon quickly followed his lead.

Take a minute or two: Sometimes whether we react doesn’t even feel within our control — but it is. When conflict arises, center yourself for a sec: take a few breaths and remind yourself of who you want to be at your best.

In before out: Try and internally process before you speak or act. Do a check-in with yourself and what you’re feeling. Remember you can always ask someone to give you a minute and/or space to process.*** If anyone tries to force you to stay in conflict, they aren’t ready — or don’t want — to resolve conflict with you. It’s time to run, then, not walk, to get the space and emotional safety you need.”

Use “I” statements: It’s important to own and express our experience of things rather than to put our focus on the other person. Sometimes conflict is one person not getting the impact of their behavior on someone else, so now and then an “I” statement can solve the whole issue.

When and where: Resolving conflict is often thorny and requires energy and focus from everyone involved. Choose mediums of communication⁠ where no one has to shortcut or multitask. Set things up so everyone has the time, energy & ability to pay close attention to each other.

Patience, grasshopper: When a conflict requires negotiation, or when someone involved is really struggling, resolution is an ongoing process. Instant forgiveness isn’t realistic. Resolution takes time and mutual work.

Be accountable: Taking responsibility clearly and earnestly for our own stuff goes a long way. Acknowledging ways we may have intentionally or carelessly created conflict, or how we can handle conflict better, are kinds of accountability that create space for resolution.

Know that practicing these six tips may feel awkward or clunky at first, but like with anything else, the more we practice resolving conflict together, the more natural it will feel. Trust in the process.

Mike Wheeler x Byers!reader

If you haven't read part 1 read here!

warning: arguments with resolution, Mike not being dense and emotionally unstable for once

summary: now staying with Robin and Steve after the disagreements, you knew you couldn't show yourself anywhere for a bit. Hawkins was small and it made you feel even smaller. Somehow wherever you went, Mike was right there and soon enough, when you thought the pain would only go away once you leave; Michael caught up to you again.

Please do not copy my work xx. This fic is unedited/not proofread so excuse all grammatical mistakes!

+ My AO3 is now live! Come say hi and support @thefemaleinsomniac on Archive Of Our Own!

note: lovelies, this part 2 is way long overdue and I literally posted that poll like on December 30 of 2025. I'm so sorry but I really had a hard time trying to think of a way to make this part 2 even a little bit interesting because I only intended TWAFY to be a one-shot. Nevertheless, you all seemed to love it and though it may be late for a part 2, here it is :) Enjoy!

"

"Look I'm just trying to say that maybe little Mike just hasn't seen you in a different light yet, give him another chance!" You and Steve have been sitting in the dining room, cramped up in a small circular table with coffee in hand. You both woke up at a healthy 5 AM, you by choice and him driven by his sense to comfort you. "But listen to this, what if... It just wasn't meant to be?" you say, a soft halo of red adorned the outer corners of your eyes. You fiddle with your thumbs a bit, waiting for a response out of Steve.

"hah, trust me. I've seen you two. You were inseparable and I don't know I've seen enough sides of relationships to have known that." "Yeah Steve, we know. But knowing your 'experience'... I'm sure you know that sometimes they'd love you at first and soon it comes crumbling down." You laughed at it all, it seemed so stupid how relationships can be so immature for all ages. You saw it happen with your own parents and by then you swore that you'd never do that to yourself.

"Hm. I guess you're not wrong."

You hadn't been in school either, they only had Joyce to call but you doubt that they'd call yet. You laid there, on the plaid black and white duvet of Robin's bed. All flesh rots, and maybe if you laid there long enough, you would too. You weren't sad on purpose, you just felt like there a hole in your stomach and it was telling you to stay still or else your past would come to eat you. Mike wasn't a bad boyfriend at first, Steve was right about that. You couldn't blame Mike all that much either, you were his first and he was yours. He used to love you the way real people do, he'd hold your hand on the way home and he'd gift you random things just to see you smile, typical movie, dinner dates. Mike's face was fully lit up when he introduced you to the rest of the Wheeler's as his partner.

You had spent a full hour thinking about the Mike you knew that you didn't realize the phone ringing in the kitchen.

You lay stiff on the bed, contemplating if you want to answer that call or risk missing it and get a lecture later. Mmm, fine let's get up. You feel the pads of your feet touch the cold wooden floor, holding on a thin blanket, you wrapped it around of your shoulders.

Look to the left, you find the black and green clock reading 3:30 PM. You lift a steady hand to the loud ringing wall phone. "Hello this is... Robin." Avoiding speculation of your whereabouts you decided to lie, just this once. "No you're not...I'm Robin, what the hell are you doing?" you hear her stupid tone from the phone. You started laughing like you haven't in months (you haven't). "Sorry, I thought it was school or Joyce or something—" "You don't even sound like me idiot, anyways, Can you go to the store? We need some groceries done— me and your gramps don't have time today to shop." You could hear Steve from the other line yelling incoherent words about being a "gramp."

"I would prefer to say no but knowing how you are... Fine I'll go. What do you need?"

You walk to the bedroom once again, thanks Steve for going to the Wheeler's to get your clothes, You wouldn't have done it in a million years. You fish out some jeans and put them on as you kept the t-shirt from last night on. Surprisingly enough, the roommates were gracious enough to have let you stay there that long. Sooner or later you knew you'd have to leave but maybe you'll push it a bit later.

Taking the key from underneath the floor mat, you lock the door and started heading down the stairs.

Ah, Steve also had brought your bike there. He seems to be very gracious to you— it was a bit scary. You continued to think about Mike’s face, especially replaying that stricken expression when you were yelling at him while he was on the ground, You knew that it wasn't really that deep but something about the absence of someone that had been in your life for so long suddenly disappearing in an instance, ate away at your soul. Hands touching the handlebars, a part of you hoped that he's grieving the same way.

You didn't mean to find out so quickly. Parking your bike at rails in front of the grocery store and pulling out a small basket to fish out the list provided by robin, here you were standing in front of the milk cartons. The list didn't specify skimmed or whole or partially skimmed or… ugh you looked at all the milk and instantly forgot what you used to get before too. You stood there dumbfounded and looked at the list, damnit.

You started walking around again, maybe you'll figure out what milk it is when you walk a little bit more.

"She usually gets skimmed." You look back, "oh God, it's just you." You put a hand on your chest and heave as you look down.

"Yeah yeah, I knew you'd be stuck about the milk when I heard the phone call earlier." Steve reached inside of the refrigerators for a carton. "Mm, don't you just know me so well. I'm like your real child"

"You know for someone who always denies having children, I'm not too mad about that statement. You're a good kid you know, I mean who would listen to Robin and actually go grocery shopping." He laughs and takes the basket from your arm. "I guess. Wait... Didn't she say you guys were unavailable to go shopping that's why I'm doing it?" You stared.

"Oh, did she? Well she's in the car in the parking lot, she probably didn't want to do it—" "You are both so rotten" You walked away to find the next thing on the list. "What?! What do you mean both? At least I'm here!"

And as you turn to the right of the store, your lungs gave up on you as you saw Mike holding a bouquet of flowers in the corner of the sunflowers. You quickly backed up to the closest aisle, "sh*t" your chest puffed up and down and before Steve got to you, you quickly ran to the door of the store.

You got on your bike feeling the injury from the past mission starts to hurt and you hear Robin from inside of her car yelling, "hey! where's the groceries?!"

Meanwhile, Mike heard the squeaking of your shoes and decided to walk towards the aisle. "Uhm—Are you alright?Steve?!" He jumped at the sudden encounter. Steve laughs and places a hand on Mike's shoulder "I seem to be scaring a lot of people today, you know Y/N was just—“ His eyes widen.

"You saw them?! Was the person running out the door them?!" "No no, sorry ahaha... I meant uh Dustin! Rotten kid. Jeez I've just been so worried about Y/N that you know, it just slipped. She disappeared you know?" Steve played it cool and knowing how Mike is, he bought it.

"I know, I didn't... Mean to... Hurt them"

You huddle at the corner of the bedroom, biting your nails and look at the blood seeping from in between the stitches of your torn skin. 'Who were those flowers for?' 'did he hear me?' 'were they for me? Oh surely not.' You brought the gauze to your wound and hear keys rattling outside the door and then as the door creaks open, Robin and Steve's hushed voice comes inside. "I uh, think you should talk to them this time.." Steve whispered trying to be quiet. "what the hell am I going to say? I'm like the last person who should be consoling a broken hearted human—“ Sh*t I don't know man!"

After fully patched up the wound, you come out of the dark room and looked at them for a second, "did you know that Mike was going to be there?" uttered in a soft voice, walking over to the pack and lighter on the dining table. "Honest to God, we both didn't know, besides we wouldn't have made you go if we knew." Robin settles the groceries down at the front of the dirty white fridge and as Steve puts it away, you and Robin goes to the balcony.

A soft click of the lighter but the soft hue ember doesn't touch the cigarette in between your lips. "Not craving?" Robin says from the rustic chair on the corner of the balcony. A soft patter of rain starts to form wet spots on the concrete of the road, shielded by the roof of another balcony above you, you walked to the other chair beside Robin and looked softly unto the distance.

"The last time I smoked was before Mike actually." Placing the lip stained filtered cigarette back into the box, then placing it on the coffee table in front of you. "The smell of smoke is beat by the smell of rain, and wet concrete & dirt." "Hah! I thought I was the only one who loved that earthy smell." Robin laughs and takes a cigarette before slowly dragging followed by a soft blow of grey smoke.

"You don't know what to say don't you" You looked straight at her before letting out a laugh, "hey— I like to think that my presence is enough! Forgive me but I think it's true. You know how warm it felt to know that the first person you came to after being heartbroken was me and that douche?" She laughs along waiting somberly for the rain to get heavier.

You sighed, a hand on your stomach "it's not like I'd go to Dustin's" you whispered staring at the horizon. "Humour me but you could've gone and slept at the hospital with Max--" "Ha. ha. ha. There I humoured you. But seriously, I couldn't think of anyone else. Sorry then." You say. "Don't be sorry, you know you're like the little sibling I never had. Now that we're here, just tell me what you need to let out and I'll listen with zero judgement."

"Wow, I feel like I'm at therapy." sheepishly you place a hand on your cheek and avoided Robin's gaze. "Well then uh..." A short silence follows your empty words. It never occurred to you how you felt without being worried of how you sounded. The noise of the rain made you feel less tense and you stared at the ground for a good moment before you finally muster up the words: "I think it hurt more knowing that I did love him. Even when he was wrong, I love him." You hear Robin huff from beside you and a quick sniffle before you keep talking.

"I was so scared that I was loving him wrong and he told me all the time not to worry but as those time pass, Mike, he just grew out of me I guess." Playing with the hem of you shirt, you see Robin's hand crush the butt of the cigarette from your peripheral vision. Hearing the neighbours wind chimes on their balcony, you felt your vision blur. "When I felt him start to get distant from me, it felt impossible to even get a step close to him. It broke my heart and it made me think all types of sh*tty things." You say as you shook your head.

"I don't know why it felt so heavy when I finally let go of him, you know? Like someone is taking away your favourite teddy bear as a kid and you just didn't know if you wanted to keep pulling and risk it tearing or let go of it so nothing hurts-- regardless letting go of him definitely hurts me more than it hurts him." as your vision started to blur with tears overflowing and glossing over your eyes, "after seeing him there after only a week, it all... Washed over me again. I thought it was gone! Hah, but uh... No no, it feels like your first will always haunt you."

"He looked perfectly fine and I think if anything... He's happy that I'm gone." you finish your words.

You finally look at Robin only to find her biting her knuckles and sobbing, trying to wipe her own tears with her other arm. Before you get to even wipe your own, you started to laugh once again, "God you are such a loser." you nudged her, and she pointed at the door of the balcony and as you turn your head, you see Steve leaning on the frame and a tissue to his nose as he cries in the same manner. "I think we both see ourselves in you kid--" "Man, don't call me that" Your shoulder slouched before walking towards the door, "Oh come on we were getting unto deep conversation there!" Robin yells.

It has been a few days after that encounter, you knew deep inside that you couldn't hide forever and finally you decided that you'd come back and help with the crawls. As much as you didn't want to see Mike, you definitely wouldn't want to see the world go into shreds and not help.

You silently kept your hand under your chin, staring out the car's backseat window as Steve drives to the Squawk. Robin looks backs from the passenger seat and looks at you for a bit until finally muttering "are you nervous? You don't have to go you know?" Her eyebrows knit together as you look at her "don't worry, I love my life and I really want to help spare it." "Yea but Mike--" "Mike this, Mike that, it's fine! It'll be fine, I'll be fine!" You squeezed your eyes shut into a smile but your stomach ached at the thought of meeting his eyes again.

You step inside of the building behind Steve and Robin, like some kind of surprise cake with candles. You first saw wide eyed Will running straight towards you. "We thought you disappeared! Damnit where did you go?!" His nose started to redden and he engulfs you in a tight hug, "easy easy, I'm sorry I made you worry! I didn't mean to, I promise" You say light heartedly, still avoiding eyes. As other keep surround you Hopper looks from afar and lets out a soft huff.

"It's been hard knowing that you're good at being a decoy and you suddenly disappear." Hopper tilts his head at you, you look beyond the heads that was around you and looked at him "I'm sorry, I can do it tonight--" "Uh uh, no can do. Your shirt." Dustin points at your mid-drift, you look down and see blood splotches on seeping from inside your grey shirt. You curse under your breath before smiling, "okay fine! I'll stay and do my original calls." You get an aggressive rub on you head from Joyce before you started to walk aside to a table, on the corner.

You've yet to see Mike yet, a part of you was relieved but a heavy fog settled and pooled in the bottom of your chest and fingertips.

Resting your hips on the edge of the table, you stare at the crew’s heads and counting around— as the young adults bickered with the teens, the adults making marks on the projected mat. Everybody was there except, Max of course, Mike, and…Lucas?—“Hey?”

The familiar smell of mint and eucalyptus cologne fills your senses as a hand rests on your shoulder. An apologetic voice emerged from the left behind you, airy and thin, like they didn’t want to be heard by anyone else but you. You swiftly turn back, seeing no one other than Sinclair on the left perimeter of the table.

You tilt your shoulder down, feeling his hand slide down from your jacket and it falling onto the side of his own. “It’s been… A month I think—“ “three weeks… [cough] sorry.” You whispered after cutting him off, “sorry” you say once again. Sorry.

“No yeah, um, yeah. I just you know… I think I owe you like a real explanation right? It would make sense but like ugh like.” As others started to put their gear on, you face away from Lucas and stare down at your beat up shoes. “Maybe if I don’t look at you, it would come out.”

You often did that to Lucas, he was your first friend when you first moved to sad ol’ Hawkins. You learned young that it’s easier for people to talk about tense things if you don’t intently stare at them and it’d be better if you didn’t have eye-contact in general. When puberty hit and it felt like a wall was built between you and Lucas’ growing reputation, you’d often confront him and when it was his turn to talk, you’d promise to have each other back to back as he says his side of mental state.

It brought you both into a sense of peace within each other, it was something the both of you share and it had became a practice, a ritual, that you shared with others when needed. When you’d have arguments with Mike, you face your back on him when he talked, when you wanted to be vulnerable with Robin, you averted your gaze some place else that wasn’t her face, same thing with Joyce.

It wasn’t fear of confrontation, it was fear of not being able to say what you really want to say because you were only focused on their expression and not yours. You first saw this with your parents, they’d argue face to face but when they have time to talk to you individually, they’d end up telling you what they meant to say to each other. And you didn’t want that.

Now you’re here, Holding a wet cloth on your wound and occasionally tapping your feet as you pressed it with a firm hand, facing away from Lucas. You felt his breath steady, imagining that a string of words was being funnelled into his brain. “I didn’t know he’d been distant.” he starts.

“Max, she— has completely engulfed my mind and, Mike hasn’t said a peep and usually to me that means he’s content?” You sigh, you then ask, “then why did you say that maybe I could’ve expected nothing?” “oh, I don’t know. Partially because between me and Max, I didn’t give her anything for anniversaries in some years!” he muttered.

“you know before she went into the coma, she did tell me how she hated that. You know, with that expression.” You exaggerated, Lucas laughs at the soft image popping into his head of Max’s sour and annoyed expression as she rolls her eyes.

You face him again, you open your arms wide before fully wrapping them around him. Lucas didn’t know if he wanted to freeze or lift his arms to hug back, he decided on the latter. “I’m sorry I blamed you, I’m sure you didn’t mean to be there when we broke up.” you clutched him a bit tighter.

He gulped, knowing that in truth… He had meant to be there. He had to stay over at the Wheeler’s that night right? and as Lucas waited for you to get out of the bathroom— he heard your sniffles and whining from the room beside. He’d thought you had fallen and wanted to check on you.

But Mike opened the door at the same time as you did and Lucas’ first instinct was to hide because maybe Mike had something planned.

But it didn’t sound like it was a well thought out “happy anniversary” plan…

“Sinclair! Come on get you stuff on let’s go go go” You hear a stern voice erupting from Hopper. Lucas quickly peels away from you and after running a few steps, he turns back and says “let’s catch up, like tomorrow or something.” You give him a small smile before waving and sit on the table.

You watched them go up the stairs and hear them bicker. Starting to make your way to the recording booth where you originally resided. Each step made you feel like you haven’t been here in years, but it was only 3 weeks ago that you last stepped foot on this grey floor. Your shoes squeak at the traction of quick paced movements, as much as your conscience wanted to go out into the upside down and help, you were glad that they didn’t let you.

Looking at the glass of the enclosed box, you made your way around the back and clutched the doorknob. You heard the walkie talkie started to static from inside the booth, and in worry that somebody needed help, you swung the door open ready to reach for it.

The enclosed box revealed to you, the missing Mike. In his hands the walkie talkie, his usual sad eyes peering at you and in a “i just woke up from a nap” position. You with one hand still on the door knob and the other on your wound, hair a mess, mouth agape with the same eyeing expression back at him.

“y/n”

“Micheal”

“Hey you there?” Dustin calls from beyond wherever.

“Yeah yeah, here.” His eyes glued onto you but still talking with the talkie in front of his mouth.

“Mike? Jesus man have you been there the whole time? I thought y/n was supposed to be— oh sh*t.” Yikes, double scheduled, Dustin thought. “Ooohkay. I’ll redirect to um, Robin downstairs then… Have at it.” he continued m, whatever he meant by that.

“I can go downstairs to Robin.” you slowly started to back up, refusing to let go of the knob. Before you turn your back, he quickly latched a grip onto your forearm. Stopping you dead in your tracks.

“No stay, please.” Mike says.

“We both know how this’ll end, please don’t break my heart again.” you choked down your syllables into a small crumpled pile in your throat and refused to face him, but you didn’t move away from him either.

“I’ll be better, please just listen to me. Please, please.” His voice dragged onto a whine and you can vaguely imagine his eyebrows again knitting together and his hair tussled. You swat your arm from his grasp and faced the open door. Mike thought you’d leave, but instead you pushed the it closed and allowed your hand to linger on the wood for a moment.

You still refused to face him, because you knew that once you see and remember the way his rosy cheeks adorned his eyes, your eyes would turn into faucets.

“Face me” Mike says.

“No. Just say what you want to say.” You say quietly.

“Face me, come on” again.

“No. Micheal, say what you want to say because this crawl could kill us tonight if it got down to it.” firmly you snarled.

If you faced him, you’d start blurring out the words as he held your hands over his half-a*sed apology and coaxing you into a drunk-like manipulated state and—

“okay” he didn’t dare budge you, he didn’t dare to lose track of you again.

Mike didn’t have an apology script in hand, and the flowers he bought a couple days before wasn’t for you, but sitting in a vase for his mother, he didn’t ask his friends for help and right now, in this very moment, Mike believed that his words wouldn’t escape him as he stared at the figure of your back.

He thought that if you looked and memorized the silhouette of your back hard enough in that dim box, that you’d never disappear ever again. He thought that even if you left him for good tonight, at least he got to tell you how he really felt, if he’s able to and you’re able to listen.

You knew all this, feeling his sitting presence from behind, it didn’t feel like the corner of Robin’s apartment or the milk aisle’s cold air forcing itself on your back. But a presence, an entity, you’ve been looking for this whole time.

“When you left that night. I knew you wouldn’t dare look back.” His voice softly started to fill every corner of the room. “I stayed sitting there for a good 2 hours before Lucas had to drag me back to bed… And—and I thought about so many things. And I realized that all I was thinking about was all the things I could’ve done right.” Mike’s voice started to shake and you had to cross your arms in front of your chest to suppress the familiar hurt of hope from making you sob.

“I didn’t think I was doing things wrong, I thought you were happy with what I was doing. Pursuing what I loved and my friends but somehow, I lost you during the way. And I’m…I’m so sorry. I—I love you so much that when life got so hard, I had to store my love someplace else to avoid it from fading away from you.”

He continues “hearing you call me Micheal now, I know that Mike isn’t cutting it for how I’ve made you feel all these years we’ve been together and I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, you were my first and I didn’t know how to treat you well enough to draw you away. I’m sorry.” Mike cried in between each sentence, finding oxygen to hold onto.

You felt both his hands tug on the back of the hem of your jacket. Tears hugged your eyes, a soft pearl rolling down the hills of your cheeks. You hate that you love him so much. How pathetic he is and how you both have gone through the good, the bad, and the worst together.

“I love you. I need you like I need my life, I need you like my bone hugs the marrow, please.” he slowly drags his hand down the hem of your jacket and onto the the palms of your hand.

As you turn slowly and both your eyes met, the room felt all a blur and it felt like everyone dead or alive on earth was watching you. A ceremony, a declaration of a second chance they all hoped. You suddenly walk out of the booth, letting the door slam open and walked hastily out into the front of the open field.

“Come back!” his voice crept behind you. It’s been rainy all week and tonight was no different, the rain slowly came creeping. You take in the damp air, a sort of freshness the hill brought in. You look behind your shoulder, hair getting caught in the wind, you see Mike running towards you.

As if your eyes could produce more tears, it did. you wrapped your arms around yourself to shield off the cold biting breeze that the rain brought. Feeling the water mix into the tears on your face, rain drenching you both with no safety of a roof.

“You’re an a*shole, Micheal Wheeler. I can’t believe you would do this after— after everything.” You shook your head and he takes a step closer.

“You left me, you didn’t apologize, you— you did everything a boyfriend should never do. A friend wouldn’t even do that you f*cking idiot!” slapping his shoulder, you yelled.

“You didn’t even say I love you.” You put both hands over your face, not being able to stop the anger that echoed with the storm.

He put both hands on your shoulder, lowering down and Mike cried. His curls soaking with the rain, he wanted to do everything for you but nothing connects.

“What do you want me to say Mike?” tears rolled down your face. “Out of all the tears I shed outside of this building tell me which ones you want to see. Out of all the words I practiced outside of this building, tell me what you want to hear.” You stepped closer to him, feeling the pads of his fingers feel your own.

“Please let me see it all now.

Please let me hear it all now.” he whispers.

“Mike, if somebody told me two days from now that I’d be standing here having this encounter with you and asked if I’d forgive you, I would’ve said no.” You closed your fists tight. You stared at his eyes intently as a saddened expression washes over his pale face.

“And I can’t promise that I won’t compare your actions from before to now and the rest of the days to come and think of you as an a*s but…” you continued as his face starts to hover closer to yours.

“If what you said is true, and—and you won’t f*ck it up, I swear Mike, this is forever or never.” You put your hand around the back of his neck and smiled alas.

“Please.” He places his forehead onto yours and closes his eyes. “I’m sorry, I was sh*tty and—“ “shh shh, shut up just don’t be sh*tty now and just hold this moment. This feels right.”

“Get back in here! Hopper found something!” Robin’s hand waves from inside the building.

"The key elements of accountability are:

1. Recognition of Harm → Approaching the truth(s) of a matter with transparency, self-reflection, and a willingness to sit in discomfort

2. A Commitment to Stopping Harm → Ceasing harmful behaviors immediately, not as an avoidance tactic, but as an act of care

3. Taking Responsibility With Care → Owning one’s actions without defensiveness, excuses, or blame-shifting, and understanding accountability as a gift, rather than a punishment

4. Repairing Harm with Sincerity → Engaging in meaningful, relationship-centered repair, whether through heartfelt apologies, restitution, or other acts of care and transformation

5. Commitment to Long-Term Transformation → Examining the root causes of harmful behavior, unlearning oppressive patterns, and intentionally shifting toward more just, loving, and liberatory ways of being

True accountability does not seek punishment but healing, and it does not exist without care—care for ourselves, care for those impacted, and care for the futures we are building together. Even when self-love feels out of reach, we move toward accountability with the belief that everyone is capable of growth, worthy of dignity, and deserving of a future rooted in justice and healing, even ourselves."

The thing that I think helps define a healthy relationship is how you handle that conflict together. And part of that is you should plan for conflict and how you'll handle that together.

When handling a conflict:

Both parties should be able to have the space to say their piece and talk about their feelings.

Validate the other's feelings if possible. This doesn't mean you necessarily agree with anything, or agree with their version of events. It just means you've heard them and are showing that you hear them.

Both parties needs should be heard, and if possible, a compromise might be found to meet the needs of both parties. This might require negotiating.

It shouldn't be about who's "right" or "winning." It should be about how you can solve the problem together.

If someone wronged someone, there should be accountability. Even if that person didn't mean to hurt the other person. You can and still should apologize for someone being hurt, and don't blame them for being hurt. It might be "I'm really sorry I hurt you. That wasn't my intention at all, but I can see you are feeling hurt, and I am sorry."

Try and be gentle. While I understand the want to yell, or use accusatory statements, these things are more likely to put someone on the defensive which will likely prolong the conflict. People are more likely to hear you out if they don't feel attacked, and are approached more gently. If you aren't in a place to do this, walk away and approach the hard conversation when you are feeling more calm.

Here are some suggestions I have for communicating during conflict. If you don't have a lot of spoons but can read one, I want to suggest the DEAR MAN one as one to prioritize!

This is a post about I-Statements. These statements are very useful for being honest about your feelings while not being accusatory. While it's tempting to be aggressive when talking about things that seem obvious to use, if we want to preserve a relationship with someone, we should approach conflict with the intent of finding a solution and not winning the argument. This usually means approaching the conflict with a goal in mind.

Here is my post about if you need to apologize to someone.

Here is a post about the DEAR MAN method. The goal of this skill is to communicate effectively with someone in a way that helps you express your needs/wants in a way that is respectful of all parties involved in hopes of reaching a positive outcome.

This is about FAST. This skill is useful for working to communicate in a way that preserves relationships while also maintaining one’s own self-respect.