#coldgrcwn

blue hues slowly show themselves from between dark eyelashes. his eyes turning to see her. his first night home and he couldn’t even sleep. they’d had a wonderful day together. but as soon as his head hit the pillow it was like he was back across the ocean. 

back in that hellhole. 

it had taken him a long time to fall asleep but when he finally did, things started to even out. the night progressed slowly, eyes flittering beneath his lids. 

dreams causing his breathing to speed up, causing his heart to race. it was like he could hear it. it was like the noises were still there, the loud thumps in the night, the snoring of the other guys. everyone. everything. he could hear it. 

he was still there. the dream had almost completely convinced him that the day had been a dream. that being home was a dream. 

that he was still away from them. his wife and daughter. 

in the dream he was still with his team, moving through the minefields. dust clouds making it difficult to see, dogs indicating bombs everywhere. indicating that one misplaced step could result in a chain reaction that would kill anyone and everyone in a five-mile radius. 

and then it happened, a loud explosion, a bright orange light and then...- 

he sat up. eye wide open this time. her hand was on his arm. trying to calm him. 

it wasn’t working. 

he squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to block out the loud noises that bounced around in his skull. his hands coming to tug at his hair. 

i’m home. i’m home. i’m home.

he said it over and over. like a mantra in his brain and yet... 

he couldn’t force himself to believe it. not like he should. there was still part of him that was focused on the noises, the gunshots, and explosions that could be heard all around him there. 

he could feel her wrapping her arms around him. murmuring sweet words in his ear. but he wasn’t present. he wasn’t here. she wasn’t real. 

a laugh fell from his lips as he glanced at himself in the mirror. tight skirt barely went past his butt. he was certain that his balls would be hanging out if it weren’t for the tights that he’d bought just for this outfit. the small bralette that was cupping the fake tits he’d also bought just for this outfit was almost a size too small but he’d made it work.he’d went as far as to shave his legs and torso for this outfit. intent on playing the role of his girlfriend as perfectly as he possibly could. 

[ bexley ] what did you do now? 

[ bexley ] uh