#college2014

you are not the boy beneath the stars but that summer night, i found you you held in your hands a million twinkling lights you said that you destroyed constellations that you made cracks on the moon that you rearranged the solar system just to bring me a little brightness we formed new constellations heavenly bodies, more beautiful than the last and i loved you for that but you are not the boy beneath the stars you were the boy surrounded by dark clouds and when the twinkling lights faded i lost you

We grew up in a world without stars And spent our early years blinded by the city lights We learned to read through blinking LED signs And made picture books out of massive billboards We grew up inhaling the smoke that colored the air Until our lungs turned pitch black But we did not stop We had to keep on breathing We grew up surrounded by strangers They filled streets and corners And the voids in our hearts So we never had to walk alone We never could We grew up, the world within our reach We could’ve done everything or been anything Yet we were incapable We could not pass through the darkness Without a hand to hold We could not hold our breaths Without someone keeping track of time We could not be who we wanted to be Without the approval of others We were cowards We grew up in a world of numbers We were statistics Named after stock numbers Quality assessed in comparison to others We grew up upholding expectations Until we crumbled beneath them We could not disappoint We grew up, but we did not grow We listened to them when they told us That this was the only way We could see the stars again

We are quiet We do not choke on sobs We do not sing sad songs We do not cry for help We are quiet We are clean You will not find bruises Do not search for scars Or bloodstained red We do not bleed We are clean We are happy We do not cry We do not write down our stories We have tried to forget Over and over We are happy I will tell you now We rot from the inside out You will not see us break Or crumble We have already removed The most important parts of ourselves With scalpels and neat stitches We rot from the inside out Time and time again We have swallowed ourselves whole Nailed our spines to keep straight Bit our tongues beneath our grins We rot from the inside out You will not see our blackened lungs Our shriveled livers Our empty hearts Our broken minds All you will see Are reddened cheeks and soft smiles Because there is nothing else Left of our former selves We rot from the inside out