Sometimes I wonder if anyone's still here reading? Which is I guess why even if it's not that likely I'm a little hesitant to delete this blog, even if some of the writing on here isn't too good and I'm embarrassed when I reread it. But I guess I also keep it up for me because some of my favorite pieces are also here.
Either way, if anyone reads this. I wanted to apologize about disappearing. I enjoyed my time writing here and a lot of the messages sent often brought me so much encouragement and comfort. I loved being a part of this fandom for so long.
However life and a grown up job kind of took over and for a while I was really burnt out, not feeling an ounce of creativity to keep writing. Sometimes I want to continue or at least finish, but truthfully I don't even know if I'm even good enough to keep at it.
With all this I guess I also have the question if anyone would want the ending of Cn9? Although part of me wants to completely rewrite it with original characters, but I don't know if it's best to leave it untouched within this fandom.
I can't make any promises, but I really would like to give it a proper ending, even if it's way too many years later.
Anyway, if this message finds you, hope it finds you well. I think of this little space often and it holds a very dear place in my heart.
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Summary: Because letâs face it, your girlfriends wonât tell you when the boy of your dreams isnât interested. So whatâs left? Calling the late night radio show host known as Min Suga is a good option right? Heâll tell you how it is and ruin you while fixing your love life. Counterproductive? Definitely.
Other Chapters
Chapter 18: Call Screening
There are a million questions that Yoongi could ask as he stares down the glass of the gleaming iPhone. Itâs almost taunting as it reflects his own shocked expression and the text heâs sent her.
The only thing he can manage is a silent, âWhat?â that rebounds inside the walls of his mind leaving him rattled.
He canât form the sentences in his mind, canât get his mouth around the words. He needs to let this sink in, but Hyuna is moving across the floor speaking muffled words. She grabs the phone from his hands and sticks it in her purse.
âWell I should be going, any longer and I donât know if I wonât be mad at you for falling for someone else.â Sheâs joking, but he knows the hidden truth in her teasing.
He doesnât move, his mind too preoccupied with untangling itself. Hyuna pays him no mind though and she pulls open the door, letting it creak as she begins to leave. It snaps Yoongi from his daze and he stumbles after her as she pauses, one hand against the doorframe.
âAre you ok?â Hyuna stops and almost recoils from his hovering form. Heâs quiet and riddled with tension. It pulls his body taut and creases the space between his brows.
âY/n,â Yoongi swallows before continuing, âhas she ever mentioned someone named Suga to you? Has she said anything at all?â Hyuna almost misses it, but it is latent in his voice. Itâs hope, laced between the confusion and concern. She doesnât understand what Yoongi is hoping for or what he wants to hear.
âY/n?â Hyuna repeats and her brows furrow.
Yoongi thinks that Hyuna may be able to clear this cloud of doubt for him. Though the frown on her face says otherwise and the slow shake of her head is apologetic. If sheâd known what was plaguing Yoongi sheâd be quick to help, but she has no clue whatâs going on. Most of all sheâs wondering why Yoongi is even asking about Y/n of all people.
âWhat does Y/n have to do with anything?â Hyunaâs voice is small, quiet, curling in on itself in defense. Yoongiâs dejected look is answer enough and a sharp splitting sting forms in center of her chest. It wonât kill her, but itâs deep enough for the bitter dribble of resentment to seep in. When she meets his eyes everything is clear and Yoongi realizes his mistake too late.
âHyunaâŚâ He runs a hand through his hair and wishes he had something to say to her. However, there isnât any gentle way to tell Hyuna that heâs fallen for her friend. Looking at her, he wishes he could feel that way about her. He wishes it were easy to love the people who love you back, but he canât, not in that way. The infatuation he held for her before has matured into a deep respect and admiration. She deserves someone who will return those feelings and treat her well.
âY/n is a good girl, you know?â
âYeahâŚâ Yoongi can only agree, he feels transparent, naked under her stare and he canât think of anything to say to her.
âShe can be oblivious and naive. Whatever it is you feel for her, say it and make it clear.â Before he can ask anything else, Hyuna shuts the door and it rings in Yoongiâs ears louder than normal.
Four hours of sleep. Maybe five?
Taehyungâs walnut shaded eyes narrow when he catches Y/n yawn into the soft palm of her hand and scrunch her wide eyes. Her hair is tossed into a messy bun, stray wisps of hair poking out and fluttering when she turns her head to look at something else.
Yeah, definitely more like four and a half. She was looking a little worn, not that Taehyung could blame her. Sheâd been here since maybe seven in the morning. She was finishing her last touches on her work and staying for an evaluation with her teacher. It had been close to eleven when he stopped by to check on her. Heâd found her, charcoal staining the tips of her fingers and nerves on edge.
Sheâd immediately asked him to make a coffee run and of course heâd said yes, he wanted to see if sheâd tell him what happened last night. Heâd even gone the extra mile and brought her a chocolate croissant. He wouldnât call it bribing, perhaps appeasing could be a better word?
Either way, Taehyung wanted to know what was going on, especially considering Jungkook seemed excited about the fact that Yoongi and Y/n were together last night. They were all rooting for their friends and the possibility of a relationship, but something about Jungkookâs excitement seemed different. There seemed to be more to it.
His eyes stray away from Y/n whoâs talking to a guy, his hair is sandy blonde and heâs at least a head taller than her. He leans into her when theyâre talking and it seems theyâre familiar, but not in a simple casual classmates kind of way. He wonders if Yoongi has ever been the jealous type.
Taehyung sips his own coffee and as soon as Y/nâs gaze slips away from the boy talking to her, Taehyung waves her over. Trying to be polite, Y/n excuses herself to dash over to Taehyung who is propped against a tall table and smiling at her. The student sheâd been talking to turns and thatâs when Taehyung recognizes him. Itâs her ex-boyfriend, Mark.
âYouâre godsend,â Y/n ruffles his hair as she grabs the hot coffee cup on the table and takes a ginger sip. From here Taehyung can tell sheâs restraining from gulping it down desperately.
âSo Iâve been told,â Taehyung grins at her, preening at her happiness.
Y/n rolls her eyes but doesnât reply. If thereâs someone sheâs willing to spoil with her affection, itâs definitely Taehyung.
âSo Mark huh?â
Y/n nods and waves him off, âHeâs here for a friend and he was only saying hi.â
âThatâs nice of him, how did that end?â
âHe said goodbye?â
Taehyung chuckles, âNo I mean, Iâve never heard about your breakup, how did that happen?â
âIt was on good terms, heâs a nice guy and all, but I was never as invested as he wanted me to be,â Y/n shrugs, a distant look on her face.
Taehyung canât help but recall the people heâs dated, especially the ones where he seemed to be impossibly infatuated and the other, only mildly. Itâs the oneâs you canât have, that always leave you wishing youâd had more, they leave a small part of you pining.
âThatâs unfortunate,â Taehyung slides the bagged pastry to her and her eyes glitter at the sight of the crinkled paper bag, âHow long do you have to be here?â He asks and he turns his eyes on the other students walking around the artwork, looking finicky and overwhelmed.
âI donât know, it could be some hours, my professor wants to review my work with me first before we place it in the exhibition,â Y/n frowns and looks a bit downcast.
Sheâd left for school as soon as sheâd gotten up, worried that sheâd be late for the review. She seemed present and calm, but Taehyung could tell that the itch of impatience was creeping under her skin. Y/n wasnât focused on what her classmates were saying and as minutes passed her longing glances out the window seemed to become more and more frequent.
Y/n heaves a sigh and brings her coffee back to her lips, her shoulders slumping ever so slightly.
âIs this about Yoongi?â
Y/n sputters on her coffee and Taehyungâs eyes widen as she attempts to gracefully wipe the dribbling liquid from her lips.
âSeriously?â
âIâll take that as a yes.â
Y/n shoots him a halfhearted glare.
âWell itâs not like either of you are very subtle. Yoongi was moping for what felt like weeks and youâre only ever half present,â Taehyung fixes her a with a stern look.
âNo, we really arenât. Iâve missed him a lot and yesterday just confirms everything.â Y/nâs mind goes back to the âalmost-kissâ and goosebumps raise along her skin as she recalls the heat of his breath and tingling brush of his skin.
âYouâre getting all red, are you ok?â Taehyung raises a brow, âAre those goosebumps? Are you getting sick now?â
âNo,â Y/n rubs at her neck, her brows pinched and her blush high on her cheeks. She doesnât let Taehyung hover and takes a step away to put space between them.
âFineâŚbe that wayâŚâ Taehyung pouts and crosses his arms.
âItâs not like that, itâs just that Iâve made things unnecessarily complicated. I wanted to put distance between Yoongi and me, I thought I could ignore the fact that I like him. But I canât, not even a little.â
Taehyung decides not to press the issue and replies, âFine, I think I get it. Although I will say this, I donât think there was ever any reason for either of you to be afraid of each otherâs feelings. In all my life, I have never known sincere affection to blatantly hurt someone, so if you care each about other why not let it happen? Why be so afraid to let someone care about you?â
Y/nâs lips part and it hits her. Yoongi hasnât been the only one desperately hiding the softer parts of himself. Sheâd been trying to build a wall when Yoongi was trying to tear it down.
âThatâs a good question, I should probably ask him when I see him.â
âYouâre going to see him today?â
Y/n bites down on her lower lip, âKind of? Iâm planning to go visit him. We need to talk about everything, Iâll go see him after Iâm done hereâŚâ
Thereâs more on the tip of her tongue, but she canât get it past her lips. Sheâs thinking about something, the possible outcomes and the risk sheâs taking. Taehyung hopes it goes well. He almost says so, but Y/n is called over and her professor is walking away towards a wall where three portraits are resting, propped against a wall and partially out of view.
He cranes his neck to see the work displayed on them. He only manages to catch a glimpse of shimmering molten gold before Y/n blocks his view.
He feels anticipation winding itself in his chest, both for her presentation and for what may happen after Yoongi and Y/nâs talk. He can only hope for the best.
After knowing Yoongi for a few years, Jin has come to learn many odd quirks. The way he pulls back his beanie and cards his fingers through his hair is visible frustration edging his patience. Yoongi also gets bashful. Jin sees it in the way he bites down on the tip of his tongue, eyes flickering downcast. It's an attempt at shielding himself from prying stares.
Then thereâs the pinch between his brows when heâs ever so focused. He's deep in the trenches of his own mind and attempting to piece together his own riddles. Yoongi is both opaque layers and thinly veiled transparency.
In this moment, heâs a muddled mixture of both. His unease is rolling off his body, making the air around him thick and sour. The reason for the tension coiling in his body and ensnaring his mind though, is unclear. Jin canât see past it, even when squinting his brown eyes.
It doesnât help that Yoongi wonât talk about it. When Jin tries to tiptoe around the subject the only thing he receives are curt and clipped answers.
Jin is trying not let it bother him. But, the way heâs behaving is out of character for Yoongi. He is usually too courteous at times, respectful and aware of the title Jin holds over him as hyung. Jin feels a bit silly when he thinks that there's only a difference of two months. He hardly feels deserving of this title when there are days he barely remembers to think of himself. Nonetheless, he keeps an eye on his friends, especially Jimin, Jungkook, and Taehyung. Particularly because they seem to have a penchant for trouble, mischief, and rebellion.
Yoongi, out of all his friends, gives him the least to worry about.
At least normally.
Today is different. Today when Jin shows up, meal in hands and smile on his face, Yoongi answers with a halfhearted grin. He only thanks Jin once for thinking of sharing his food with him, not the normal and grateful twice. He also isnât as eager about his meal as he could be.
Given, no one loves food more than Jin, but Yoongi never turns away a home cooked meal from his friends, especially Jinâs. Heâs the one whom keeps his friends from malnourishment.
So to see the bleach blonde pushing around his food on his plate, is worrisome to say the least.
It doesnât end here. As Jin prattles on about his last exam and plans a celebration between friends, he realizes Yoongi is half listening. Jin can tell the difference between his attentive face from his distracted face. He knows that his halfhearted hums and nods are meant to make Jin think that Yoongi is listening. It becomes more than obvious when Yoongi slips up and instead of replying with a 'yes' or an 'okay', he hums and Jinâs talking stops.
Yoongiâs head snaps up to look at Jin whoâs hovering over him and clearing his plate. Jinâs plate is clean of all his food, but Yoongiâs is almost half full. He doesnât miss the small frown and the furrow of brows.
âAre you coming?â
What was Jin talking about again?
âIâm sorry, what?â Yoongi asks again and his fingers thread through his blonde strands. Jin's gaze flicks up towards his hands, recognizing the motion.
âI said, are you coming with us? To Y/nâs exhibition? Itâs this weekend,â Jin repeats this. Heâs trying not to sound exasperated, but itâs proven to be difficult when Yoongiâs mind is half present and his responses are mechanic hums or grunts.
Yoongi's stare trails away once more, he's hesitant to say yes, but he knows itâs expected he be there. Heâd told Y/n so. Finally Yoongi replies with an uneasy, âYeah, sure. I said would, didnât I?â
Jin blinks at him, âYeah, you did.â He drops his eyes to Yoongiâs plate, where his food has been shuffled around. âAre you not hungry?â
Yoongi waves away the plate. âIâm sorry, Iâll finish it later. I donât have much of an appetite.â
âYou know Iâm not leaving until youâve eaten it all,â the cross look that Jin aims at him is nothing short of threatening.
Yoongi snorts and replies, âI know, but Iâm not that hungry right now.â
âFine, but that doesnât mean you should skip meals. Itâll only make things worse.â Yoongiâs sleep schedule is all types of disastrous, he doesnât need to add malnourished on top of sleep deprived.
Yoongi huffs and after a moment finally tucks into the meal. Itâs cold, but Yoongi isnât complaining and Jin is afraid that if he asks for the plate to warm it, then Yoongi wonât take it back. Instead Jin settles in his chair and leans forward to watch the other male eat.
âIâve been hoping youâd say something,â Jin starts, âBut it seems like Iâll need to ask. Whatâs wrong?â He doesnât want to push Yoongi, but heâs not going to turn a blind eye when he can see the way his shoulders slump or hear the deep sighs he exhales.
Yoongi looks up at Jin, the elder leaning forward on his arms as he surveys him, waiting for an answer. Yoongi would prefer to keep quiet. He doesnât like unraveling underneath anyoneâs prodding, but this is Jin. Jin who is neutral and level headed, he is one of several that he feels he can rely on and will say the right thing.
âY/n is Caller Nine,â Yoongi blurts out and Jin straightens up. He doesnât look as surprised as Yoongi would have thought, but his eyes still widen and he pales at the news.
âWhat?â Jin leans forward to listen.
âIâm sure she is,â Yoongi heaves a sigh, âand then Hyuna had to go and confess. As if things werenât daunting already.â
âWait what? Why didnât you say anything?" Jin feels panicked for a moment as he thinks of Y/n's obvious feelings for him, "What are your feelings for Hyuna?â
Yoongi blinks, confused by the question because for a split second only Y/nâs face flashes in his mind. âHyuna? Nothing more than friendship, but it threw me off. She stopped by and we talked about it and I turned her down. Hyuna also had Y/nâs phone. She gave it to me for a second and my message was on her screen, my name was on there. It read Suga.â
Jin swallows thickly, he canât tell Yoongi that heâs known for a while, but heâs also bound to find out Namjoon was in on it too. Yet he doesnât want to keep it from him either. Jin doesnât know what to do and despite his conscious telling him to be honest, he swallows down the words and regurgitates something else.
âHave you talked to Y/n about it?â Jin fiddles with the ring on his finger and Yoongiâs gaze is somewhere else. Itâs on his own hands as he squeezes a napkin between slender fingers. Heâs caught up in the whirling thoughts in his mind and Jin, while sorry for his friend, is also relieved that Yoongi hasnât realized how panicked he is.
âNo, not yet. She left last night and I havenât worked up the courage to talk to her. Especially after what happened before she left...â Yoongi recalls the clumsy brush of skin on skin. The way she dipped into him, letting him nuzzle and press against her. A hot flush spreads across his face and neck, he canât bring himself to meet Jinâs questioning eyes.
âWhat do you mean? Yoongi, what happened?â Seokjin is afraid to know and based on Yoongi's flustered expression, it's questionable.
âNothing inappropriate,â Yoongi snaps, ââŚI almost kissed her is all.â
Jinâs eyes are still wide and surprised, âWellâŚI guessâŚyouâre consenting adults. Still, you two should at least talk about whatâs going on before you go around making things even messier.â
âI didnât think about it, neither did she, it happened and that was it,â Yoongi shrugs. He wishes theyâd both gone through with it, but Jin has a point. Heâd told Y/n he wanted to be friends, but that was the very last thing he wanted. Heâs been lying to her this entire time. Friendship isnât the only thing heâs wanted from her. Heâs wanted her attention and affection; when he thinks back on it, heâs wanted it from the beginning.
All heâs ever wanted was to capture her in every sense of the word.
âAre you going to talk to her?â Jin inquires.
âI have to,â Yoongi doesnât look comforted by the thought. Jin doesnât blame him for his worry. Y/n might not know, what would her reaction be then? And if she does? Then what?
Jin falls silent for a moment. Heâs turning something over in his mind, trying to work out the knots before he asks, âIsnât this a good thing in the end? The two people you like are one person.â
Yoongi looks up at him, his lips pulled into a frown, âIt should be, in a sense, Iâve fallen for the same person twice. But it scares me and makes me wonder if the distance she was placing between was a gentle rejection. It could be her way of saying she only wants to be friends.â
Jin worries his lower lip for a second, thinking up a reply, âYes, but you two are also friends. You confided in each other for some time. That has to count for something. She has stuck around for you and Suga. Why wonât she stick around now? You have to give your friendship more credit than that.â
Yoongi wants to believe that Jin is right, but he doesnât want to get his hopes up. His dating history hasnât been the most pleasant. He canât shake the hard-pressed guilt convincing him that every relationship is damaged by his hands. This doesnât justify his guarded insecurities, he knows. Nonetheless heâs afraid to broach the situation in fear that heâll shatter something delicate with his unwanted prodding.
âYoongi?â Jin calls the blondeâs attention and his head snaps out of his thoughts.
âHm?â Heâs looking at Jin whoâs leaning forward. He sees the worry in Jinâs expression and the pull of his frown.
âPromise me youâll talk to her?â Jin stands and grabs his bag. He has one final class to go to before theyâre free for their winter break.
âYeah, I will.â
Yoongi isnât lying, he plans to talk to her, but he doesnât quite know how to go about it. Then again, when has he ever known what to do around her?
The fact that heâs never been able to squash those soft flutters in the pit of his stomach are what have gotten him into such a mess. The click of the door signals Jinâs departure and Yoongi stands, ready to grab a jacket and his car keys. Heâs running through the things he can say to Y/n, but when he catches sight of his camera perched on a bookshelf, he falters.Â
Any thought of returning Y/nâs phone has flown out the window for Hyuna. As much as she wants to pretend that she is fine, sheâs not. After leaving Yoongiâs apartment she realizes she canât return the phone to her friend, not without feeling an ache of betrayal. Neither can she bring herself to go back and hand it to Yoongi, meet his eyes and know that the person that has shifted his feelings is someone close to her.
âHyuna, are you even listening?â Jiwoo asks as she spears a strawberry on her plate with a fork,
âHuh? Yeah, sorry. Iâve been a little worried about my scores for these past exams,â Hyuna offers a small and sheepish smile,
Jiwoo accepts this, Hyuna had after all, worried all week long. She nods and replies, âIâm sure you did fine Hyuna, you studied all week. That has to count for something.â
Hyuna nods, letting Jiwoo continue with her story. She doesn't notice that Hyuna dips back into her thoughts as soon as she goes on.
It may not be the end of the world for Hyuna, but it doesnât mean that the ache of rejection isnât heavy on her heart. Instead she hopes that Jiwoo can do her the favor of passing on Y/nâs phone and leaving it at that.
Hyuna could also take a chance and ask if Jiwoo knows anything about Yoongi and Y/n, but her mind is begging her not to ask. Any answers she needs must come from Y/n or Yoongi. If anything, Hyuna needs a moment to calm her mind and let the ache fade.
âHey Jiwoo, what time are you leaving today?â Hyuna interrupts her friend midway through a sentence.
Jiwoo ponders this for a moment before replying, âIn a few hours and I still have to finish the last of my packing. Thatâs why I was hoping we could invite Y/n out, but when I called Taehyung he said Y/n wasnât home, sheâd left. You still have her phone, right?â
Hyuna nods, âYeah, I do.â She canât ask Jiwoo to take it, her friendâs already pressed for time. She feels her stomach plunge as she realizes she may have to face Y/n herself. If not, she could always drop it off with Taehyung, but she runs the risk of running into Y/n.
Itâs funny how a little heartache can turn you into such a coward.
âHey, mealâs on me, okay? Do you want to get going?â Jiwoo grabs Hyunaâs attention and the blonde feels guilty when she realizes she hadnât heard a thing her friend said to her earlier.
âThanks, I owe you one. Iâll treat you to something sweet right now,â Hyuna grins and the two make their way up to the cash register to pay.
Hyuna steps outside first, catching sight of the campus in front of them. A scattered handful of students remain, some are finishing up their very last exams. Others are prepping for Christmas break, eager to run home and sleep in their beds.
Most of her friends have gone already, so the people she sees peppering the campus arenât any familiar faces. That is until a tall figure crosses her vision with a puffy jacket and a beanie on his head.
Her mouth opens before she knows what sheâs doing. âNamjoon!â
The tall male speaks into the phone, surprise etched across his face. She may not have spoken to him much when Yoongi and her were dating, but she knows he can do her this small favor.
âJungkookie said Tae went to pick up Y/n from Yoongiâs last night, did you hear?â Even through the speaker of his phone Namjoon can pick out the worry in Jiminâs voice.
âWait what?â Namjoon stops in his steps and someone bumps into him. He doesnât miss the nasty glare as they walk past him, but Namjoon waves it off. Itâs almost Christmas, it should be physically impossible to stay angry these days.
âYeah, I guess Y/n got locked out of her place and stayed with Yoongi for a bit. But I havenât heard anything about it. Do you think things got sorted it out? What if they never sort anything out? I thought Yoongi looked so happy when he was around herâŚâ
A sigh escapes Namjoon and he has to fight back a smile when he realizes Jiminâs satoori is starting to escape him.
âRelax, Iâm sure weâll find out soon enough, Jin said he was going to go visit him. Jin is like a walking confessional. One look at him and he makes you want to spill your guts. Not even Yoongi is immune,â Namjoon continues along his trek to his car, his last exam couldnât have been over soon enough. Now all he wanted was to go home and catch up on what felt like years of missed sleep.
âI hope so, I donât know how much longer I can take this,â Jimin groans and Namjoon raises a brow. He wonders when theyâd all become so invested in his friendâs love life. He immediately recalls the devious grin on Yoongiâs lips the night he officially met Y/n and the way the two despite bickering all night, refused to move from their spots. It was like watching children pick on each other. It was both annoying and endearing, like hoping to catch the pair sneaking pecks or holding hands underneath a table when no one was looking.
âI know, but we canât push them anymore than weââ
âNamjoon!â It isnât so much the voice that makes him stop, more so the shrillness of the tone. It makes him stop in his place and heâs startled by the sight of a sullen looking Hyuna.
âHyuna, uh hi?â Namjoon peers down at her, but sheâs not even looking, âJimin can you hold on for a second?â Â Jimin gives a hum from his end and Hyunaâs busy rummaging through her bag. Why sheâs here is unknown to him. The only times heâs ever been around her are enough to be counted on one hand.
He knows sheâs Yoongiâs ex-girlfriend. Theyâre supposed to be on better terms and they seem happier as friends than they ever did dating. Thatâs about as much as he can say about her and the most heâs ever said to her are idle words. Theyâve only every touched the surface by skimming through small chatter about school, friends, light gossip, and on strained occasion, the weather.
Hyuna is a nice girl, but there has always been a weird underlying tension. As if Namjoon felt a silent need to apologize for the way Yoongi treated her. He never did though, only because Hyuna would pin him with this look that said, âDonât. I know and Iâm sorry too.â It would make his gaze dart away and being in the same room stifling.
âDo me a favor and give this to Y/n?â Hyuna pushes something hard and flat against his chest, jabbing him sharply. Namjoon only manages to grasp it before she whips around and leaves in a rush, her hair flailing about her.
âHyuna? What is this? Why me?â Namjoon is calling after her, but the girl isnât stopping instead she stalks off and disappears in a crowd of people leaving him with his hand clutched around whatever it is she gave him.
He pulls it away to find his stare reflected in glass. Itâs Y/nâs phone and when he presses against the home button thereâs a message from Min Suga. Namjoon wants to be wrong, but the uncomfortable coiling in his stomach is telling him that Y/nâs secret isnât going to be kept for long.
âShit.â
âNamjoon? Is everything ok?â Jimin asks in rushed tones.
âI donât know. I need to go. Iâll call you after.â Jimin barely manages to utter a goodbye before Namjoon ends the call.
Y/n is breathless as she topples over onto the comfy couch of her living room. She is both exhausted and restless from today. Preparation for the art exhibition had taken all morning and her review with her professor had taken a large part of the early afternoon.
Hoseok had appeared later, dragging her off to lunch, but that didnât last all too long considering he had to talk to some teachers about the results of his exams. Finally having a free moment, sheâd run to Yoongiâs place, but after ten minutes of knocking and waiting, sheâd decided to leave.
She could only hope that he hadnât gone home early. He had after all, taken a late call from his parents when she was at his apartment. For all she knew, he could be having a family emergency.
Y/n had no other option, but to return to her place and find another way to reach him. Maybe Hobi or Taehyung had his number? If they did, she was going to scream because that shouldâve been her first thought.
âWhy did I wait this long?â Y/n groans out loud and buries her face in the pillows. Deciding to give this one more chance she gets up and runs across her apartment, and keys in hand.
She trips over her own feet as she reaches the door and swings it open. Y/n is ready to run out but comes to a teetering halt when she finds herself barely missing Namjoon, fist in the air. Her stomach curls in on itself and she stumbles back, avoiding him by centimeters.
Namjoon has never been someone she disliked, but the sudden sight of him puts her nerves on edge. Thereâs a shock buzzing through her limbs when he holds a phone up, screen lit and a message on display.
âHyuna asked me to give this to you.â
A cold sweat breaks out over her body, washing her with a wave of hot and then cold. She takes a breath, trying to slow her heart rate and settle her frazzled nerves. Itâs too late though because the look he pins her with makes her feel every bit transparent.
âT-thank you,â Y/n reaches out a sweaty palm and he drops the phone into her hand with a gentle âpatâ, but he doesnât leave. He makes no move to remove himself from her presence.
Instead he leans against the door and says, âI was planning to ask you about Min Suga, but judging from the look on your face it seems you know.â
âNamjoonâŚâ Y/n tucks a lock of hair behind her ear and swallows thickly. What is she supposed to say? Where does she even begin?
âYou donât have to tell me everything, I only want to know if you plan on telling him yourself? He deserves that at least. Heâs one of my best friends and watching you confuse him over whether or not you want to be around him isnât all that fun.â
âI wasnât going to at first, but I will,â Y/n holds the phone close to her, hiding it from Namjoonâs gaze.
âWhen?â
âToday. I was looking for him to talk about it, but he wasnât home. Iâm sure you can tell why I didnât pick up my phone and call him. Iâve been looking for him all day.â
âHeâs probably at his apartment right now, Jin mentioned heâd be visiting him today.â Namjoonâs mind goes to Hyunaâs sullen expression and he has a feeling that Y/n might not be aware of how much of her secret might be out. âDoes Hyuna know anything?â
Y/n freezes for a moment, âNot that I know of. She gave you my phone, didnât she?â
Namjoon nods, âShe did, she ran up to me and shoved it into my hands. She was in a hurry and maybe even a little upset. Then again, I hardly know when it comes to her.â
Y/n pales at this and she tries to shake the suspicion that Hyuna knows about Yoongi. âWe havenât had time to talk one on one, how would you begin? âHey friend, guess what? Thereâs a chance Iâm interested in your ex-boyfriend! Are we cool? Cool.â Hyuna had been interested in pursuing him again. It was better that I didnât say anything. No one really knew how I felt except Hoseok and Tae.â
Namjoon hums, âSo you really like him? Even if your friend does too?â
âItâs not like I meant for this to happenâŚâ She really hadnât, that was why sheâd tried to place a wedge between them and force some distance. That only made things worse.
Namjoon snorts, âOf course you didnât, but this has been going on from the very moment you two talked at the house party.â
Y/nâs brows pinch together at this. She still remembers seeing Yoongi and feeling horrified, especially when he sat beside her. Sheâd shown so much disdain, but she didnât make an active effort to stay away from him. Instead she sat there exchanging witty banter and arguing with him half the night.
Y/n turns to look up at Namjoon, âHowâd you find out? I mean about me being Caller Nine.â
âBy accidentâŚI hadnât meant to, but I was using Yoongiâs phone to call yours, that night after the bar. They gave me your number to dial and you showed up under his contacts, but as Caller 9. No one else saw and I never called. If I had called I think everyone wouldâve found out before. Maybe that wouldâve been for the best?â
Y/n nods, âProbably.â
A frown pulls at Namjoonâs lips, âBut why this? I donât understand what you think youâre doing? And I donât understand what heâs doing either. You two are just dancing around each other.â
Her plan to keep quiet and distance herself seemed easy. Now it only seems to have done the most damage. Yoongi didnât deserve to be dragged along like that.
The thing is, she hadnât expected him to resist either. She had assumed that Yoongi would cut his ties and let her leave, both her and Caller 9. Thatâs what he had wanted from the very beginning wasnât it? A friendship that was easily disposed of?
âI like Yoongi, I like him a lot. However, when weâd first started talking weâd agreed to never meet. Yoongi insisted it was better this way and even when we got closer he kept saying that it wasnât the right time. When I found out who he is, I was both happy and shocked. Happy because my two favorite people are the same person.â
Namjoon nods, urging her to continue.
âBut I also realized that if I told him, then thereâd be a huge chance heâd run.â
âHe mightâve stayed, he mightâve not. You could have at least given yourselves the chance to find out,â Namjoon feels a twitch of frustration forming in his shoulders.
âMaybe, but if he wanted to stay friends I wouldnât have been able to handle it. I would have felt like I was lying to him and myself, sticking around with the false hope that heâll see me in a different light,â Y/n shakes her head, âI didnât want to do that to either of us.â
âYouâre right about that, unfortunately. We canât put the entire blame on you,â Namjoon huffs as if realizing something, âHe gets scared sometimes. Yoongiâs been hot and cold with you too. Weâve all seen it. For you to go out on a limb when youâre not even sure of your footing is scary. I get it. I get what itâs like for the both of you, but neither of you were brave enough to take the first step.â
A heavy silence falls over them and for a moment the only thing they can hear are the crickets chirping, the âwhooshâ of cars driving past, and what seems like the shuffle of feet, probably from a neighbor making their way home after a long day.
âWhat do you think Yoongi wouldâve done?â Y/n asks.
Namjoon heaves a sigh, âIt depends, if heâd found out early on IÂ think he mightâve done the same. I want to think heâd be brave and tell you himself. But itâs likely that if heâd been in your shoes, he mightâve thought you were better off without him too. Now though, I think he wants to be honest. Heâs trying to be different.â
Y/n says nothing for a moment and she looks down at her phone, the message still unanswered lighting up her screen.
âYou should go, I need to call him and see if I can talk to him about this.â Namjoon turns to look at her, but he freezes in his steps. His gaze isnât on Y/n, rather it is above her head, behind her, and fixed on something else.
âWhy donât you tell me now? Better I hear it in person, donât you think?â
When Y/n spins around Yoongi is standing there, hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket. His stare, which is normally alight with a mischievous glint, is cool. His lips are pressed together and the edge of his jaw is sharp and tense.
âWell? Iâm all yours...â
A/N: *waves awkwardly* Iâm alive and apparently so is this fic. Also I tried to edit this in a bit of a rush because Iâve reread this so many times, my eyes are about to fall out of my head. So apologies if thereâs some mistakes I missed.
P.s. Shout out to @zeporaaaa who once drew some CN9 fan art that made me scream at my dinner table. I still get all warm and blissful just thinking about it.
Summary: Because letâs face it, your girlfriends wonât tell you when the boy of your dreams isnât interested. So whatâs left? Calling the late night radio show host known as Min Suga is a good option right? Heâll tell you how it is and ruin you while fixing your love life. Counterproductive? Definitely.
Chapter 1-16
Chapter 17: Please Check the Number and Try Again
Y/n loves sweaters, she loves when theyâre oversized, sleeves draping over her fingertips, the loose knit ones, hoodies, fleecy ones, the ones that keep her warm and happy. Yet despite her endless adoration for comfort, here she sits, perched on her bed and staring down the pile of black as if itâs the vilest thing in the world. In her mind, it might as well be, considering it belongs to none other than Min Yoongi. It smells faintly of his spicy cologne and something so uniquely him, it makes her frown. Itâs comforting, dangerously so.
Which is why sheâs taken to balling it up into a little lump and left it at the foot of her bed while she considers the best way to dispose of it. Sheâd meant to give it back the very night heâd lent it to her, sheâd even begun to slide it off as everyone bid their goodbyes, but Yoongi pulled the ribbed edge down, his hands lingering at the edges as he hovered over her and said, âKeep it, you might get sick.â He looked away for a moment and stepped back, wiping his palms on his jeans, âYou can give it back to me next time we hang out or something.â
Y/n wanted to protest, but instead she nodded dumbly, too lost in her own thoughts to even process when Yoongi mumbled a quiet, âIâll see you around.â It was a promise, that hung in the air between them.
Neither one had yet to keep such a promise. Finals were starting, that meant hours of studying, skipped meals, cramming endless words into their minds, last minute projects, and before they knew it December arrived and finals had begun. The first two days she found herself watching her phone carefully, locking and unlocking the screen, checking an empty inbox or nonexistent calls sheâd missed and each time sheâd curse herself for looking, for even expecting. She was so out of hand sheâd even been tempted to call as Caller Nine, but after almost dialing she stuffed the phone violently under her pillow and began to purposely leave it in another room to avoid hearing the pings that made her short of breath and her heart do somersaults. It was never Yoongi, heâd stopped messaging shortly after their outing, finally understanding that Caller Nine wasnât going to answer anymore.
Y/n had even gone as far as avoiding the radio and set up playlists to pound in her ears while she studied. Y/n was trying to convince herself that drowning in textbooks was somehow going to cure her wandering mind. It was of little use because even the most mundane things made her mind derail.
One moment sheâd be jotting down messy notes and half singing under her breath until a particular set of lyrics, a slow tempo, and the complex layers of a song would make the goosebumps rise on her skin. Her first thought would be saving the song for Yoongi.
It didnât stop at music. There were pictures, smells that were ingrained into her mind. The feel of his arm under her palm when sheâd push him away, smug half smiles, and playful bickering were all longed for. The hesitant weight of his arm around her shoulders and the annoying little nickname heâd bestowed upon her were missing. She never thought sheâd long for the familiar gravelly voice that referred to her as âbratâ.
The guilt was far from eased when she came home that afternoon. Having finished an exam that left her mind drained, she walked into her room only to find Yoongiâs sweater sprawled out on her bed, as if declaring ownership not only of her mind, but her space.
Rina had dumped it there. Sheâd been nagging Y/n for days, asking her to put it in her room or give it back. Now it was just lying there on the bed amongst her sketches and the clothes that sheâd tried on before rushing to school.
She didnât know what to do, just glared at it, angry that she couldnât even sit on her bed without the article of clothing offending her. So she balled it up at the foot and sat at the head, back pressed against her enormous pillows with her fingertips pulling the sleeves of her sweater over her hands.
Y/n wasnât sure how long sheâd been sitting in her dim room, mulling over what she needed to do, say, how sheâd apologize, and break things cleanly. It had to have been a while though because her sister walked in and raised a brow.
âHoseokâs here. He says he wants to take you out,â Rina leaned against the doorframe and Y/n caught a glimpse of her boyfriend, Young, behind her. He waved awkwardly and Y/n forced a smile. She hadnât even realized he was in their apartment. She imagined that he was there to help her pack for their weekend trip to his parentsâ place in Busan.
âOhâŚâ Y/n blinked.
âHe says you havenât been answering your phone. Heâs also whining about not having seen you in like a week,â Rina added and Y/n only nodded. She wasnât in much of a mood to go out.
âHey, whatâs wrong with you?â Rina quirked a brow.
âNothing, Iâm not in the mood. Tell him I donât feel so good,â Y/n turned on her side and pulled the hood of her own sweater up over her head.
Rina pushed up off the doorframe and replied, âFine, since youâre not giving me much of a choice.â
The door remained open as Rina walked away.
âAhh, Rina, seriously! Iâve told you to close it like fifty times.â
Y/n sat up and moved to close her door, but she immediately froze when she heard Rinaâs snappish, âGet her out of the room. Somethingâs wrong with her.â
âOk!â Hoseok was cheery as ever and it took him a few seconds to appear in her room, arms enveloping her in a tight hug, placing tiny little pecks and butterfly kisses on the side of her face until she was screaming and laughing at the same time.
âYou donât seem so sad to me anymore,â he grinned as he pulled away, taking in her lazy appearance. She looked ready for bed.
âIâm not sad. I justâŚIâm fine,â she huffed and pulled on the edge of her sweater.
âWell I always hear girls say they feel better when they get fixed up, so weâre going to get you dressed and we are going to the movies, come on.â Hoseok dragged her over to her closet where he immediately began pulling out several long sleeved shirts, a nicer pair of jeans, and some boots to keep her toes warm.
Y/n had to admit that she found it endearing that Hoseok was picking out her favorite outfit.
âAm I going to have to dress you too?â Hoseok winked at her.
âYouâre ridiculous, get out,â she rolled her eyes.
âOh my mistake, youâre saving that for Yoongi.â Hoseok replied with mirth in his eyes as he disappeared behind her door, making her face heat up.
âHoseok, really?â
Hoseok replied with a boisterous cackle that made a smile pull at the edge of her lips.
Namjoon thinks Jiminâs a cute kid, he really does. Heâs got an adorable eye smile and a funny little giggle that makes girls grin. Heâs also a great dancer, Namjoonâs seen it and he hears about it too often from his girl classmates like Joy and Seulgi who practically turn into puddles whenever they see the shorter male. Jimin also has the uncanny ability to pull off the most ridiculous looking things. Recently, Jimin dyed his hair a bright shade of orange. When Seokjin told him about the change Namjoon was ready to point and laugh. Low and behold, Jimin looked damn good. For some twisted reason, every thing he did looked good.
Namjoon almost hates him for it.
And thatâs also not the point.
Jimin is charming and irresistible, thatâs the point. However, Namjoonâs wondering if thatâll be enough for the plan the male has in mind.
âJimin, I donât know if Yoongiâs in the mood for anything right now. Heâs kind of sulking right now,â Namjoon speaks softly as he moves around the chocolate colored book shelf and sticks a large copy of some bland vampire romance novel back on the shelf. Heâs not sure what it is about teenagers and the undead, but their infatuation with these plotlines is a tad bit unnerving.
Then again, he might have a slight fetish for red converse, so he really shouldnât be judging, should he?
âThatâs more reason to invite him out, donât you think so Kookie?â Jimin turns to Jungkook whoâs towering behind him, his black hoodie over his head despite the fact that theyâre inside.
âTake your hood off, you look like a hoodlum,â Namjoon comments as he walks around the boy and disappears behind another corner, his hands filled with books.
âYouâre starting to sound like mom,â Jungkook replies and pulls the thick hood down revealing his gauged ears.
âKeep talking back and Iâm tell him you called him that too,â Namjoon replies as he heads down to another section looking specifically for the last name âMurakamiâ.
Jungkook doesnât reply and sticks to pouting. Heâd rather not get in trouble with Jin, he pinches hard when he means it.
âHyuuuungâŚâ Jimin trails after Namjoon whoâs trying to to do his job. He regrets telling them which bookshop he worked at. The point of working here was to be able to enjoy the permeating scent of robust coffee, books, and some quiet time. With his friends around though, such a wish is impossible.
âFine give it a shot, but I donât know if heâll go for it. Sometimes he needs his space, sometimes he doesnât, it depends. But promise not push him too hard to talk about it. You know how he gets,â Namjoon pushes his round glasses up higher up the bridge of his nose. He doesnât really need them, but he thinks he looks cool with them on, no matter how much Yoongi likes to tell him he looks like a loser.
âThen what should we do?â Jimin asks, bringing a hand up to brush back his bangs. Which is useless since they flop back into his eyes.
âMaybe we should get hyung drunkâŚâ Jungkook comments as he flips through an Iron Man comic book.
âYouâve been hanging out with Taehyung too much,â Namjoon quirks a brow and Jiminâs mouth falls open.
âYouâve been seeing him behind my back?â
Jungkook shrugs, âWell you always have class or are hanging around with Hobi hyung.â
Namjoon shakes his head, he wishes they would leave, but Seokjin is the one whoâs supposed to drop off Yoongi with them and Namjoon canât exactly throw them outside onto the freezing street. First heâd get in trouble with his manager because technically theyâre potential customers. Thereâs also the fact that Jin would have his head.
âLook whatever you guys decide to do, be nice, alright? And no drinking,â Namjoon aims a pointed look at them and Jimin nods. Jungkookâs face is nonexistent though, heâs pulled his hood back up and the strings taut around his face. He looks ridiculous with only his nose sticking out.
âOh my godâŚgo sit down,â Namjoon hands them money, âBuy yourself some cookies and wait for Jin, I canât do this anymore.â
With that said Namjoon turns on his heel to finish shelving the books people didnât want. His shift is almost over and Jin is supposed to be here soon. Normally Jin would only come by to pick up the kids and take them home, but this time heâs bringing Yoongi. Itâs all part of Jiminâs plan to treat Yoongi and cheer him up since heâs been more of a grouch than usual.
Itâs no secret as to why, but no one really knows what to do. Theyâre all wishing that Y/n and Yoongi would talk about it, but no oneâs made a move yet. Namjoon has also been wondering if now was the time to speak up, but Jin had insisted they keep their mouths shut. Not out of spite, but because they really donât know if itâs their place to go spill Y/nâs secret, especially when they donât even know if sheâs aware of who Yoongi is either.
Namjoon had considered talking to Y/n, but Jin insisted that they mind their own business. If Y/n wasnât aware then they were essentially spilling Yoongiâs secret and that might ruin things. Or make them better.
Namjoon groans, leaning his forehead against the cool shelf and wishes he hadnât a clue of what was going on. He doesnât know how much longer he can keep his mouth shut.
âWell youâre working hard,â Namjoon turns his head and finds Jin standing at the end dressed in a white hoodie and a leather jacket.
âI am.â
Jin rolls his eyes, âOf course.â He shuffles across the the short grey carpet and leans against the bookshelf beside Namjoon.
âYou brought hyung too, right?â
Jin nods, âYeah heâs talking to the kids. I think theyâre trying to convince him to go to dinner with them.â
Namjoon nods and a span of silence stretches between them. Theyâre both turning something over in their minds. Namjoon can tell because Jinâs eyebrows are slightly creased and his jaw is tight. Somethingâs bothering him and Namjoonâs willing to bet itâs the very same thing thatâs bothering him.
âJoonieâŚâ
âYeah?â
Jin clears his throat, âYou think we should say something?â
âI donât knowâŚI feel gross. I donât like keeping secrets, I canât even hide my pocky properly and thatâs just food. That doesnât even require talking,â Namjoon deadpans.
Jin chuckles softly, holding his fist limply against his full lips. It dies out quickly though and they shift their weight, unsure what to do or say. They can hear Jimin, Jungkook, and Yoongiâs faint voices as they search the bookstore for them. Luckily the shelves are tall and Namjoon is slouched over. Only the top pf Jinâs hair is visible. Itâs going to take the boys a while before they stumble upon them. Especially when both Jimin and Yoongi have to stand on their toes to see over the book shelves.
âOne more week. If things donât fix themselves, we tell Yoongi. He can decide what to do, ok?â Jin turns to look at Namjoon who nods in agreement.
âCome on, I think Jiminâs probably worn Yoongi down to a yes. We can get dinner together,â Jinâs eyes crinkle at the corners and Namjoon returns the smile.
âYeah ok, let me just clock out.â
When Namjoon shows up, his nametag removed from his white button up and a coat over his shoulders he finds Yoongi scowling at Jimin and Jungkook. He looks like a grumpy old man, but Namjoon doesnât say anything and laughs. He knows Yoongi appreciates the concern they show him, even if he wants to pretend to be a grouch.
When they go their separate ways Namjoonâs hoping that Yoongiâs mood will shift, maybe heâll even feel brave enough to give Y/n a call and settle everything once and for all.
Hoseok likes the holidays, although sometimes he finds himself longing to go home. The holidays always feel much more festive around family, elaborating little traditions, the comforting taste of his motherâs meals, spending time with his sister, and fretting over what type of gifts heâll give this year. He misses all of that during these days the most. Theyâre down to their last exams and heâs anxious to go back and celebrate.
This year is a little different, having found his social circle expanding. Now heâs thinking about small gifts for Namjoon, Jimin, Jin, and Yoongi. He doesnât know them very well and itâs going to take time, but Hoseok is happy to have met them and he wants them to know this too.
Theyâre under the decorative lights, waiting in line to buy their tickets for a movie. Y/n looks tired and her mind is wandering, something he finds her doing often these days.
âHow are you feeling with exams?â
Y/n shrugs, âIâm holding out. Iâve done well, now Iâm just worried about the art show. Iâm finishing up my last pieces. Youâre one of them you know?â
A large grin spreads across his face, âI canât wait to see it. Are your parents going?â
Y/n bites down on her lower lip, a thoughtful expression on her face, âI donât know. Iâd like them to, but if they donât, itâs not the end of the world. I still care you know? But now Iâm focused on myself. It feels nice.â
âMay I ask what brought this change?â
Y/n sighs softly, âThat asshole Min Yoongi.â
âWhy arenât you speaking to each other? How are you feeling about it?â
âI feel fine. I canât wait to get a break though,â Y/n sighs and she pulls on the edge of her sleeves.
It doesnât take much for Hoseok to see right through her.
He hasnât missed how Y/n isnât pausing in between her sentences. Sheâs been pulling a million topics out of her sleeves since they left her apartment and whenever thereâs a moment of silence, it isnât comfortable. Itâs on edge and jumpy, as if Y/n is looking for another matter to pick apart. Hoseok knows better than to believe things are fine.
So after buying their tickets he asks her whatâs actually going on and she freezes. Her breath comes out in puffs and people are moving around them, too busy with their holiday shopping to bother with an âexcuse meâ or an apology when they bump them with their bulky bags.
âWe should get some coffee,â Hoseok adds and Y/n agrees. He grabs her hand and pulls her through the crowd, weaving in and out as they cross the street. As Y/n crosses a flash of blonde catches her eye. She doesnât linger though, there are too many cars waiting. She scurries over the asphalt and follows Hoseok into the heady warmth of the coffee shop.
âSo what would you like?â Hoseokâs eyes are on the menu, scanning everything with an excited grin.
Y/n blurts out a muffled, âA vanilla latte.â
Hoseok nods, âOk, cool. Anything else?â
âAdvice, someone to listen, anything.â
Hoseok nods, âI can do that.â
Y/n feels more relieved than she has in weeks. She doesnât know how Hoseok is going to react to everything, but she knows heâll be honest with her and thatâs enough.
Outside of the pizza place itâs freezing, but the crowded plaza makes it bearable. The boys bury their hands in their pockets and walk around, eyes lingering on the festive decorations and passing over the people with hands full of shopping bags. Itâs comforting to feel the festive buzz in the air, but it doesnât quite reach Yoongi, his mind is elsewhere. Heâs worried about going home for the holidays, seeing his parents, the possible scholarship, the last of his exams, and the lack of contact with two girls in particular. Caller nine, wasnât his best friend, but heâd felt comfortable talking to her and if he had doubts he knew he could go to her without worrying that sheâd ridicule him. However, that comfort was short lived because in the end she stopped replying to him and his calls. At first he thought he wouldnât get attached, but that proved to be a horrible lie. He found he trusted her and he wanted to turn to her now more than ever with Y/nâs missing presence.
Heâs worried that perhaps his attempts to be closer pushed Y/n away and a gap had started forming between them, leaving Yoongi feeling like someone had carved a hollow space in his chest. He let himself care more than he ever intended when heâd sworn that heâd keep people at a distance. Yoongi had been indulgent, letting her get under his skin and leaving a burning imprint in his mind. Now he missed her and he hated that because everyday there was something he wanted to tell her about, but couldnât.
âHyung?â Jiminâs voice makes Yoongi turn his head and the pair of boys are staring at him with puzzled expressions.
âWeâve been calling you, but you werenât listening,â Jiminâs brow quirks and Yoongi feels a pang of embarrassment.
âSorry, whatâs up?â
âIâm going to get some coffee; do you want some?â Jungkook looks at the older male expectantly and Yoongi declines with a polite âno, thank youâ.
âIâll be back in a bit, wait for me here yeah?â Jungkook asks and makes his way towards the crowded coffee shop. Meanwhile Yoongi and Jimin make their way over to the side of the coffee shop and sit at an outdoor table. Itâs silent for a moment, Yoongi too preoccupied with his thoughts and Jimin wracking his brain for a way to cut through the awkward silence. He knows Yoongi hasnât been quite himself and that makes Jimin wishes Namjoon or Jin were here, theyâd be able to pry it out of Yoongi with a simple look.
âJin wants to throw an early Christmas party to celebrate the end of the semester. Are you going to come?â Jimin asks and Yoongi meets his gaze.
âYou know I will, Namjoon would drag me over there even if I didnât want to and Jin would just make me feel guilty about it if I tried to skip.â
Jimin nodded, a fond smile on his face as he thought of his two roommates. âNamjoon invited Hoseok and Tae too.â
Yoongi felt his stomach twist, knowing very well where this was going, but he answered with a nonchalant, âFigures.â
âAnd Jin invited Rina and Y/n. He told me he ran into Rina at the grocery store yesterday, so I donât know if Y/n knows yet.â
âHm,â Yoongi lets out a hum, but turns away not really wanting to linger on the subject, but Jimin isnât getting the hint. Then again, knowing him, he does get the hint and isnât quite as willing to skim over the subject like Yoongi.
âHave you seen her around lately? Hobi was telling me sheâs really busy with exams too. He says she looks really tired.â Jimin adds hoping to jolt a reaction out of the older male.
Yoongi pushes a hand through his now bleach blonde hair, âLike the rest of us.â
Jimin frowns, âMaybe you should check on her? I think sheâd appreciate something like that.â
Yoongiâs mouth pulls tight and he bites out, âI doubt it with the way sheâs been avoiding me.â
âBut why? Did you two fight? I donât understand, you were getting along really well,â Jiminâs brows furrow, âand the way she looks at youâŚI was so sureââ
Yoongi snaps his gaze to him, eyes narrowing as if daring him to continue. Yoongi doesnât want to hear about how Jimin thinks Y/n looked at him, he doesnât want to know if everyone saw something he didnât, and he doesnât want anyone spoon feeding him false hope. Itâll only feel like rubbing salt into a wound.
Jimin sighs and despite the look Yoongiâs aiming at him continues, âI just think you should tell her how you feel. If youâre already sure of your feelings, then itâs worth speaking up. You have nothing to lose.â
âThen thereâs no point. Itâd only make things more embarrassing.â
Jiminâs mouth falls open, âYouâre being ridiculous.â
âJimin, you donât understand.â
âThen explain it to me because neither of you are making any sense.â
Yoongi groans, knowing that Jimin isnât going to simply drop the subject. As if to confirm this, Jimin fixes him with a stare and crosses his arms, waiting for a proper explanation.
âI donât want to say anything because I donât want to deal with the rejection,â Jiminâs mouth parts and Yoongi quickly cuts him off, âand I donât know if I can deal with fucking up again.â
Jiminâs stare softens, âBut why are you going to mess up?â
Yoongi shrugs and glances away briefly, âIâm not good at any of this and Iâve disappointed a lot of people, I always do. No oneâs going to guarantee that everything is going to be ok with Y/n, what if she realizes she doesnât like who I am? Sheâs already avoiding me and I donât want to make things even worse by putting this weird pressure on her,â Yoongi heaves a sigh and adds, âI want her back Jimin and if thereâs any chance that she doesnât feel the same then sheâs not going to come back if I tell her how I feel.â
Yoongi is scared and Jimin doesnât know how to make that go away because thatâs something that depends solely on Yoongi.
âHyung, you clearly care about her and youâre an idiot if youâre going to let her go just like that. She likes you enough already, the only reason youâre scared is because you think you arenât good enough. Do you have any idea how frustrating that is for your friends?â Jimin stands up from his chair and stalks into the coffee shop with Jungkook. This leaves Yoongi alone with a deep set frown on his face. Heâs annoyed, embarrassed, and most of all heâs scared because this time he feels he has more to lose and that makes all the difference.
Jungkook feels like a child sometimes, unable to give input or offer much other than a set of downcast eyes and a frown. Itâs not because he doesnât have much to say, he says too much sometimes. Jimin knows this and so does Taehyung, despite having only met the latter a few months ago. Heâd never taken so well to a stranger before, but Taehyung was much like gum, sticky and sweet, leaving a sugary aftertaste in his mouth. He liked being around the older boy and found him quite easy to talk to. Yet, despite the ease of their friendship and the relationships with Jin, Namjoon, and Yoongi, he still feels lacking. He envies that Namjoon is wise, despite often seeming childish and graceless. He wishes he were like Jin who was kind and nurturing, the type of person who just made you unravel at the edges with a look as if laying you bare.
He wishes he was like Yoongi, experienced and street smart, careful with his feelings and the love he extends for those. Yet he lacks all of that and he feels his shortcomings most when he hears the advice that Jimin gives Yoongi. He doesnât have much to offer other than a soft smile or a sorry look and he hates it because he wants to tell his friend that everything is going to be ok. He wants to tell Yoongi that heâs good enough and worth it all. That perhaps he shouldnât be afraid of breaking things with his own hands because Jungkook knows Yoongi and while maybe once he was careless, this is different.
Jungkook doesnât know if Yoongiâs in love, but he knows when two people should try because heâs never seen someone light up like Yoongi does at the sight of her. Even if he always tries to hide his smile with an awkward lopsided grin. Heâs never seen someone look at Yoongi the way Y/n does as if sheâs fascinated with him, trying to take him apart and memorize every detail.
But he doesnât know where to begin and he hates it because he might be out of line to even try and comment. The thought makes him bitter and he knows if Jin were here heâd ruffle his hair, tell him not to get worked up and that Yoongi really will be fine.
Jungkook huffs, thinking of what he should do, what he wants to do, and what the hell heâs craving right now when he steps into the crowded little coffee shop. He considers turning tail and dashing back out into the cold with Jimin and Yoongi, but when he spots the two sitting at a table, scowl across Yoongiâs face he decides maybe heâll wait in line. He quickly decides on a vanilla latte for Yoongi and cinnamon hot cocoa for Jimin, they look like they could use something sweet.
After several minutes or so Jungkook shuffles further with the line, reaching the glass case of cookies, cakes, and sandwiches. He knows better than to ruin his appetite before they eat pizza, but he still surveys the options entranced by the festive pastry decorations. He almost loses his spot, but someone calls him forward and as he steps closer, he hears a familiar voice. Itâs Hoseok, heâs sure and when he turns his head he finds the older boy standing by the âpick-upâ bar in a black coat. Beside him is Y/n, a frown on her face and a scarf wrapped around her tinging face. The way Hoseok is looking at her is enough to tell Jungkook that whatever it is theyâre talking about isnât exactly pleasant, Hoseok looks concerned, brows knitted in the middle as she talks without pause, but Jungkook canât make out what sheâs saying.
âGood evening! What can I get you?â The cheery voice of the cashier draws Jungkookâs attention back to the front and he stumbles over his order, specifying for extra cinnamon sprinkled on Jiminâs drink.
Once heâs made his order Jungkook moves away. He doesnât know if he should walk over and say hello, especially with the way theyâre talking, so he lingers behind hoping they donât see him. Someone steps in front of him, blocking Hoseok and Y/n from view, but the crowdedness of the shop pushes him closer and Jungkook turns his head, keeping gaze away from them. The last thing he wants is to be caught creeping behind them.
So he pulls out his phone, trying to scroll through his Instagram feed, anything to keep his head down and his eyes low.
Itâs working for the most part until he hears Y/n voice above the soft chatter and he stills, trying to keep his head down.
âHobi, I donât know how to tell himâŚIâve already waited too long.â
Hoseok clicks his tongue and his voice is scornful at the edges, âBut why did you wait? What made you think that was okay? Youâre friends and Yoongi cares about you. He wouldâve been understanding.â
Thereâs a small span of silence and Jungkook thinks theyâve left, but then he hears the frailty in Y/nâs voice as she replies, âYou donât think I feel bad, Hoseok? I feel like crap about it, but thereâs no point in telling when all he ever saw in me was a friend. I mean have you heard the things he talks about on his radio show? He wants nothing to do with relationships or anything of the sort. The things heâs confided in meâŚI feel like I took advantage of him.â
Hoseok sighs through his nose, âYou donât know how he feels though, it might be different.â
Y/n shakes her head, âHoseokâŚâ
âSalted caramel latte for Hoseok and vanilla latte for Y/n!â
Hoseok disappears for a moment and when he comes back he pushes the burning cup into Y/nâs hands. He looks upset, but itâs not anger. Itâs more like the cool burn of disappointment, something Jungkook never thought heâd see in Hoseokâs gaze, especially aimed at Y/n.
She opens her mouth, but closes it quickly when Hoseok looks away.
âYou know I love you Y/n, youâre like a sister, but youâre wrong to not to tell him who you are and how you feel. Youâre hurting him by keeping this to yourself. You know it and the worst part is youâre not even choosing to fix this. Youâre just acting like this can be solved by cutting him out of your life. Thatâs going to hurt both of you.â
âHoseokâŚIâŚâ Y/n starts, but sheâs at a loss for words still.
âBy you doing this, youâre proving him right about the people he doesnât trust. Youâve done the very thing you werenât supposed to.â
Jungkook feels sorry, but at the same time he knows that look. Heâs been on the end of that disappointed stare when heâs made stupid choices. Itâs the same stare that Jin has given him and he knows it isnât out of anger or hatred, but itâs out of tough love. Whatever Y/n has done, isnât right and when Y/n nods, unwilling to fight back or argue, Jungkook can tell she understands that whatever sheâs done, sheâs truly sorry for.
âI need to fix thisâŚâ Y/n mumbles out and Hoseok sighs.
âCome on, letâs go. You need to figure out how to make this right,â Hoseok remarks and his arm is tentative as it wraps around her shoulder. They shuffle out of the shop together leaving Jungkook with his thought because he canât quite begin to process the information thatâs been dropped on him.
One thing is clear, Y/n feels the same way about Yoongi and while that makes him feel relieved, thereâs a tightening the pit of his stomach because thereâs something that Y/n isnât telling him, something that might ruin things for them.
âCinnamon hot chocolate, vanilla latte, and a caramel macchiato for Jungkook?â Thereâs a girl leaning over the counter holding his to go carrier and Jungkook offers a shy smile as he takes the drinks from her and utters a small thanks. Heâs sure the girl mightâve been trying to flirt with him, but heâs too preoccupied in his thoughts and wondering if thereâs a chance that Yoongi had seen Y/n on her way out, but thatâs not the case because he almost runs into Jimin on his way out.
âWhat happened?â Jungkookâs wide eyes peek over Jimin to see Yoongi sitting at a table, a troubled expression on his face.
Jimin shakes his head, âHeâs being stubborn. I know he has a hard time confiding in us, but sometimes I think he has a harder time being sincere with himself.â
He holds the door open for Jungkook and the younger walks out, handing Jimin his drink on his way out. When he finds Yoongi he hands him his drink as well and Yoongi utters a small âthanksâ. Jungkook wants to mention seeing Y/n, but judging from the look on Yoongiâs face it might be best that he doesnât know.
âLetâs get going yeah? I have to work later and you know how that always is. Iâm going to be getting a lot of sappy calls today.â Yoongi mentions in a gruff voice.
Itâs then that Jungkookâs mouth falls open and he wonders about Y/n and Caller 9.
â...youâre wrong to not to tell him who you are and how you feel...â
It sounds farfetched, but Jungkook is tempted to ask if Yoongi has ever considered that the girls arenât two different people, but one.
The next two days pass easily and in a blur. Rina packs for her weekend trip and Y/n focuses on the rest of her exams. When Rina leaves on Thursday evening she insists that Y/n go out or invite people over and Y/n does go out. She has lunch with friends here and there, attends some study groups and makes the occasional coffee run. When Friday rolls around, the afternoon after exams is spent vegging out with a pint of ice cream, although Y/n will never say that out loud.
On Saturday, she planned to spend the day finishing the last of her art pieces, the show is the next weekend and it was considered her last day to tie up loose ends.
Y/n finds herself to be a mixture of excited and nervous, she even calls her parents asking them once more if theyâll be going. Her father isnât around to give an answer, her mother says âmaybeâ and surprisingly enough, this doesnât bother Y/n as much as it normally would. Had it been a few weeks ago then perhaps sheâd be upset. Yoongiâs small talk seems to have changed her for the best.
While sheâd be happy to have them come, she knows theyâre still mad at her choices. Theyâll come around eventually though, sheâs certain of that because she doesnât plan on giving in. Y/n has found that sheâs happy doing what she loves and focusing on herself.
âAre you listening?â Hyuna pokes Y/nâs side and Y/n nearly chokes on her food.
âSorry what?â
âI said, are you sure you donât want to come to the party?â Hyuna leans on her hand and bites down on a fry, waiting for Y/nâs answer. The other girls are keeping to themselves and out of earshot.
âIâm sure, trust me,â Y/n replies before biting into her own sandwich.
Y/n had planned to be busy all day, but she quickly realized when your friends show up on your doorstep and threaten to drag you out, your best option is to go without complaints. Y/n is glad she came out, she really is, but her mind has been wandering too much and Hyuna definitely notices.
âThere might be someone cute for you, you never know! I heard Jaebum was going too. Heâs handsome, donât you think?â Hyuna waggles her brows and Y/n fights back a laugh. Itâs not that Hyunaâs boy crazy, sheâs far from it. Itâs more like Hyuna wants to see her friends end up with their own versions of prince charming. She wants to see them happy and Y/nâs case of perpetual single-ness made her Hyunaâs main concern more often than not.
âOh really? Well then Iâm definitely not going.â
The blonde pouts, âFine, donât go, but youâre missing out.â Her comment does little to convince Y/n of the mischief she might miss out on.
Hyuna turns back briefly to Jiyoon who is talking animatedly to Irene about their outfits and how the nightâs going to turn out. Y/n doesnât mind their chatter, sheâs more worried about finishing all her work on time and it becomes obvious when she reaches for her bag for what seems like the fiftieth time that afternoon.
Hyuna immediately notices when Y/n grabs her clutch and tries to check her phone, but the small bag is easily swiped form her hands.
âNuh-uh, youâve been way too spacey today, focus on your friends for a bit longer and then weâll drop you off.â
Y/n rolls her eyes and agrees, forgetting about her bag if only for the moment and Hyuna doesnât mention it when she feels the phone go off several times in the bag.
The rest of the afternoon is spent with them, gossiping and driving around until itâs time for Y/n to get dropped off at the school. She swears sheâs not going to stay too long, but it turns out to be inevitable when after an hour the sun starts to dim and the sky goes from blue to indigo.
Y/n draws her chin in tight, feeling the cold seep in through the layers of her parka and sweater. Sheâd overdone it by staying until she was the last person inside besides the janitor. Rina wouldâve insisted she go out with Jiyoon and Hyuna to Ireneâs party. Everyone she knew was going to be there and they had all been pretty insistent that she go, but if she had to be honest she didnât think drinking and staying up all night was going to help her mood much. Staying at school to finish work mightâve been the nerdy thing to do, but at least she occupied her mind and felt better about the upcoming art show.
Maybe this was a sign she was starting to get old?
âHave a good evening miss,â the janitor bids her a goodbye and Y/n smiles as she continues walking down the wet sidewalk. She only has some sneakers on and she was really starting to regret having left her home without proper boots.
She begins considering calling a taxi instead of walking, itâs not like sheâd be going out anyway so she has the money to spare. Y/n blows out a soft sigh, forming a cloud of fog in front of her and reaches into the pocket of her coat, only to grab a fist full of fabric.
ââŚthe hell?â She murmurs out loud and this time pulls her bag close, hand rummaging into the depths of it. She can feel the leather casing of her glasses, her pencil bag, her notebook, spare receipts, but she has yet to feel the small bag that holds her keys, phone and wallet safe.
With her heart pounding in her throat she begins to pull out her things and clutches everything in one arm while viciously shaking the bag in the other. Her wallet, phone and keys are nowhere to be found.
âBut where?â She grumbles out loud and her thoughts run through the day, from what sheâd done first to the moment sheâd taken the bag out. Her first thought was that she left everything inside the art room, but as she turned around and rushed up the stairs Y/n remembers Hyuna taking out the small clutch where she kept her things.
Itâd been after their early dinner, when Hyuna had caught her texting Yoongi back. Sheâd waited for Y/n to put the phone away and snatched the clutch from her lap, claiming Y/n needed to pay attention to her friends more often. Hyuna had kept it and now Y/n didnât even have the spare change to call her on a payphone and ask for it back.
âGod damn itâŚâ she whined out and dropped to sit on the cold stairs. To top things off, Rina was already gone, there wasnât a spare key and she hadnât even bothered to write the landlordâs number down. Normally sheâd call Hoseok in this type of situation, but her blood turned cold when she remembered he was out of town for his showcase. He wasnât going to be able to help her.
Feeling the burn behind her eyes she takes in a shaky breath and bites down on her lower lip. She knows this isnât as bad as she feels it is, she can call Taehyung. He would come if she asked and everything would be okay, but lately sheâs felt things falling apart ever so slowly all because she was being stubborn and insecure. The build up of stress has finally snapped her last thread of patience and she buries her face in her hands, willing herself to calm down because really, could she get anymore pathetic?
âY/n?â
Y/n freezes in her spot and when she pulls her hands down she finds her face centimeters from Yoongiâs. Heâs squatting in front of her, eyebrows raised as he tries to make out her features in the dim yellow lighting. He pulls back slightly, letting the light hit her face, revealing her glassy looking eyes. His brows furrow and he looks panicked for a second at the look of distraught on her face, but she blinks it away and wipes at her eyes.
âUmâŚhi?â Her eyes trail over his face and then to the top of his head. His peach hair no longer there, but instead a shimmery bleach blonde. He looks good, really good.
âYou ok?â Yoongi remains crouched down low. She can smell his spiced cologne from where she sits, itâs warm and comforting, despite the chill of the winter air.
âNot reallyâŚâ she huffs out, âI lost my things, Iâm locked out of my apartment, and Rina is with her boyfriend for the weekend. I have no keys to get in.â
She feels her face burn under his watchful gaze, but she canât bring herself to meet his eyes. Y/n had forgotten how striking he was up close and having him this near makes her feel dizzyingly short of breath.
âYou lost everything?â Yoongiâs brows raise.
âMy wallet, my phone, and my keys.â
âHow the hell do you do that?â
âI donât know! I keep my stuff in a bag in case my art supplies stain my wallet or phone,â an amuses smile splits across his face, but she continues, âItâs happened before, but this time Hyuna took my clutch and forgot to give it back. Alright? Thatâs how things like this happen, thatâs how I messed everything up,â she huffs out and Yoongi stares back with a lopsided smirk on his face.
âIs this funny to you?â She narrows her eyes at him, all embarrassment gone. Y/n is irritated, blood simmering underneath her skin and yet, every time she looks at Yoongi her heart skips a beat. Itâs the strangest combination ever.
She wants to hit him and kiss the stupid grin off his face all at the same time. The thought makes her ears burn.
âYeah, this is actuallyâŚâ Yoongi nods and stands up, his peppered coat fluttering around him, âItâs satisfying in a very spiteful way.â
Y/n scowls and hauls her bag over her shoulder, âI deserve this, now if youâll excuse I have to find a way home.â
Yoongi snorts and watches as she begins to move away, but he catches up to her easily and grabs her hand, fingers slipping around her cold ones.
âWait, donât get so mad alright? I havenât seen you in weeks. You canât blame me for wanting to get under your skin,â Yoongi slips his hand out of hers, afraid that heâs crossed a line and he pulls his phone out of his pocket.
âCall them, ask them to bring your phone back,â Yoongi hands it to her and it feels heavy in her hands. The last time sheâd held it, sheâd found out who he was, but Yoongi doesnât know that so he just looks at her expectantly.
âThank youâŚâ she mumbles quietly and dials Hyunaâs number. If sheâs lucky sheâll catch them before the girls run off to their party, but as it rings and rings, she begins to think that it might be too late. Itâs confirmed when she gets Hyunaâs voicemail.
âYou want to try Hoseok maybe?â Yoongi asks.
âHeâs away this weekend, but I can try Tae,â Y/n replies and begins to dial Taehyungâs number. He answers quickly and relief washes over Y/nâs face as she steps a few feet away to talk to him.
Yoongi takes this chance to survey her. She doesnât look much different from before, but at the same time sheâs changed. Heâs not sure if itâs her or him, but suddenly heâs hyper aware of all the little details. Heâs aware of how soft her skin looks, of the way she bites down on her plump lower lip, her hands and how they feel in his, the slope of her nose, and even the small growl in her voice when sheâs annoyed with him. It knots his stomach and warms his skin.
In watching her he also remembers what Jungkook said. He recalls what the younger male asked and how Yoongi couldnât understand how Jungkook even came to such a conclusion. So now heâs watching her talk to Taehyung over the phone and wondering who she really is. Is there something in he hasnât noticed?
âOk, bye,â her voice chirps as she comes close again and hands the phone over to Yoongi.
âIs he coming to get you?â Yoongi asks, palming the phone in his hand and dropping into his deep pocket.
âHeâs at the movies with Jungkook. I donât want to bother him so I told him Iâd wait.â Y/n adjusts the weight of the bag on her shoulder.
âWhere the hell do you think youâre going to wait? You realize itâs freezing and your hands feel like ice,â Yoongi frowns and she shrugs trying to act nonchalant.
âIâll go to the coffee shop and pretend to read a book or something. I donât know. Itâs not that big of a deal.â
Yoongi scoffs, âYouâre being ridiculous. Stay at my place until Taehyung comes.â
Y/n squeaks out a high pitched, âWhat?!â
âRelax, Iâm not asking you to stay the night. Stay until Taehyung comes, itâs close to your place anyway. He can get you on his way home.â Yoongi stuffs his hands in his pockets and his gaze shifts away from her face. Heâs looks bashful and Y/n finds a flutter climbing itâs way up into her chest.
âYoongiâŚyou donât have to do that. Besides I donât want to be a bother,â Y/n shakes her head.
âYouâre not going to be a bother, brat. Besides itâs better than sitting at a coffee shop until closing and the coffee at my place is free.â
Y/n finds a smile spreading across her face, âYoongi, seriously?â
âYes seriously, you think I invite any regular person over?â Yoongi scoffs.
âOh? Then I feel quite honored.â
Yoongi smirks, âYou should, youâve been a crappy friend lately and Iâm still offering to let you into the comfort of my home.â
Y/n colors at this and stutters out a nervous, âYoongi..â Yoongi stills and watches her carefully, âIâm sorryâŚâ
Yoongiâs heart tumbles beneath his sternum and his throat tightens, but it isnât uncomfortable. Itâs exciting, like thereâs a buzz in the air and his lungs need more of it.
âYou can explain it to me later. Letâs go, ok? Itâs cold and your hands are going to fall off if we keep dawdling.â
Y/n nods and follows him, feeling slightly lighter. She wants to work up the courage to tell him everything and set it right. Even if sheâs terrified of the outcome.
The entire ride to Yoongiâs apartment is filled with muffled noise, mainly that of the radio playing a mix of pop, indie, and hip hop. Yoongi doesnât turn it up or put it down too low. Itâs enough for them to talk over it, even if theyâre both too nervous to speak. It is one thing to be out in the open and another to be in the small space of a car. Thereâs nowhere to run if one of them says the wrong thing, so instead they remain quiet. Occasionally Yoongi will rap the lyrics of a song under his breath or Y/n will hum the tune playing.
Yoongi likes hearing her and he wishes heâd done this before. He shouldâve stolen her away long ago and taken her on long drives just to hear her hum, to talk, and to simply sit side by side.
Maybe itâd be different then, even if itâd only be as friends. Just as long as he can be close.
âYou look tired,â Yoongiâs voice finally breaks the static between them and Y/n turns her head. Yoongiâs eyes are trained on the road and she can see the clench of his jaw, making the side of his profile look sharper. His skin is still as pale as ever, but thereâs a tired wash over it and his gaze is distant, like his mind is elsewhere.
âYou do too,â she replies quietly and fiddles with her hands in her lap. Theyâre veering off the road and into a parking lot, lit by the warm glow of street lights.
Yoongi shrugs, âAre you ok?â
Y/n shivers in her seat despite how warm it is and how the heat clings to her making her deliciously tired. She could lie and say sheâs just fine, keeping him at a distance and ending the conversation right there. The car slows to a stop in front of what she assumes is his apartment complex and when the car switches off he turns his gaze on her. Y/n chances a look at him. Heâs watching her carefully and she can already hear him chiding for her being a terrible liar.
âAre you?â
Yoongi snorts knowing well that sheâs avoiding his question. Y/n waits for him to say heâs fine or busy with exams, but he doesnât. Instead her stomach rolls when he replies with a sincere, âNot really. Iâve been better.â
She follows it with her own honest, âMe too.â
Yoongi watches her for a moment, wanting to say something, comfort her. Heâs even tempted to admit he missed her, instead he grabs her bag for her, hoists it into his lap and says, âCome on, letâs go inside.â
Y/n is a little surprised by the action and nods. She follows after him, shutting the car door and walks beside him in silence. Yoongiâs apartment is on the third floor, itâs not too far up so theyâre quiet walk is short and filled with the shuffle of their movements. Yoongi fumbles with his key and when the door opens he walks inside flicking on a light. She walks in, lingering in the doorway and her eyes darting around to take in everything.
âMake yourself at home,â Yoongi comments as the door clicks shut, toes off his shoes, and walks further into the warm room. Y/n follows behind slowly and cringes at the bright lights that flick on. Yoongi is already unraveling his scarf from around his neck and slipping out of his jacket. To the right is the living room, itâs a small space with a small couch where one person could probably sprawl out comfortably and a loveseat for guests. Thereâs also a coffee table littered with open books, notes, his digital camera is out along with several prints, and what she assumes might be a cold cup of coffee.
To the left of the living room is a hallway that leads to what she can imagine is his bedroom and bathroom. His kitchen is to her left, itâs a small comfortable space as well, itâd probably be crowded with four people there, but itâs enough for Yoongi to move around without hassle. The dining room is a small space at the end of the living space and to the right of it is a glass door where she assumes is a small balcony or porch area.
Itâs much neater than she expected and at the same time a little messy. It looks lived in and homey. She can tell heâs been studying, possibly making rushed meals for himself and sitting back to watch a little TV when free. Thereâs a soft throw laid out haphazardly on the couch and she can already picture him beneath the covers, in between dozing off and fighting to stay awake.
âAre you going to stand there all night?â Yoongi asks as he lingers in the entrance of his small kitchen.
âNoâŚâ her voice is childishly pouty.
âWell moveâŚâ Yoongi replies, a lopsided grin on his face. He ducks into the kitchen where he begins to rummage around, pulling things out and setting them on the countertop.
âIâm goingâŚâ she replies and follows suit, toeing off her own shoes and jacket. Yoongi has already left her bag on the back of a chair.
âClearly youâre one of the best hosts ever,â Y/n shoots at him.
âI am and if you donât appreciate it you can sit out front until Taehyung is done with his date.
âYou wouldnât dare, you offered to let me stay here.â
âAnd I can take it back, so play nice.â Yoongi walks around the kitchen counter dividing it from the living room and stops in front of her, two mugs in his hands, âHere.â
Y/n is surprised when a coffee mug is pressed into her hands and she almost pulls away.
âWhat is it too hot?â Yoongi looks at her hands carefully.
âNo. Itâs fine.â
Yoongi raises a brow, âDonât tell me you have something against hot chocolate.â
Y/nâs lips spread out into a grin and she fights back a giggle, âNo, I love it, thank you.â
âGood now sit down youâre making me nervous.â Yoongi moves across the room and sits at the far end of the couch leaving her on the other. He flicks on the TV to some random program although Y/n is certain sheâs not going to watch as she lowers herself to sit down she presses her body against the opposite end, careful not to touch him or invade his personal space. The fact Yoongi seems completely at ease only makes her feel awkward.
Itâs after a stifled fifteen minutes or so that Yoongi looks at her and asks, âWhat were you doing at school anyway?â
âI was finishing my art pieces,â she speaks into her mug as she sips the creamy drink and lets it warm her insides all the way down to her toes.
âDid you finish?â
Y/n nods and chances a look over at him, heâs sipping on his hot chocolate as well. She finds it endearing when she sees his pink tongue dart out to wipe the chocolate mustache on his upper lip.
âI did. Iâm proud of it and I kind of canât wait for everyone to see them.â
âYou should be.â
Y/n aims her body towards Yoongi this time and pulls her knees in close, her feet on the couch seat. Yoongi notices, but doesnât complain. He just gives her small smile and angles his body towards hers as well.
âWhat were you doing?â She finally asks.
âUsing the studio to take the last shot for the competition. The last theme is free so I had to come up with my own definition of happiness. I chose myself as the subject.â A hand comes up to rub at his neck awkwardly. He doesnât seem to ever discuss his work often, Y/n can tell because heâs careful about giving too many details, heâs afraid of boring her and being judged for his fascination with capturing moments. Which she thinks is rather unfair because no one should ever be shunned for talking about the things they love.
âFor what itâs worth, I think youâre great at what you do.â
Yoongiâs ears turn pink and he sticks his face in his mug. Heâs definitely shier than sheâd ever anticipated. When he puts his mug down he utters a quiet âthank youâ and he canât meet her eyes.
âWhy are you so far anyway?â Yoongi narrows his eyes at her, making her shift uncomfortably in her spot.
âBecauseâŚâ
âWeâre friendsâŚyou donât have to act weird you know that. Even if youâve been acting weird for like the past few weeks.â
Y/n feels her pulse speed up at this and her breaths start coming out shorter. She has to tell him, itâs now or never.
âYou never even explained to me what was going on.â
âYoongiâŚthe thing isâŚâ Y/n starts, but the words falter in her mouth when Yoongi continues.
âIâm sorry if I made things uncomfortable before ok? I realized after, it mightâve seemed like I was acting strange. Youâre a good friend and I want to stay friends. I like being around you,â Yoongi looks away for a bit, âProbably more than I should, considering youâre an obnoxious brat, but you knowâŚyouâve grown on me.â
Thereâs a strange mĂŠlange of happiness and disappointment swirling around in the pit of her stomach. Yoongiâs admitted to wanting to keep her around, but as a friend. Itâs not what she wants to hear and again the fear of speaking up is creeping up on her. What good would it be to talk about it now?
âYoongi thatâs the thingâŚitâs not youâŚI have to tell you somethingâIâmâ
The ring of a phone sounds over them and Y/n shuts her mouth. Yoongi stretches over the edge of his couch to pick up his phone off the coffee table. From where Y/n can see the caller id tells him itâs his parents and Yoongiâs face blanches. Heâs not expecting this because the last time he talked about it, they were upset with him. Heâd been losing sleep over how to talk to his parents and reason with them. However, Y/n isnât supposed to know any of that so she doesnât move to comfort Yoongi she only smiles weakly and says, âYou should get that.â
âYeah,â he swallows thickly and swipes the phone off the coffee table before disappearing into his room. He canât quite focus on what heâs saying, heâs thinking about his blatant lie to remain friends and heâs trying to stay calm when he answers with a tentative, âHey.â
Yoongi doesnât know if heâs made a bigger mess of the issue at hand.
When Y/n opens her eyes she feels a heavy weight draped over her shoulders. Sheâs warmer than she expected and when she looks around the dim room she realizes she isnât home. The TV is still on, playing some unnamed movie and thereâs a large throw over her.
Yoongi is beside her, his arm loosely thrown around her and her face nestled into his side. Itâs a sickeningly sweet clichĂŠ, but now she knows why all the books and movies stick this type of scene in between.
Y/n doesnât think sheâs ever felt so safe and warm. Hoseok is cuddly and affectionate, heâs the kind of person who likes to hug and kiss, but it never feels like this. It doesnât make her skin tingle and warmth pool into the crevices of her body or make her legs feel like jelly.
Y/n shifts against him and pulls away, afraid that he might panic or feel weird about waking up like that, so she moves and the movement rouses him from his sleep.
âShitâŚâ
âGood morning,â she teases and Yoongi rubs at his sleep swollen eyes.
âUgh, what time is it?â He grumbles out. Y/n isnât too surprised to find out heâs a bit of a grump when he wakes up.
âLike two maybe? Taehyung said he they might go out to eat and then heâd be dropping off Kookie. He should he here soon.â
Yoongi nods and turns to look at Y/n. Her cheeks are rosy from sleep and her hair is tousled, but he likes it anyway.
âWhat?â She quirks a brow and Yoongi grins.
âYou look like a child.â
âShut up, so do you! â She kicks at him, but he catches her foot easily.
âSays the brat who clearly has no concept of what personal space is,â Yoongi aims a smug look at her and her jaw slackens.
âAs if! That was a mistake and I was cold.â
âI gave you a blanket.â Yoongi deadpans.
Y/n doesnât know what to say and shakes her head. âWhatever.â
Yoongi snickers at her and stands, stretching his back out. Y/n may or may not have eyed him up and down, but sheâd never admit it though. Sheâll just pretend sheâs busy with the pattern on the comfortable throw.
âI didnât think youâd be asleep when I got off the phoneâŚâ
âI didnât either, but Iâm sure it was important. Donât worry about it.â
âIâll be back in a bit ok? Iâm going to go change, sleeping in jeans isnât exactly fun.â Yoongi comments and disappears into the hall leading to his room. Y/n watches him leave and takes a moment to sort through her thoughts. She needs to tell Yoongi about everything. She needs to come clean before itâs too late.
The room is starting to feel too warm for her and she kicks the blanket off. The photos, text books, and notes are still scattered across the coffee table. Feeling daring, Y/nâs fingers skim across the papers taking in the sight of scattered notes, Yoongiâs sharp scrawl littered across the pages haphazardly. Heâs down to his last exams like her and the thought makes her happy for him, heâll finally get the rest he deserves. Her fingers dance across the surface to the far edge, but instead of skipping over the sheet she sends a card flying across the floor. Y/n doesnât waste time in picking the sheet up, but as she lifts it, she doesnât miss the glossy sheen or the almost rubbery coating of the paper. Itâs not a card, but a photo. She sits back down leaning against the couch.
It takes her a moment to pick out the details, but she recognizes the first photo as one of Taehyung, taken the day of their early holiday outing. Heâs crouching in front of the woman, holding the food out to her. The lights in the background have faded into a glowing bokeh effect and the most bewitching part is not the glittering lights, but the look on their faces as Taehyung holds the gift out to the woman and the woman stares at Taehyung in lucid admiration, eyes shining.
Feeling curious she looks at the pile of photos turned face down. Y/n knows that perhaps she shouldnât be looking, but Yoongi is still in his room and she figures a small peek wouldnât hurt. She gathers the pictures in her hands and slowly begins to thumb through them. Thereâs more photos of their outing than she thought. She finds several shots of Namjoon and Jungkook at the ice skating rink, a couple of Jimin and Taehyung clinging to each other with ear splitting grins. Thereâs one of Hoseok and Jin, both boys stuffing their faces with fried snacks and she canât help, but giggle at the blissful look on Jinâs face or Hoseokâs crescent shaped eyes.
The rest of the pictures are similar candid shots, some of them are close up shots of the decorations, food, and the buildings. Looking at the pictures she feels guilt churn her stomach. If she hadnât been so nervous and irate she couldâve enjoyed herself more.
With a small sigh she finally flips to the last pictures and finds them to be of herself and she feels her skin warm.
âYou know those pictures wouldâve turned out better if you hadnât spent the whole evening in such a bad mood,â Yoongiâs voice sounds in her ear and she snaps her head in his direction, immediately regretting the action when she feels the clumsy graze of skin against her cheek and nose.
Yoongi hadnât meant to startle her, heâd walked in to find her thumbing through the pictures and watched in her silence, smiling fondly at the shots from their outing weeks ago. Itâs when she stops on the pictures of herself and frowns that he decides to tease her, leaning close enough to feel the heat radiating off her body and catch the clean and light flowery scent of perfume mixed with something powdery.
He feels a pull, as if wanting to sink into the crook of her neck, but once he realizes heâs lingered beside her too long he speaks up.
Yoongi expects her to gasp or reel back, a snarky reply on her lips, but she turns her head far too quick and he realizes how close he is. He can count the lashes on her lids, he spots a mole heâd never seen before, and he can see the dark blown out pupil of her eyes.
Itâs much too easy to slip forward those last centimeters and press his mouth to hers, to feel her unravel under him and reach around to feel her cheek underneath the burning palm of his hand.
He needs to.
And he swears thereâs a voice egging him on because she has yet to move or breathe for that matter, as if sheâs waiting for him to simply press his lips against hers. Itâs like holding a gun with a finger around the trigger.
So he slips forward, his bangs brushing against hers as he presses their foreheads together, heat bleeding through their skin. She tilts her head ever so slightly and Yoongi feels his skin burn when he realizes sheâs letting this happen. Maybe she wants this too. His nose bumps against hers as he settles further against the couch and his eyes flutter shut. He can taste her on his lips, but he doesnât kiss her just yet. Instead his face slips and he nuzzles the side of her face, leaving a burning trail wherever his skin grazes hers.
He dips until his lips are tickling the skin of her neck, but he doesnât kiss, doesnât leave a mark, just feels her underneath his lips. Heâs listening to the hitch in her breath, savoring the warmth that pulls him in, and trying to decipher if the thundering pounding in his ears, is his heart or hers.
âYoongi?â her voice is small, raspy, and it sends a shiver down the line of his spine.
He drags his face back up, cheek pressed against hers and he shakily pulls back to survey her expression, cheeks flushed, lips parted, and eyes dark.
âCan I?â his voice is low and rough, as if his vocal chords have been pulled tight from the need thatâs quivering in his body.
Y/nâs lips part for just a moment, he can already hear the yes on the tip of her tongue, but he waits for it come. He wants to know she wants this as much as he does. He drags a hand, threads it through her hair, and waits for it.
âYoongi⌠Iââ
Thereâs a sharp knocking at the door and he reels back, stomach plummeting and a shaky breath passing through his lips. Â He feels like someoneâs just doused him with cold water, but his hands are burning, as well as the skin of his cheek and lips.
âI-I think thatâs Taehyung,â Y/n mumbles out, eyes wide and face bright red.
He leans casually against the arm of his couch, acting like everything is ok, but his head is spinning so fast he thinks he might just topple over. Or implode, that sounds like a possibility with the way heâs feeling right now.
âYeah okâŚâ Yoongi clears his throat and moves to answer the door. Y/n meanwhile, untucks her legs from underneath her and runs into the bathroom to calm herself.
Yoongi doesnât know what to think. Y/n never said yes, but she never stopped him. He doesnât know what sheâs thinking and the way sheâs acting could mean two things, either sheâs a mess because she wanted this too or Yoongiâs ruined things beyond repair.
Yoongi pulls the door open to find Taehyung leaning against the the frame, a suggestive smile on his face and his brows are high.
âIâm going to kill youâŚâ Yoongi hisses out
Taehyungâs mouth falls open, âWait what?â
âNothingâŚjust never mindâŚY/n is in the bathroom.â
Taehyungâs mouth falls open, âWait did I justâŚ?â
âNothing. Nothing happened.â
Taehyung colors, âWellâŚthis is awkward.â
Yoongi raises a brow, âYou think?â
Y/n appears from around the corner, her face isnât as flushed as it was a moment ago, but she canât really bring herself to look Yoongi in the face.
âThanks for everything,â she smiles weakly and crosses the room to gather her things. Yoongi doesnât know if he should keep his distance or help her gather her belongings so he nods and watches her rush.
âItâs no problem.â He replies, voice sullen and eyes trained elsewhere.
Before leaving she quickly throws an arm around him and speaks into his shirt, voice muffled, âWe really need to talk Yoongi. Can we talk later? Maybe after finals?â
Yoongi feels his blood run cold when she pulls back and meets his eyes. âYeah, sureâŚis it aboutâŚthis?â
âI canât tell you now, but weâll talk ok?â
The way she looks at him makes Yoongiâs heart jump  and he feels the color drain from his face. He doesnât miss the uncomfortable look Taehyung shoots him as he says goodbye and walks out the door with Y/n.
Yoongi doesnât know what to think, but he feels sick and like heâs ruined any shot he mightâve had, be it her friendship or a relationship.
He doesnât get much sleep that night, heâs too busy tossing and turning. Heâs trying to shake the memory from his mind, telling himself to forget about her and tell her heâd made a mistake.
He doesnât want her taking the words right out if his mouth.
Itâs cowardly, he knows, but he doesnât want to deal with this much longer. Heâs afraid of being let down once more.
The next morning Yoongi is woken by the sound of a text message, one from Namjoon. He wants to go gift shopping and wants Yoongi to come with. Heâs about to type out a quick reply, telling him not today, but thereâs a knocking at the door and Yoongi curses out loud. Leave it to Namjoon to show up uninvited.
After crawling out of bed and throwing on a shirt Yoongi makes his way to the door. He swings open the door, thinking itâll be Namjoon. Instead finds himself face to face with Hyuna, her blonde hair looking perfectly tousled and a grin on her red lips. Heâs always liked that she made an effort to look done up and carried herself with an enviable confidence that made heads turn. When they were dating she was always careful about her appearance. While it left him in awe of her, it often made him feel rather small at her side. When he thinks back on it, he wonders if his crippling awkwardness was the cause of their decision to go different ways.
Theyâd never ended off on a bad note, as a matter of fact they remained friends. He wouldnât say they were best friends or close friends, but it was enough for them to feel at ease around each other and be happy when they caught up. He always thought Hyuna deserved someone on her own level. Two years ago, he didnât feel up to par and it reflected in his indifference with her. His actions reflected clashing signals of being smitten and then uninterested. She didnât deserve that and they both know it.
 âHey.â
Yoongi blinks, still feeling the weighty sleepiness in his eyes and replies with a gravelly, âHey.â
âWere you busy?â She leans against the door, eyes raking his ruffled form.
âNot really, just sleeping,â Yoongi ruffles his messy hair and steps aside letting her waltz right in.
âAre you hungry? I was driving by and wondering if you wanted to get something to eat? We havenât really caught up in a while and I thought itâd be something nice,â Hyunaâs gaze is hopeful and coquette.
It makes Yoongi swallow thickly and he shifts his weight on his feet, âUmâŚâ
Hyuna sees his hesitance and her smile drops slightly, he can tell she doesnât like his lack of response. She was expecting something else.
âYoongi, do you like me?â Hyuna asks bluntly and falls back to sit against the back of the couch.
The question takes him by surprise and his eyes widen, âOf course, weâre friends. I told you there werenât any hard feelings. I fucked upâŚa lot and you didnât deserve half of what I put you through. I wasâŚin a strange place where I wasnât comfortable with myself and I took it out on you.â
Hyuna nods, lips pursed into a thin line. Sheâs not mad so much as she is disappointed. âYoongi if I told you I was interested in being more than friends and giving what we had another chance what would you say?â
The room feels too small and the air is thick, making it hard for him to swallow. His stunned silence is enough of an answer, but he knows Hyuna well enough and she wants to hear him say no. When they were together, she held on too long, waiting till the last moment when he cut it all down and said he was unhappy. He is aware now that he wasnât unhappy because of her. He was unhappy with himself and in turn he became unhappy with their relationship.
âHyuna, you know I care about you, but not like that,â Yoongi answers and looks away, finding her gaze too strong, as if sheâs picking him apart and trying to fathom âwhyâ.
âItâs been two years, weâve both changed. Back then, we both messed up, we didnât know what we were doing. Â You were ignoring me and I wasnât going about it the right way either. We apologized and we know what to do now, so why not? We didnât even give ourselves a chance and we could now,â Hyuna is frustrated and he can understand. Heâs frustrated with himself for not feeling the same, after all itâd be much easier right?
He could try and feel more for her, itâd be easy because sheâs breathtaking, smart, and self-assured. Itâd be like revisiting all the good memories that surrounded them, but what people also fail to realize is that nostalgia is also a dirty liar, making things seem much better than they were. That place that he knows, hasnât changed, but he has and perhaps he doesnât fit as well as heâd like anymore.
Yoongi could trick himself into thinking sheâs everything he wanted because itâs easy to lie. Itâs much harder to be honest and gather the courage to chase the things you yearn for. If he were to choose her, heâd only fall back into the pattern of half-assed feelings that will later turn into sour resentment and he doesnât want to be that person that stains her chaste feelings.
âHyuna, I donât feel that way about you and you canât force me to. Iâm sorry, I wish I did, but things have changed.â
Hyuna nods and mulls over the words in her mind for a moment. She understands Yoongi, but it doesnât mean it hurts any less. She genuinely likes him, she always has.
âCan we still be friends?â Hyuna asks and Yoongi nods, moving across the space to lean against the couch with her.
âYeah, but letâs just give it sometime.â
Itâs cruel, but looking at Hyuna, hands fisted at her sides and eyes solemn, Yoongi realizes that he needs to gather his own courage and talk to Y/n. If Hyuna was brave enough to talk to him, then he should at least be brave enough to face Y/n.
Hyuna turned her head to him and tilts it, studying his pensive face. When Yoongi meets her eyes, she blinks and her mouth parts slightly. Sheâs noticed something, but he doesnât know what, so he quirks a brow.
âYoongi whatâs changed? You or is it someone else?â She doesnât sound accusing, just genuinely curious because sheâs never seen Min Yoongi looking so distraught. Itâs a new sight and she canât help the small bubble of envy. Sheâs not sure sheâs ever been able to charm Yoongi in such a way.
âBothâŚI think,â Yoongiâs reply is mumbled, like heâs embarrassed to admit it. Hyuna doesnât expect any less. Theyâd dated for almost a year and sheâd barely gotten past his first layer. At one point she was certain he had the emotional capacity of a rock when it came to dealing with her affection. While she knows this wasnât her fault, she feels like perhaps she wasnât good enough to see other sides of him. Hyuna doesnât dwell on it though and forces herself to be happy for Yoongi, he deserves to be.
âWell I hope you decide to tell her, if sheâs got you feeling like this then sheâs bound to be special. You need to speak up before she gets swooped up by some prince charming,â Hyuna pushes off the couch and begins to dig around in her bag.
âYeahâŚIâm afraid youâre right,â Yoongi replies, heâs never heard Y/n mention other guys and the only person he knows of is Jay, but thatâs over with as far as he knows. Still, the thought of someone thatâs not him enthralling her, makes his stomach knot.
âWell I guess I better get going, Iâll call Jiyoon instead and have her eat with me, clearly youâre off limits,â Hyuna jokes and Yoongi offers a sorry smile. He doesnât know what to say, but he appreciates that at least Hyuna is trying to make light of the situation.
âCan you hold this for a second?â Hyuna asks distractedly and hands a phone over to Yoongi, but he doesnât recognize it as Hyunaâs.
âIs this yours?â Yoongi quirks a brow.
Hyuna looks up and fishes out her own slim white phone, âNo itâs Y/n's . She left it in Jiyoonâs car last night, but we forgot to give it back with all her things. Iâm going to drop it off right now.â
Hyuna makes her way to the door, already dialing Jiyoon and Yoongi follows with Y/nâs phone in hand. He doesnât know why he does it, maybe itâs a habit. Maybe heâs just curious about her lock screen, but he slides his thumb over the dip of the home button and presses it gently, lighting up the screen. What he sees though isnât a photo background or some random wallpaper. Instead itâs a list of missed calls and two lone messages, from a sender he knows well.
Min Suga
A/n: Iâm dead D: this turned out to be like 13000 words I think? Now excuse me while I go lie down somewhere. Hope you enjoyed it :) and Happy Birthday to our favorite Daegu rapper, Suga! :)
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AH CHAPTER NINE WAS SO GOOD! I CANT WAIT TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS. But i feel like when RM dropped the photos & scurried to pick the up without checking & everything to see which photos were which he put the picture of the girl in by accident or something. Ah idk but I'm excited to find out.
Thank you very much! And could it be? HmmâŚweâll have to wait and see hahaha
I'm great since you uploaded another chapter of CN9 haha :P
Haha glad you liked it! :) It turned out a bit longer than usual and even then I had wanted to include more stuff, but at least now thereâs more to look forward to in the next chapter!