This is not a vow, this is not a promise, this is just a description of me, what can be expected from me, and how I wanted to be treated.

I'm not your mother who can take on every tantrum and every sh*t then forgive you in a blink.

I'm a human with feelings even though I sometimes I tend to hide it. I'm not a person who raised you or grows up with you that you can expect to understand everything about you. I'm a stranger who happen to find you and decide to grow old with you. 

I'm not your paid maid who you can order or tell me to do things or to serve you as you are my master.

I'm a person who need someone to take care of me as you are a person who also need to be taken care of. I'm your partner as you are my partner. I care about you and willing to take care of you with all my capabilities but never to take me for granted and demean me.

I'm not a fan of bunches of children. I do want to have children. But never said it's MY children

I will do my part to be the one who carried them for 9 months, and raised them. Remembering it is an adult rational decision to have those children between you and I, the responsibility must also be shared. It is not only MY children, it is also YOURS so never said it is mine or yours because it it OUR children.

I'm may not become a 24 hours housewives or dealing with domestic stuff for 24 hours. I may assigned other to help me in domestic part and need to share some part to raise OUR children with my partner.

During the day I may be busy with my career or business and may not be physically there with our children. I'm a hardworking person who believe in dreams and to pursue it as we live. Of course, I will put my family first on my priority, sacrifices must be made, decide wisely on difficult choices. OUR children may not see me physically during the day (virtually perhaps through video call thanks to high technology) but I will make everything I do meaningful and give our children the real example that they can reach their dreams as I successfully reaches mine.

Even though we are together, we do find comfort in each other at the end of the day, there will be easy times and tough times where the comfort may not enough and I may not have all the answers.

No matter how difficult the situation is, I am the partner who will always support you on your tough times, to support your action and decision for the sake of our family.

Above it all, my demands and expectation from YOU is quite simple.

Love come and goes, You are not my Father who can love me unconditionally without any infidelity issue. You can really love me but there are times where you can also hates me, and perhaps other women that can attract you more than I do. But YOU have commitment with me, for all I know is that you must stick to the responsibility of that commitment whether love still around or not, cuz I believe love can be grown from time to time.

Caught up in the marriage life takes all my time to update this tumblr. It’s almost 6 months since our wedding and so many things happened. I changed my career life, K-Man having HNP (severe low back pain), and the most wonderful thing is that K-Man and I are expecting a bambino.

Yes, a baby is on its way right here in the oven around 17 weeks. Its surprising actually to have baby this fast. On November 2012  I remember my rave party in an island at Karimun Jawa, dancing and drinking, without even crossing in my mind that in another year I will be a pregger, then next year hopefully feeding the baby.

I found out about my pregnancy 2 months after our wedding while the fetus is around 4 to 5 weeks. We cannot see the fetus yet at that time and no heartbeat yet only the tiny pocket that protect the  fetus. At that time we decided to keep it both to our self until we see the fetus is alive with good heartbeat. Kman and I were surprised and speechless when we heard the test result, the doctor who delivered the news seemed more excited than us. It’s not that we are trying to postpone having a bambino we just didn’t expect it happen so fast.

Before we got married we already have multiple conversations and already thought about the timing to have a baby which a rational decision is made: Just let the universe decide. At the beginning I was more towards to postpone the baby, let both of us settled first around 1 year to enjoy just us two and to be more ready financially ad mentally for a baby. Meanwhile Kman does not want to postpone because settling and being ready is just unmeasurable and what happen if we’re not ready, how long it should be postpone meanwhile he really do looking forward to have mini me  or him.

There is this one thing that Kman said to me during our discussion that made me think: Why should we over think on timing we should have a baby when this baby is something that is not within our reach, we can only pray and work to make it happen but it is not within our power to have it happen, it’s just something we have to let go let God do its work and decide if we are worthy enough to become a parents or not.

Then I realized, having a baby is just like finding your soul mate, why bother setting target on when to get marry when you’re still single, if its not meant to be, then its just not meant to be.  I’ve seen friends and relatives for their effort to have baby. There are couple that postpone the pregnancy and when they decide its time its just not that easy, they’re going from one doctor to another. It also happen with couple that really keen for baby right away after they get married which took time, effort and money to expect pregnancy. Meanwhile that are also couple that having pregnancy unexpected because it happened during the program to postpone. Also others that have miscarriage.

So it comes o our decision that we will not use any protection and will not do any attempt to prevent pregnancy. For Kman he will just let go, not pushing around to have a baby as soon as possible and not to stress out trying to have it. And for me, I stopped my casual wine, projecting positive attitude towards being ready anytime I’m pregnant and believe that’s when God has trusted me to become a mother, it will happen.

It’s a good thing for me because I’m more concern in my health and not feeling unprepared for the pregnancy. If its meant to be, no matter what kind or protection we used it will just happen and I don’t want to be feeling not ready for a blessing to come (wonder how much guilty I would be if I found out I’m pregnant after having bottle of wine on the night before). Financially we’re both doing quite well, we may not yet provide home but we can still afford food, milk, diapers and all baby’s basic needs.  Home and other stuff hopefully will come along with persistence and hard work.