#cocoonverse

ouyang is always furthest away when they are close like this, bodies molded together as they cut through the chilly night air, breathing in sync—and not breathing, when esen takes them up a little higher than a hovercycle really should go, zipping right over the low roof of the groundskeeping building. the soldiers on watchtower duty will recognize the kingfisher streak of him speeding towards the track and look the other way. together they lean hard into a last second swerve around a flagpole, and esen imagines he can feel the shape of ouyang’s smile against the back of his neck, like ouyang isn’t vigilantly guarding against unnecessary contact in that ridiculous, obstinate way of his.

his embrace is inexplicably devoid of the warmth that esen associates with holding another person, seeming instead to sap esen’s body heat while offering nothing in return. are all yin pilots like that? it’s been so long since esen’s held a woman he wasn’t actively fucking that he can’t remember. the arms around him are somehow business-like—though, for once, this isn’t business—and the fingers on the belt over his jacket make the muscles in his abdomen jump involuntarily. he is reminded of the startling sensation of icy hands against his bare stomach. the hands are tiny, belonging to a little boy who is helping him dress, who is withdrawing his too small, too cold hands and apologizing, sheepish.

behind him ouyang surprises him with a request: “do that again,” said into the shell of his ear, so esen takes them higher once more, and ouyang’s hands fist in the fabric of his vest. the winds bites, esen’s nostrils burn with it, but he thinks he could go all night like this, with only the echo of ouyang’s raspy laugh warming him.

ouyang stumbles into the shower and blasts himself with a torrent of cold water, desperate to wake, to wash esen out of him. the former he accomplishes, but the latter is futile.

early on i started working on a thing where zhu and ma pilot together for the first time where ma has to make her way through zhu's mind realm (which manifests as a burning monastery) to connect with her and they become a balanced match etc. it's also like an unsubtle metaphor for ma deciding not to passively accept her death and making the choice to fight to stay with zhu.

this got scrapped for a few reasons, but mainly:

at some point i decided to change zhu's dominant qi type from fire to something else, rendering the burning monastery mind realm idea obsolete