Of Nonsensical Whatevers
Or, what is basically a stream of consciousness on old OCs and development.
I’ve been thinking about my old OCs again and looking backon some old artwork. As expected, it is a wholly cringe-worthy period, both in termsof actual artstyle and in terms of the type of characters created. In its entirety, it is not a proud period of my life, nor do I think it is of anyone who has passed the stage of OP characters and exceptionally illogical plotlines. The conclusion that I eventually reached was that time spent on DeviantART was not time well spent (hence the reason my account there is 99% inactive).
Despite this, I do think it was a period of time that was good for me. I think, in its inherently ridiculous nature, it was time well spent. Whilst I encourage you to see if any of this resonates with you, this is likely to mostly just be my own impression on the effect those days had on me as a person. I’m really only trying to put my own feelings into words here.
When I think back on the time before I really entered the ‘fandom zone’ of the internet, I realise I had no outlet. I was a very ordinary child in a very ordinary environment. I could feel something was off, which is honestly probably one of the main reasons I delved into books and reading that seemed beyond my age (why there’s an apparent age restriction on how long a book you can read is beyond me though – if you can keep up with it, what does it matter how old you are?). Nonetheless, I had no outlet. And by this, I mean a creative outlet. For a very long period of time, I did not write nor draw nor have any other potential activity to channel my energy towards.
It is an odd thing, now that I think back on it, how much that period of my life, which everyone seems to think back on with the greatest reluctance, helped me progress as a person – granted, I am still embarrassed by it, please don’t ask me about those characters, I really am not proud of them lmao. I think one of the main reasons everyone has one of those times is because it’s a time where all your imaginative energy comes rushing forth and out in an uncontrolled spew of content. The results are the extravagant characters with powers beyond the limits of the particular fandom universe you may have set them in; the plotlines with an obnoxious number of holes in them; those conversations and RPs that will forever haunt your days. This is the outcome. As you grow, you tend to learn how to control this flow. You learn what makes a good character and what makes a bad character, and how these are not the same things as what makes a character good and what makes them bad. You learn and you develop and your imagination becomes more ‘refined’, so to speak. It becomes more finely tuned. It still has the same tsunami-like power, what now it’s more focussed and more precise and infinitely more effective in terms of creative output. Your creative capacity hasn’t change, but the quality of your creative output has.
And I don’t really think it’s something to be so inherently ashamed of. When I think of it like this, I look back on those conversations and those characters, and yes I’m embarrassed and yes I cringe at every last thing. But the fact is that I think it’s such an important period to go through, because you learn to let your creativity out. You make these mistakes and learn from them. You develop in terms of what you can and can’t do because you’re starting to realise that you have all these ideas in your head, all these concepts and characters and all these amazing thoughts running amuck, and yet you have no idea how to get them out there. So when you land in this pit of people who are the same, who are still learning to get their ideas out, it encourages you to do the same. And once it starts, it doesn’t stop.
And maybe I am just rambling. And maybe I’m the only one who feels this way. Maybe I am trying to look back on that time in a positive light. But the fact is that, had it not been for the time I’d spent with those ideas and in that environment, I would never have dared to cross the line into my own work. It was thanks to that time of my life that I started drawing, and writing and, above all, looking beyond my own little bubble. And maybe it took longer for me than it did for other people. That’s fine; no two people will develop at the same rate in the same ways. Maybe it took me less time. Maybe I’m able to look at it and think this way because I didn’t go through some of the same things other people did.
Maybe all of that is true. Maybe it’s not. That’s not the point. What I’m saying is that that time I said was not well spent has ended up serving me well enough in the long run. It is, annoyingly enough, thanks to that that I ended up on tumblr. Whether that is good or bad is debatable. But I’ve met great people and I’ve learnt plenty of things I didn’t know before and I’m just so much more aware now. I've become a much more receptive and accepting person. I am better than I was.
And… idk I think I ended up diverging from my main point somewhere. But whatever. I just really wanted to get this out of my system.
On the other hand, maybe you should be ashamed of it. Maybe you should look back on your attitude towards people and towards other (art)work and feel bad about it. The sheer number of people I saw (still see) being put down for having an artstyle which is developing is sickening. So what if all the 13 year old kid draws’ anime characters with them disproportionately bigass eyes and godforsaken anatomy? So what? You have no right, as an observer and a fellow artist, to attack that person. If you’re so desperate for them not to draw that way, critique it. Give them advice. Don’t be a dick about it. Educate them. And if you think it’s not your responsibility, then back off??? You have to know that not every child who draws on these sites is looking to actually improve their art.
It comes back to that concept of an outlet. A means to an end. Not everyone will follow the same route and no one should have to. For me, drawing became an integral part of my life. It was fun and satisfying and it occupied my time. Recently, I’ve drifted away from it, because it’s made me feel down and made me lose faith in myself. So, I’ve stepped back from it. Using one method doesn’t mean it’s the only method you get to use. There’s a plethora of things you can do as an outlet to your creativity and there’s a metric fuckton of shit you can do within each aspect. The idea is not to limit yourself. Don’t dig yourself into a rut because you think this is the only thing you can possibly do. Don’t pigeonhole yourself like that. And, you know what? Even if you’re the goddamn fucking best at whatever shit you’ve chosen to do, who’s to say you can’t have another outlet? What’s stopping you? No one who draws or writes or whatever will ever tell you that the activity is fun 92983579135% of the time. It’s tiring and it’s tedious and it sometimes becomes a chore. Switch it up. Do something new. Go bake a cake.
What my original point was probably meant to be was this: do something new. Find an outlet. Find forty. Put something of yourself out there. And then come back to it, examine it, and see how far you can go beyond it. Develop your skills and grow as a person. Improve yourself and be better than you are, damn it.
