#coldapproach

3/6/26

Field report: MJQ. Goal tonight was to show sexual arousal in my eye contact and enjoy something about the girl, falling into her eyes while fully relaxed, aka the Daemon sex sharingan, or "grounding and showing your turn-on" (Brian Begin, Fearless Man). Also, I had my hair down tonight. No headband. Fuck yesss.

Incredibly intimate set with a girl who was literally 20 out of 10. The level of conventional hotness of this girl was beyonddd. Light skin, freckles, built like Coi Leray, with an elegant jawline and beautiful wavy hair. A baddie the old me would never approach.

I opened by trancing myself into enjoyment of her and then spoke. When she saw the enjoyment in my eyes she was hooked. I started enjoying her more and more and a bubble of intimacy formed between us.

She came closer. Her ear right against my lips, the backs of her fingers right against mine. In one moment I took her hand and danced with her. IG-closed. 

It ended a similar way as other sets tonight. Recurring problems: I didn't move the set forward and faced away from her in a lull and then she left; I didn't speak much at all; in some sets I was trying to enjoy the girl but I couldn't trance myself fast enough and it came off as me just staring. And in group sets I went platonic, need to stay sexual.

Incredible platonic group sets towards the end of the night tho. Girl told me I'm an amazing listener. I was shit-tested in a few and it rolled off of me like nothing. I need to take those opportunities to step into the tension and create sexual tension. And I need to remember when I'm in a platonic lull to wake up and turn it sexual.

Applied the David Hawkins surrender technique continuously tonight. As a result, I was able to notice the exact moments that I felt needy or non-needy, for the first time.

2/28/26

2/13/26

Field report: Sexyyyy night at MJQ. 3 separate girls twerked and ground up on my dick. The hottest one made out with me. This girl is a TEN. 5'2, milk chocolate dark skin, skinny petite with luscious curves. She looked at me with these puppy dog eyes and I stared back at her with the iciest, most detached, grounded stare. "Don't give me those fake puppy dog eyes." She IOId over and over, I just stared into her soul unimpressed, she said that my eye contact was making her feel things and she giggled. I kissed on her warm lil neck, caressed her skintight dress from her lower back to her ass to her hips to her sex lines to her neck, gripping her fluffy hair while she bent over grinding on me, squeezing her shoulders. She stood with her back against me slow dancing, I put her in a headlock and caressed her tummy and her tits. The way she ground up on me in that skintight jumpsuit was so sensual and sexual, I felt every bit of it, her ass cheeks sliding along my dick, she knew what she was doing. Her two hot friends were watching and looked very happy.

I observe these women unimpressed and detached, my fake warmth is gone. Now I can see their masks -- they give you false IOIs because they want your validation for a short state pump. When I don't reward them, they IOI harder.

My approaches went well when I was aggressive, barking at the girl while self-assured and unapologetic. Aggressive voice and squared-up posture in the open at a respectable distance and angle. A girl didn't engage so I barked "YO. I WANNA TALK TO YOU." This girl melts back toward me and twirls her hair and sweetly says "okay (:". Once she hooks I bring the intimate eyes. If I let up and fall into platonic talk, the set ends immediately. But when I hold tension, look in her eyes with the unimpressed laser, hold her waist, am ultra-forward while still being calibrated with my timing and grounded in a way that bounces her IOIs off me with no affect, she stays and melts into me, her eyes sparkle, she gets this dopey hypnotized look on her face. Sickkkkk. But I need to work on my verbals again, I'm running out of things to say lol.

2/8/26

Field report: Very interesting night at Underground ATL. 4 IG-closes, 1 of them from a girl in the "baddie" archetype, the kind of girl I wouldn't usually approach. 

My raw affect is very timid and soft-spoken, in contrast with my game persona which is delusionally loud, sexually aggressive, and a fountain of verbals and game lines. I maintained my neutral, authentic, raw affect tonight. No game warm-up. And from that place, I pushed myself to talk louder and be just a bit more aggressive. 

Those behavior changes had a really positive effect. I had a set where I opened the girl timidly and she looked at me for half a second and then looked away. In the past in raw affect I would have taken it as a rejection and moved on. But this time I repeated myself louder and she hooked and IOI'd once I did that. Very interesting. 

In my neutral affect state, I'm finding it easier to approach girls than I normally would consider out of my league. I'm starting to feel approach excitement in raw affect. There's less thinking, I'm not trying to create any kind of state. And connection feels more exciting when you're authentic because now an IOI feels like a real compliment to my heart rather than a compliment to my game. 

Danced with a girl at Bloom ATL. I escalated, shoulder holds, taking her hand, spinning her, a bit of proximity of our cheeks, cradling her face with my hands to start building kiss tension. When I escalated at first, it hooked her more into the set. But I overstepped a bit toward the end and she pulled away while staying in set. She wasn't losing herself to the music, her dancing was just performative, she wasn't having fun. And worst of all, she wasn't giving me eye contact even though she was dancing with me. I found that annoying. I tried to keep my eyes on her body and sexually trance myself and try to get horny, but she just wasn't that attractive. And something about the rhythm of my escalation was off... I think I needed to be much more aggressive with proximity early in the set, the tension was lost later on. 

I left her, told her I was gonna check out the other room. Came back 15 minutes later and gave it a second try, hoping she'd be more interested. At first she was very excited to see me again. More excited than at any point in our first set. But then when we danced again, she again gave me no eye contact. I was pretty annoyed. So I just walked away from her and I approached a different girl right in front of her who was hotter. This other girl hooked, but when I started escalating, something was off. I think I was too timid. And our angles were off, we were on the stairs and she wasn't facing toward me. Regardless, I could have had much more proximity of my face into her neck  and my arms around her while speaking to her. 

Feedback for me: I need to get more proximity in the open and maintain it from now on. If I'm speaking, I need to speak into her eyes at close proximity with a slow tempo. Also, the best dance floor sets are completely non-verbal, like LX said about Maze. The way that you get that magic non-verbal hook is with close proximity, especially with eye contact. Girls just want proximity and eye contact in order to hook. All of us do. We don't actually want verbals, we want the energy of intimacy and connection. The verbals just make it less awkward to hold eye contact and enjoy each other's energy. Or maybe I just think that cuz my verbals are lacking lol.

I approached a hot alt-girl on the second dance floor and danced with her. Again, I should have attained more proximity. And in that set I noticed that my verbals were apologetic and self-deprecating. My raw affect tends to be self-deprecating when I'm in set. Which makes no sense because internally I think I'm cool as fuck and rich as fuck and a prodigy. I resolved to be more unapologetic and then changed my behavior.

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Had a great set with a baddie at the end of the night. Hot short black girl with sci-fi glasses named Kehlani in a two-set. Some of my old rapid escalation skeptical qualification smirking character came out in this set in my aura. But it happened spontaneously from a place of honesty. It was like a surge of power from my old character that was casually flowing into my body. Those old characters actually do pay off. Doing really does turn to being. But "being" is a different activity from doing -- when it's time to "do" something new and stretch your range, you do it even if it's not congruent. But when it's time to "be" authentic, you have to turn off the trying and allow what flows out to flow, and only focus on controlling your behaviors rather than your affect. At least that's my take so far.

So I'm in this set with this scifi baddie with my evil smirk in close proximity. I open her, very close, complimenting her glasses. I introduce myself, find out her name, shake her hand. I do the rapid escalation thing where I keep her hand in my hands and I start stroking it and looking into her eyes. Totally unplanned. That came from my old muscle memory from the old character I had built and the escalation book I glanced at today. She let me stroke her hand for quite a bit while we spoke and then when she pulled it away and we kept talking she said "Okay you're way too close." But it wasn't a set destroyer or a rejection. And I just smiled and took a step back. And I started talking about the song called "Take a Step Back" and she was like oh you listen to underground? Lol. We had our conversation. I future projected the date plan and IG-closed. 

2/7/26

Field Report: Interesting night at MJQ. First club makeout in more than a year.

Today I read much of Bayne - Layers. He's a newer pickup guy who's big on X. He's a heavy believer in what RSD calls congruence. He believes that the core of game is to drop all your false layers or personas and cold approach from that place. So tonight I resolved to follow his advice and deactivate all my "trying". No warmups, no bonkers self-trancing, just a focus on the elimination of forced affect and the determination to do verbal approaches.

I walked in and asked myself what I wanted instead of just going straight for the dance floor. I ended up on the edge of the dance floor, standing against the wall, minding my business, no affect in my face and no effort at dancing. An Indian girl immediately approached me and got right up in my face very sexual and told me to put her number in my phone. I said, "Well before I do that, tell me one thing you do for fun." She said that she sings. I was like oh cool, me too. She said, oh we can do karaoke together sometime. Her friend had a very, very sour expression on her face and was standing at a distance, waiting for the interaction to end. I took this girl's phone number and then pointed at my cheek and said "kiss" right as she had started walking off. She didn't comply. The moment to kiss her was at the very beginning of the interaction, when she gave me the facial proximity. My mistake.

Then I went on the dance floor and started dancing with a very low energy. No effort at all. And I even paused at one point and stood there motionless on the dance floor because I wasn't feeling the beat quite just yet. A drunk white girl approached me. She started imitating my small movements. I smiled at her. She said, "Are you gay?" I said no. She was like, "Oh, I was gonna dance with you if you were gay." I said "Then I guess you don't wanna dance." She looked a little bit sheepish, and then she started dancing with me. Within thirty seconds, she went for the kiss and the makeout. After making out with her I looked her in the eye and held the tension which is growth for me because I've had a bad habit of pushing the girl off and doing the Mystery line, "That's all you get". Which has been ruining the tension and blocking me from club makeouts. So I didn't do that this time. That was my feedback for myself from last week -- stay in the tension, do a much smaller roll-off after the kiss, and instead just keep on kissing her again and again and again. So that's what I did. We made out for a very long time. I brought her to the wall and had my back up against the wall to do the Mystery lock-in pose. I kissed on her neck, stroked her whole body, stroked on her ass, she rubbed on my chest, she put her hand up my shirt. At one point she even got down low on her knees for a second as if she was about to give me a blowjob right there on the dance floor. Everything was going well. It was getting steamier and steamier. I felt like I was supposed to move her -- I thought that was the right escalation move because we had hit a certain escalation milestone on that dance floor. I thought maybe we should go to a private place, that was the escalation ladder I've planned. Kiss, move, move, seed the pull, pull. But the other dance floor that we moved to ended up being whack. The music was bad. It was too crowded. There was no intimate spot and it was uncomfortable. We kissed a little bit but it was uncomfortable and the tension had been lost. The arousal of both of us had been lost. Then I brought her back to the original dance floor and the arousal was completely gone and then her friends were there and the set was over. I got her Instagram and she made out with me again and then she left. She was very attracted to me, but the way I handled that attraction was wrong.

Interestingly, none of the approaches that I initiated went well. Not a single one. Bayne says that layers and false personas temporarily make us stronger, and that cold approaching with no layers is expected to be more difficult at first, but the payoff later is higher. 

There were three more sets where girls opened me. One of them had a boyfriend. Right after opening me, she turned back to her boyfriend. She opened me when he wasn't looking. Very funny. Then the other one who opened me, stroking my hand, right after she opened me, a different guy opened her. With a lot of more aggression. And he was really cradling her body in the open, persisting even though she wasn't giving full IOIs. I think I should have more aggression when I open in the future. I think I'm too timid in my opens when I'm not in my high-energy persona. And then the third set who opened me gave me a beautiful smile, I danced in her direction for a bit and then her attention was diverted later I opened her and she was cold when I spoke to her after. Energy is so subtle. One moment I'm the hottest thing in the world to these girls, the next moment they're repulsed. Trying to tune into my body and feel the difference. But it's not just energy or a lack of trying -- there's a certain type of "trying" that is actually good, like talking in a loud voice or squaring up your body language and there's a certain type of "trying" that's bad -- like putting on an affect for the purpose of getting a social result. There's a difference between behaviours and affect. Putting effort into your behaviours is good, dominant, powerful, uninhibited. Putting effort into your affect is bad, repulsive, disgusting. That's my understanding so far at least, based on these sets.

Takeaways for my neutral-affect self: talk MUCH louder, escalate faster, be more aggressive in your opens, next time you're in a makeout probably just continue escalating and escalating and letting yourself get horny and losing yourself into the interaction instead of trying to move the girl. Probably. But I'll talk to LX and my NotebookLM about this more.

1/30/26

Field report: Friday night. Dance floor game at MJQ. Two big dance + kino + convo sets, one very sexual set with a punk rock fashion designer hot white girl with 26k IG followers. One gentle and calibrated set with a very shy boujie corporate Black girl.

Been reflecting on LX's advice; he said I might be struggling with retention because of my character/persona I fall into. So tonight I switched it up, found the missing ingredients to break my character. It's a combination of my grounded vibration with being an active listener who has curiosity. That also builds on top of advice that Chris Turley gave me at Freetour. I listened to AI summaries of "How to win friends and influence people" and "Difficult Conversations" today. Those books reminded me how to be a great listener. So tonight I brought that grounded curiosity for other people, and it was very effective.

Opened a punk rocker white chick. She was soooo hot and she kept qualifying to me. I felt up her whole body, and we stared into each other's eyes. She kept on being flighty, and I would dance trance myself back up into the shiny object, and do more approaches and talk to other girls, and then she would return. In our first interaction, I opened her verbally on the dance floor, complimenting her style, we started conversating, we started dancing, I opened her friends, she qualified to me by dancing her big moves. We danced together, some salsa, I spun her around. We were intimate, I kissed her neck. We fell into a bit of a lull, doing the same thing over and over for too long. She got bored and left. 

Then I danced tranced, approached other girls, had fun, and found her again, she was with a guy, I opened the two-set. She was like "omg you're still here!" happy to see me. Met the guy, they're old friends. A girl joined and engaged my target, so I engaged the guy. He was a big fan. She was deep in conversation, and me and this guy talked for so long. I was like, "Okay, let me approach other girls and let her see." Usually for me, when that goes well, the girl just shows up back in my face again and steals me back. So I had a few brief sets, one of them hooked, but when I started qualifying, she said "I like girls". I said okay, cool and kept talking and trying to pump verbal state. But she dipped, my energy or verbals must have been off. Frolicked around the club and state pumped solo and with the random guys who show up alone every time, and found my punk rocker chick again. Opened. She was excited to see me again. This time we danced together very sexual. My hands stroking all over her body. She was gazing into my eyes deeply. We were on the cusp of kissing. I kissed her neck. So much intimate tension in between our faces. She was gazing into my eyes, hypnotized. She really, really liked me. It boosted my ego but in hindsight, I wasn't letting myself go to the connection. I was kinda bored actually. But I was slowly building our tension, stroking her whole body, kissing her neck, and then I smacked her ass. Within 10 seconds of me smacking her ass, she left. I guess that was a mess up on my part. Broke the emotional intimacy of the moment. I should have kissed her instead of smacking her ass. Oops lol. I won't do that again in that situation I guess. 

Continued opening, found a bougie corporate black girl who was fully solo. With this girl I was very tender, conversational, showed a lot of curiosity in her mind. I was very graceful with her, escalated so slowly. Many, many guys approached her and I just let them do it and kept on dancing and watched. I let her do her thing and make her decision. One guy got aggressive and she was clearly uncomfortable so I stepped in and was like, chill bro. He looked at me like he was about to fight me for a second and then he finally walked away. He seemed like he was crazy drunk. Something like that happened again later and I blocked the guy out. She was grateful and opened up to me about it. She said guys here are grabby.

I kept dancing with this bougie corporate girl, slowly escalating. We had a little flash of sexual dancing. She's wearing this tight, skin tight dress, very bougie and shy, making very small dance movements, but also very flighty. After my successful pulse of escalation, I should have backed off and let it breathe, but instead I went back in escalating too soon, a mistake. Then I felt like the vibes in our space were off, so I made a motion for us to move together, and she did not follow me. She kept dancing in place. That made me think that in that moment I'd escalated too fast. So I stayed two feet away from her, and kept on dancing. We were both looking in the same direction, standing next to each other. After a while, I reopened to the conversation, with a casual random friendly question, and we were back in set. And then the punk rocker chick from earlier appears nearby us, she's making out with some dude (the creepy drunk guy from earlier??) very passionately. Damn! He stole the arousal I generated in her. She was way hotter than the girl I was with, damn lol. I turned my back to them and focused on my target, and in the process of me doing that, suddenly my target's attraction for me spiked and she started twirling her hair. Lmfao. 

Club closed, walked her out, convo with sweet connection and teasing + DHVs, tried to pull, she had already called her Uber, I future-projected a date, she found her Uber, she turned back and motioned for me to hug her goodbye. I made the mistake of saying "follow me back on IG and I'll DM you about going to that spot." It sounded needy, a bad goodbye. Cool, I'm learning a lot.

Fun night, love this city 1000000000/10

update 2/16/26: ended up pulling the boujie corporate girl from a date last night, she slept over. didnt fuck, but we made out for 3 hours it was great. got her down to her panties. i shouldve rubbed her pussy quicker, i spent way too long teasing her inner thighs. she wasnt horny enough when i started going down on her and she stopped me. so i pulled back and chilled. but by then it was late and soon she fell asleep. good time tho

1/24/26

Field report: sweet, euphoric, sexy, but unfulfilling night at MJQ. Writing a long field report bc I'm doing coaching with LX and might show him this. 

On the dancefloor: Kissed a hot drunk white girl on the lips. Squeezed her tight lil ass. That was pure dancefloor magnetism + rapid escalation. She approached me while I was dancing, my flow state was strong and magnetic. I saw that her buying temperature was high and moved things quickly. Took her hand, spun her, teased her, instant proximity with lips 3 inches apart within 1 minute, I didn't take the kiss, I pushed her off me, she came back, qualified her with teasing, held her waist, she stayed in my grip while I did it, so I kissed on her neck. She didn't pull away. That sealed the deal. Massaged the nape of her neck. We kissed each other on the lips and I squeezed her ass good. She was drunk bambi eyed, I could have tried to take it further ("show me how your tongue tastes") but I was coy and non-needy and in my dance flow state. She said she was gonna find her friends; I could have offered to go with her but I didn't. She left, came back with her friends later and positioned herself right next to me with her back to me. She intentionally brushed her back against me, but I pretended to ignore it. She was with her two friends. In hindsight, I think I was supposed to open the group in that moment, but I didn't. Then she walked past me, I tried opening and she didn't engage, she was walking away. I opened the friends, hoping to qualify her through them, which is a Todd V move that has worked for well me many times -- the friends gave me condescending LA energy. That was that the end of the interaction. I should have maybe asked her to introduce me to her friends when she said that she was gonna go find her friends while we were dancing. If that worked it would've let me stay in the set longer. My fun non-needy flow state despises any situation that could lead to rejection or any kind of wanting something from anyone. in order to reach a high energy state I have to stop perceiving other people in my vicinity so that I don't get infected by low energy. but at a certain point, I need to pivot and bring that energy to the other people and approach.

I'm probably missing a lot of other opportunities with girls -- she only approached me because she was drunk. Action item: I need to again study and practice dancefloor approaching until I have comfort in it doing it successfully so that I can integrate it into this same flow state and have more agency while in flow.

Edit in the morning: yes, now I realize another missed opportunity. I was briefly dancing in a circle of three people, one guy and two girls. The semicircle was completely open facing me. I was directly facing a girl. I danced in the circle for a bit having fun, but when I looked up at the girl, she was not looking at me and she seemed serious. That pissed me off. It made me feel like I was chasing. And because I was having so much fun I fucking hated that. So I turned away from the circle and put my back to it. I do that a lot when I don't want girls to think that I'm giving them attention. I just turned my back to them and dance facing away from them. But later in the night, I saw both of the girls in that two set dancing with guys. So I was supposed to wing the two set with that guy. He was dancing with the tall one and then the short one was dancing with a different guy later in the night. I was supposed to take the short one or either of them.  On a vibe level, I was higher value than both of those guys. I definitely could've danced with one of those girls if I approached her correctly. But regardless, I didn't open an easy set because opening on the dance floor is not a part of my flow date yet. I need a larger variety of dance floor opens researched. I'll do that today.

Second set, which I actively approached: two set, black alt girls. I went completely off script and just spoke from the heart and overshared. Usually when I do that things go absolutely terrible, but this time it got me Bambi eyes. A delicious electric eye contact connection with a stunning beautiful Black girl. But the other friend was condescending and skeptical to me. I know how to flip a girl's mood, you just do pacing + leading and then run patterns into her eyes with good vibes. I forgot to do that this time. I'll do that next time. The obstacle showed my target something on her phone and said we have to leave and then they left. I tried to number close and my target instead said I'll take your number, so she has my phone number. I need to prioritize winning over the obstacle next time.