#complexmark

     one: you are above a multitude of a thousand feet above and into the atmosphere. you're up so high that god can see you but he can't make way to greet you (and he worries about you, oh sehun. pushing yourself to your body's limit). but instead, your body is aching with exhaustion and your fingers are shaking against your thighs. you try to fall asleep, but the plane's engine is a savage in your ears and your eyes burn when closed. she (cute; perhaps older than you are. wears a smile that you haven't seen before, and you wonder if she's like this with everybody else, the passengers, or if you sit on a throne of specialty for her) offers you a meal, lunch, and you shake your head. you can't eat because your appetite has been stolen from you nights before. somehow, you manage to drift asleep in the clouds. it feels like a blessing.

     two: you're rushed off the plane and a bandmate distinctively tugs you along. everything is a great big haze, you feel like breaking down right then and there. exit the plane. down the hall, out of the cute stewardess' sight. things feel safe. you slide on your sunglasses, prepare your passport, phone, and earbuds. then everything hits you like a storm and you feel your insides churning. fans of all ages beckoning you, flashes everywhere, it's difficult to breathe in tight, confined spaces. you cling to the rest of your bandmates for security but they find it cute; and you just want to end it all. they won't cease to let you inhale and exhale. you wonder if you'll die just like this. you're finally outside and the world is brighter and more green. better, but not worse (and that's satisfying).

     on the van ride home, he thinks of his roommate, mark tuan, while reading the received messages.