I had a bot read 100,000,000 witchcraft guides! Then I asked it to produce its own! Here’s what it came up with:
Witchcraft is love, light, & salt. Do you do a witch? How much sage do you burn? Burn sage everywhere in pots and screaming pans. A witch is moss or a crystal.
First take rosemary in your hand, then quartz on a table. Pray. Scream into tarot deck.
Loki and Hecate are too gay for you and very naughty. Are you gay or a woman? Then you are a crystal.
Rose quartz is a perfect substitute for everything, other than rosemary. Lay down in grass. Feel the vibe of your insides. The mother earth is herbal bread. Energy heal a cat familiar before posting a picture of it on Instagram. If you don’t fold a curse away from you, you will perish. Scream again. Tell a spirit it is a motherfucker, do not let it into your house.
Scott Cunningham wants you to spray salt water on your doors. Make infusions! Put salt in your water!
To cast a circle, walk around love and lightly, whisper sweet nothings to a small knife as you point it at each wall. Call out the names of your cats. Play Magic The Gathering Today!
If you can’t conjure rosemary, store bought is fine. If you say you are a witch, then you are moss or a mushroom. [Image of crystals and herbs] Have you done a cultural appropriation today? Set out your herbs and bowl, place them on the moon. Moon water is crucial for this next part. Do literally whatever you want, it doesn't matter! Feel your ovaries? That's witchcraft. If you cannot, then you are gay and not a witch, unless you are rosemary.
My grandmothers burned so that I can have crystals. The Queen of Cups is my spirit animal. [Image of trees in fog] Run through grass with your toes out. Do not step inside mushrooms, you will lose your name and a baby will be put inside your house.
Twirl your hands clockwise four times and put nails in a jar to stop bad stuff. Anoint a candle with essential oil from bath and body works.
You have now made your house safe from herbs.
