#columella

There are two aspects of this Novel November that I'd like to reflect on: 1) the experience and lessons of the writing challenge, and 2) the novel itself and what the next steps for it are.

Novel November (what worked, what didn't, what next):

More than anything, this is a huge boost in self-esteem. Teen me thinking of doing this but chickening out each time, look at me now! I know you're proud of me. I am, too. Up until the end, there was a part of me, who hates my own procrastination, my missed opportunities, my ADHD traits, that feared I could not do this - not because I didn't want to, but because I am lazy, distracted, unmotivated, unorganized, inconsistent, unable to keep a habit, and so many other things I have absorbed from being told I am. Well, I think that me is pacified now, and I feel peace. I can do it, I really can. It's not even a matter of denying my disorganisation: it's about working with my brain to make things possible. It's just a matter of creating the right environment and circumstances. Honestly, this is a boost in self-image that will have ripples far outside of writing.

On how I completed the challenge: I was definitely flexible with myself, and, though I did some planning and scenes ahead of time, I counted all of the experimentation and planning I did in November as words (e.g. outlines, character descriptions, letters/diary entries, epilogue/prequel scenes) because it mattered to me to ideate on the novel and keep going, and this was definitely the right move. I think the goal for me is to be similarly flexible and unorganized as I get to the end of this zeroth draft, and then make things come together later (hi, editing anna! apologies in advance - in my defense, i think if I didn't do this, you would not exist!)

Habit-wise, I don't think I managed to get a daily habit per se. First of all, even on days I didn't have anything going on, I tended to write little on one day, and catch up the next. Maybe I can set two-day or three-day goals when I plan my writing habits moving out of November. Second of all, things got most dicey when I was busy - granted, I had one of the craziest weeks of my life last week of november (complete with a mag launch, an award ceremony, an interview, and more), but it is still reasonable to expect that I will have less time and energy and focus when I have a job than I did this month. So I need to experiment with a good balance and word expectation!

Two things that were extremely important to my success were a) GAMIFYING THIS, OH MY GOD. Seriously, getting on the tools worked. Logging stuff on trackbear, leveling up and getting loot on 4thewords, finding word crawls themed as my current TV show obsession (shoutout Gilmore Girls) is all ways to make "work" fun. And b), and this one is harder (though not impossible) to recreate outside of November, is writing community. This was encouraging and created a sense of a shared goal and environment. The most crucial was a discord server of people actively doing this with me, and these things are primarily most active in November events. (My favourite thing was combining a) and b), namely through 4thewords co-op quests). So how to continue this aspect of things? Where to get a writing group? I have writer friends irl, and they motivate me to write in general, but we have historically not actually written when getting together "to write", instead opting to catch up, lol. So yes. A writing group - perhaps an online one - is now a crucial goal.

The Project (what's done, what's not, what's next):

Okay, so shocking stuff: 50k is not as much as you would think. This is an insane thought to have for someone who prior to this November had to strain like crazy to write a 2k word story. Admittedly, this 50k includes stuff like outlines and character profiles, but I did not actually get to the midpoint of my story (LOL), which is where I thought I would end up at 50k based on the average length of a novel. Plot-wise, I believe I am over a third done, but definitely not halfway, which suggests that this might be a draft longer than 100k words (maybe 120k...?) - but also, it's too early to tell. In either case, stuff can always be edited down in future drafts.

Oh, and these 50k words are a mess, man. There is so much I just jumped over in order to keep on running. There is a LOT of masking tape around some crucial aspects of the story, because I took advice to stick with what excited me rather than what got me stuck. Aaaand pretty much didn't do any research before November started. For instance, the whole "dark academia" aspect revolves around a research project, and I basically do not know what that project is, or even which species it uses, beyond handwaving the concept of CRISPR and de-extinction. I fear no actual biologist is allowed to read my wip about biologists. Whoops.

That's all to say, this is less than 50% of a FIRST or ZEROTH draft. I can't even figure out how much that is of the finished project, honestly. It's certainly only the beginning of the journey, which is crazy because between planning and outlining and writing, I've at spent at least 100 hours on it by now - probably more.

I know the characters very well. I drop them into a situation and its like I know already how they are going to react - it's kind of surreal, actually. I feel more comfortable with plot, too, though it still feels wishy-washy to me at points. Because I set it in a place I know by heart, I don't really need to do worldbuilding (what I DO need to do is some masking, to make people and places less identifiable - but this is another editing Anna problem). The themes and central questions feel interesting and prescient to me, though they are sometimes still competing for first place, and I have cool ideas for literary techniques I want to use.

I believe in this project. I can see it on the horizon, as a real book. I know I can make it exist. It is working out questions I think about a lot, whether or not you should leave a flawed home and nation, even if you love it, even if you love the people in it; what it means to be queer in a place that cannot conceptualise your existence, and to be loved because of and despite that; what you owe to the land you live on, even if that land hates you (especially when that land is personified as the last surviving member of an extinct mythological species). I know I can bring Vasya and Nune, Lev and Aysen, Zaira and the giant to the printed page. I know I can. And I know now that I will.