#code hula hoop

When you first started working nights at the Pitt, you were eager, fresh faced, overly energetic, and ready to work your first job as a nurse, you learned about code Hula Hoop. It was framed not as an if but as a when. Meaning inevitably you’re either going to hear a code hula hoop or be the one calling it. “But it doesn’t happen that often right?” Both the charge nurses Lena and Dana gave each other side eyes at your naivety. There was a moment of silence between the three of you before Dana spoke. “Just listen to your gut and remember the word. You’ll be just fine kid.”

That had been four months ago and that conversation which had once set you on edge was now little more than a fleeting memory. Night shift was always a little more chaotic than day. You had learned quickly that patients who came in on night shift weren’t just in pain but often they were exhausted, unmedicated, alone, or starting to relive the a traumatic event that had happened in the dark however long ago. But despite all the ups and down you were thriving.

“Shit here comes the energizer bunny.” Dana Evans called sarcastically as you skipped into the Pitt ready to start your shift. In a place where so much death and suffering was happening your lively energy and empathy was deeply needed. It was a good reminder for your coworkers that despite the hard shifts, thankless patients, and avalanche of student debt you all were united under a single goal. To help others on potentially their worst day.

It was something you knew and something you prided yourself on. So instead of cowering you bounced up to the day shift charge nurse and wrapped her in a warm hug. “Always good to see you too Dana!” She laughed patting you on the back “Nice to see ya too kid. Where’s Mateo? Doesn’t he normally come in with ya?” You point towards the lockers offhandedly mentioning that he’s putting his things away before you peel off to finish settling in before day to night shift hand off.

“Alright everyone gather round we’ve got lots to discuss!” The commanding voice of Dr. Robby cut through the chatter of the room and you shifted moving towards the huddle of staff. “I’ll take that, thank you very much!” Mateo Diaz your fellow nurse murmured as he plucked the freshly brewed cup of coffee from your hands as he fell inline beside you. You turned and were about to demand for your coffee back when the clearing of a throat stopped you. Your head snapped over only to meet the disapproving gaze of your attending. Dr. Jack Abbot.

The man was a wealth of knowledge and much kinder than first impressions would have you believe. At first you were sure the two of you were going to butt heads. After all he was a retired combat medic and from your experience people in the military thrived off of hierarchy, structure, and had a sense of entitlement that you just couldn’t get behind. As for you, when you had suddenly appeared in the Pitt four months ago with a dazzling smile and an infectious energy that bordered on annoying Jack Abbot was convinced you weren’t going to make it. So much so that he made a bet with Robby how you’d be out in six months.

But Dr. Abbot had surprised you just as much as you surprised him. He was witty, compassionate, and often acted outside of the standard rules of patient care. Not to mention he was easy on the eyes. You found as the months went on he relied on you more, asked for your opinion, and always made sure that you were okay on the days where your spirit was a little more mellow. You gave him a sheepish smile and wiggled your fingers. His stance didn’t change, posture stick straight, thick and muscular arms crossed over his chest but his expression did you caught the tiny almost imperceptible twitch of his lip as he pushed down a smile. A confirmation that he wasn’t mad just wanted you and Mateo to pay attention.

After Robby had finished you lingered by the desk looking up at the flashing charts deciding who your first patient would be. Just as you turned moving without thinking you hit a strong warm barrier. A small oof escaping you, as large rough hands wrapped around your upper arms to steady you. “Easy there kid, it’s not late enough for you to be forgetting to watch where you’re going.” You peered up into the easy grin and soft eyes of your attending. Even as he pulled you away from him he didn’t let you go. A warmth spreading through out your chest as you raise an eyebrow. “Maybe if you hadn’t forgotten your readers grandpa you could have seen me leaving.” The sharp retort causes Dr. Abbot to chuckle giving your arms a quick little squeeze before he lets go.

“She’s going to be the death of you Abbot.” Robby’s warm baritone voice cuts through Abbot’s thoughts as he realizes he’s staring as you walk away. It was soft enough that nobody who wasn’t right next to the two attendings would hear but for Jack Robby may as well be screaming. He glanced at Robby from his peripheral. “I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about Robatinavitch.” That causes Robby to laugh the lines around his eyes crinkling as he shakes his head. “Wow using the full name? You only use that when you know I’m right and want me to shut my fucking mouth.”

Jack huffs finally turning to face the other man shooting him a glare. “Don’t you have places to be Doctor? Or is this your way of offering to work a double?” Robby just shook his head a knowing smile on his face as he clapped Jack on the back. “Have a good shift brother, try not to get caught by your students staring.” Jack rolled his eyes but couldn’t help but look over at you one last time before rolling his shoulders. It was going to be a long shift best jump head first in and start swimming.

You were a little more than halfway through your shift when things went sideways. “Hi Mr. Hasten I’ll be your nurse today I heard you’re having some chest pain.” Something felt off. You weren’t sure what maybe it was his demeanor, maybe it was the way his gaze seemed to flicker all over the room, maybe it was the way he just wordlessly stared at you. You couldn’t pin point it so you shrugged it off. Blaming it on the long hours, late night, and the fact Mateo had stolen your coffee hours ago. “I just need to check your heart beat since it says you have a history of having murmurs.” You stepped away from the chart approaching him a warm smile on your face as you reach for your stethoscope.

The shift is immediate once you enter his space. His light wild eyes seem to lock on you, you see his muscles tense, and his hands ball into fists. You don’t know why you didn’t listen to your gut as the hair on the back of your neck raise when you realize the mistake you’ve made. Mr. Hasten lunges for you his large hand clamping down on your wrist pulling you forward and off balance as the other goes for the stethoscope around your neck. You scream trying to scramble backwards only to use the momentum to pull him out to the bed and you both hit the cold linoleum floor.

Terror hits you like a truck as adrenaline pumps through you. In the moment you need your brain to work most it goes blank leaving you in free fall as you desperately try to think of the code word. The one you had been told about months ago. You can’t remember it. All you can remember is Dana telling you to listen to your gut and remember the word. But you don’t have time to focus on that as you scramble to survive. Your hands pressing against the solid mass on top of you. Feet kicking out trying to find purchase against his abdomen to launch him away. Your vision dances as your head snaps to the side pain blooming in your cheek where you realize his heavy fist had connected. Then you feel it.

You feel the rubber tube of your stethoscope move, the diaphragm dropping through to make a loop, the tension of the rubber as it starts to be pulled closing the noose around your neck. The realization of what’s about to happen to you is instantaneous. You fight back with everything you have lashing out in a way you weren’t even aware you had in you. Catching a tray with your foot causing it to topple over and crash. But it doesn’t help, it doesn’t stop the man on top of you from continuing to pull tightening your own stethoscope around your neck. A fresh wave of adrenaline washes over you and in that moment you remember. “HULA HOOP!” Your voice desperate, pitchy, and full of a primal terror cuts through the ED catching every single person’s attention.

There’s a moment of confusion of people trying to place the voice, but Dr. Abbot is already moving. He knows your voice, has heard you speak thousands of times. He’s heard you greet Dana. He’s heard you crack jokes with Dr. Ellis. He’s heard you whine and complain to Mateo. He’s even heard the way your voice breaks when you’re about to cry as he pulls you into a hug. But he’s never heard you like this. You sound completely and utterly terrified in a way where you already know the outcome of a situation. “HEY CODE HULA HOOP IN BAY SEVEN! MOVE NOW!” He bellows his voice booms across the ED and suddenly everything is a blur of movement and unadulterated chaos as everyone who’s not dealing with an active trauma drops what they’re doing and surges towards you.

Jack rips open the door to find Dr. Shen and Mateo already helping. Mateo grabbing the patient around the stomach from behind while Dr. Shen is quickly pulling the noose away from your throat. Jack’s nearly vomits when he hears your broken intake of breath followed by a cascade of choked spluttering whimpers. You immediately scramble backwards putting distance between yourself and the other attending. Your body trying to play catch up with your brain as you identify who’s a friend and who’s a foe.

Your back hits something, well two things. One is warm and plant the other is cold and firm. Your head snaps up and you realize you’ve backed yourself up against Dr. Abbot’s legs. You see his expression full of shock, fear, frustration, and compassion. It’s the final thing that pushes you over the edge. “Dr. Abbot?”The tears start flowing down your cheeks as you become overwhelmed with emotion.

Jack moves quickly. His hands hooking under your armpits to pull you up. He lets out a small grunt as he does so realizing the shock has made you all but dead weight. But never the lest he persists, biceps flexing as he hauls you to your feet. He steadies you watching your knees buckle and he internally berates at himself he should have known your legs would be jelly after what had just happened. You feel the warm solid mass of his chest and torso as he tucks you under his arm and ushers you away. “It’s okay. You’re safe now. I’ve got you. Gonna take you somewhere quiet.” His voice a soft grounding stream of murmurs as you allow yourself to be moved through the PITT. You cling to your attending with a white knuckled grip. Burying your face into his side as you sob unable to look at the chaos around you.

Your carefree energetic spirit is completely gone. Finally broken down by the Pitt. You sit in the break room in one of the hard plastic chairs. Your whole body trembling as you slightly curl into yourself. Trying to make yourself as small as possible, trying to take up as little space as possible, and for the first time trying to be completely unnoticeable. You can barely hold onto the cup of tea due to your hands shaking so bad. Your eyes are wide but glassy. The haze of disassociation setting over you as your brain tries to compartmentalize and protect you from the trauma you’ve just experienced.

Jack crouches in front of you waiting watching as you don’t even seem to register he’s here. “Hey kid you see me?” His voice is uncharacteristically soft as he wiggles his fingers watching as you simply nod not even glancing in his direction. “Now isn’t that something? You can see me without even looking.” The joke falls flat and silence fills the space around you both. “I’m gonna touch you okay? See if it helps ground you.” He pauses before carefully placing a hand on your knee. That does the trick. You flinch your whole leg jerking up a whimper ripped from your throat as your gaze snaps down to him. Jack paused before he gives you a small smile. “There she is. There’s my favorite nurse.” He murmurs his thumb rubbing small circles over your knee his head tilted up to watch you.

After several minutes your brain starts to awaken. Allowing you to finally take in your surroundings. You see your attending crouched between your legs. His large bulk causing your legs to spread farther apart than normal. His hands warm as he rubs his rough palms over your knees. You swallow as you look down at him the crushing feeling of disappointment weighing on you. “C-can I go home? Please.” Your voice breaks and you can’t bring yourself to look at him. Your hands are still shaking but he watches how you ball your hands into fists. As you press them against your thighs the slight pain grounding keeping your mind from floating away.

Jack lets out a soft sigh as he watches you retreat into yourself. “Yeah of course kid. You need a ride home?” He watches as you shake your head your breathing labored as you fight back a fresh wave of tears. “Are you sure? You know I can al-“ he doesn’t get to finish his sentence before you suddenly jerk up standing too fast causing your chair to screech as it’s shoved backwards. “For F-fucks sake I said I was o-okay!” Your voice cracks despite the aggressive outburst. Your chest heaves as you look at your attending who’s still kneeling in front of you.

There’s a moment of silence between the two of you. Jack’s eyes brow raised his posture a little straighter his expression falling back into that attending persona as he stares up at you his hands falling away from you. He stands slowly not bothering to step back coming nearly chest to chest with you as he stands. “Okay then.” His voice is soft but holds that firm edge letting you know he’s annoyed. Heat blooms in your cheeks, a lump forming in your throat threatening to suffocate you, you know he’s looking down at you but you can’t stand to be in the space any longer. You slide by him, “Good night Dr. Abbot.” You barely manage to choke out your good bye as you escape from the break room.

Jack stands there minutes after you leave. Eyes closed, breathing deeply and evenly, muscles clenching and relaxing as he grounds himself. He just wanted to help and for the first time in months, maybe since you first started you were actively pushing back against the support you desperately needed. But the Pitt doesn’t care, it doesn’t pause for people, and just as Jack is about to come back to baseline the door slams open. “ABBOT, we’re fucking downing out here. Chit chat later we need you to glove up and be in bay one now!” Lena the charge nurse barks at him before whipping around to leave before he can even get a word in edge wise. “God damn it.” He grumbles before shaking his head moving with heavy steps back into the chaos of the Pitt.

When Robby returns the next morning the air in the Pitt is different. Charged, angry, tense in a way that wasn’t just your usual stressful traumas. He glances around trying to gage a read on what possibly could have happened. He slides up next to Abbot who’s sporting a weary grimace as he looks through a chart. “So where’s your favorite nurse?” Robby mutters into his first of many cups of coffee. He doesn’t miss the way the other attending’s jaw clenches, how his eyes narrowed, and how his shoulder rise half an inch. “Went home. Code hula hoop.”

Now that caught Robby’s attention. His whole body jerking forward. His head snapping to the side, his coffee forgotten in his hand as his eyes widen imperceptibly. It had been a while since a code hula hoop had happened. Recently they had all been lucky enough to have either picked up on signs early on or had been warned before hand about patients with aggressive behaviors to make sure they were property secured in the behavioral health rooms upon intake.

“Shit…is she okay?” Jack shrugged and Robby knew he was already pulling a stretched band even tighter. “Yeah, no, I don’t know but she’s safe at home and nothing abnormal popped up when I looked her over.” The response is fast, clinically clumsy, but Robby is kind enough not to point it out. Instead he wraps an arm around the other man pulling him into a half hug. “She’ll be okay. Tomorrow’s a new day. What happened can’t be changed but at least she knows everyone has her back. Now go get some sleep. Leave the rest of this circus to me.”

The last hour of his shift everyone could tell he wasn’t all there. He was simply going through the motions. He didn’t pause on his way out as he overheard Dana chewing Robby out about nurse safety. He didn’t wave goodbye to Lupe as he walked past the front desk. No he walked in a stony silence all the way back to his apartment. The hot water sputtering to life as he stood in the bathroom staring into the mirror. Scrubs thrown into the laundry hamper, his crutches leaning up against the wall as he eased himself into his shower chair under the hot spray. An involuntary hiss escaping from his teeth as his freckled skin reddened.

He bathed methodically, robotically, scrubbing his skin as if he could remove that night’s noises, emotions, and memories that clung to his skin like an invisible blanket. He thought of you. Of your flushed face. The way you screamed. How your voice broke. He saw you on the ground in front of him disoriented and gasping for breath. He remembered the way your eyes went from glassy, brimmed with tears, to foggy and out of focus. How you whispered his name seeking his guidance when you were lost in a sea of chaos. He scrubbed his skin harder, jaw clenched, and teeth grinding together when he remembered how you pushed him away. Bolting like a skittish animal the second he offered support. He hadn’t even noticed the water had gone cold too lost in the thought of you.