#cncomplicated

Happiest of all birthdays to youuuu <3

Thank youuuuuuuu!♥ Got strawberries and chocolate cake, so not a bad day at all.

take care of yourself ok, i'm worried :((

Thanks♥ Tbh I was kinda worried about me too for a moment, but I finally got my meds and things are looking up. But HOW I got my meds, oh boy, there’s a story to be told here - if anyone had managed to hold on to any illusions about the bliss of Finnish healthcare provided by the so-called welfare society, I got some bad news for you.

First Act: We don’t have your meds, oops ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I got my prescription and went to the pharmacy only to find out that they’d run out of the meds I needed. And not just this particular pharmacy but every goddamn pharmacy in the country. They weren’t expecting a refill until THREE WEEKS from now. Apparently, this is a thing that can happen. I returned home with no meds, just crippling anxiety and the fear of how the hell am I supposed to survive for three weeks without my meds. 

FYI, these are maximum dose anti-depressants, aka some heavy shit you are never ever supposed to quit cold turkey cos’ it will fuck up your head real bad and real quick. No, you’re supposed to decrease the dose little by little under supervision, and the process of quitting them properly can take 2-3 months.

So good luck and godspeed to me.

Second Act: Bureaucracy is a bitch 

As my withdrawal symptoms started to get worse (head spinning, vomiting, extreme existential desperation, etc., you know, the usual) I called the hospital this morning to get some help.

Now my hospital trip was a real triumph for bureaucracy: since there were no free appointments or call-times for any doctors, they send me to see a nurse, who was like “what do they expect me to do, start preparing the medicine here on my desk?” (she literally said that and I shared her frustration). She ended up calling the doctor next door to us to ask what to do even though they were with a patient. The doctor had heard that some pharmacies still had a lower dose (150 mg pills) of the medicine I needed (300 mg pills), so she wrote a prescription for those. Apparently, the pharmacies can’t just give me two jars of 150 mg pills if they don’t have the 300 mg pills, you need a separate prescription for those. Yay.

So, to get a new prescription with a lower dose for the same medicine I already had a prescription for, I had to go to a hospital, see a nurse and have that nurse call a doctor in the next room. Double yay.

Third Act: Pharmacies will be the death of us all

I found out from the very pissed-off nurse (her wrath wasn’t directed at me but the whole system) that it wasn’t just these meds that had ran out - pharmacies are running low on all prescription drugs cos’ of some rearrangement shit in the supply system or something, I didn’t quite get it, except that it’s the fault of the pharmacies.

And my case isn’t even close to being the worst even if the nurse thought I was “in a pretty bad condition” (her words). At least I got my meds in the end though they cost me a pretty penny. For example, turns out some people can’t even get their diabetes medication atm. That’s life-threatening (well, so is all of a sudden losing your anti-depressants, but still, you know what I mean). I’m shocked and horrified tbh. It’s not enough that you scrape together the money to pay for your expensive meds when there are no meds to be bought.

Yay, asks, thanks!♥

dimples - most attractive features of a person’s face?: I’m gonna have to go with eyes. It’s not even about the colour - I don’t really have a preference on that - but the… emotion in them? Do you get what I mean? The eyes can determine the whole expression on one’s face (e.g. just look at Tom Hardy’s acting) and that makes them fascinating. Soft eyes, playful eyes, intense eyes, mischievous eyes… And sometimes you can catch a twinkle in someone’s eyes, and that’s about the most attractive thing there is.

buttery - favorite snack?: Right now I’m into these tiny little raw carrots, as well as my usual go-to snacks peanuts and raisins (I’m trying to eat less sugar, otherwise the obvious answer would be chocolate). I’m also super addicted to hummus, I can eat it just like that without anything to go with it, it just sooooo good.

pencil - do you own a journal?: I actually own three (3) journals: a normal one, a “write a list of at least three things that made you happy today” -journal aka “happy journal”, and “my dysfunctions” -journal where I can vent when my brain is stuck (it’s actually very useful especially if you tend to overreact to everything like I do). Though I haven’t written anything in any of these in a long time cos’ I am and always have been hopeless with journals. (And I just realized I just assumed a journal means a diary here - well it does now anyway.)

mochi - favorite studio ghibli film?: How am I supposed to choose just one?? I love Totoro and Howl’s Moving Castle and Princess Mononoke etc. etc. Ok, for the sake of this ask I’m gonna say Spirited Away because it’s brilliant and also the first Studio Ghibli movie I ever saw, so it has a special place in my heart.

This was fun. :D

this is truly magnificent and they should be ashamed. Like people in that specific brand of business SHOULD KNOW BETTER

Agreed.

It's so so so nice to hear you're doing so well <3 you deserve every bit of it!

Thank you! I wish the same for you~ ♥

writing is freaking hard, especially after a long pause, but you've managed it before, you'll manage it now <3 pro-tip: don't start at the beginning, pick the most coherent sentence/idea you've got and work from there, and come back and fill out the blanks. It doesn't have to be Finished and Flawless from scratch :)

Thanks for the support and tips♥

I’ve manged to put together a rough draft. I hate every single word I’ve written and wish I could just fall off from the face of the Earth - but I guess that’s still better than having no words at all.

Yes good PLEASE FIX IT♥♥♥

(｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡ you are super strong and brave for posting this publicly. I hope you'll get the help you deserve and need, and I'm always there for you to call or, you know, anything.

Thank you! You’re the best♥♥ I’ve always been saying how we should try to remove the stigma attached to mental illness, so it’s time for me to put my money where my mouth is and do my bit - even if talking about it in public is super scary. Baby steps I guess. One day I’ll be able to ironically joke about this. One day.