#columbo;

Columbo Sentences, Vol. 6

(Sentences from Columbo (1968-2003). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"You don't trust anybody, do you?"

"Let's just get this over with, alright? I don't have a lot of time."

"You're the Devil in disguise."

"I'm sorry I had to tie you up. It was necessary at the time."

"How would you like to save a life?"

"I adore you with that slightly dishevelled look."

"Promise me that you won't do anything desperate?"

"Stop giving orders. On you, they sound so silly."

"I think you used me before, and I think you're using me now."

"I don't understand. Why don't I get tired of you?"

"What about yourself pleases you the most?"

"Do you think my teeth are my best feature?"

"Why do you make me sound so vain?"

"Just stay close. I'll take care of you."

"I would never do that to you. I would never lie to you."

"Would you be very angry if I kissed you again?"

"You smell like a French whore!"

"What's the longest you've ever worked on a case?"

"Whether or not we discussed marriage is a private matter!"

"Would you ever do anything to hurt me?"

"I'm warning you once: stay away from things that are none of your business."

"Look, I don't want to fight with you. One of us may say something we may regret."

"Do you have any idea how many enemies I have out there?"

"So, got yourself a little murder, huh?"

"My facts are always correct."

"You look like a cop. How do I know you're not?"

"You're going to have to learn to calm down!"

"What do you plan to do now that you're wearing that expensive suit?"

"I want you to know that I don't like talking to cops. You guys give me the creeps."

"Insanity is not one of my failings."

"If you don't do this, I'll have you killed. Nothing personal; it's just business."

"Will you stop playing dumb? I can't stand it when cops play dumb!"

"What I believe and what I can prove are two different things."

"Since when are you my boss?"

"I'll give you a choice. You can walk out of here and never come back, keep your mouth shut… The other choice, I don't think I need to go into much detail about."

"I was poor once. I'm never going to be poor again."

"It's not that I want him dead! I just want him out of the way!"

"That cat could be the only witness to this terrible crime!"

"I know you. Something isn't right. I can tell by your voice."

"Welcome to my chamber of horrors! Look, but don't touch!"

"Maybe you can take me home when this is over? Just like old times?"

"You burned me once, now I'm going to burn you."

"How nice to see you properly dressed for a change!"

"I always have a couple of cocktails in the evening! It relaxes me!"

Columbo Sentences, Vol. 1

(Sentences from Columbo (1968-2003). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Oh, you're not intimidated, are you?"

"To think I had to talk you into this trip!"

"Who is it this week? The blonde or the redhead?"

"You know, there's only one thing that I'm not clear about…"

"You must have a devious mind!"

"You're making me nervous! That's quite a stare!"

"I know, I know - I'm making a pest of myself."

"I called last night to tell you I was coming, but there was no one home."

"That's pure guesswork, isn't it?"

"You have nothing to worry about. This is a clean bill of health."

"I'm not in the habit of making mistakes."

"I don't know which I feel most: relief or anger."

"I thought you knew everything?"

"I've been walking on the beach for hours, thinking."

"Are you a member of the club?"

"Isn't that such a coincidence? I'll tell you, this case is just full of them!"

"You have a marvellously convoluted mind!"

"The trouble with your theory is, not only is it very tenuous, but it's impossible to prove."

"If you come and work for me, I'm almost positive I can triple your yearly income."

"I guess we've both got a lot of paperwork to do, eh?"

"You sure don't look like a policeman."

"I don't care what I said before. I was wrong. Can't a person make a mistake?"

"All that concern about clothes - it's kind of vain, don't you think?"

"Some men do not want to look like an unmade bed!"

"Pull yourself together! There's no reason to be frightened!"

"The invitation said free champagne!"

"Haven't you ever seen people without faces before?"

"Did you know that there is a reasonable explanation for everything if you just put your mind to it?"

"You have no right to control my life!"

"No, I'm not your father. I'm your brother."

"If your choice in men friends was more mature, believe me, I would stay out of your life."

"The sooner you face the facts, the better."

"We're not alone. I suggest we discuss this later."

"People are inconsistent when they're in a state of shock. It's foolish of you to expect rational behaviour at a time like that."

"I think you finally overstayed your welcome."

"I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions!"

"I'm not sure what's gotten into you, but I don't think I like it."

"I'm warning you; no more questions!"

"You announced our engagement without ever letting me know!"

"We are going to get married, aren't we?"

"Life would be so simple if you two would just get along!"

"What difference does it make? Dead is dead, isn't it?"

"I don't want anyone to find out about us."

Columbo Sentences, Vol. 4

(Sentences from Columbo (1968-2003). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"You don't have to be afraid that I'll break into pieces!"

"I can't stay locked up here in this house for the rest of my life! Surely you can understand that?"

"You know, you're a marvellously deceptive man."

"Slow down! We've got to be practical about this!"

"If I want to spend half a million dollars, that's for me to decide!"

"Why do you continue with this preposterous idea of resuming your career?"

"You must stop living in that fantasy world of yours!"

"I know you didn't marry me out of love, but our life hasn't been that bad, has it?"

"You know, you're so involved with details that maybe I can see something clearer than you?"

"You know, I don't think you're being completely candid with me about your frequent visits."

"I must say, you're looking unusually elegant!"

"You'll try? A child tries. A man accomplishes."

"I have made a discovery that you are going to find emotionally disturbing. I want you to be prepared for that."

"A job well done should not be casually rewarded."

"You thought I was dead, didn't you?"

"Double agents don't go broke. They die sometimes, but they don't go broke."

"I bet you were disappointed when I showed up alive."

"You are delving into areas over which you have no authority."

"By now, you should know that no one in our business is ever who he says he is."

"I was younger and more beautiful then."

"I don't care to have my secrets exposed to the world. Can you understand that?"

"Any lock can be picked if you know how."

"What is it about me that you find so irresistible?"

"The perfect murder? Oh, I'm sorry, there is no such thing as the perfect murder. That's just an illusion."

"I thought you were going to quit?"

"You know, some people think you're the most brilliant detective of our time!"

"Is there anything that doesn't bore you?"

"Why don't we stop pretending that I'm brilliant and you're simple for one moment?"

"You must never underestimate me, nor I you."

"That is a part of my life that I don't discuss with anyone, and I don't feel that I know you well enough to discuss it with you now."

"I bet you don't know the difference between Byzantine and the Renaissance."

"Does the joke always have to be at my expense?"

"I don't have to look. I remember."

"I'm going to give you a little problem to test your powers of logical thinking."

"Oh. You're moody again."

"We're alive! Let's enjoy it while we can!"

"You know something? That's the very first time somebody ever told me they liked me for my body instead of my mind."

"I had no real childhood. I was an imitation adult because that was what was expected of me."

"Have you ever considered a different line of work?"

"You are the most exasperating woman I have ever met!"

"Can I ask you something? Are we having an affair together?"

"Well, this is quite the coincidence! I had no idea you were here!"

"I respect your talent, but I don't like anything else about you."

Columbo Sentences, Vol. 3

(Sentences from Columbo (1968-2003). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"There's a lot that we have to learn about each other - but we will, don't worry."

"I won't ever tell anybody anything, don't worry."

"I want to compliment you about your office. It's very impressive!"

"It's hard to believe that I'm now the last surviving member of my family."

"One doesn't lose a brother and remain emotionless."

"I always get nervous when a restaurant has a menu that doesn't include the prices."

"You can't force me into loving you."

"You don't have to love me to marry me. Lots of marriages have been built on much less."

"You've learnt very well."

"Thank you, that's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me."

"I happen to be in love with him!"

"Murder's always depressing, but you get over it."

"Sometimes you frighten me."

"Well, you know, hired killers are crazy!"

"I'm going to ask you a question now. I'm afraid it's going to be unsettling, but I'm going to ask it anyway."

"It's going to be alright. I'll make it alright."

"You're about as subtle as a train wreck!"

"Flashing your badge to get past a guard is one thing, but this is searching without a warrant!"

"Perfection can be a bore."

"When people do something for the first time, a detective always gets curious."

"I don't want to offend you, but you're not a very good liar."

"Would you have done it if I told you to?"

"I suspected you ten minutes after I met you."

"You can push a man too far. I'm being used, and I don't like it!"

"If that police career of yours ever fizzles out, you could always make it as a cat burglar!"

"If I'd been up to no good, I wouldn't have risked my own neck in the process!"

"Aren't you afraid of being alone up here with a killer?"

"Nobody can be right all the time."

"I said a lot of things, but one thing I forgot to tell you was that I'm a chronic liar."

"You know, stress isn't good for you. Why don't you relax and try to enjoy yourself?"

"Whatever do you do with all that money?"

"Do you know what time it is? It's past noon!"

"You're becoming very annoying. Do you know that?"

"You're like a little, shaggy-haired terrier who's got a grip on my trousers and won't let go!"

"I want you to know that I didn't take your warning lightly, but I have no choice."

"What is this? A clumsy attempt to frame me with false evidence?"

"You know the incredible thing about you? You really believe those clichés."

"What's the matter? You always have an answer for everything!"

"You're so used to playing God that you figure nothing's going to work without you!"

"Beware of an excess of compassion."

"Hey, are you sure that badge is real?"

"Sometimes you're like a spoilt little boy!"

"I always have the feeling that there's somebody listening who shouldn't be."

Columbo Sentences, Vol. 5

(Sentences from Columbo (1968-2003). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Whenever anyone says it's not personal, that's exactly when it's very personal."

"You can't have everything you want just because you want it."

"Who knows what goes on in the head of a dog?"

"Thinking's an old fashioned habit, and one well worth cultivating."

"You pass yourself off as a puppy in a raincoat, happily running around the yard, digging holes in the garden. Only, you're laying a minefield, not wagging your tail."

"I could sit and listen to someone talk about me for hours!"

"I've been looking forward to having that psychological discussion about my personality."

"If at first you don't succeed, run away."

"Everything that's ever lived has to die."

"Do you think we could find one single word that dominates your life?"

"We execute traitors. Didn't you know that?"

"Insidious old age comes sweeping in like winter before its time."

"Politics makes liars of us all."

"If you really must know, I'm here because I damn well don't trust anybody else!"

"You know, for a moment this afternoon, I really thought you were going to betray me."

"The door's marked private. Are you sure we should be in here?"

"The only thing that's given me any pleasure in this case is charging you with murder."

"If I was a dessert, what kind of dessert would I be?"

"We're talking about therapy. Does that disturb you?"

"Believe me, one day, this pain will all be a memory."

"Half the fun of sex is fantasy."

"Sometimes kindness is wiser than truth."

"You'll have to forgive me if I'm not quite as fascinated by this as you are."

"How I spend my money is not your business!"

"Now, why don't we stop this mutual buttering up and see if we can't help each other?"

"You have no detectable soul."

"Together we'll trick the world!"

"Wipe that silly, smirking, little boy grin off your face!"

"It's all an act with you, isn't it?"

"You're not a subtle man. You pretend to be, but you're not."

"You are the most stubborn man I've ever met!"

"What can I do to stop you from this insane behaviour?"

"There's no way I can convince you that you're wrong, is there?"

"I sincerely wish I wasn't hearing this."

"It occurs to me that I don't know the first thing about you."

"I'd really prefer not to be seen leaving here in the cold light of dawn."

"I follow my nose and when I get the scent, well, there's very little I wouldn't do to solve the case."

"Sometimes when you know something, it's better to keep it to yourself."

"Murder cases get real cold real fast."

"Nobody had that information except you."

"My father doesn't like to see me fail."

"I would really rather you not smoke in here."

"You've been in the spotlight too long already. I want you out of the way completely."

Columbo Sentences, Condensed

(Sentences from Columbo (1968-2003). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"You know, there's only one thing that I'm not clear about…"

"I know, I know - I'm making a pest of myself."

"Isn't that such a coincidence? I'll tell you, this case is just full of them!"

"You have a marvellously convoluted mind!"

"The trouble with your theory is, not only is it very tenuous, but it's impossible to prove."

"You sure don't look like a policeman."

"Did you know that there is a reasonable explanation for everything if you just put your mind to it?"

"There's no evidence if there's no murder, and you haven't proved that there was a murder."

"What are you trying to do? Cause more trouble?"

"Sometimes, the truth is hard to find. Sometimes, it's right in front of you and you can't prove it."

"I assume I can look forward to another visit in the near future?"

"Now look, I'm going to explain something to you, and the minute you don't understand it, feel free to stop me."

"You're fast becoming a legend within this department."

"Believe me, it's a lot better for you to tell me something now than to have to tell it in front of a jury later on."

"You have an obtuse manner which some people find ingratiating. I do not. Do you follow me?"

"I find you amusing up until a point, but you've passed that."

"I was just guessing. I had nothing concrete; I just wanted to see what you'd do."

"I'm going to ask you a question now. I'm afraid it's going to be unsettling, but I'm going to ask it anyway."

"When people do something for the first time, a detective always gets curious."

"I don't want to offend you, but you're not a very good liar."

"I suspected you ten minutes after I met you."

"You're becoming very annoying. Do you know that?"

"You're like a little, shaggy-haired terrier who's got a grip on my trousers and won't let go!"

"You know, you're a marvellously deceptive man."

"You know, I don't think you're being completely candid with me about your frequent visits."

"The perfect murder? Oh, I'm sorry, there is no such thing as the perfect murder. That's just an illusion."

"You know, some people think you're the most brilliant detective of our time!"

"Why don't we stop pretending that I'm brilliant and you're simple for one moment?"

"Interesting how you can work these things out if you just think about it, isn't it?"

"You pass yourself off as a puppy in a raincoat, happily running around the yard, digging holes in the garden. Only, you're laying a minefield, not wagging your tail."

"The only thing that's given me any pleasure in this case is charging you with murder."

"I follow my nose and when I get the scent, well, there's very little I wouldn't do to solve the case."

"Will you stop playing dumb? I can't stand it when cops play dumb!"

Columbo Sentences, Vol. 2

(Sentences from Columbo (1968-2003). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"What are you trying to do? Cause more trouble?"

"Sometimes, the truth is hard to find. Sometimes, it's right in front of you and you can't prove it."

"Aren't those supposed to be evidence?"

"I don't know what she said, but it sounded like she liked me!"

"I've got gold-plated instincts, and I trust them!"

"I'll keep that in mind in case I ever kill somebody."

"I assume I can look forward to another visit in the near future?"

"Let me give you some free medical advice - stop smoking those things!"

"Has anyone ever told you that you're very much like an arachnid?"

"You've got the courage of your convictions. That's an admirable trait, as misdirected as they may be."

"I don't like being a secret mistress. It's not my style!"

"Now look, I'm going to explain something to you, and the minute you don't understand it, feel free to stop me."

"I'm getting tired of your insecurities."

"You must admit you have a talent for attracting trouble!"

"You're fast becoming a legend within this department."

"I have never seen so many beautiful flowers in my life!"

"If there's one thing I don't need, it's a hero!"

"Assuming I survive, I shall telephone to let you know."

"Believe me, it's a lot better for you to tell me something now than to have to tell it in front of a jury later on."

"You still don't approve of my lifestyle, do you?"

"What did you pay for those shoes?"

"I don't really know what to say to you that would tell you how contemptible I think you are."

"I don't think he killed anybody like the newspapers were saying. I think it was you."

"Take my advice and avoid actors; they'll kill you!"

"You can't get a search warrant for what's in my head."

"All in all, you are a bore!"

"You have an obtuse manner which some people find ingratiating. I do not. Do you follow me?"

"I find you amusing up until a point, but you've passed that."

"I was just guessing. I had nothing concrete; I just wanted to see what you'd do."

"What are you doing here? I thought you went home?"

"I can hardly wait until I get you sedated."

"I know you're not very fond of me, but I never realised you were so obsessive!"

"What is this little drama all about?"

"You'll be alright without me. I'm sure you'll find others to harass."

"Chess is never merely a game, my friend."

"I must warn you, I am very aware of your blatant psychological warfare and quite immune to it."

"Chess is the ultimate test of the human mind, isn't it?"

"You have been distracted all evening. I can see that."

"What do you say to you and I going to get some ice cream to get our minds off this whole thing, just for a minute?"

"I've never been around so much money in my whole life!"

"I don't know what kind of answers I'm supposed to give to this investigation!"

"What do you expect? A confession?"

"You still like those tequila cocktails with the organic cactus juice, right?"