#codenamefirsttwin

“No--” Minwoo chokes on the word, tears blurring his vision as he stares helplessly at Youngmin’s smile. He knows that smile, the sad, downward curl to it, the knowledge that there’s no going back, not from this. This is the end, their end. This is goodbye, whether Minwoo likes it or not.

“Hyung, no!”

Minwoo scrubs an arm over his eyes, reaching for Youngmin with the other. But the elder twin is just out of reach, as if knowing that if Minwoo manages to grab him, he’ll never let go. “Hyung, please! We need you! I need you! What are we going to do without you?”

Youngmin’s outline is blurry, but his voice comes clear and strong. “You’ll be just fine, Minwoo. You all will. I know you will. It’s time to be strong now.” A hand smooths over his cheek, but by the time Minwoo thinks to grab for it, it’s gone. Youngmin is gone. He’s all alone when the tears come openly, streaking pale cheeks.

Minwoo doesn’t exactly remember what sent him scrambling into the dark comfort of his closet, but if the sketchy remnants of his memory are safe to go off of, then it had been a nightmare. Pan had come back for him, or he’d been left for him. One way or another. And when he’d woken, chest heaving and reflexive tears stinging his eyes, Minwoo had scrambled out of bed and sought refuge in the one place that no one could sneak up on.

Hyungs,

Kwangmin needs to get out for a while, and I don't want him going alone, so we're going on a set of supply runs. We shouldn't be gone more than two weeks. I'll take care of him and keep him out of trouble.

Don't come looking for us. Stay out of trouble.

    It’s late when Youngmin returns — even for her. She’d been taking the liberty of scavenging. The boys will need anything she can get her hands on now that Donghyun and Hyunseong are back and need to recover. However, Youngmin hasn’t considered the consequences that come with her getting caught. Typically, they never notice. This time, they did, and she’s definitely paying for it. With a few faint sniffles — that are mostly from the blood steaming down her nose, as opposed to anything tear related — she starts trying to clean herself up.

    “Ow…" Fuck, is this what she does when she subjects the boys to medical treatment? Because she has a whole new level of respect for them.

Sometimes it’s weird having a girl in the group. Without meaning to, Minwoo finds himself paying more attention to their resident chick, making sure she’s warm enough, or that she’s gotten enough to eat, or anything, really. And when she’s out on her own for anything over an hour, he worries. She’s a lot like the mother he hever had, and even more like the older sister that keeps him out of trouble. And it’s his duty as her kind-of-brother to worry, and fret, and just take care of her. 

So when she returns from her scavenging trip -- she’d been gone a couple hours, and had made Minwoo a little more than anxious -- he goes to check on her. Minwoo arrives just after Youngmin begins to clean herself up, and he can’t quite quell his low, reproachful whine. “Noona...”

“Hyung?”

Minwoo’s voice is quiet, hesitant almost, as it drifts into the open air between then, finer than the ghost of his breath as it fogs in the cold.

Hovering above him and not even an arm’s length away, Youngmin stares at him, but doesn’t quite see him. The phrase looking through him comes to mind as Minwoo swallows against the lump lodged in his throat.

He’s not afraid.

Minwoo may not know what he’s done this time, and he may have no idea what it was that set Youngmin off, but he’s not sure that he doesn’t deserve this.

“Hyung, are you okay?”

Youngmin doesn’t blink, doesn’t respond.

A vague part of Minwoo wonders whether he’s even awake. He’s read about sleepwalking, knows that stress can be a factor, as can some drugs. And it’s not like they pay too much attention to the drugs they grab from the houses they raid. It’s possible that Youngmin isn’t awake, and that he won’t recall this moment come morning.

But perhaps he will. And that’s the biggest thing, isn’t it?

“It’s okay, hyung.”

He won’t cry.