#comicnegan

Her dark eyes met his as she lowered herself to her knees, small fingers pawing at the front of his trousers. He groaned as she freed the aching strain of his erection. Her warm hand wrapped around the shaft as she lifted herself to mouth level and poised her lips in a big round O, hovering over him, teasing him, tormenting him.

She wanted him to beg. He put his hand on the back of her head, gathering up a handful of long, dark hair as he attempted to push her forward, but he was met with resistance. He growled and her eyes sparkled in the night.

“Suck,” he commanded and she snorted, though she obeyed, wrapping those soft, sweet fucking lips around him. He moaned as she glided down, slowly, ever so slowly until he was in the back of her throat.

“Fuck, fuck.” His chest shuddered in response and his hips arched upward. He could barely fucking breathe. Her mouth was so wet and fucking warm.

She pulled back just as achingly slow, her eyes still fixated on his, though one brow was cocked as if to ask “Do you like it?”

He stroked a gloved thumb over her thick brow and allowed his eyes to close as he soaked in every ounce of pleasure he could from her hot, suckling mouth.

Picking up the pace, she allowed her hand to meet her mouth, twisting slightly. His hips moved of their own accord to keep with the pace of her mouth. He never wanted to leave that mouth. Unless….unless he could be inside her pussy.

The thought of her pussy was enough for him to spurt onto her stroking tongue, again and again and again until he was completely empty. Until she had sucked him completely dry. She pulled off him with a pop, swallowing all he’d given her.

He let her hair flow back down her back and he stroked his knuckles over her rounded cheek, his thumb swiping the freckles spattered across her nose.

He flopped down onto the bed, still panting from the endeavor. She crawled up beside him and curled against his chest, her fingers running through his pubic hair.

“Trying to make me hard again, doll?” He murmured into her hair as he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

She giggled, a girlish, un-Naynalike giggle. “Maaaaybe.”

He tipped her face upwards and pressed his mouth against hers and she sighed in ecstasy. “Negan.”

“Nayna,” he murmured against her lips.

He opened his eyes just as Lucille rolled over in bed. Her sleeping, innocent form shamed him. She had no idea he dreamt of another woman while he laid in their marital bed. He was doubly ashamed to find he had a massive erection that needed his fucking attention right then.

He didn’t feel right waking Lucille up to take care of a hard-on given to him by another woman, so he shuffled off to the bathroom as quiet as he could to jerk it.

After he’d finished he sat on the toilet, hunched over, head cradled in his hands. He should’ve known it was a dream. Since when was Nayna that fucking affectionate with him?

Fuck, he had to get her out of his mind, otherwise he would fucking go crazy with guilt. He loved Lucille. He wanted Lucille.

But a little part of him wanted Nayna too. He couldn’t hide that from himself. Nor did he really fucking want to.

Where was she? Was she laying in William’s arms right now? Making love to him? Was she wishing she was somewhere else? Or was she content to just be with her husband again?

The thought made his heart contract and ache in hypocritical jealousy. He scrubbed his hands over his face. Enough thinking about Nayna, he had his wife to attend to.

He sauntered back into the bedroom and watched his wife’s sleeping form. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he stroked his knuckles down her cheek. Her eyes fluttered open.

“Negan? Did you have another nightmare?”

He grunted and slipped in beside her, pushing her towards the middle of the bed and pressing himself against her. She lay her cheek on his bicep, looking up at him with sleepy, sexy eyes. He traced his thumb along the curve of her cheek and she smiled dreamily up at him.

“I made the appointment.” She reached up and patted his unshaven cheek.

He half sat up. “You what?”

She tugged him back down again. “The appointment you’ve been nagging me to make for the past week.”

He pressed his forehead to hers and held her tightly as a renewed shot of fear ran through him. What if they really did find some kind of fucking cancer? He almost didn’t want to know, as fucking asinine that was.

“Thanks,” he mumbled.

“I figured there was no reason not to. I’m due for a physical soon anyway, might as well kill two birds with one stone.”

He snorted. “Always practical.”

“Somebody in this marriage has to be.” She yawned and pushed on his chest. “Now get the hell off my side of the bed, I need some sleep.”

He curled his fingers around her chin and bent down for a long kiss. She sighed into his mouth and tapped the side of his neck. “Okay, babe. Okay.”

His body was responding again, only this time it was all for his Lucille. He rolled on top of her and pressed his growing hardness against her thigh. “Baaaaby…”

She rolled her eyes, but made no move to push him off. Instead she wrapped her arms about his neck. “Don’t wheedle me.”

He trailed gentle kisses down her chin. “Me? That’s not my fucking style.”

She laughed as he kissed the underside of her jaw. “You’re so full of shit, Negan.”

“You love me anyway.”

“Unfortunately.”

He looked up in mock hurt...to mask the real hurt below. “Baby…”

But she pulled him down for another kiss and opened her legs, allowing him to lower himself onto her.

They were getting dressed the next morning when Lucille posed the question that made his heart drop into his stomach.

“Who’s Nayna?” She wriggled into a tank top, determinedly not looking at him.

He stared at her reflection in their dresser mirror for a few beats. He was quite fucking sure he’d never mentioned Nayna’s name aloud since...the last time he’d seen her.

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” He shrugged himself into a button down shirt.

Fucking school picture day. He’d be happy to fucking wear a t-shirt and gym shorts, but the head of the department was insisting everyone dress business casual. Fucking bitch.

“You said it quite a bit last night.” She zipped herself into a smooth pencil skirt.

He turned away to fasten the buttons, heart hammering. Had he said Nayna’s name during sex? Fuck, fuck.

“I mean, you were sleeping,” Lucille continued and rustled across the room towards the closet.

“I dunno, baby. Dreams never fucking make sense.” He was grasping at straws, but what else could he fucking do? How would he ever fucking explain Nayna to Lucille? He couldn’t, she’d think he was fucking nuts.

Maybe he fucking was. But it’d all seemed too fucking real for him to imagine. There was no point in pretending the unthinkable hadn’t happened when he had so many fucking vivid ass memories.

“Is she your…” Lucille trailed off.

They never really talked about his infidelities. Lucille would start and he’d shut her down or walk away. He sat back on the bed and sighed. He’d fucking treated her like shit and she’d just...loved him anyway.

He glanced up to find Lucille looking at him questioningly. He looked into those eyes he loved so fucking much and shook his head. “There is no one else.”

Her face twisted in anger, but he held up his hand.

“I am a shit husband. I fucking fully acknowledge that. But I ended it. When I say there is no one else, I mean there is no one else anymore and there never fucking will be again. I had a fucking epiphany and you’re the most important thing in my life and I’ve treated you like shit. Honestly,” he looked down at his feet, heart still a battering ram in his chest. A lump formed in his throat. He didn’t want to fucking say it, he wanted to be selfish, but those days were fucking over. He’d gotten his second chance and he couldn’t fuck it up now.

He swallowed. “Honestly, I wouldn’t fucking blame you if you left me. I deserve it. I deserve to be fucking alone after the way I’ve treated you.”

When he looked up at her, her face had softened and she was studying him. “That dream fucked you up, Negan.”

He pressed his thumbs to his eyes, unable to look at her anymore. “Yeah.”

She rustled over to him and placed her hand on his head. “I’m not going anywhere. If I wanted to leave, I would have left.”

“You’re a better woman than I am.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face into her stomach.

She snorted. “Well I hope so, considering you don’t have the right equipment.”

He laughed against her. “Fucking hell, woman.”

“I don’t know why you’ve changed your mind--”

“--I don’t want it. I don’t need it. I want and need you. Only you.”

“Okay.”

He smiled, a real smile, not one of his asshole grins. “Wanna fuck?”

She rolled her eyes and pushed him off her. “I’ve got an appointment to get to.”

His eyes ran down her skirt. “Getting all sexy for the doctor?”

“Hah, hah. Very funny.” She walked back to the closet and rummaged through their mix of clothes. “And you’re forgetting your tie.”

He groaned. “Fuck picture day.”

“I want a copy. I never get to see you this handsome.”

“I’m always fucking handsome.”

She grinned over her shoulder. “Okay, you got me there.”

He pulled on his trousers and roughly tucked his shirt in before buttoning. “These pants fucking okay?”

“Mmhmm.” She pulled out a bright blue tie.

He wrinkled his nose. “Not that one.”

“I like it.” She fingered it. “It looks good on you.”

“Fine, what the fuck ever.” He held out his hand and she slapped the tie into it. Their eyes met and he smiled at the twinkle in hers.

He turned and began to fuss with the tie. "Fucking shit."

She came to stand in front of him. “You never did answer my question.”

He reached out to stroke her dark hair. “What fucking question?”

“What? In what fucking way?”

“You know, some people love them and others hate them, and it’s hard for the people who love them to make the people who hate them understand why they love them…” she trailed off for a moment, “Anyway! You’re making me miss half the movie. Are you gonna sit down and watch with me or not?”

Negan shrugged and stripped off his jacket before tossing it aside and hopping onto the bed beside his newest wife. The motion caused the mattress to bob up and down like a boat going over a wave for a moment. Bridget pressed her lips together in an attempt to hide her annoyance.  

“So, what the fuck are we watching today?”

“It,” she replied simply.

“It what? Finish your sentences, sweetheart.”

“Don’t be condescending,” her tone lowered for a moment before lightening again, “It is the name of the movie. It’s about this creepy entity that tries to kill a bunch of kids, and it can take on any form it wants so it chooses to be a scary fucking clown. It’s got Tim Curry in it!”

Her final words were lost as Negan hurriedly grabbed the remote control from her lap and clicked off the TV.

“Nope! No fucking way! Fuck that noise right in the motherfucking ear!”

“What? What do you have against Tim Curry? Are you afraid of how good he looks in a corset?” the younger woman teased.

“No, it’s not fucking Tim Curry. He was a beautiful man.”

“Damn straight!” she interjected.

“I just hate…uh…I hate…fucking…period pieces! This is set in the 50s, right?”

Bridget’s eyes narrowed, “Yes. Yes it is. But that was a way more violent reaction than was necessary for a period piece aversion. Are… youuuu afraid of clowns…or something?”

“No! What? No, I’m fucking not!”

“Yes you are! I figured it out! You’re terrified of clowns!”

“Bridget. Baby. Come on. How the fuck am I going to be a big fucking bad-ass, cracking skulls and fighting walkers all day, and be afraid of a fucking clown?” he grinned down at her, but his eyes still darted around her face, giving the impression of uncertainty.

“Ok then,” she replied coolly, “Then you won’t mind if I finish my movie.”

“Go right the fuck ahead,” he crossed his arms over his broad chest defiantly.

“Great!”

Grabbing the remote control, Bridget clicked the film back on. They sat side by side on the bed, watching in silence. She felt Negan relax next to her as nothing much was happening on the screen; the movie could have been a typical coming of age drama at this point. Eventually there came a scene with a young boy taking a shower after gym class. Tense music started up, building the suspense until the floor of the shower stall crumbled upward to allow the killer clown to appear.

Negan shifted uncomfortably in his seat next to her, and she thought that she heard him groan softly. Ignoring this, the smaller woman continued to watch the scene unfold, but her attention was partially diverted by her viewing partner’s squirming.

Now Pennywise was taunting the boy, telling him about all of the terrible things he would do to him and his friends once he caught up to them. Was it her imagination, or could she feel Negan shudder a little beside her?

The pinnacle of the scene’s scare was the head of the clown bobbing downward for a moment, with only the top of his red hair visible. After a few seconds his face rose to confront the viewer, but now his eyes were amber-coloured and his mouth was full of sharp, yellowed fangs.

The creature emitted a terrifying sound and the boy on the screen screamed. At the very same moment Negan grabbed the remote once more to turn the movie off in a flurry of explicatives.

“I knew it!” Bridget poked the man in one of his muscular arms, “You are afraid of clowns!”

“No! I just don’t-“

“Just admit it. There’s no shame in it. Everyone has irrational fears.”

“No, that’s not what this is about!” he raised his voice, doubling down on his assertion, “This is about watching stupid, fucking scary shit in a world that’s basically a horror movie anyway. What kind of weirdo fucking does that shit?”

Bridget felt her face redden at his words and wanted to fire back at him, but stayed as calm as possible, “Yeah, I bet that’s totally what this is all about. Your concern that I’m a fucking weirdo. Really, Negan? Really?”

“Yes,” he mumbled, turning away slightly.

“Fine. Then I’m a fucking weirdo. Probably some kind of sick psychopath who likes to kill animals or something awful likes that, right?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Ok,” she sat silently fuming, her feelings bruised at the implication that she wasn’t a good person for enjoying a stupid horror flick.

“Hey. You ok?”

“I’m fine,” she said simply.

“No you fucking aren’t. You’re pouting. I can see it even in the dark.”

“Yeah, well, you basically just called me a bloody psycho for watching a movie, so it’s whatever. I’ll just go.”

She started to get off of the bed, but felt one of Negan’s strong hands grip her wrist.

“Don’t go. I’m sorry, ok? I didn’t mean to be a fucking prick to you.”

She turned toward him in the dark, taking in his features, seeking signs of true remorse. His eyes had softened and he was giving her an apologetic look.

“Why are you so defensive about a stupid movie?” she asked, melting a little at his handsome features.

“Ok. Fucking fine. You got me. I fucking hate clowns!”

“So. You were just being an asshole to distract me from how you nearly pissed yourself during that last scene?”

He sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger, “Yes. I guess you could say that… Fuck those red-nosed fucking ghouls! Who needs shoes that fucking big anyway?”

Bridget giggled, taking her place beside him once more, “Right? And why are they always smiling so much? What’s so funny? What do they know about that we don’t?”

She felt Negan relax again and a nervous chuckle rumbled up from his chest as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Now you under-fucking-stand!” he paused in thought for a moment, “Gotta make you promise not to fucking blab about this to any of the wives, or…really…anyone. Wouldn’t look very bad-ass for me to be afraid of a fucking clown, now would it?”

“Oh, your secret is safe with me…as long as you do something for me first…To make up for being such a jerk” she replied slyly.

“Are you fucking blackmailing me?” his eyes widened.

“In a sense. But don’t worry,” she leaned closer to whisper in his ear, “It’s the fun kind of blackmail.”

“Is that fucking right?”

“Mmm-hmm…” she turned over in bed and perched on her hands and knees before climbing on top of the reclining man and straddling his thighs.

“Well, hell-fucking-o there,” Negan’s eyes squinted as he smiled up at her and bounced his legs against the bed, causing her to bob on his lap.

Bridget brought her arms up to loop around his neck as she leaned in for a deep kiss, before running her hands across his shoulders and down his arms, finally coming to rest at his wrists. She gripped them, her small hands barely able to close fully around, and firmly pinned them at his sides.

“We’re gonna play a game.”

“I like this game already. What’s it called?”

“It’s called ‘I Blow You and You Keep Your Fucking Hands Right Here’,” she punctuated this last point by pressing down on his wrists, “Do I need to explain the rules?”

“No, ma’am!”

He smirked at her and Bridget could feel him rapidly hardening in his pants. Negan always did like it when she bossed him around in bed, and it was something at which she was getting quite adept. She slid a hand to his crotch, rubbing him slightly through the denim before planting another deep kiss on his lips. She broke away just a little too soon and Negan tried to lean in to continue.

“Are you gonna play by the rules, or am I going to have to punish you like last time?” she chided, clenching her thighs around his.

“Hmm. We’ll have to see how nice that mouth of yours feels first.”

“That was the wrong answer, but I’ll let it slide the first time. Everyone gets one.”

“Guess I’ll have to try harder to piss you off then, huh?”

“We’ll just have to see…” she said, sliding down his body and finally coming to rest between his legs where she peered up at him with large eyes, “Ready for round one?”

“Morning guys.”

“Mhh,” Seth grunted, not even looking up from the papers in front of him. Lilly didn’t mind. Seth was a combination of ‘Not a fucking morning person’ and ‘Master procrastinator always trying to finish his shit when it’s almost too late’.

“Morning Lil.”

“Morning Laura. What’s for breakfast?”

“Eggs with deer jerky and those fresh cucumbers.”

“We still have jerky?”

“Yeah, not much, though. Do you think you can go out again soon?”

“Sure. I can try. Gotta keep all you gluttonous savages well fed.”

“Are we talking seven sins? Because we can totally contribute.” Jax and Connor had come up behind Lilly to join them for breakfast.

“If y’all could wait with the dick talk until lunch, I’d appreciate it,” Seth grumbled from his end of the table.

Lilly grinned before a wave of sadness hit her. Her thoughts had automatically strayed to Negan and how he would have loved to join in this particular kind of conversation. But their leader had been keeping his distance lately. Lilly should have been happy that he was making it easier for her to keep him off her mind. As it were, though, she missed him terribly.

She got herself a plate of food and joined her friends again, listening half-heartedly to their conversations. Her mind was in the penthouse and by the end of their meal she was angry with herself for being unable to keep Negan out of her head.

After breakfast, the group disbanded with Lilly and Jax migrating to a picnic table outside while everyone else started to get busy with their assigned jobs. Lilly sighed a breath of relief, from both the fresh air and the prospect of having a conversation with her closest friend.

“Day off?” Lilly asked. She and Jax sat down opposite each other on the benches.

“Yep. Gotta wait for Andrei to get back here so we can make another tour of the outposts.”

“Good. I missed your stupid face.”

“Aww. So much love in one morning, I can barely breathe.”

“Everything good between you and Connor, then?”

“We actually talked about moving in together.” Jax grinned and blushed. Lilly almost squealed. “He already spends all of his time at my place, so we thought… why hog a room someone else could use?”

“Hmm, yeah. Very practical,” Lilly smirked. A seat cushion hit her square in the face.

“Enough about my love life. What about yours?”

Lilly placed the cushion on the table in front of her and laid her head on her arms. “You know I don’t have one.”

“Well that’s not exactly true, is it? You could get some if you wanted to. I’m sure Andrei would be up for it.”

“But I don’t want to get some.”

“You used to be way more relaxed about just fucking someone for fun.”

“And when was that, Jax?” Lilly looked up scowling. “Remember when I used to be like that after Brian? Going out almost every night, getting shit-faced drunk. You even held an intervention.”

“I’m not saying you should do that again. I just think you should have a bit of fun. Find a distraction. Stop all this moping.”

“I’m not moping…”

“You were moping just ten minutes ago during breakfast. I know your moping face.”

“You’re a moping face.”

They looked at each other for a moment and then chuckled.

“I suppose you have a point…”

“Thank you,” he declared with a triumphant smile.

“The greenhouse project was a good distraction. Going hunting used to be great to get my mind off things, but being alone with my thoughts turned out to be quite counterproductive. I thought I was over the whole thing.”

“Pretty sure Negan wouldn’t appreciate you calling him a ‘thing’.”

“Keep your voice down!” she hissed and glanced around the courtyard.

“Oh come on, it’s not like no one already knows about you and him.”

“There is no ‘me and him’. And Sherry and Valerie hate me enough as it is. I swear I’m going to burst into flames one of these days from the way they look at me. I just want things to calm down.”

“Fuck them. What are they going to do? Throw their bras at you?”

Lilly giggled before getting serious again. “I know you like to ridicule them, but at least Sherry does have some kind of influence here. And I don’t just mean over Negan, but Dwight, too.”

“Well fuck Dwight, too. It’s pathetic the way he stills hangs on her tit.”

Lilly raised an eyebrow. “Oh, so you think he’s moping?”

“That’s different. Dude should have more self-respect.”

“He still loves her, he can’t help it. You can’t just turn off your feelings for someone.” She looked down and started fiddling with a loose string on the cushion.

Jax sighed. “It’s just your luck that you fall in love with one of the most unavailable men. And in the fucking apocalypse, too.” Lilly’s eyebrows knit together. “What? You’re gonna deny it?”

“Love is a bit of a strong word. Especially when it comes to him.”

“Why? Because he’s the King Dick Motherfucker around here? Is there some kind of rule I’m not aware of that you’re not allowed to feel that way for him?”

“It’s complicated.”

“No, it’s not. In fact, I’m pretty sure the feeling is mutual.”

She looked up at him. “Bullshit. He’s happy with his wives.”

“See, I know for a fact that this, at least, is not true. Apparently, Valerie has been bitching to Connor that Negan has been ignoring them all for quite some time now.”

“Ugh, will you please stop participating in the stupid fucking gossip?”

“And I already told you that he has at least considered ditching them.”

“Oh, you wanna talk about your little heart-to-heart with Negan in the garage again?”

“No thanks,” he grimaced, “I’m still recovering from the last verbal castration. What I’m trying to tell you is, all signs point towards him having feelings for you.”

“Elementary, my dear Watson! Why are you even championing Negan so much? A man with a harem, a potty mouth and a penchant for objectophilia. Wouldn’t you want a nice, good man as a potential brother-in-law?”

“There are no more nice and good men, Lilly. At least with Negan I know that he’ll keep you safe. Besides, who else would put up with your annoying ass?” He winked at her.

“Not him, apparently. He told me that he’s done chasing me.”

“And was that before or after he tried to kiss you?” Lilly sighed and kept fiddling with the cushion. Jax put his hand over hers. “Listen, you should go do something. All this sitting around in between runs, doing nothing but brooding… it’s not good for you.”

“Yeah…” She got up. “You’re right. I’m gonna go patrol the fence for a while.”

“I thought more along the lines of yoga, or reading a book, but… okay. Oh and come over to my place tonight. We’ll have a drink, or two. Or three. Play some cards. I’ll tell Laura and Seth, too.”

“Okay,” Lilly smiled, “Thank you, Jax.”

“You know I’m always here for you, right? And if you need some more one-on-one time, just say the word. Connor won’t mind if I kick him out for a couple of hours.”

“I know. I’ll see you later.”

She ran upstairs to get her bow from her room and back down to start walking along the perimeter of Sanctuary. Lilly made sure to carefully examine every segment of the fence to look for holes. She watched the undead to see if any of them got free, or too decayed. At the greenhouses, she made a quick stop to look inside and talk to the gardening crew before resuming her walk.

When she was almost back at where she had started, she noticed that some of the barbed wire on top of the fence had become rusty. Lilly looked up and thought about telling Carson, to make sure it would be replaced, when she heard someone approaching. She glanced sideways and her heart beat faster. Apparently, the reason for her taking a walk around Sanctuary had had the same idea. She figured he would pass her without a word and she kept her eyes stubbornly on the fence, but he stopped next to her, his leather jacket brushing her arm. They stood like this for a while in silence.

“What the fuck are we looking at?”

“The fence. The barbed wire up there needs to be replaced.”

“Oh… thought you’d seen a funny shaped cloud. Giant flying dick in the sky or something.”

Lilly tried her best to keep it in, but it was no use. She snorted with laughter for what felt like the first time in weeks. When she had calmed down, she looked up at him and saw him smiling down at her. Their eyes met and his face changed to an almost sad look. Lilly turned her head back to the fence. The walkers on the other side had become active at the noise she had made. She watched them squirm and groan when she felt his hand slip into hers. Their fingers intertwined. His thumb stroked over her skin. Lilly kept her eyes on the undead, a lump forming in her throat and she let go of him to take a step back.

“I uhm… I gotta go find Carson. Tell him about the fence.”

“Sure. Yeah. I’ll see you around.”

She gave him another half-smile and walked around the corner to go back inside through the side entrance. Her path was blocked by someone.

“Oh sorry, didn’t see you there Sherry.” The other woman merely looked at her, her face unreadable. “Uhhh… do you mind? I gotta go find Carson.”

Sherry’s face split into a radiant smile. It made Lilly uneasy, but at least Sherry stepped to the side to let her pass.

“Of course. Have a nice day, Lilly.”

“Yeah. You too.” Lilly frowned. She walked up the hallway and turned around again before rounding the corner that led to the cafeteria. Sherry was still watching her. Lilly shrugged and continued her search for Carson.

That night in Jax’s room, Lilly successfully shut up the thoughts in her head with the help of her friends and a bottle of Jack Daniels.

“You know what you guys? I wanna thank you all for not making me feel like a fifth wheel. You’re all pretty awesome.” Lilly’s words were already a little slurred, but she got her message across. Even Seth broke out into an exaggerated “Awwwww.”

“You gotta bring a date next time, Lil,” Connor called over from the table where he, Jax and Seth were playing poker, “We could do some couple’s shit, like brunch or a wine tasting.”

“Or rent a cabin and do karaoke,” Seth added sarcastically.

“How about a big orgy? I mean, our options are kinda limited nowadays.” Lilly laughed at the shocked faces that came with her suggestion.

“I think you’ve been spending a little too much time with our leader.” Connor wiggled his eyebrows over his glass of whiskey.

“No, she hasn’t. Shut up Connor!” Laura was always very protective of Lilly. They put their heads back together to continue their whispered conversation on Jax’s bed.

“It all comes down to the wives, doesn’t it? I mean, you’d be game if it wasn’t for them, right?”

“At this point? Fuck yeah. And you know what, and I really need you to keep this between the two of us…”

“Of course, Lil.”

“...but I’m drunk enough tonight to just get it over with and fuck him. Just… walk into his room and climb that big, muscly, hard…”

“Okay, okay, I got the message…” Laura interrupted her with a look of thinly veiled disgust.

“What? You can’t deny he’s attractive.”

“Not really my type. I mean… he’s got an OK face, I guess. Needs some tattoos, though.”

“On his face?”

Laura giggled, a sound that stood in stark contrast to her tough looks. “You’re too drunk, Lil.”

“No, I’m not!”

“You’re right. Here, have some more.” She poured Lilly another glass. “I know you’re talking out of your ass, by the way. If you just wanted to fuck him, you would have done so ages ago.”

“Let me keep lying to myself, okay? That way it’s easier to lie to others, too. Including him.”

“You know what, though… if he’s not willing to get rid of those bitches, he’s not worth your time.”

“Don’t call them that.” Lilly frowned into her drink. “By the way, I ran into Sherry today. She was acting so weird.”

“Isn’t that kind of her default? On no, wait, default is bitchy. Can you believe that she went into the kitchen this week and demanded they add more meat to the wives’ plates from now on?”

“Oh shit, that reminds me… I gotta go hunting tomorrow.” Lilly climbed off the bed to the protests of everyone in the room. “Hey, you can either have drunk and tired me for a couple more hours, or some juicy meat tomorrow night…”

“I know I’m already gonna get some juicy meat tonight,” Jax piped up and grinned at Connor.

“Aaaaand, that’s my cue. See you guys tomorrow.” Lilly bade them all goodnight and staggered to her room, congratulating herself on not getting lost in the courtyard, or in the many halls of the Sanctuary.

Grateful for the numbing buzz the whiskey had caused, she quickly got into bed to take advantage of the drunken tiredness and hopefully get a couple of hours of sleep.

It was still the middle of the night when she woke up again. Her first thought was that she had had a nightmare. Her heart was racing and cold sweat broke out on her entire body.

Lilly opened her eyes with her mind wide awake and her body trying to catch up as fast as it could. Her stomach felt like she had just downed a glass of ice cold water. Looking around frantically, she slipped her hand underneath her pillow to reach for her knife. All she found were the wrinkles in her sheets. A shadow slipped into her periphery and suddenly, someone was on top of her and Lilly hissed from the sharp pain on her neck. She immediately calmed the violent movements that had been her first instinctual reaction.

“That’s right bitch, you better calm the fuck down before I slit your throat,” a woman’s voice snarled.

Lilly tried to adjust her eyes to the darkness by concentrating on the lighter spots on her attacker’s form. Lots of exposed skin, long hair. The legs straddling Lilly were naked. She heard the sound of leather creaking with every one of the woman’s breaths. A wife? But not Sherry, nor Amber.

“Listen, I don’t have anything of value. I don’t know who you are. Please, just let me go and leave. No one will know about this.”

“Oh, but you’ve got something of value. Your pretty face. Once it’s gone, he won’t look at you again.”

The pain left Lilly’s neck and went to her cheek right next to her ear. Her left hand shot up and slapped the intruder’s arm out of the way, while her right fist sunk into her stomach. The woman’s body doubled over. She used the moment to fumble for the knife, barely registering slicing her palm open when she tried to pry open the hand holding the weapon. Lilly threw another punch into the darkness, not even knowing where it went. A grunt of pain and the woman’s fingers opened just enough for Lilly to pull out the knife. She stabbed the blade into a patch of pale skin. A scream of pain and Lilly threw off her attacker. She scrambled over her bed to her nightstand and switched the camping light on.

Valerie was lying on the crumpled, bloody mess that was Lilly’s bed, holding her right shoulder. She was wailing and cursing.

“You killed me you fucking bitch,” Valerie cried and looked up at Lilly.

“Calm down, you’re not dying.” But Lilly felt the first prickling stabs of panic travelling up her spine. The realization of what had just happened hit her with full force, now that the immediate threat to her life was gone. She heard the door behind her fly open and spun around, knife at the ready.

“Holy shit! What happened?” Laura stared wide-eyed at the scene before her.

“Lilly tried to kill me. She stabbed me,” Valerie whimpered from the bed.

“You tried to mutilate my face. You attacked me,” Lilly yelled.

“Give me the knife, Lil. Let’s just calm down, okay?” Laura held out her hand and Lilly handed over her knife. Behind Laura, Dwight and Seth burst into the room, their sleepy faces contorting in shock when they saw the scene in and around Lilly’s bed.

“Oh shit…”

“What the fuck?”

“We heard screaming. Shit Lil, you’re bleeding.”

Lilly didn’t even register who was talking. She sat down between her bed and her nightstand, her back to the wall, her knees pulled up to her chest, her face in her hands.

“Laura, stay with her. I’ll take Val to Fisher.”

“And I’ll go get Negan.”

The room went silent. Lilly heard a cupboard door opening and closing and then someone sat down in front of her. Gentle fingers tried to pry away her hands from her face.

“Come on Lilly. Let me have a look at you.” Laura rummaged in the first aid kit and came back with some gauze and a bottle of iodine. Lilly stared at her palms. Blood was seeping out from the cut on her left hand. Her whole body started to shake violently.

“I didn’t want to hurt her. She tried to cut my face. I didn’t…”

“Okay. It’s okay Lilly. Looks like she didn’t just try.” Laura dabbed the gauze on the wound right next to Lilly’s ear. The resulting burning was a welcomed sensation. “Those cuts look nasty. I think you need stitches.”

Lilly looked up at Laura. Her face was pale and full of concern.

“What’s going to happen now?”

“I don’t know, Lil. We have to wait for Negan. For what it’s worth, I believe you. I know you would never hurt anyone just out of nowhere.” Laura continued cleaning Lilly’s wounds. She wrapped a bandage around Lilly’s hand, but she couldn’t do anything for the cut on her face for now.

Laura had just put a blanket around Lilly, when they heard heavy footsteps barreling up the hallway. Lilly couldn’t bring herself to look up when they stopped in her doorway. She was back to watching her palms and the dark red spot blossoming on the white bandage.

“Valerie attacked her. She was just defending herself.”

“Get the fuck out Laura.”

“But…”

A moment of silence. A different, lighter set of footsteps leaving the room and closing the door. A heavy sigh and then the sound of someone sitting down on the bed next to where Lilly was crouching.

“Will she be okay?” Lilly whispered and started dabbing her index finger into the red spot on her bandage. A large hand closed around hers to keep her from messing with her wound.

“She’ll live.” The hand pulled away again. “I need you to tell me exactly what happened in here. Every tiny fucking detail.”

“I woke up because someone was in my room,” Lilly started, her voice hollow in her own ears. “I went for my knife. I had forgotten that I had lost it. Then she was on top of me. Held a knife to my throat. It’s mine, isn’t it? The knife?” Lilly looked up for the first time. Negan held her knife in his hand. It was coated in blood, both hers and and Valerie’s. Her eyes found Negan’s. His brows were furrowed, but he kept silent, waiting for her to continue. Lilly looked back down at her knees. “I told her to just leave. That no one would find out. She started to cut my face. Said she’d take it away so he… you... wouldn’t look at me anymore.” She glanced back at Negan. He rested his elbow on his leg and pinched his nose. “I punched her. Was able to take the knife from her. I just wanted to get away from her. I didn’t… I stabbed her, but I didn’t want to kill her.”

Lilly fell silent. She waited for Negan to say something. When she heard nothing for a while, she looked back up at him. He sat motionless with his head hung low, staring at the knife in his hands.

“Negan…”

“You hurt a wife, Lilly.” He still didn’t move.

“I didn’t mean to…”

“But you did.”

“I was defending myself.” Lilly couldn’t believe that she had to justify her actions. The numbness she had felt since Laura had showed up dissipated to be replaced by anger and confusion.

“That’s not the story she’s telling.” He started to twirl the butterfly knife. Open. Close. Open. Close. “She says she found your knife and wanted to give it back to you. Says you attacked her out of nowhere.”

“She wanted to give me my knife back?” Lilly jumped up to stand over Negan. “At three o’clock in the fucking morning?”

“That’s what she’s saying.”

“Look at me Negan!” He slowly raised his head as if it took him a huge effort to do so. When his eyes fell on the cut on her neck and then the one still bleeding on the side of her face, he grimaced. “You believe her?”

“It’s not about who I believe, Lil. You stabbed one of my wives. You know the fucking rules. You know what happens to those who touch them.”

A wave of panic washed over Lilly. “You can’t be serious. Negan, she attacked me.”

“It doesn’t fucking matter.” He got up and walked to the window, his back to her. “When they agree to become my wife, I make a fucking promise to protect them. And you all know that no one is allowed to lay a hand on them whether it is to fuck them, or to hurt them. Those are the fucking rules, Lilly.”

“Negan, please...”

“You want me to make a fucking exception for you? Tell my men that the rules don’t apply to you? Wanna explain to Dwight why he gets punished and you don’t?”

“So now what? You’re going to finish what Valerie started and destroy my face with your iron?”

He sighed and hung his head again. Lilly wished that he would turn around. She was trapped in a nightmare and she knew if he would just look at her, see what Valerie did to her, he would come to his senses and she could wake up.

“I ca… I won’t hurt you. But you need to go.”

“No! No, Negan, please, don’t do that to me.” Her eyes filled with tears.

You need to go, Lilly. I don’t ever want to see you in Alexandria again.

“You can’t stay at Sanctuary. You will go to an outpost.”

“Please Negan! This is my home.”

Alexandria is my home, Rick.

Not anymore.

Lilly chuckled and ran back over to Marv, who was busy installing the last plastic sheets on the third greenhouse. They had decided to expand the Sanctuary’s fence into the large patch of fallow land behind the dormitory to have enough room for the three long structures. Lilly had even suggested converting some of the area into a field to experiment with potatoes and pumpkins. The past couple of weeks had been busy with people rearranging and adding to the fence, scavenging materials and building the greenhouses and preparing the soil for the plants.

Under Lilly’s guidance, the newly created gardening team had already started to plant cucumbers, tomatoes, beans, bell peppers, all kinds of lettuce and onions. So far, the plants were thriving, as far as Negan could tell with his, admittedly, limited experience.

Negan swiped the sweat from his forehead and watched the people working on the project. All morning he had helped carrying the heavy rolls of clear plastic and raising the wooden poles.

His gaze kept wandering back to Lilly. She was back to her full self, as far as he could tell. She caught him staring at her, a frequent occasion nowadays more than ever and he turned to walk back to the Sanctuary. He had been careful not to dwell too much on what had happened between them at the Hilltop. Not caring had been his strength in surviving this world and it was time to go back to being a soulless motherfucker.

Lilly made it hard, though.

The next morning found Negan waking up from dreams filled with black hair and white skin and he refused to acknowledge the raging erection creating a small tent under his sheets. He sighed, got up and prepared for the day. A cold bath first, to take care of his most obvious problem. A quick shave later and after getting dressed, he held the red scarf in his hands. It went back inside the drawer with an annoyed grunt.

Negan needed a distraction, so he decided to patrol the perimeter of Sanctuary. Starting at the front door, he made his way through the vehicle lot and along the hall. He watched the people in the inner courtyard going about their business from the other side of the fence for a while. When he rounded the corner that led to the garages and workshops, he stopped in his tracks. A familiar voice came out of the motorcycle repair shop and Negan crept as close to the open garage door as possible without being seen.

“No Jax. This is a bad idea.”

“Come on, Lil, you promised. I’ve been waiting for this for ages. I swear I’ll be careful.”

“But it feels all wrong between my legs. It’s too big.”

Red, hot rage started to cloud Negan’s vision.

“You just have to get used to it.”

“Can you please get us at least some kind of protection?”

Negan had heard enough. He swung Lucille from his shoulder, ready to scatter Viking boy’s brain matter all over the walls, and jumped around the corner and into the shop.

He froze at the scene before him. Lilly was perched awkwardly on top of one of the motorcycles, her hands on the saddle to keep herself from sliding forward. Jax stood next to her, holding two helmets and two back protectors. Both stared at Negan with wide eyes.

“Oh thank God…,” Lilly exclaimed and jumped off the bike and ran over to Negan. She grabbed his free hand and looked up at him with pleading eyes, “Hello boss. I’m sure you’re here because you have a job for me? Patrolling? Inventory? Fence duty? Please…?”

“I… uuuhh… What?” Negan needed a moment to process what was happening before he realized what Lilly wanted from him. “Oh, yeah… I think Laura needs some help with the points.”

“Great! Sure! Always happy to help. See you guys later…”

And she ran off as if the devil was chasing her, leaving Jax and Negan staring at each other.

“Great. Thanks Negan. I finally convinced her to go on a ride with me.”

Jax turned around to hang the helmets and protectors back on their designated spots on the wall. Negan wiped a hand over his face. In a matter of seconds, he had gone through rage, then confusion, relief, shame, only to be back at annoyance now.

“What the fuck did you want to take her on a motorcycle for? She’s fucking afraid of these things.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s called exposure therapy. Trust me, she just has to try it once and then she’ll love it.”

“Speaking from experience, are you?”

“Well… yeah. I’ve known her for a while, though you seem to keep forgetting that.” He raised an eyebrow and smirked and Negan considered punching the smug look right out of his face. He crossed his arms to suppress the itching in his fists.

“If you know her so well, you should be more concerned about her fucking well-being.”

“Are you implying that I don’t care about Lilly?”

“I’m not implying anything, I’m straight up fucking telling it right to your fucking face. You probably just thought about your dick. Scaring her a little, taking her somewhere nice on the bike so you can score some brownie points with her.”

Negan had thought that Jax would get angry, or at least defensive. What he hadn’t expected, was for him to start laughing.

“Oh my… you two are just precious, you know that? Seriously though, I’m pretty sure Lilly has told you on more than one occasion that we’re like brother and sister.”

“She may have mentioned it once or twice. Just because she thinks that way doesn’t mean you feel the same, though. And why would you? You and her being so fucking close, living alone together for fucking months. Having a hot piece of ass right in front of you all this time… don’t fucking insult my intelligence and pretend you don’t wanna tap that.”

“I really don’t.” Jax chuckled while lifting up the saddle to take out his backpack. “Don’t project your own fantasies onto me, Negan. I love Lilly, but I don’t want to get into her pants. She’s missing a rather significant detail.”

“And what’s that?”

“A dick.”

“Oh…” Negan stared at Jax, whose grin had turned into a look of concern.

“Has Lilly never told you?”

“Not a fucking word.”

“This isn’t going to be problem, is it?”

“What? Please… I don’t give a flying fuck about where you stick your dick, as long as any dick-sticking is agreed upon by everyone participating.” Negan’s eyes widened in sudden realization, “Oh… so, you and Connor…?”

“I thought it was pretty obvious. Everyone else knows by now, I think.”

“Huh… I guess I was a little preoccupied lately.”

“You should talk to her. I know she has a habit of retreating into her shell when she feels hurt, but I’m sure you two can work out any problems you have if you just talk to each other, instead of about each other.”

“So she talked about me?”

“Incessantly. It’s starting to get a bit annoying to be honest.”

“What did she say?”

Jax sighed and then smiled. “I can’t really give you any details, you know, being her friend and all. Plus, she’d probably cut off my balls if I did. All I can say is, she likes you. She enjoys your company. Though that’s probably not really news to you.” Negan still couldn’t help himself from grinning. Jax chuckled when he noticed before he continued, “The thing is… and this is coming from me, not her… Lilly is fiercely loyal. It’s not easy to gain her trust, but once you do, she’s like a dog. Big, scary rottweiler. She’ll go through hell with you and leave a trail of blood and bones in her wake. But… and that’s the problem here in particular… she’ll expect the same from you. You’re not a free man, Negan, and Lilly doesn’t share.”

“Well, what the fuck does she expect me to do?”

“She doesn’t expect anything from you.”

“I can’t just tell the wives to fuck off.”

“I know.”

“I mean, I could, probably, but what would my men think?” Negan threw up his arms. “I melted someone’s fucking face off because of them, for fuck’s sake.”

“I know! I know, Negan. And so does Lilly. Again, she doesn’t expect anything from you. She told me herself that she would never ask of you to do anything that could endanger your position. This is your decision, really. You have to figure out what you’re willing to do to tap that hot piece of ass. Though the fact that we’re even having this conversation tells me that you’re way past the point of just wanting to get your dick wet.”

Negan frowned. “Why does this shit have to be so fucking complicated? Why can’t we just fuck and be done with it? You know… get it out of our systems.”

Jax laughed at that.

“You seriously think that would work? Have sex once and then drop each other like a hot potato?”

“Well not drop each other. But we could go back to being friends with the fucking out of the way.”

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.” Jax rolled his eyes.

Negan sighed and twirled Lucille in his hand. “I really didn’t sign up for all this feelings shit when I picked you two up in this stupid fucking suburban shithole.”

“And yet you don’t regret it one bit.”

“Heh… ain’t that the fucking truth.”

“Has anyone seen my knife?”

Lilly was the last to join Negan and the other lieutenants for their twice-a-week meeting.

“What knife?” Dwight asked.

“My butterfly knife. I always keep it under my pillow while I sleep, but it wasn’t there last night when I got back from game night.”

“Probably somewhere in the greenhouses or in the rec room.” Negan had better things to do than go look for Lilly’s little potato peeler. “Can we fucking start now? What’s the news on the greenhouses?”

“Some of the tomatoes got blight.” Lilly reported without meeting his eyes.

“The fuck is blight?”

“It’s a fungus. Don’t worry though, we removed the sick plants and gave the others a special fertilizer. I still need to go back to that gardening store to get a couple of things, though.”

“I’ll come with you. Laura?” Seth looked over at his lover.

“No,” Negan interrupted, “There’s no need for three lieutenants to drive two towns over for a bag of fucking manure. Take Gavin if you absolutely have to be three people out there.”

“No problem,” Lilly continued, “So, about those potatoes… we still have more than enough to start a small field without…”

Negan had already zoned out. It had been nothing but dirt and watering techniques and slug infestations and optimizing the ventilation for the past couple of weeks. He usually started to think about other stuff after a couple of minutes. Today, he didn’t even realize that it was over until he felt all eyes on him, waiting for him to close the meeting.

“Go fuck off and do your fucking jobs then!”

Everybody hurried out and then it was finally blissful silence.

Negan leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes for a moment when there was soft knock on the door. Squeezing his eyes shut, he childishly hoped that the visitor would go away if he didn’t answer. He had no such luck, of course. With a second knock and without waiting for an answer, the door swung open. Negan didn’t have to look up. He knew who the intruder was. Only his wives, and one in particular, had the proverbial balls to enter his office without an invitation.

“Hey handsome.”

“What the fuck do you want, Sherry?”

“Aww, no need to be so rude. Can’t a wife visit her beloved husband at work when she misses him?”

Negan’s eyes widened when Sherry made her way over to him and sat down in his lap, straddling him. “Uhhhh… Sherry?”

“What? Been missing those big muscles of yours.”

She rubbed the palms of her hands over his shoulders and chest until Negan grabbed her arms to keep her from going lower.

“We haven’t fucked in fucking months and now you come waltzing in here and hop on my dick like it’s the shiniest merry-go-fucking-round on the country fair? I’m gonna ask you again and you better come up with a good fucking answer this time: What. The fuck. Do you want?”

Sherry freed her arms and smiled at him. It caused a chill to run down Negan’s spine. Bitchy Sherry he could handle, but this was straight out of an episode of the Twilight Zone.

“The girls and I have been worried about you lately. You haven’t touched any of us in weeks. I just thought…,” Her hands continued their path down to Negan’s pants, fumbling with the belt buckle, “...maybe you need something familiar? Someone who has been with you all this time. Who knows you inside- and out.”

She slid a hand inside his pants. Normally, Negan would have been reduced to a panting, moaning puddle of lust by now. All he felt right now, though, was disgust. He grabbed her hips and stood up, placed her in his office chair and took a couple of steps back to put some distance between them and to fasten his belt. Sherry’s seductive smile had been replaced by a look of annoyance.

“Are you kidding me, Negan? You’ve been complaining for ages that I don’t put out for you anymore and now I practically throw myself at you and you refuse?”

“You’re damn fucking right I refuse. You want something. Something real fucking big. What is it? A free ride on Dwighty? A pony? My fucking soul?”

“All I want is for things to go back to how they were before you brought that bitch into Sanctuary.”

“Ah… so that’s the way the fucking wind blows. And the reason for you trying to blow me, heh…”

“So? If that’s what it takes for you to finally get her out of your thick head, I’m more than willing to take one for the team.”

“Don’t fucking flatter yourself, Sherry. You’re not that good at sucking dick. Should have sent Valerie.”

“Fuck you, Negan! Have you stopped for just one minute to think about the consequences of you chasing that pussy all around Sanctuary? No, of course not. The big bad Saviors leader prefers to only think about his dick and not about his people.”

Negan slapped his hands on his desk and leaned over Sherry, his face contorted into a mask of fury.

“What in the everloving fuck are you talking about?”

“Do you think your men haven’t noticed the way you follow her around like some lovesick puppy? Spending hours in her room, or on the rec room couch, practically drooling all over her? And then you go on a trip with her? And she comes back with a fucking hickey on her neck? Are you fucking kidding me, Negan?”

Sherry was almost hysterical at this point and Negan took a step back again. She was far from done, though.

“I’ve never said a word when you strayed to some cunt outside of the penthouse,” That wasn’t exactly true, Negan thought, “But you indulging her every whim, taking her places, letting her have a fucking garden, promoting her to lieutenant in a matter of weeks… enough is enough. We are your wives! We gave up everything for you and now you won’t even look at us. Are you trying to become the laughing stock of the Sanctuary? Do you think your men will keep respecting you if you keep acting like this?”

Negan smiled maliciously at her.

“Wow, Sherry. Your jealousy and insecurities have really reached new fucking highs. Or lows? Whatever… Now listen closely, because I’m only going to say this once: First of all, that woman has almost single-handedly ensured our survival last winter, including yours, and now she has spent hours every fucking day for the past weeks planning and building with Marv so you can have fresh vegetables. You might want to show a little fucking gratitude while sitting on your ass all day, reading cheap fucking romance novels. She does that for people like you, who are too fucking occupied with such important stuff like painting your toenails, or running out of scented fucking body lotion, to even notice that it’s not a garden, but three big-ass fucking greenhouses.

Number two: we made that trip, because the woman who continues to work her fucking ass off for ungrateful little bitches like you had fallen sick and needed someone more competent than Dr. Clive fucking Fisher, a man too fucking stupid to handle a fucking pee stick.

Now… did you manage to conclude for yourself why I promoted her that quick, or do I have to repeat what I just said?”

“I…”

“Was a rhetorical fucking question, Sherry. You may be a lot of things, but stupid ain’t one of them. So next on your list of fucking grievances: that you are my wives and you gave up everything for me? You are a glorified fucking whore, Sherry. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for what you’ve done for me. Well, the other girls mostly. You, not so much. But anyway, you all tried to take care of me.

But don’t fool yourself for one fucking second into thinking that you can not be replaced just like this,” Negan snapped his fingers, “You all agreed to be with me, because you are too fucking weak and too fucking scared to survive in this world. You, in particular, left your fucking husband and let me cook his fucking face before you even so much as tried to put in a little bit of effort. Well done Sherry, you fucking monster.”

A sobbing Sherry flew out of the chair and into the hallway as fast as her high heels could carry her. Negan bowed his head, panting slightly. This fight had been a long time coming, but now that it was over and that he had successfully used a slew of words to cut as deep as he could, he didn’t feel relieved. He didn’t even feel superior. All he felt was numb and angry and anxious.

Was Sherry right? Did his men lose their respect for him, because of how he behaved around Lilly? Negan had only ever seen the other Saviors being respectful and even friendly with her. But did they still fear him, or had he become too soft? He cursed Sherry under his breath for getting into his head.

The petty part of his mind told him to distract himself by punishing Sherry the only way he knew how.

He found Dwight in the inventory room, sorting through various snack packages.

“Hello Tighty Dwighty, need any help?”

Dwight rolled his eyes at the stupid nickname and Negan chuckled. He took a perverse pleasure in getting a rise out of people who could not take a joke, especially after Sherry's jealousy-fueled tirade.

“Not really. I’m just checking stuff that we’re going to run out of soon. Gotta tell people that the times of night-time pretzel snacking are over.”

“Well, once the shit in the greenhouses is ready, they can stuff their fucking faces with fresh cucumbers and beans. Personally, I can’t wait to put the stuff on everything from rice to applesauce.”

“That is one of the most disgusting things that’s ever come out of your mouth and that’s saying something.”

“Deep down, I’m a 300 fucking pound pregnant woman.”

“Speaking of which… you know there’s been rumors going around, right? About you and Lilly.”

Not this shit again. Negan’s face darkened for a moment, before he managed to put his smile back on. He studied a can of peaches, thinking about if and how to answer Dwight’s question. Had Sherry talked to him, too?

“There’s always fucking rumors. Lots of people living so close together, most of them being fucking bored out of their skulls… Hell, I’ve been called everything under the fucking sun from being former military to an escaped murderer. Wanna know what people think about you and why Sherry left you for me? Spoiler alert: It has to do with your penis.”

A flash of rage swept over Dwight’s face. Negan didn’t care. If Dwight wanted to play the “He said, she said” game with him of all people, he better be prepared to get hit with some juicy news, too.

“This isn’t about me. I don’t give a fuck about your and Lilly’s relationship.”

“Pfft, yeah, right…”

“Will you shut up and listen just for one second? Your lieutenants have been worried. We all don’t care what you do behind closed doors or on fucking trips to other communities. But Lilly is important to the Sanctuary. Look what she accomplished with the greenhouses. So what are they going to do when she can’t contribute anymore?”

“Why the fuck would she stop contributing?”

“Well, she might decide to become a wife after all. Or… or what if she gets pregnant…?”

“Oh Dwight…” Negan and Dwight both spun around. Lilly was leaning against the doorway, points ledger in her hand and an amused smile on her lips, “Don’t worry about that. I only let Negan stick it up my butt, so we’re all safe. Thank you, though, for being so concerned about my reproductive activities.” Lilly’s voice, while still laced with humor, had gotten a warning tone. She held the ledger out to him, “Good thing I need you to double-check the points, since you seem to have way too much free time on your hands.”

Negan burst out laughing, holding on to one of the metal shelves.The unburnt side of Dwight’s face had taken on the same color as the angry scar that was meant to remind him of his position. He snatched the ledger from Lilly and stormed out of the room, leaving her and Negan alone for the first time in weeks. He tried to get a hold of himself and wiped tears of laughter from his eyes.

“That was the funniest shit I’ve ever had the honor to witness.”

“So glad to ‘contribute’”, she air quoted, “I’m getting sick and tired of people running their mouths, though.”

“Eh, let them talk. Most of them still like you. Fucking bummer, though, that it’s all just hot fucking air and not hot fucking, period.”

“Negan…”

“I know, I know. No more flirting.”

Lilly smiled sadly at him. He had tried on different occasions to go back to their usual banter when he had met her in the rec room, or at meetings. But while Lilly didn’t outright avoid Negan, she had made it clear that she wanted to keep her distance. He didn’t like it, but he had to respect it. Although he secretly hoped that it was just as hard for her as it was for him.

Lilly started to leave, when Negan addressed her again.

“Why didn’t you tell me that Jax likes dick?”

She turned around again.

“Because it’s not my story to tell.”

“Huh. Fiercely fucking loyal. That’s what Jax called you.”

“He’s not wrong, I guess. If I think someone deserves it.”

“Do I?”

“You’re my leader, Negan. I chose to live here and I will follow you and even kneel for you.”

“But nothing more than that?”

Lilly sighed.“Just give me some time. We can go back to being friends eventually.”

“But nothing more than that.”

“What do you want me to say, Negan? You have your wives…”

“I had the wives back when we were in that tent, too. But that didn’t stop you from fucking dry-humping me.”

“It was a momentary lack of judgement. It won’t happen again.”

“Bullshit, Lil. You want me and I want you.”

“Yeah, but unlike you I can ignore that.”

“I’m just sick and fucking tired of this hot and cold fuckery.”

“Then cold it is from now on.”

Negan let out a frustrated grunt and ran a hand through his hair. “Fine, have it your fucking way. I’ve got better things to do than chase pussy all around Sanctuary. You’re not the first hot chick that came to live here and didn’t want to be a wife and you won’t be the last.” He was trying to hurt her, by throwing Sherry’s words at her. Lilly saw right through him, though and he didn’t know whether he should be grateful for that, or terrified.

“Well have fun chasing all those other meaningless pussies, Mister I-don’t-do-kissing.” She sent one last pointed stare his way before she turned and left for good this time.