so i just was terrified too much for my poor lil gay heart
first of all i walked downstairs to get a drink and i round the corner into the darkness of the room that I have not yet turned on a light in and hiding behind the chair like a fucking first actor in a haunted house is my cat who, being unable to meow properly, makes her attempt at it which sounds more like the whispered screams of the damned
so after nearly having a heart attack because of this fuzzy grey monster i walk into the dark dining room and turn on a light and lo and behold what do i see but a roach motherfucker sittin there on the floor frozen still acting like I’m a velociraptor from Jurassic park and if he doesnt move I wont see him. of course I do because i am a vague human with 20/20 vision and the light is on. but this gross motherfucker doesnt know that
anyways here I am thinking that oh shit I have cat who just scared the shit out of me and cockroach that just scared the shit out of me BUT these two variables of fuckery can be combined to give me proud, distracted cat and very very dead roach. so I point out the roach to my lovely grey fuzzball and tell her to fuck him up.
cat does nothing.
roach moves a couple of feet because idk, he’s an asshole. cat does nothing. I am pleading with my cat. cajoling her. begging her. bribing her. i lure her directly in front of the roach. she looks at it. her eyes scan over it. she looks back up at me. What the fuck are you trying to show me, she asks. I’m crying. It’s the goddamn beetle that I’ve been motioning towards. The fucking insectoid that has invaded our space. The heinous creature that has moved multiple times, you blind mother fucker. my cat either does not understand or she does not care. or maybe she is the velociraptor of the household.
whatever the truth may be, the great war against roach kind has been lost for another day when i will ask someone else to deal with it. fuck you, cat.
