#commentary essay

A head teacher has asked the students to produce a leaflet called Leaving Home. The leaflet will be aimed at older teenagers who are going to live in another town or city to go to university. The following text is a leaflet made by one of the students, and in the leaflet, it gives advice and guidance on how to manage living away from family for the first time. Write a reflective commentary on the leaflet, explaining how the writer’s linguistic choices contribute to fulfilling the task set by the head teacher.

So, congrats! You’ve aced your A levels, and now it’s the time you’ve been waiting for. Time to wave bye bye to your bro, sis, Ma, Pa and pet goldfish and head off for Universityville, Freedom County, zip code IND3P3ND3NC3. Yay! But before you pack your lifetime collection of odd socks and a year’s supply of chocolate, hang on a minute and have a look at some valuable advice from me, your friendly expert Uni Preparation Guide.

Tempted to squander? Try not to blunder!

Too posh to look after your dosh? Or in too much of a daze to save? At Uni, you’ll be in charge of your own money for the first time in your life. It may feel pretty amazing to have all that filthy lucre to manage. Keep a track of everything you spend so you don’t run out of cash when you’re going to need it most. Always make sure you’ve allowed enough for rent, food, books and travel before you’re even tempted to treat yourself to that extra-special customised Porsche.

JK! For that you’ll have to wait until you’ve graduated...

Eating like Einstein

We all know that students need brainpower, brains need food and food equals fuel, but what kind of fuel are you going to feed that thinking machine inside your head? Burgers? Fries? Ice cream? Cake? Uh-oh! Take-aways are super-high in empty calories and astronomical in cost. Instead, take time to select fresh fruit and veg to cook yourself; choose pasta for slow-release carbs. Eating healthily, you’ll feel good, learn more efficiently and you won’t be allowing unhealthy choices to chow down on your budget!

Tickety tock

No doubt having made all those new friends, you’ll be desperate to become the life and soul of the party, but late nights and disco fever can take their toll. Sure, use your planner to detail which nights you’re meeting your mates, league match fixtures and hot dates with the girl who sits on the front bench of the lecture theatre, but plot in your lecture timetable, seminar dates and assignment deadlines first. If you manage your time carefully, you won’t need to give your fave band’s next gig a miss because you’ve an essay to hand in the next day – you’ll have that essay proof-read and printed, smug as you like.

Good luck, peeps! And enjoy!

To start off, the purpose of the text is to inform the audience, older teenagers, who are planning to move to a different town or city for university. It also aims to give advice and guidance on how to handle living independently without the support of family members for the first time. The author uses the form of address "you" and "your", the second point of view, making the audience feel like they are conversing with the writer. The majority of this text is in future tense, indicating that this will be a part of the audience's future one day. The register is conversational as the language is chatty yet serious. This is because slang words and interjections were used, like "JK!", "yay!" and "uh-oh!", which helps reduce the age gap between the author and audience, creating a closer relationship. The author also uses many punctuations like exclamation marks and different types of sentences to grab the audience's interest throughout the text. Not only that, different types of sentences, ranging from simple to compound sentences, were used to add interest and help the writer to get their ideas across effectively. Furthermore, the author separates the text into sections, giving it a coherent structure, and writes sub-headings with catchy titles, which makes it easier for the audience to follow and to give the reader an indication of what the following information will be about. The tone is overall lively and humorous, creating a light-hearted and refreshing atmosphere for the audience.

The text starts off with a two-word fragment, "So, congrats!". This signifies that the author firstly wanted to express how proud the author is of them who have worked hard on their A levels before bringing up the main purpose of the leaflet, creating a fulfilled mood. The author continues congratulating them with jokes by using language devices like humorous neologisms ‘Universityville, Freedom County, zip code IND3P3ND3NC3’. This creative combination of the word ‘independence’ and number 3 to replace the letter E prevents the style of the text becoming a formal leaflet so that students will not stop reading mid-way - it already gives them a strong first impression. The author then ends the introduction using the language device metaphor ‘lifetime collection of odd socks and a year’s supply of chocolate’. Here, the author sarcastically describes what students do after the final exam is over - they relieve their stressful days by going on a vacation and eating as much as they want. This left the audience amused as they can relate to it but then continues to inform the audience of the overall impression of university life in a serious manner.

In the first section, teenagers are greeted with rhyming assonance in the heading ‘Tempted to squander? Try not to blunder!’. This directs the reader’s interest towards the next paragraph. In addition to that, the reader may pay attention to the use of the rhyming verb ‘squander’ and the noun ‘blunder’, this will evoke the reader to wonder what mistake might they make, which helps pique their interest even further. In the first sentence, the writer uses even more rhyming assonances as well as using rhetorical questions ‘Too posh to look after your dosh? Or in too much of a daze to save?’. The use of the rhetorical device suggests the reader participate in the text as if prompting them to answer the question so that they continue engaging in the text. In the next sentence, the writer starts using future tenses ‘you’ll’ which makes the reader imagine what the writer is describing. Because the reader is imagining what the writer is saying, the writer’s advice comes across naturally and this causes the reader to accept the advice, which helps the writer accomplish more of the purpose of the text. In comparison to the lengthy advising sentences before, the last sentence is a short casual sentence. It uses the abbreviation of ‘JK’ which is to remind the reader that they can resonate with the writer even after the writer gave them informational advice. Right before the paragraph, there is the use of ellipsis ‘until you’ve graduated... ‘, this allows the reader a pause before they continue to the next paragraph.

Moving on to the second section, the use of the alliteration in the heading ‘Eating like Einstein’ implies that the paragraph will be about smart eating. The writer used ‘Einstein’ as a substitute for the word smart, leading to the reader having to think what Einstein means, and after hooking them on the heading, the reader might want to know more and so it evokes them to read further. The writer now starts using the second point of view, to direct the reader or even trick them to agree with the writer’s opinion ‘We all know that students need brainpower’. Then the writer uses the noun ‘fuel’ and the noun ‘machine’, this is to compare the similarities between food as fuel and machines as our brain. The writer also uses more rhetorical questions like ‘what kind of … inside your head? Burgers? Fries? Ice cream? Cake?’. This makes the readers ponder for a while as they can reflect on the meals they usually consume and whether they are living a healthy lifestyle, creating a contemplative atmosphere. Lastly, the writer ends the last sentence with an exclamation mark ‘budget!’ to emphasize the point of the sentence and maintain the lively tone.

In the third section, the heading makes use of the onomatopoeia ‘Tickety tock’. The use of the term ‘tickety tock’ implies that a clock is ticking, this suggests to the reader that time is passing, and they must use it wisely. Again, this is used to hook the readers to continue reading. Then the writer continues to give further information of what’s to come in university using the idiom ‘life and soul of the party’ as well as the phrase ‘disco fever’. This helps the readers to visualize a vivid scene of them socializing and partying all day long with their friends, creating an astonishing feeling as it is very different from what they experience in college. Continuing the use of the second-person point of view, the writer is describing a future situation with ‘you’re’ future tenses and personal pronouns. Again, this gives the reader the effect of experiencing what the writer is describing as if the reader becomes a character in the story. The writer describes a hypothetical situation ‘If you manage’ and ‘miss out a gig’, which makes the readers reflect on the advice of the writer, thus helping the writer complete their purpose.

Finally, the writer ends the text by using short sentences with the punctuation of exclamation marks. With the interjection of ‘good luck’ and the slang ‘peeps’, the author ends the text with enthusiasm, and this attracts the reader’s final attention as it indicates the intimacy the reader and the writer can share. And the final use of ‘enjoy!’ reminds the reader that the author wishes them positivity and the use of the exclamation mark helps emphasize the writer’s cheerful feeling, creating a content atmosphere.

General Tso. Cereal chicken. Salted egg.

How can all this be related, you might ask? Meet the Po Bar, a Chinese-takeout restaurant that has quickly built its reputation with snake-long lines. Though it’s still new on the night-out dinner scene, it has become the talk of London. But why?

First impressions are everything—and Po Bar takes it to the next level. Upon entering the emperor-like door that resembles a snake, I was surprised to find out that there were only four tables in it. ‘Am I lost?’, I thought. Turns out I’m in the right place! As a way of building intimacy, Po Bar decides to only have four tables, embezzled in gold beads, which looks like something from The Great Gatsby.

Overlooking the ceiling, there were snake sculptures (yes, snakes all over again), that embodies the luck, the longevity, and the wealth of the restaurant. If you think four tables would make the restaurant dead silent, you’re wrong! Po Bar features an open kitchen, where you can have a peek of all the wok-banging magic happening.

What about the good, you might be wondering? For starters, I got the salted egg yoghurt parfait. At first, it might sound like something from Mars, isn’t it? But oh boy, did it live up to its hype! Even at the very first bite, I was taken aback. ‘No way!’, I thought. Moving onto the real deal—General Tso’s chicken. Bathed in crispy batter, this dish was oozy, salty, decadent—it had it all. If only my mum were here, we would go crazy on this!

Don’t get me started on the drinks. Right after devouring all that astronomically finger-licking goods, the chef turned up with a china-like glass filled with cereal-chicken latte. Yes, you read it right! Honestly, I was pretty sceptical at first. I mean, who wouldn’t, right? And again, everything in Po Bar passed my standard with flying colours. Even at the first slurp, you’ll be greeted with this odd texture, which is actually the cereal from the cereal chicken, and tasted nothing like your Starbucks order.

No matter how many times I passed by Po Bar, I would never ever forget all the goodness I had. Everything—the atmosphere, the food, the drinks—was just too good to be true. It was as if I was on a roller coaster ride, with all the fun! If you’re wondering where to go this weekend, Po Bar happily welcomes you. Have you made your reservation yet?

To start with, the review was written from a first-person point of view, which is supported by the use of pronouns like ‘I’ and ‘my’. Written in a chatty and colloquial style, the review is directed towards the younger audience, particularly teenagers or readers who are in their twenties. In terms of the form, the text started out with a shorter paragraph, before entering longer paragraphs filled with longer sentences in the body. This is done so in order to effectively capture the whole scene and experience of the restaurant. Throughout the test, a cheery feeling is maintained in order to keep the readers engaged as well as to entertain them. Hence the purpose of the text was not only informative, but also entertaining to some extent. In terms of the tenses, past and present tenses were used Both tenses are used in order to create the different timestamps of the author, one where they are writing the review, and one when they were in the restaurant, which allows the reader to have some sort of first-hand experience. Overall, the text is written with some humour in it, although there were some parts that might sound serious.

To start with, the text came out with a one-line paragraph—General Tso. Cereal chicken. Salted egg. Not only did this paragraph capture the attention of the reader, but also served as a hook, making the readers wonder why such foods are dropped in the first line. Then, in the next paragraph, the readers are directed to a clearer view, where the author promptly describes the big picture of the text, which was a review of the restaurant. In the second paragraph, rhetorical questions such as ‘How can all this be related, you might ask?’ and ‘But why?’ were used in order to engage the reader, making the text a two-way street between the author and the reader.

Several literary devices were used in the text. In the second paragraph, ‘snake-long lines’, which is a hyperbole, is used to show just how trendy and big of a deal the restaurant is. Allusions were also used in the third paragraph—The Great Gatsby—as well as in the first paragraph—Starbucks. The use of name-dropping well-known titles not only created a lively feeling to the text, but also allowed the author to express their interests of a different subject to their reader.

In the third paragraph, it all started out with a simple and short sentence. Yet when it is in the body of the paragraph, longer and wordier sentences are used, allowing the reader to have a full-on view of the dining experience. The inside thoughts of the author were also displayed in the text—’Am I lost?’, I thought—which shows that the text not only was some sort of review that highlights the external details, but also effectively serves as a window into the author’s mind. This makes the review to be more authentic and less advertisement-like. This is further supported with the text found in parenthesis—yes, snakes all over again—which reinforces the feeling that the review was genuinely and wholeheartedly written by the author. Group of three was also used in the paragraph—the luck, the longevity, and the wealth—to effectively describe what the restaurant stands for or believes in. Pronouns like ‘you’ could also be found in this paragraph, putting the readers in the author’s shoes, which again, allows the reader to give a first-hand experience. The adjective ‘wok-banging’, as well as the idiom ‘dead silent’ further supports the lively feeling of the text.

Onto the next paragraph, the author describes another point of focus, which is the foods of the restaurant. Even in the paragraph where everything seems to be all descriptive, the author still manages to capture and engage the reader’s attention with rhetorical questions. In this paragraph, shorter sentences were used, which shows that not much of a word can truly describe the foods of the restaurant, but also shows the excitement and the uplifting feeling of the author. ‘Taken aback’ highlights the author’s surprised feeling of the food, effectively making the reader wonder why such food could create that feeling. The author, again, displays their internal feeling—’No way’, I thought. The paragraph ended with an if clause, contrasting the other sentences while also showing a feeling of longing for the author.

The penultimate paragraph, which started with ‘don’t get me started’ shows how awe-struck the author feels about the food. While the phrase could be interpreted as a start of negative experience, it was the opposite. Again, the author effectively captures the highlight of the dining experience, in this case, the drinks. From the hyperbole used ‘astronomically finger-licking’ to the odd drink that was described, it made the reader wonder why such dining experience was this all about. Again, the author shares their internal thoughts about the odd drink with the phrase ‘pretty sceptical at first’. And then, the author engages the reader by snipping in rhetorical questions, which gives the reader room for interpretation. An idiom could be found in the paragraph—flying colours—which not only makes the text more lively, but also shows the various figurative languages used by the author.

In the closing paragraph, the author effectively exhibits their feelings and thoughts about the restaurant. Although descriptive adjectives were not used, it showed the author was impressed with the dining experience when they needed the first sentence of the paragraph with ‘never ever forget all the goodness I had’. Again, the author utilises a group of three in the paragraph, as well as metaphor, with the word ‘rollercoaster ride’. This just shows how the lively feeling is still well kept even at the end of the text. And then, the author shifts their focus to the reader, where they use rhetorical questions as well as the personification ‘welcomes’ to create an inviting feeling to the restaurant.