Here is a secret for all you people out there who have not started college yet. Hooking Up with pretty boys (and girls) is shockingly easy in college. (Also, always always, always pee after sex, girls). 

I went to a very small, very liberal arts school in New England. My first year, I was on the quiet hall; a hall consisting of four single rooms, one bathroom, and my RA’s room (which always smelled like dirty feet, probably because he never wore shoes. Even in the winter). 

Even though 90% of the students at my school got singles, I wanted to make absolutely certain that I would not have a roommate. I have never been able to to do sleepovers. I hate the sounds that people make when they’re sleeping. I shuddered to think what I might do to a roommate. So, I made the decision to request a room on the quiet hall since that would guarantee that I had a single. Besides, I was 19, had never had a drink, had never smoked, was the MOST virgin of virgins, and I was pretty sure I was never going to change. It would be better to not be surrounded by people getting drunk and high all the time. 

By the first night of orientation, I had seen the errors of my ways. Trying to be quiet when you were drunk for the first time and had just struggled through the woods with only one shoe, was very, very difficult. But by then it was too late. Thank god I had my next-door-neighbor, Eugene.