#cn9

He can’t form the sentences in his mind, can’t get his mouth around the words. He needs to let this sink in, but Hyuna is moving across the floor speaking muffled words. She grabs the phone from his hands and sticks it in her purse.

“Well I should be going, any longer and I don’t know if I won’t be mad at you for falling for someone else.” She’s joking, but he knows the hidden truth in her teasing.

He doesn’t move, his mind too preoccupied with untangling itself. Hyuna pays him no mind though and she pulls open the door, letting it creak as she begins to leave. It snaps Yoongi from his daze and he stumbles after her as she pauses, one hand against the doorframe.

“Are you ok?” Hyuna stops and almost recoils from his hovering form. He’s quiet and riddled with tension. It pulls his body taut and creases the space between his brows.

“Y/n,” Yoongi swallows before continuing, “has she ever mentioned someone named Suga to you? Has she said anything at all?” Hyuna almost misses it, but it is latent in his voice. It’s hope, laced between the confusion and concern. She doesn’t understand what Yoongi is hoping for or what he wants to hear.

“Y/n?” Hyuna repeats and her brows furrow.

Yoongi thinks that Hyuna may be able to clear this cloud of doubt for him. Though the frown on her face says otherwise and the slow shake of her head is apologetic. If she’d known what was plaguing Yoongi she’d be quick to help, but she has no clue what’s going on. Most of all she’s wondering why Yoongi is even asking about Y/n of all people.

“What does Y/n have to do with anything?” Hyuna’s voice is small, quiet, curling in on itself in defense. Yoongi’s dejected look is answer enough and a sharp splitting sting forms in center of her chest. It won’t kill her, but it’s deep enough for the bitter dribble of resentment to seep in. When she meets his eyes everything is clear and Yoongi realizes his mistake too late.

“Hyuna…” He runs a hand through his hair and wishes he had something to say to her. However, there isn’t any gentle way to tell Hyuna that he’s fallen for her friend. Looking at her, he wishes he could feel that way about her. He wishes it were easy to love the people who love you back, but he can’t, not in that way. The infatuation he held for her before has matured into a deep respect and admiration. She deserves someone who will return those feelings and treat her well.

“Y/n is a good girl, you know?”

“Yeah…” Yoongi can only agree, he feels transparent, naked under her stare and he can’t think of anything to say to her.

“She can be oblivious and naive. Whatever it is you feel for her, say it and make it clear.” Before he can ask anything else, Hyuna shuts the door and it rings in Yoongi’s ears louder than normal.

Four hours of sleep. Maybe five?

Taehyung’s walnut shaded eyes narrow when he catches Y/n yawn into the soft palm of her hand and scrunch her wide eyes. Her hair is tossed into a messy bun, stray wisps of hair poking out and fluttering when she turns her head to look at something else.

Yeah, definitely more like four and a half. She was looking a little worn, not that Taehyung could blame her. She’d been here since maybe seven in the morning. She was finishing her last touches on her work and staying for an evaluation with her teacher. It had been close to eleven when he stopped by to check on her. He’d found her, charcoal staining the tips of her fingers and nerves on edge.

She’d immediately asked him to make a coffee run and of course he’d said yes, he wanted to see if she’d tell him what happened last night. He’d even gone the extra mile and brought her a chocolate croissant. He wouldn’t call it bribing, perhaps appeasing could be a better word?

Either way, Taehyung wanted to know what was going on, especially considering Jungkook seemed excited about the fact that Yoongi and Y/n were together last night. They were all rooting for their friends and the possibility of a relationship, but something about Jungkook’s excitement seemed different. There seemed to be more to it.

His eyes stray away from Y/n who’s talking to a guy, his hair is sandy blonde and he’s at least a head taller than her. He leans into her when they’re talking and it seems they’re familiar, but not in a simple casual classmates kind of way. He wonders if Yoongi has ever been the jealous type.

Taehyung sips his own coffee and as soon as Y/n’s gaze slips away from the boy talking to her, Taehyung waves her over. Trying to be polite, Y/n excuses herself to dash over to Taehyung who is propped against a tall table and smiling at her. The student she’d been talking to turns and that’s when Taehyung recognizes him. It’s her ex-boyfriend, Mark.

“You’re godsend,” Y/n ruffles his hair as she grabs the hot coffee cup on the table and takes a ginger sip. From here Taehyung can tell she’s restraining from gulping it down desperately.

“So I’ve been told,” Taehyung grins at her, preening at her happiness.

Y/n rolls her eyes but doesn’t reply. If there’s someone she’s willing to spoil with her affection, it’s definitely Taehyung.

“So Mark huh?”

Y/n nods and waves him off, “He’s here for a friend and he was only saying hi.”

“That’s nice of him, how did that end?”

“He said goodbye?”

Taehyung chuckles, “No I mean, I’ve never heard about your breakup, how did that happen?”

“It was on good terms, he’s a nice guy and all, but I was never as invested as he wanted me to be,” Y/n shrugs, a distant look on her face.

Taehyung can’t help but recall the people he’s dated, especially the ones where he seemed to be impossibly infatuated and the other, only mildly. It’s the one’s you can’t have, that always leave you wishing you’d had more, they leave a small part of you pining.

“That’s unfortunate,” Taehyung slides the bagged pastry to her and her eyes glitter at the sight of the crinkled paper bag, “How long do you have to be here?” He asks and he turns his eyes on the other students walking around the artwork, looking finicky and overwhelmed.

“I don’t know, it could be some hours, my professor wants to review my work with me first before we place it in the exhibition,” Y/n frowns and looks a bit downcast.

She’d left for school as soon as she’d gotten up, worried that she’d be late for the review. She seemed present and calm, but Taehyung could tell that the itch of impatience was creeping under her skin. Y/n wasn’t focused on what her classmates were saying and as minutes passed her longing glances out the window seemed to become more and more frequent.

Y/n heaves a sigh and brings her coffee back to her lips, her shoulders slumping ever so slightly.

“Is this about Yoongi?”

Y/n sputters on her coffee and Taehyung’s eyes widen as she attempts to gracefully wipe the dribbling liquid from her lips.

“Seriously?”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Y/n shoots him a halfhearted glare.

“Well it’s not like either of you are very subtle. Yoongi was moping for what felt like weeks and you’re only ever half present,” Taehyung fixes her a with a stern look.

“No, we really aren’t. I’ve missed him a lot and yesterday just confirms everything.” Y/n’s mind goes back to the ‘almost-kiss’ and goosebumps raise along her skin as she recalls the heat of his breath and tingling brush of his skin.

“You’re getting all red, are you ok?” Taehyung raises a brow, “Are those goosebumps? Are you getting sick now?”

“No,” Y/n rubs at her neck, her brows pinched and her blush high on her cheeks. She doesn’t let Taehyung hover and takes a step away to put space between them.

“Fine…be that way…” Taehyung pouts and crosses his arms.

“It’s not like that, it’s just that I’ve made things unnecessarily complicated. I wanted to put distance between Yoongi and me, I thought I could ignore the fact that I like him. But I can’t, not even a little.”

Taehyung decides not to press the issue and replies, “Fine, I think I get it. Although I will say this, I don’t think there was ever any reason for either of you to be afraid of each other’s feelings. In all my life, I have never known sincere affection to blatantly hurt someone, so if you care each about other why not let it happen? Why be so afraid to let someone care about you?”

Y/n’s lips part and it hits her. Yoongi hasn’t been the only one desperately hiding the softer parts of himself. She’d been trying to build a wall when Yoongi was trying to tear it down.

“That’s a good question, I should probably ask him when I see him.”

“You’re going to see him today?”

Y/n bites down on her lower lip, “Kind of? I’m planning to go visit him. We need to talk about everything, I’ll go see him after I’m done here…”

There’s more on the tip of her tongue, but she can’t get it past her lips. She’s thinking about something, the possible outcomes and the risk she’s taking. Taehyung hopes it goes well. He almost says so, but Y/n is called over and her professor is walking away towards a wall where three portraits are resting, propped against a wall and partially out of view.

He cranes his neck to see the work displayed on them. He only manages to catch a glimpse of shimmering molten gold before Y/n blocks his view.

He feels anticipation winding itself in his chest, both for her presentation and for what may happen after Yoongi and Y/n’s talk. He can only hope for the best.

After knowing Yoongi for a few years, Jin has come to learn many odd quirks. The way he pulls back his beanie and cards his fingers through his hair is visible frustration edging his patience. Yoongi also gets bashful. Jin sees it in the way he bites down on the tip of his tongue, eyes flickering downcast. It's an attempt at shielding himself from prying stares.

Then there’s the pinch between his brows when he’s ever so focused. He's deep in the trenches of his own mind and attempting to piece together his own riddles. Yoongi is both opaque layers and thinly veiled transparency.

In this moment, he’s a muddled mixture of both. His unease is rolling off his body, making the air around him thick and sour. The reason for the tension coiling in his body and ensnaring his mind though, is unclear. Jin can’t see past it, even when squinting his brown eyes.

It doesn’t help that Yoongi won’t talk about it. When Jin tries to tiptoe around the subject the only thing he receives are curt and clipped answers.

Jin is trying not let it bother him. But, the way he’s behaving is out of character for Yoongi. He is usually too courteous at times, respectful and aware of the title Jin holds over him as hyung. Jin feels a bit silly when he thinks that there's only a difference of two months. He hardly feels deserving of this title when there are days he barely remembers to think of himself. Nonetheless, he keeps an eye on his friends, especially Jimin, Jungkook, and Taehyung. Particularly because they seem to have a penchant for trouble, mischief, and rebellion.

Yoongi, out of all his friends, gives him the least to worry about.

At least normally.

Today is different. Today when Jin shows up, meal in hands and smile on his face, Yoongi answers with a halfhearted grin. He only thanks Jin once for thinking of sharing his food with him, not the normal and grateful twice. He also isn’t as eager about his meal as he could be.

Given, no one loves food more than Jin, but Yoongi never turns away a home cooked meal from his friends, especially Jin’s. He’s the one whom keeps his friends from malnourishment.

So to see the bleach blonde pushing around his food on his plate, is worrisome to say the least.

It doesn’t end here. As Jin prattles on about his last exam and plans a celebration between friends, he realizes Yoongi is half listening. Jin can tell the difference between his attentive face from his distracted face. He knows that his halfhearted hums and nods are meant to make Jin think that Yoongi is listening. It becomes more than obvious when Yoongi slips up and instead of replying with a 'yes' or an 'okay', he hums and Jin’s talking stops.

Yoongi’s head snaps up to look at Jin who’s hovering over him and clearing his plate. Jin’s plate is clean of all his food, but Yoongi’s is almost half full. He doesn’t miss the small frown and the furrow of brows.

“Are you coming?”

What was Jin talking about again?

“I’m sorry, what?” Yoongi asks again and his fingers thread through his blonde strands. Jin's gaze flicks up towards his hands, recognizing the motion.

“I said, are you coming with us? To Y/n’s exhibition? It’s this weekend,” Jin repeats this. He’s trying not to sound exasperated, but it’s proven to be difficult when Yoongi’s mind is half present and his responses are mechanic hums or grunts.

Yoongi's stare trails away once more, he's hesitant to say yes, but he knows it’s expected he be there. He’d told Y/n so. Finally Yoongi replies with an uneasy, “Yeah, sure. I said would, didn’t I?”

Jin blinks at him, “Yeah, you did.” He drops his eyes to Yoongi’s plate, where his food has been shuffled around. “Are you not hungry?”

Yoongi waves away the plate. “I’m sorry, I’ll finish it later. I don’t have much of an appetite.”

“You know I’m not leaving until you’ve eaten it all,” the cross look that Jin aims at him is nothing short of threatening.

Yoongi snorts and replies, “I know, but I’m not that hungry right now.”

“Fine, but that doesn’t mean you should skip meals. It’ll only make things worse.” Yoongi’s sleep schedule is all types of disastrous, he doesn’t need to add malnourished on top of sleep deprived.

Yoongi huffs and after a moment finally tucks into the meal. It’s cold, but Yoongi isn’t complaining and Jin is afraid that if he asks for the plate to warm it, then Yoongi won’t take it back. Instead Jin settles in his chair and leans forward to watch the other male eat.

“I’ve been hoping you’d say something,” Jin starts, “But it seems like I’ll need to ask. What’s wrong?” He doesn’t want to push Yoongi, but he’s not going to turn a blind eye when he can see the way his shoulders slump or hear the deep sighs he exhales.

Yoongi looks up at Jin, the elder leaning forward on his arms as he surveys him, waiting for an answer. Yoongi would prefer to keep quiet. He doesn’t like unraveling underneath anyone’s prodding, but this is Jin. Jin who is neutral and level headed, he is one of several that he feels he can rely on and will say the right thing.

“Y/n is Caller Nine,” Yoongi blurts out and Jin straightens up. He doesn’t look as surprised as Yoongi would have thought, but his eyes still widen and he pales at the news.

“What?” Jin leans forward to listen.

“I’m sure she is,” Yoongi heaves a sigh, “and then Hyuna had to go and confess. As if things weren’t daunting already.”

“Wait what? Why didn’t you say anything?" Jin feels panicked for a moment as he thinks of Y/n's obvious feelings for him, "What are your feelings for Hyuna?”

Yoongi blinks, confused by the question because for a split second only Y/n’s face flashes in his mind. “Hyuna? Nothing more than friendship, but it threw me off. She stopped by and we talked about it and I turned her down. Hyuna also had Y/n’s phone. She gave it to me for a second and my message was on her screen, my name was on there. It read Suga.”

Jin swallows thickly, he can’t tell Yoongi that he’s known for a while, but he’s also bound to find out Namjoon was in on it too. Yet he doesn’t want to keep it from him either. Jin doesn’t know what to do and despite his conscious telling him to be honest, he swallows down the words and regurgitates something else.

“Have you talked to Y/n about it?” Jin fiddles with the ring on his finger and Yoongi’s gaze is somewhere else. It’s on his own hands as he squeezes a napkin between slender fingers. He’s caught up in the whirling thoughts in his mind and Jin, while sorry for his friend, is also relieved that Yoongi hasn’t realized how panicked he is.

“No, not yet. She left last night and I haven’t worked up the courage to talk to her. Especially after what happened before she left...” Yoongi recalls the clumsy brush of skin on skin. The way she dipped into him, letting him nuzzle and press against her. A hot flush spreads across his face and neck, he can’t bring himself to meet Jin’s questioning eyes.

“What do you mean? Yoongi, what happened?” Seokjin is afraid to know and based on Yoongi's flustered expression, it's questionable.

“Nothing inappropriate,” Yoongi snaps, “…I almost kissed her is all.”

Jin’s eyes are still wide and surprised, “Well…I guess…you’re consenting adults. Still, you two should at least talk about what’s going on before you go around making things even messier.”

“I didn’t think about it, neither did she, it happened and that was it,” Yoongi shrugs. He wishes they’d both gone through with it, but Jin has a point. He’d told Y/n he wanted to be friends, but that was the very last thing he wanted. He’s been lying to her this entire time. Friendship isn’t the only thing he’s wanted from her. He’s wanted her attention and affection; when he thinks back on it, he’s wanted it from the beginning.

All he’s ever wanted was to capture her in every sense of the word.

“Are you going to talk to her?” Jin inquires.

“I have to,” Yoongi doesn’t look comforted by the thought. Jin doesn’t blame him for his worry. Y/n might not know, what would her reaction be then? And if she does? Then what?

Jin falls silent for a moment. He’s turning something over in his mind, trying to work out the knots before he asks, “Isn’t this a good thing in the end? The two people you like are one person.”

Yoongi looks up at him, his lips pulled into a frown, “It should be, in a sense, I’ve fallen for the same person twice. But it scares me and makes me wonder if the distance she was placing between was a gentle rejection. It could be her way of saying she only wants to be friends.”

Jin worries his lower lip for a second, thinking up a reply, “Yes, but you two are also friends. You confided in each other for some time. That has to count for something. She has stuck around for you and Suga. Why won’t she stick around now? You have to give your friendship more credit than that.”

Yoongi wants to believe that Jin is right, but he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. His dating history hasn’t been the most pleasant. He can’t shake the hard-pressed guilt convincing him that every relationship is damaged by his hands. This doesn’t justify his guarded insecurities, he knows. Nonetheless he’s afraid to broach the situation in fear that he’ll shatter something delicate with his unwanted prodding.

“Yoongi?” Jin calls the blonde’s attention and his head snaps out of his thoughts.

“Hm?” He’s looking at Jin who’s leaning forward. He sees the worry in Jin’s expression and the pull of his frown.

“Promise me you’ll talk to her?” Jin stands and grabs his bag. He has one final class to go to before they’re free for their winter break.

“Yeah, I will.”

Yoongi isn’t lying, he plans to talk to her, but he doesn’t quite know how to go about it. Then again, when has he ever known what to do around her?

The fact that he’s never been able to squash those soft flutters in the pit of his stomach are what have gotten him into such a mess. The click of the door signals Jin’s departure and Yoongi stands, ready to grab a jacket and his car keys. He’s running through the things he can say to Y/n, but when he catches sight of his camera perched on a bookshelf, he falters. 

Any thought of returning Y/n’s phone has flown out the window for Hyuna. As much as she wants to pretend that she is fine, she’s not. After leaving Yoongi’s apartment she realizes she can’t return the phone to her friend, not without feeling an ache of betrayal. Neither can she bring herself to go back and hand it to Yoongi, meet his eyes and know that the person that has shifted his feelings is someone close to her.

“Hyuna, are you even listening?” Jiwoo asks as she spears a strawberry on her plate with a fork,

“Huh? Yeah, sorry. I’ve been a little worried about my scores for these past exams,” Hyuna offers a small and sheepish smile,

Jiwoo accepts this, Hyuna had after all, worried all week long. She nods and replies, “I’m sure you did fine Hyuna, you studied all week. That has to count for something.”

Hyuna nods, letting Jiwoo continue with her story. She doesn't notice that Hyuna dips back into her thoughts as soon as she goes on.

It may not be the end of the world for Hyuna, but it doesn’t mean that the ache of rejection isn’t heavy on her heart. Instead she hopes that Jiwoo can do her the favor of passing on Y/n’s phone and leaving it at that.

Hyuna could also take a chance and ask if Jiwoo knows anything about Yoongi and Y/n, but her mind is begging her not to ask. Any answers she needs must come from Y/n or Yoongi. If anything, Hyuna needs a moment to calm her mind and let the ache fade.

“Hey Jiwoo, what time are you leaving today?” Hyuna interrupts her friend midway through a sentence.

Jiwoo ponders this for a moment before replying, “In a few hours and I still have to finish the last of my packing. That’s why I was hoping we could invite Y/n out, but when I called Taehyung he said Y/n wasn’t home, she’d left. You still have her phone, right?”

Hyuna nods, “Yeah, I do.” She can’t ask Jiwoo to take it, her friend’s already pressed for time. She feels her stomach plunge as she realizes she may have to face Y/n herself. If not, she could always drop it off with Taehyung, but she runs the risk of running into Y/n.

It’s funny how a little heartache can turn you into such a coward.

“Hey, meal’s on me, okay? Do you want to get going?” Jiwoo grabs Hyuna’s attention and the blonde feels guilty when she realizes she hadn’t heard a thing her friend said to her earlier.

“Thanks, I owe you one. I’ll treat you to something sweet right now,” Hyuna grins and the two make their way up to the cash register to pay.

Hyuna steps outside first, catching sight of the campus in front of them. A scattered handful of students remain, some are finishing up their very last exams. Others are prepping for Christmas break, eager to run home and sleep in their beds.

Most of her friends have gone already, so the people she sees peppering the campus aren’t any familiar faces. That is until a tall figure crosses her vision with a puffy jacket and a beanie on his head.

Her mouth opens before she knows what she’s doing. “Namjoon!”

The tall male speaks into the phone, surprise etched across his face. She may not have spoken to him much when Yoongi and her were dating, but she knows he can do her this small favor.

“Jungkookie said Tae went to pick up Y/n from Yoongi’s last night, did you hear?” Even through the speaker of his phone Namjoon can pick out the worry in Jimin’s voice.

“Wait what?” Namjoon stops in his steps and someone bumps into him. He doesn’t miss the nasty glare as they walk past him, but Namjoon waves it off. It’s almost Christmas, it should be physically impossible to stay angry these days.

“Yeah, I guess Y/n got locked out of her place and stayed with Yoongi for a bit. But I haven’t heard anything about it. Do you think things got sorted it out? What if they never sort anything out? I thought Yoongi looked so happy when he was around her…”

A sigh escapes Namjoon and he has to fight back a smile when he realizes Jimin’s satoori is starting to escape him.

“Relax, I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough, Jin said he was going to go visit him. Jin is like a walking confessional. One look at him and he makes you want to spill your guts. Not even Yoongi is immune,” Namjoon continues along his trek to his car, his last exam couldn’t have been over soon enough. Now all he wanted was to go home and catch up on what felt like years of missed sleep.

“I hope so, I don’t know how much longer I can take this,” Jimin groans and Namjoon raises a brow. He wonders when they’d all become so invested in his friend’s love life. He immediately recalls the devious grin on Yoongi’s lips the night he officially met Y/n and the way the two despite bickering all night, refused to move from their spots. It was like watching children pick on each other. It was both annoying and endearing, like hoping to catch the pair sneaking pecks or holding hands underneath a table when no one was looking.

“I know, but we can’t push them anymore than we—“

“Namjoon!” It isn’t so much the voice that makes him stop, more so the shrillness of the tone. It makes him stop in his place and he’s startled by the sight of a sullen looking Hyuna.

“Hyuna, uh hi?” Namjoon peers down at her, but she’s not even looking, “Jimin can you hold on for a second?”  Jimin gives a hum from his end and Hyuna’s busy rummaging through her bag. Why she’s here is unknown to him. The only times he’s ever been around her are enough to be counted on one hand.

He knows she’s Yoongi’s ex-girlfriend. They’re supposed to be on better terms and they seem happier as friends than they ever did dating. That’s about as much as he can say about her and the most he’s ever said to her are idle words. They’ve only every touched the surface by skimming through small chatter about school, friends, light gossip, and on strained occasion, the weather.

Hyuna is a nice girl, but there has always been a weird underlying tension. As if Namjoon felt a silent need to apologize for the way Yoongi treated her. He never did though, only because Hyuna would pin him with this look that said, ‘Don’t. I know and I’m sorry too.’ It would make his gaze dart away and being in the same room stifling.

“Do me a favor and give this to Y/n?” Hyuna pushes something hard and flat against his chest, jabbing him sharply. Namjoon only manages to grasp it before she whips around and leaves in a rush, her hair flailing about her.

“Hyuna? What is this? Why me?” Namjoon is calling after her, but the girl isn’t stopping instead she stalks off and disappears in a crowd of people leaving him with his hand clutched around whatever it is she gave him.

He pulls it away to find his stare reflected in glass. It’s Y/n’s phone and when he presses against the home button there’s a message from Min Suga. Namjoon wants to be wrong, but the uncomfortable coiling in his stomach is telling him that Y/n’s secret isn’t going to be kept for long.

“Shit.”

“Namjoon? Is everything ok?” Jimin asks in rushed tones.

“I don’t know. I need to go. I’ll call you after.” Jimin barely manages to utter a goodbye before Namjoon ends the call.

Y/n is breathless as she topples over onto the comfy couch of her living room. She is both exhausted and restless from today. Preparation for the art exhibition had taken all morning and her review with her professor had taken a large part of the early afternoon.

Hoseok had appeared later, dragging her off to lunch, but that didn’t last all too long considering he had to talk to some teachers about the results of his exams. Finally having a free moment, she’d run to Yoongi’s place, but after ten minutes of knocking and waiting, she’d decided to leave.

She could only hope that he hadn’t gone home early. He had after all, taken a late call from his parents when she was at his apartment. For all she knew, he could be having a family emergency.

Y/n had no other option, but to return to her place and find another way to reach him. Maybe Hobi or Taehyung had his number? If they did, she was going to scream because that should’ve been her first thought.

“Why did I wait this long?” Y/n groans out loud and buries her face in the pillows. Deciding to give this one more chance she gets up and runs across her apartment, and keys in hand.

She trips over her own feet as she reaches the door and swings it open. Y/n is ready to run out but comes to a teetering halt when she finds herself barely missing Namjoon, fist in the air. Her stomach curls in on itself and she stumbles back, avoiding him by centimeters.

Namjoon has never been someone she disliked, but the sudden sight of him puts her nerves on edge. There’s a shock buzzing through her limbs when he holds a phone up, screen lit and a message on display.

“Hyuna asked me to give this to you.”

A cold sweat breaks out over her body, washing her with a wave of hot and then cold. She takes a breath, trying to slow her heart rate and settle her frazzled nerves. It’s too late though because the look he pins her with makes her feel every bit transparent.

“T-thank you,” Y/n reaches out a sweaty palm and he drops the phone into her hand with a gentle ‘pat’, but he doesn’t leave. He makes no move to remove himself from her presence.

Instead he leans against the door and says, “I was planning to ask you about Min Suga, but judging from the look on your face it seems you know.”

“Namjoon…” Y/n tucks a lock of hair behind her ear and swallows thickly. What is she supposed to say? Where does she even begin?

“You don’t have to tell me everything, I only want to know if you plan on telling him yourself? He deserves that at least. He’s one of my best friends and watching you confuse him over whether or not you want to be around him isn’t all that fun.”

“I wasn’t going to at first, but I will,” Y/n holds the phone close to her, hiding it from Namjoon’s gaze.

“When?”

“Today. I was looking for him to talk about it, but he wasn’t home. I’m sure you can tell why I didn’t pick up my phone and call him. I’ve been looking for him all day.”

“He’s probably at his apartment right now, Jin mentioned he’d be visiting him today.” Namjoon’s mind goes to Hyuna’s sullen expression and he has a feeling that Y/n might not be aware of how much of her secret might be out. “Does Hyuna know anything?”

Y/n freezes for a moment, “Not that I know of. She gave you my phone, didn’t she?”

Namjoon nods, “She did, she ran up to me and shoved it into my hands. She was in a hurry and maybe even a little upset. Then again, I hardly know when it comes to her.”

Y/n pales at this and she tries to shake the suspicion that Hyuna knows about Yoongi. “We haven’t had time to talk one on one, how would you begin? ‘Hey friend, guess what? There’s a chance I’m interested in your ex-boyfriend! Are we cool? Cool.’ Hyuna had been interested in pursuing him again. It was better that I didn’t say anything. No one really knew how I felt except Hoseok and Tae.”

Namjoon hums, “So you really like him? Even if your friend does too?”

“It’s not like I meant for this to happen…” She really hadn’t, that was why she’d tried to place a wedge between them and force some distance. That only made things worse.

Namjoon snorts, “Of course you didn’t, but this has been going on from the very moment you two talked at the house party.”

Y/n’s brows pinch together at this. She still remembers seeing Yoongi and feeling horrified, especially when he sat beside her. She’d shown so much disdain, but she didn’t make an active effort to stay away from him. Instead she sat there exchanging witty banter and arguing with him half the night.

Y/n turns to look up at Namjoon, “How’d you find out? I mean about me being Caller Nine.”

“By accident…I hadn’t meant to, but I was using Yoongi’s phone to call yours, that night after the bar. They gave me your number to dial and you showed up under his contacts, but as Caller 9. No one else saw and I never called. If I had called I think everyone would’ve found out before. Maybe that would’ve been for the best?”

Y/n nods, “Probably.”

A frown pulls at Namjoon’s lips, “But why this? I don’t understand what you think you’re doing? And I don’t understand what he’s doing either. You two are just dancing around each other.”

Her plan to keep quiet and distance herself seemed easy. Now it only seems to have done the most damage. Yoongi didn’t deserve to be dragged along like that.

The thing is, she hadn’t expected him to resist either. She had assumed that Yoongi would cut his ties and let her leave, both her and Caller 9. That’s what he had wanted from the very beginning wasn’t it? A friendship that was easily disposed of?

“I like Yoongi, I like him a lot. However, when we’d first started talking we’d agreed to never meet. Yoongi insisted it was better this way and even when we got closer he kept saying that it wasn’t the right time. When I found out who he is, I was both happy and shocked. Happy because my two favorite people are the same person.”

Namjoon nods, urging her to continue.

“But I also realized that if I told him, then there’d be a huge chance he’d run.”

“He might’ve stayed, he might’ve not. You could have at least given yourselves the chance to find out,” Namjoon feels a twitch of frustration forming in his shoulders.

“Maybe, but if he wanted to stay friends I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. I would have felt like I was lying to him and myself, sticking around with the false hope that he’ll see me in a different light,” Y/n shakes her head, “I didn’t want to do that to either of us.”

“You’re right about that, unfortunately. We can’t put the entire blame on you,” Namjoon huffs as if realizing something, “He gets scared sometimes. Yoongi’s been hot and cold with you too. We’ve all seen it. For you to go out on a limb when you’re not even sure of your footing is scary. I get it. I get what it’s like for the both of you, but neither of you were brave enough to take the first step.”

A heavy silence falls over them and for a moment the only thing they can hear are the crickets chirping, the ‘whoosh’ of cars driving past, and what seems like the shuffle of feet, probably from a neighbor making their way home after a long day.

“What do you think Yoongi would’ve done?” Y/n asks.

Namjoon heaves a sigh, “It depends, if he’d found out early on I think he might’ve done the same. I want to think he’d be brave and tell you himself. But it’s likely that if he’d been in your shoes, he might’ve thought you were better off without him too. Now though, I think he wants to be honest. He’s trying to be different.”

Y/n says nothing for a moment and she looks down at her phone, the message still unanswered lighting up her screen.

“You should go, I need to call him and see if I can talk to him about this.” Namjoon turns to look at her, but he freezes in his steps. His gaze isn’t on Y/n, rather it is above her head, behind her, and fixed on something else.

“Why don’t you tell me now? Better I hear it in person, don’t you think?”

When Y/n spins around Yoongi is standing there, hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket. His stare, which is normally alight with a mischievous glint, is cool. His lips are pressed together and the edge of his jaw is sharp and tense.

“Well? I’m all yours...”

A/N: *waves awkwardly* I’m alive and apparently so is this fic. Also I tried to edit this in a bit of a rush because I’ve reread this so many times, my eyes are about to fall out of my head. So apologies if there’s some mistakes I missed.

Which is why she’s taken to balling it up into a little lump and left it at the foot of her bed while she considers the best way to dispose of it. She’d meant to give it back the very night he’d lent it to her, she’d even begun to slide it off as everyone bid their goodbyes, but Yoongi pulled the ribbed edge down, his hands lingering at the edges as he hovered over her and said, “Keep it, you might get sick.” He looked away for a moment and stepped back, wiping his palms on his jeans, “You can give it back to me next time we hang out or something.”

Y/n wanted to protest, but instead she nodded dumbly, too lost in her own thoughts to even process when Yoongi mumbled a quiet, “I’ll see you around.” It was a promise, that hung in the air between them.

Neither one had yet to keep such a promise. Finals were starting, that meant hours of studying, skipped meals, cramming endless words into their minds, last minute projects, and before they knew it December arrived and finals had begun. The first two days she found herself watching her phone carefully, locking and unlocking the screen, checking an empty inbox or nonexistent calls she’d missed and each time she’d curse herself for looking, for even expecting. She was so out of hand she’d even been tempted to call as Caller Nine, but after almost dialing she stuffed the phone violently under her pillow and began to purposely leave it in another room to avoid hearing the pings that made her short of breath and her heart do somersaults. It was never Yoongi, he’d stopped messaging shortly after their outing, finally understanding that Caller Nine wasn’t going to answer anymore.

Y/n had even gone as far as avoiding the radio and set up playlists to pound in her ears while she studied. Y/n was trying to convince herself that drowning in textbooks was somehow going to cure her wandering mind. It was of little use because even the most mundane things made her mind derail.

One moment she’d be jotting down messy notes and half singing under her breath until a particular set of lyrics, a slow tempo, and the complex layers of a song would make the goosebumps rise on her skin. Her first thought would be saving the song for Yoongi.

It didn’t stop at music. There were pictures, smells that were ingrained into her mind. The feel of his arm under her palm when she’d push him away, smug half smiles, and playful bickering were all longed for. The hesitant weight of his arm around her shoulders and the annoying little nickname he’d bestowed upon her were missing. She never thought she’d long for the familiar gravelly voice that referred to her as ‘brat’.

The guilt was far from eased when she came home that afternoon. Having finished an exam that left her mind drained, she walked into her room only to find Yoongi’s sweater sprawled out on her bed, as if declaring ownership not only of her mind, but her space.

Rina had dumped it there. She’d been nagging Y/n for days, asking her to put it in her room or give it back. Now it was just lying there on the bed amongst her sketches and the clothes that she’d tried on before rushing to school.

She didn’t know what to do, just glared at it, angry that she couldn’t even sit on her bed without the article of clothing offending her. So she balled it up at the foot and sat at the head, back pressed against her enormous pillows with her fingertips pulling the sleeves of her sweater over her hands.

Y/n wasn’t sure how long she’d been sitting in her dim room, mulling over what she needed to do, say, how she’d apologize, and break things cleanly. It had to have been a while though because her sister walked in and raised a brow.

“Hoseok’s here. He says he wants to take you out,” Rina leaned against the doorframe and Y/n caught a glimpse of her boyfriend, Young, behind her. He waved awkwardly and Y/n forced a smile. She hadn’t even realized he was in their apartment. She imagined that he was there to help her pack for their weekend trip to his parents’ place in Busan.

“Oh…” Y/n blinked.

“He says you haven’t been answering your phone. He’s also whining about not having seen you in like a week,” Rina added and Y/n only nodded. She wasn’t in much of a mood to go out.

“Hey, what’s wrong with you?” Rina quirked a brow.

“Nothing, I’m not in the mood. Tell him I don’t feel so good,” Y/n turned on her side and pulled the hood of her own sweater up over her head.

Rina pushed up off the doorframe and replied, “Fine, since you’re not giving me much of a choice.”

The door remained open as Rina walked away.

“Ahh, Rina, seriously! I’ve told you to close it like fifty times.”

Y/n sat up and moved to close her door, but she immediately froze when she heard Rina’s snappish, “Get her out of the room. Something’s wrong with her.”

“Ok!” Hoseok was cheery as ever and it took him a few seconds to appear in her room, arms enveloping her in a tight hug, placing tiny little pecks and butterfly kisses on the side of her face until she was screaming and laughing at the same time.

“You don’t seem so sad to me anymore,” he grinned as he pulled away, taking in her lazy appearance. She looked ready for bed.

“I’m not sad. I just…I’m fine,” she huffed and pulled on the edge of her sweater.

“Well I always hear girls say they feel better when they get fixed up, so we’re going to get you dressed and we are going to the movies, come on.” Hoseok dragged her over to her closet where he immediately began pulling out several long sleeved shirts, a nicer pair of jeans, and some boots to keep her toes warm.

Y/n had to admit that she found it endearing that Hoseok was picking out her favorite outfit.

“Am I going to have to dress you too?” Hoseok winked at her.

“You’re ridiculous, get out,” she rolled her eyes.

“Oh my mistake, you’re saving that for Yoongi.” Hoseok replied with mirth in his eyes as he disappeared behind her door, making her face heat up.

“Hoseok, really?”

Hoseok replied with a boisterous cackle that made a smile pull at the edge of her lips.

Namjoon thinks Jimin’s a cute kid, he really does. He’s got an adorable eye smile and a funny little giggle that makes girls grin. He’s also a great dancer, Namjoon’s seen it and he hears about it too often from his girl classmates like Joy and Seulgi who practically turn into puddles whenever they see the shorter male. Jimin also has the uncanny ability to pull off the most ridiculous looking things. Recently, Jimin dyed his hair a bright shade of orange. When Seokjin told him about the change Namjoon was ready to point and laugh. Low and behold, Jimin looked damn good. For some twisted reason, every thing he did looked good.

Namjoon almost hates him for it.

And that’s also not the point.

Jimin is charming and irresistible, that’s the point. However, Namjoon’s wondering if that’ll be enough for the plan the male has in mind.

“Jimin, I don’t know if Yoongi’s in the mood for anything right now. He’s kind of sulking right now,” Namjoon speaks softly as he moves around the chocolate colored book shelf and sticks a large copy of some bland vampire romance novel back on the shelf. He’s not sure what it is about teenagers and the undead, but their infatuation with these plotlines is a tad bit unnerving.

Then again, he might have a slight fetish for red converse, so he really shouldn’t be judging, should he?

“That’s more reason to invite him out, don’t you think so Kookie?” Jimin turns to Jungkook who’s towering behind him, his black hoodie over his head despite the fact that they’re inside.

“Take your hood off, you look like a hoodlum,” Namjoon comments as he walks around the boy and disappears behind another corner, his hands filled with books.

“You’re starting to sound like mom,” Jungkook replies and pulls the thick hood down revealing his gauged ears.

“Keep talking back and I’m tell him you called him that too,” Namjoon replies as he heads down to another section looking specifically for the last name ‘Murakami’.

Jungkook doesn’t reply and sticks to pouting. He’d rather not get in trouble with Jin, he pinches hard when he means it.

“Hyuuuung…” Jimin trails after Namjoon who’s trying to to do his job. He regrets telling them which bookshop he worked at. The point of working here was to be able to enjoy the permeating scent of robust coffee, books, and some quiet time. With his friends around though, such a wish is impossible.

“Fine give it a shot, but I don’t know if he’ll go for it. Sometimes he needs his space, sometimes he doesn’t, it depends. But promise not push him too hard to talk about it. You know how he gets,” Namjoon pushes his round glasses up higher up the bridge of his nose. He doesn’t really need them, but he thinks he looks cool with them on, no matter how much Yoongi likes to tell him he looks like a loser.

“Then what should we do?” Jimin asks, bringing a hand up to brush back his bangs. Which is useless since they flop back into his eyes.

“Maybe we should get hyung drunk…” Jungkook comments as he flips through an Iron Man comic book.

“You’ve been hanging out with Taehyung too much,” Namjoon quirks a brow and Jimin’s mouth falls open.

“You’ve been seeing him behind my back?”

Jungkook shrugs, “Well you always have class or are hanging around with Hobi hyung.”

Namjoon shakes his head, he wishes they would leave, but Seokjin is the one who’s supposed to drop off Yoongi with them and Namjoon can’t exactly throw them outside onto the freezing street. First he’d get in trouble with his manager because technically they’re potential customers. There’s also the fact that Jin would have his head.

“Look whatever you guys decide to do, be nice, alright? And no drinking,” Namjoon aims a pointed look at them and Jimin nods. Jungkook’s face is nonexistent though, he’s pulled his hood back up and the strings taut around his face. He looks ridiculous with only his nose sticking out.

“Oh my god…go sit down,” Namjoon hands them money, “Buy yourself some cookies and wait for Jin, I can’t do this anymore.”

With that said Namjoon turns on his heel to finish shelving the books people didn’t want. His shift is almost over and Jin is supposed to be here soon. Normally Jin would only come by to pick up the kids and take them home, but this time he’s bringing Yoongi. It’s all part of Jimin’s plan to treat Yoongi and cheer him up since he’s been more of a grouch than usual.

It’s no secret as to why, but no one really knows what to do. They’re all wishing that Y/n and Yoongi would talk about it, but no one’s made a move yet. Namjoon has also been wondering if now was the time to speak up, but Jin had insisted they keep their mouths shut. Not out of spite, but because they really don’t know if it’s their place to go spill Y/n’s secret, especially when they don’t even know if she’s aware of who Yoongi is either.

Namjoon had considered talking to Y/n, but Jin insisted that they mind their own business. If Y/n wasn’t aware then they were essentially spilling Yoongi’s secret and that might ruin things. Or make them better.

Namjoon groans, leaning his forehead against the cool shelf and wishes he hadn’t a clue of what was going on. He doesn’t know how much longer he can keep his mouth shut.

“Well you’re working hard,” Namjoon turns his head and finds Jin standing at the end dressed in a white hoodie and a leather jacket.

“I am.”

Jin rolls his eyes, “Of course.” He shuffles across the the short grey carpet and leans against the bookshelf beside Namjoon.

“You brought hyung too, right?”

Jin nods, “Yeah he’s talking to the kids. I think they’re trying to convince him to go to dinner with them.”

Namjoon nods and a span of silence stretches between them. They’re both turning something over in their minds. Namjoon can tell because Jin’s eyebrows are slightly creased and his jaw is tight. Something’s bothering him and Namjoon’s willing to bet it’s the very same thing that’s bothering him.

“Joonie…”

“Yeah?”

Jin clears his throat, “You think we should say something?”

“I don’t know…I feel gross. I don’t like keeping secrets, I can’t even hide my pocky properly and that’s just food. That doesn’t even require talking,” Namjoon deadpans.

Jin chuckles softly, holding his fist limply against his full lips. It dies out quickly though and they shift their weight, unsure what to do or say. They can hear Jimin, Jungkook, and Yoongi’s faint voices as they search the bookstore for them. Luckily the shelves are tall and Namjoon is slouched over. Only the top pf Jin’s hair is visible. It’s going to take the boys a while before they stumble upon them. Especially when both Jimin and Yoongi have to stand on their toes to see over the book shelves.

“One more week. If things don’t fix themselves, we tell Yoongi. He can decide what to do, ok?” Jin turns to look at Namjoon who nods in agreement.

“Come on, I think Jimin’s probably worn Yoongi down to a yes. We can get dinner together,” Jin’s eyes crinkle at the corners and Namjoon returns the smile.

“Yeah ok, let me just clock out.”

When Namjoon shows up, his nametag removed from his white button up and a coat over his shoulders he finds Yoongi scowling at Jimin and Jungkook. He looks like a grumpy old man, but Namjoon doesn’t say anything and laughs. He knows Yoongi appreciates the concern they show him, even if he wants to pretend to be a grouch.

When they go their separate ways Namjoon’s hoping that Yoongi’s mood will shift, maybe he’ll even feel brave enough to give Y/n a call and settle everything once and for all.

Hoseok likes the holidays, although sometimes he finds himself longing to go home. The holidays always feel much more festive around family, elaborating little traditions, the comforting taste of his mother’s meals, spending time with his sister, and fretting over what type of gifts he’ll give this year. He misses all of that during these days the most. They’re down to their last exams and he’s anxious to go back and celebrate.

This year is a little different, having found his social circle expanding. Now he’s thinking about small gifts for Namjoon, Jimin, Jin, and Yoongi. He doesn’t know them very well and it’s going to take time, but Hoseok is happy to have met them and he wants them to know this too.

They’re under the decorative lights, waiting in line to buy their tickets for a movie. Y/n looks tired and her mind is wandering, something he finds her doing often these days.

“How are you feeling with exams?”

Y/n shrugs, “I’m holding out. I’ve done well, now I’m just worried about the art show. I’m finishing up my last pieces. You’re one of them you know?”

A large grin spreads across his face, “I can’t wait to see it. Are your parents going?”

Y/n bites down on her lower lip, a thoughtful expression on her face, “I don’t know. I’d like them to, but if they don’t, it’s not the end of the world. I still care you know? But now I’m focused on myself. It feels nice.”

“May I ask what brought this change?”

Y/n sighs softly, “That asshole Min Yoongi.”

“Why aren’t you speaking to each other? How are you feeling about it?”

“I feel fine. I can’t wait to get a break though,” Y/n sighs and she pulls on the edge of her sleeves.

It doesn’t take much for Hoseok to see right through her.

He hasn’t missed how Y/n isn’t pausing in between her sentences. She’s been pulling a million topics out of her sleeves since they left her apartment and whenever there’s a moment of silence, it isn’t comfortable. It’s on edge and jumpy, as if Y/n is looking for another matter to pick apart. Hoseok knows better than to believe things are fine.

So after buying their tickets he asks her what’s actually going on and she freezes. Her breath comes out in puffs and people are moving around them, too busy with their holiday shopping to bother with an ‘excuse me’ or an apology when they bump them with their bulky bags.

“We should get some coffee,” Hoseok adds and Y/n agrees. He grabs her hand and pulls her through the crowd, weaving in and out as they cross the street. As Y/n crosses a flash of blonde catches her eye. She doesn’t linger though, there are too many cars waiting. She scurries over the asphalt and follows Hoseok into the heady warmth of the coffee shop.

“So what would you like?” Hoseok’s eyes are on the menu, scanning everything with an excited grin.

Y/n blurts out a muffled, “A vanilla latte.”

Hoseok nods, “Ok, cool. Anything else?”

“Advice, someone to listen, anything.”

Hoseok nods, “I can do that.”

Y/n feels more relieved than she has in weeks. She doesn’t know how Hoseok is going to react to everything, but she knows he’ll be honest with her and that’s enough.

Outside of the pizza place it’s freezing, but the crowded plaza makes it bearable. The boys bury their hands in their pockets and walk around, eyes lingering on the festive decorations and passing over the people with hands full of shopping bags. It’s comforting to feel the festive buzz in the air, but it doesn’t quite reach Yoongi, his mind is elsewhere. He’s worried about going home for the holidays, seeing his parents, the possible scholarship, the last of his exams, and the lack of contact with two girls in particular. Caller nine, wasn’t his best friend, but he’d felt comfortable talking to her and if he had doubts he knew he could go to her without worrying that she’d ridicule him. However, that comfort was short lived because in the end she stopped replying to him and his calls. At first he thought he wouldn’t get attached, but that proved to be a horrible lie. He found he trusted her and he wanted to turn to her now more than ever with Y/n’s missing presence.

He’s worried that perhaps his attempts to be closer pushed Y/n away and a gap had started forming between them, leaving Yoongi feeling like someone had carved a hollow space in his chest. He let himself care more than he ever intended when he’d sworn that he’d keep people at a distance. Yoongi had been indulgent, letting her get under his skin and leaving a burning imprint in his mind. Now he missed her and he hated that because everyday there was something he wanted to tell her about, but couldn’t.

“Hyung?” Jimin’s voice makes Yoongi turn his head and the pair of boys are staring at him with puzzled expressions.

“We’ve been calling you, but you weren’t listening,” Jimin’s brow quirks and Yoongi feels a pang of embarrassment.

“Sorry, what’s up?”

“I’m going to get some coffee; do you want some?” Jungkook looks at the older male expectantly and Yoongi declines with a polite ‘no, thank you’.

“I’ll be back in a bit, wait for me here yeah?” Jungkook asks and makes his way towards the crowded coffee shop. Meanwhile Yoongi and Jimin make their way over to the side of the coffee shop and sit at an outdoor table. It’s silent for a moment, Yoongi too preoccupied with his thoughts and Jimin wracking his brain for a way to cut through the awkward silence. He knows Yoongi hasn’t been quite himself and that makes Jimin wishes Namjoon or Jin were here, they’d be able to pry it out of Yoongi with a simple look.

“Jin wants to throw an early Christmas party to celebrate the end of the semester. Are you going to come?” Jimin asks and Yoongi meets his gaze.

“You know I will, Namjoon would drag me over there even if I didn’t want to and Jin would just make me feel guilty about it if I tried to skip.”

Jimin nodded, a fond smile on his face as he thought of his two roommates. “Namjoon invited Hoseok and Tae too.”

Yoongi felt his stomach twist, knowing very well where this was going, but he answered with a nonchalant, “Figures.”

“And Jin invited Rina and Y/n. He told me he ran into Rina at the grocery store yesterday, so I don’t know if Y/n knows yet.”

“Hm,” Yoongi lets out a hum, but turns away not really wanting to linger on the subject, but Jimin isn’t getting the hint. Then again, knowing him, he does get the hint and isn’t quite as willing to skim over the subject like Yoongi.

“Have you seen her around lately? Hobi was telling me she’s really busy with exams too. He says she looks really tired.” Jimin adds hoping to jolt a reaction out of the older male.

Yoongi pushes a hand through his now bleach blonde hair, “Like the rest of us.”

Jimin frowns, “Maybe you should check on her? I think she’d appreciate something like that.”

Yoongi’s mouth pulls tight and he bites out, “I doubt it with the way she’s been avoiding me.”

“But why? Did you two fight? I don’t understand, you were getting along really well,” Jimin’s brows furrow, “and the way she looks at you…I was so sure—”

Yoongi snaps his gaze to him, eyes narrowing as if daring him to continue. Yoongi doesn’t want to hear about how Jimin thinks Y/n looked at him, he doesn’t want to know if everyone saw something he didn’t, and he doesn’t want anyone spoon feeding him false hope. It’ll only feel like rubbing salt into a wound.

Jimin sighs and despite the look Yoongi’s aiming at him continues, “I just think you should tell her how you feel. If you’re already sure of your feelings, then it’s worth speaking up. You have nothing to lose.”

“Then there’s no point. It’d only make things more embarrassing.”

Jimin’s mouth falls open, “You’re being ridiculous.”

“Jimin, you don’t understand.”

“Then explain it to me because neither of you are making any sense.”

Yoongi groans, knowing that Jimin isn’t going to simply drop the subject. As if to confirm this, Jimin fixes him with a stare and crosses his arms, waiting for a proper explanation.

“I don’t want to say anything because I don’t want to deal with the rejection,” Jimin’s mouth parts and Yoongi quickly cuts him off, “and I don’t know if I can deal with fucking up again.”

Jimin’s stare softens, “But why are you going to mess up?”

Yoongi shrugs and glances away briefly, “I’m not good at any of this and I’ve disappointed a lot of people, I always do. No one’s going to guarantee that everything is going to be ok with Y/n, what if she realizes she doesn’t like who I am? She’s already avoiding me and I don’t want to make things even worse by putting this weird pressure on her,” Yoongi heaves a sigh and adds, “I want her back Jimin and if there’s any chance that she doesn’t feel the same then she’s not going to come back if I tell her how I feel.”

Yoongi is scared and Jimin doesn’t know how to make that go away because that’s something that depends solely on Yoongi.

“Hyung, you clearly care about her and you’re an idiot if you’re going to let her go just like that. She likes you enough already, the only reason you’re scared is because you think you aren’t good enough. Do you have any idea how frustrating that is for your friends?” Jimin stands up from his chair and stalks into the coffee shop with Jungkook. This leaves Yoongi alone with a deep set frown on his face. He’s annoyed, embarrassed, and most of all he’s scared because this time he feels he has more to lose and that makes all the difference.

Jungkook feels like a child sometimes, unable to give input or offer much other than a set of downcast eyes and a frown. It’s not because he doesn’t have much to say, he says too much sometimes. Jimin knows this and so does Taehyung, despite having only met the latter a few months ago. He’d never taken so well to a stranger before, but Taehyung was much like gum, sticky and sweet, leaving a sugary aftertaste in his mouth. He liked being around the older boy and found him quite easy to talk to. Yet, despite the ease of their friendship and the relationships with Jin, Namjoon, and Yoongi, he still feels lacking. He envies that Namjoon is wise, despite often seeming childish and graceless. He wishes he were like Jin who was kind and nurturing, the type of person who just made you unravel at the edges with a look as if laying you bare.

He wishes he was like Yoongi, experienced and street smart, careful with his feelings and the love he extends for those. Yet he lacks all of that and he feels his shortcomings most when he hears the advice that Jimin gives Yoongi. He doesn’t have much to offer other than a soft smile or a sorry look and he hates it because he wants to tell his friend that everything is going to be ok. He wants to tell Yoongi that he’s good enough and worth it all. That perhaps he shouldn’t be afraid of breaking things with his own hands because Jungkook knows Yoongi and while maybe once he was careless, this is different.

Jungkook doesn’t know if Yoongi’s in love, but he knows when two people should try because he’s never seen someone light up like Yoongi does at the sight of her. Even if he always tries to hide his smile with an awkward lopsided grin. He’s never seen someone look at Yoongi the way Y/n does as if she’s fascinated with him, trying to take him apart and memorize every detail.

But he doesn’t know where to begin and he hates it because he might be out of line to even try and comment. The thought makes him bitter and he knows if Jin were here he’d ruffle his hair, tell him not to get worked up and that Yoongi really will be fine.

Jungkook huffs, thinking of what he should do, what he wants to do, and what the hell he’s craving right now when he steps into the crowded little coffee shop. He considers turning tail and dashing back out into the cold with Jimin and Yoongi, but when he spots the two sitting at a table, scowl across Yoongi’s face he decides maybe he’ll wait in line. He quickly decides on a vanilla latte for Yoongi and cinnamon hot cocoa for Jimin, they look like they could use something sweet.

After several minutes or so Jungkook shuffles further with the line, reaching the glass case of cookies, cakes, and sandwiches. He knows better than to ruin his appetite before they eat pizza, but he still surveys the options entranced by the festive pastry decorations. He almost loses his spot, but someone calls him forward and as he steps closer, he hears a familiar voice. It’s Hoseok, he’s sure and when he turns his head he finds the older boy standing by the ‘pick-up’ bar in a black coat. Beside him is Y/n, a frown on her face and a scarf wrapped around her tinging face. The way Hoseok is looking at her is enough to tell Jungkook that whatever it is they’re talking about isn’t exactly pleasant, Hoseok looks concerned, brows knitted in the middle as she talks without pause, but Jungkook can’t make out what she’s saying.

“Good evening! What can I get you?” The cheery voice of the cashier draws Jungkook’s attention back to the front and he stumbles over his order, specifying for extra cinnamon sprinkled on Jimin’s drink.

Once he’s made his order Jungkook moves away. He doesn’t know if he should walk over and say hello, especially with the way they’re talking, so he lingers behind hoping they don’t see him. Someone steps in front of him, blocking Hoseok and Y/n from view, but the crowdedness of the shop pushes him closer and Jungkook turns his head, keeping gaze away from them. The last thing he wants is to be caught creeping behind them.

So he pulls out his phone, trying to scroll through his Instagram feed, anything to keep his head down and his eyes low.

It’s working for the most part until he hears Y/n voice above the soft chatter and he stills, trying to keep his head down.

“Hobi, I don’t know how to tell him…I’ve already waited too long.”

Hoseok clicks his tongue and his voice is scornful at the edges, “But why did you wait? What made you think that was okay? You’re friends and Yoongi cares about you. He would’ve been understanding.”

There’s a small span of silence and Jungkook thinks they’ve left, but then he hears the frailty in Y/n’s voice as she replies, “You don’t think I feel bad, Hoseok? I feel like crap about it, but there’s no point in telling when all he ever saw in me was a friend. I mean have you heard the things he talks about on his radio show? He wants nothing to do with relationships or anything of the sort. The things he’s confided in me…I feel like I took advantage of him.”

Hoseok sighs through his nose, “You don’t know how he feels though, it might be different.”

Y/n shakes her head, “Hoseok…”

“Salted caramel latte for Hoseok and vanilla latte for Y/n!”

Hoseok disappears for a moment and when he comes back he pushes the burning cup into Y/n’s hands. He looks upset, but it’s not anger. It’s more like the cool burn of disappointment, something Jungkook never thought he’d see in Hoseok’s gaze, especially aimed at Y/n.

She opens her mouth, but closes it quickly when Hoseok looks away.

“You know I love you Y/n, you’re like a sister, but you’re wrong to not to tell him who you are and how you feel. You’re hurting him by keeping this to yourself. You know it and the worst part is you’re not even choosing to fix this. You’re just acting like this can be solved by cutting him out of your life. That’s going to hurt both of you.”

“Hoseok…I…” Y/n starts, but she’s at a loss for words still.

“By you doing this, you’re proving him right about the people he doesn’t trust. You’ve done the very thing you weren’t supposed to.”

Jungkook feels sorry, but at the same time he knows that look. He’s been on the end of that disappointed stare when he’s made stupid choices. It’s the same stare that Jin has given him and he knows it isn’t out of anger or hatred, but it’s out of tough love. Whatever Y/n has done, isn’t right and when Y/n nods, unwilling to fight back or argue, Jungkook can tell she understands that whatever she’s done, she’s truly sorry for.

“I need to fix this…” Y/n mumbles out and Hoseok sighs.

“Come on, let’s go. You need to figure out how to make this right,” Hoseok remarks and his arm is tentative as it wraps around her shoulder. They shuffle out of the shop together leaving Jungkook with his thought because he can’t quite begin to process the information that’s been dropped on him.

One thing is clear, Y/n feels the same way about Yoongi and while that makes him feel relieved, there’s a tightening the pit of his stomach because there’s something that Y/n isn’t telling him, something that might ruin things for them.

“Cinnamon hot chocolate, vanilla latte, and a caramel macchiato for Jungkook?” There’s a girl leaning over the counter holding his to go carrier and Jungkook offers a shy smile as he takes the drinks from her and utters a small thanks. He’s sure the girl might’ve been trying to flirt with him, but he’s too preoccupied in his thoughts and wondering if there’s a chance that Yoongi had seen Y/n on her way out, but that’s not the case because he almost runs into Jimin on his way out.

“What happened?” Jungkook’s wide eyes peek over Jimin to see Yoongi sitting at a table, a troubled expression on his face.

Jimin shakes his head, “He’s being stubborn. I know he has a hard time confiding in us, but sometimes I think he has a harder time being sincere with himself.”

He holds the door open for Jungkook and the younger walks out, handing Jimin his drink on his way out. When he finds Yoongi he hands him his drink as well and Yoongi utters a small ‘thanks’. Jungkook wants to mention seeing Y/n, but judging from the look on Yoongi’s face it might be best that he doesn’t know.

“Let’s get going yeah? I have to work later and you know how that always is. I’m going to be getting a lot of sappy calls today.” Yoongi mentions in a gruff voice.

It’s then that Jungkook’s mouth falls open and he wonders about Y/n and Caller 9.

“...you’re wrong to not to tell him who you are and how you feel...”

It sounds farfetched, but Jungkook is tempted to ask if Yoongi has ever considered that the girls aren’t two different people, but one.

The next two days pass easily and in a blur. Rina packs for her weekend trip and Y/n focuses on the rest of her exams. When Rina leaves on Thursday evening she insists that Y/n go out or invite people over and Y/n does go out. She has lunch with friends here and there, attends some study groups and makes the occasional coffee run. When Friday rolls around, the afternoon after exams is spent vegging out with a pint of ice cream, although Y/n will never say that out loud.

On Saturday, she planned to spend the day finishing the last of her art pieces, the show is the next weekend and it was considered her last day to tie up loose ends.

Y/n finds herself to be a mixture of excited and nervous, she even calls her parents asking them once more if they’ll be going. Her father isn’t around to give an answer, her mother says ‘maybe’ and surprisingly enough, this doesn’t bother Y/n as much as it normally would. Had it been a few weeks ago then perhaps she’d be upset. Yoongi’s small talk seems to have changed her for the best.

While she’d be happy to have them come, she knows they’re still mad at her choices. They’ll come around eventually though, she’s certain of that because she doesn’t plan on giving in. Y/n has found that she’s happy doing what she loves and focusing on herself.

“Are you listening?” Hyuna pokes Y/n’s side and Y/n nearly chokes on her food.

“Sorry what?”

“I said, are you sure you don’t want to come to the party?” Hyuna leans on her hand and bites down on a fry, waiting for Y/n’s answer. The other girls are keeping to themselves and out of earshot.

“I’m sure, trust me,” Y/n replies before biting into her own sandwich.

Y/n had planned to be busy all day, but she quickly realized when your friends show up on your doorstep and threaten to drag you out, your best option is to go without complaints. Y/n is glad she came out, she really is, but her mind has been wandering too much and Hyuna definitely notices.

“There might be someone cute for you, you never know! I heard Jaebum was going too. He’s handsome, don’t you think?” Hyuna waggles her brows and Y/n fights back a laugh. It’s not that Hyuna’s boy crazy, she’s far from it. It’s more like Hyuna wants to see her friends end up with their own versions of prince charming. She wants to see them happy and Y/n’s case of perpetual single-ness made her Hyuna’s main concern more often than not.

“Oh really? Well then I’m definitely not going.”

The blonde pouts, “Fine, don’t go, but you’re missing out.” Her comment does little to convince Y/n of the mischief she might miss out on.

Hyuna turns back briefly to Jiyoon who is talking animatedly to Irene about their outfits and how the night’s going to turn out. Y/n doesn’t mind their chatter, she’s more worried about finishing all her work on time and it becomes obvious when she reaches for her bag for what seems like the fiftieth time that afternoon.

Hyuna immediately notices when Y/n grabs her clutch and tries to check her phone, but the small bag is easily swiped form her hands.

“Nuh-uh, you’ve been way too spacey today, focus on your friends for a bit longer and then we’ll drop you off.”

Y/n rolls her eyes and agrees, forgetting about her bag if only for the moment and Hyuna doesn’t mention it when she feels the phone go off several times in the bag.

The rest of the afternoon is spent with them, gossiping and driving around until it’s time for Y/n to get dropped off at the school. She swears she’s not going to stay too long, but it turns out to be inevitable when after an hour the sun starts to dim and the sky goes from blue to indigo.

Y/n draws her chin in tight, feeling the cold seep in through the layers of her parka and sweater. She’d overdone it by staying until she was the last person inside besides the janitor. Rina would’ve insisted she go out with Jiyoon and Hyuna to Irene’s party. Everyone she knew was going to be there and they had all been pretty insistent that she go, but if she had to be honest she didn’t think drinking and staying up all night was going to help her mood much. Staying at school to finish work might’ve been the nerdy thing to do, but at least she occupied her mind and felt better about the upcoming art show.

Maybe this was a sign she was starting to get old?

“Have a good evening miss,” the janitor bids her a goodbye and Y/n smiles as she continues walking down the wet sidewalk. She only has some sneakers on and she was really starting to regret having left her home without proper boots.

She begins considering calling a taxi instead of walking, it’s not like she’d be going out anyway so she has the money to spare. Y/n blows out a soft sigh, forming a cloud of fog in front of her and reaches into the pocket of her coat, only to grab a fist full of fabric.

“…the hell?” She murmurs out loud and this time pulls her bag close, hand rummaging into the depths of it. She can feel the leather casing of her glasses, her pencil bag, her notebook, spare receipts, but she has yet to feel the small bag that holds her keys, phone and wallet safe.

With her heart pounding in her throat she begins to pull out her things and clutches everything in one arm while viciously shaking the bag in the other. Her wallet, phone and keys are nowhere to be found.

“But where?” She grumbles out loud and her thoughts run through the day, from what she’d done first to the moment she’d taken the bag out. Her first thought was that she left everything inside the art room, but as she turned around and rushed up the stairs Y/n remembers Hyuna taking out the small clutch where she kept her things.

It’d been after their early dinner, when Hyuna had caught her texting Yoongi back. She’d waited for Y/n to put the phone away and snatched the clutch from her lap, claiming Y/n needed to pay attention to her friends more often. Hyuna had kept it and now Y/n didn’t even have the spare change to call her on a payphone and ask for it back.

“God damn it…” she whined out and dropped to sit on the cold stairs. To top things off, Rina was already gone, there wasn’t a spare key and she hadn’t even bothered to write the landlord’s number down. Normally she’d call Hoseok in this type of situation, but her blood turned cold when she remembered he was out of town for his showcase. He wasn’t going to be able to help her.

Feeling the burn behind her eyes she takes in a shaky breath and bites down on her lower lip. She knows this isn’t as bad as she feels it is, she can call Taehyung. He would come if she asked and everything would be okay, but lately she’s felt things falling apart ever so slowly all because she was being stubborn and insecure. The build up of stress has finally snapped her last thread of patience and she buries her face in her hands, willing herself to calm down because really, could she get anymore pathetic?

“Y/n?”

Y/n freezes in her spot and when she pulls her hands down she finds her face centimeters from Yoongi’s. He’s squatting in front of her, eyebrows raised as he tries to make out her features in the dim yellow lighting. He pulls back slightly, letting the light hit her face, revealing her glassy looking eyes. His brows furrow and he looks panicked for a second at the look of distraught on her face, but she blinks it away and wipes at her eyes.

“Um…hi?” Her eyes trail over his face and then to the top of his head. His peach hair no longer there, but instead a shimmery bleach blonde. He looks good, really good.

“You ok?” Yoongi remains crouched down low. She can smell his spiced cologne from where she sits, it’s warm and comforting, despite the chill of the winter air.

“Not really…” she huffs out, “I lost my things, I’m locked out of my apartment, and Rina is with her boyfriend for the weekend. I have no keys to get in.”

She feels her face burn under his watchful gaze, but she can’t bring herself to meet his eyes. Y/n had forgotten how striking he was up close and having him this near makes her feel dizzyingly short of breath.

“You lost everything?” Yoongi’s brows raise.

“My wallet, my phone, and my keys.”

“How the hell do you do that?”

“I don’t know! I keep my stuff in a bag in case my art supplies stain my wallet or phone,” an amuses smile splits across his face, but she continues, “It’s happened before, but this time Hyuna took my clutch and forgot to give it back. Alright? That’s how things like this happen, that’s how I messed everything up,” she huffs out and Yoongi stares back with a lopsided smirk on his face.

“Is this funny to you?” She narrows her eyes at him, all embarrassment gone. Y/n is irritated, blood simmering underneath her skin and yet, every time she looks at Yoongi her heart skips a beat. It’s the strangest combination ever.

She wants to hit him and kiss the stupid grin off his face all at the same time. The thought makes her ears burn.

“Yeah, this is actually…” Yoongi nods and stands up, his peppered coat fluttering around him, “It’s satisfying in a very spiteful way.”

Y/n scowls and hauls her bag over her shoulder, “I deserve this, now if you’ll excuse I have to find a way home.”

Yoongi snorts and watches as she begins to move away, but he catches up to her easily and grabs her hand, fingers slipping around her cold ones.

“Wait, don’t get so mad alright? I haven’t seen you in weeks. You can’t blame me for wanting to get under your skin,” Yoongi slips his hand out of hers, afraid that he’s crossed a line and he pulls his phone out of his pocket.

“Call them, ask them to bring your phone back,” Yoongi hands it to her and it feels heavy in her hands. The last time she’d held it, she’d found out who he was, but Yoongi doesn’t know that so he just looks at her expectantly.

“Thank you…” she mumbles quietly and dials Hyuna’s number. If she’s lucky she’ll catch them before the girls run off to their party, but as it rings and rings, she begins to think that it might be too late. It’s confirmed when she gets Hyuna’s voicemail.

“You want to try Hoseok maybe?” Yoongi asks.

“He’s away this weekend, but I can try Tae,” Y/n replies and begins to dial Taehyung’s number. He answers quickly and relief washes over Y/n’s face as she steps a few feet away to talk to him.

Yoongi takes this chance to survey her. She doesn’t look much different from before, but at the same time she’s changed. He’s not sure if it’s her or him, but suddenly he’s hyper aware of all the little details. He’s aware of how soft her skin looks, of the way she bites down on her plump lower lip, her hands and how they feel in his, the slope of her nose, and even the small growl in her voice when she’s annoyed with him. It knots his stomach and warms his skin.

In watching her he also remembers what Jungkook said. He recalls what the younger male asked and how Yoongi couldn’t understand how Jungkook even came to such a conclusion. So now he’s watching her talk to Taehyung over the phone and wondering who she really is. Is there something in he hasn’t noticed?

“Ok, bye,” her voice chirps as she comes close again and hands the phone over to Yoongi.

“Is he coming to get you?” Yoongi asks, palming the phone in his hand and dropping into his deep pocket.

“He’s at the movies with Jungkook. I don’t want to bother him so I told him I’d wait.” Y/n adjusts the weight of the bag on her shoulder.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going to wait? You realize it’s freezing and your hands feel like ice,” Yoongi frowns and she shrugs trying to act nonchalant.

“I’ll go to the coffee shop and pretend to read a book or something. I don’t know. It’s not that big of a deal.”

Yoongi scoffs, “You’re being ridiculous. Stay at my place until Taehyung comes.”

Y/n squeaks out a high pitched, “What?!”

“Relax, I’m not asking you to stay the night. Stay until Taehyung comes, it’s close to your place anyway. He can get you on his way home.” Yoongi stuffs his hands in his pockets and his gaze shifts away from her face. He’s looks bashful and Y/n finds a flutter climbing it’s way up into her chest.

“Yoongi…you don’t have to do that. Besides I don’t want to be a bother,” Y/n shakes her head.

“You’re not going to be a bother, brat. Besides it’s better than sitting at a coffee shop until closing and the coffee at my place is free.”

Y/n finds a smile spreading across her face, “Yoongi, seriously?”

“Yes seriously, you think I invite any regular person over?” Yoongi scoffs.

“Oh? Then I feel quite honored.”

Yoongi smirks, “You should, you’ve been a crappy friend lately and I’m still offering to let you into the comfort of my home.”

Y/n colors at this and stutters out a nervous, “Yoongi..” Yoongi stills and watches her carefully, “I’m sorry…”

Yoongi’s heart tumbles beneath his sternum and his throat tightens, but it isn’t uncomfortable. It’s exciting, like there’s a buzz in the air and his lungs need more of it.

“You can explain it to me later. Let’s go, ok? It’s cold and your hands are going to fall off if we keep dawdling.”

Y/n nods and follows him, feeling slightly lighter. She wants to work up the courage to tell him everything and set it right. Even if she’s terrified of the outcome.

The entire ride to Yoongi’s apartment is filled with muffled noise, mainly that of the radio playing a mix of pop, indie, and hip hop. Yoongi doesn’t turn it up or put it down too low. It’s enough for them to talk over it, even if they’re both too nervous to speak. It is one thing to be out in the open and another to be in the small space of a car. There’s nowhere to run if one of them says the wrong thing, so instead they remain quiet. Occasionally Yoongi will rap the lyrics of a song under his breath or Y/n will hum the tune playing.

Yoongi likes hearing her and he wishes he’d done this before. He should’ve stolen her away long ago and taken her on long drives just to hear her hum, to talk, and to simply sit side by side.

Maybe it’d be different then, even if it’d only be as friends. Just as long as he can be close.

“You look tired,” Yoongi’s voice finally breaks the static between them and Y/n turns her head. Yoongi’s eyes are trained on the road and she can see the clench of his jaw, making the side of his profile look sharper. His skin is still as pale as ever, but there’s a tired wash over it and his gaze is distant, like his mind is elsewhere.

“You do too,” she replies quietly and fiddles with her hands in her lap. They’re veering off the road and into a parking lot, lit by the warm glow of street lights.

Yoongi shrugs, “Are you ok?”

Y/n shivers in her seat despite how warm it is and how the heat clings to her making her deliciously tired. She could lie and say she’s just fine, keeping him at a distance and ending the conversation right there. The car slows to a stop in front of what she assumes is his apartment complex and when the car switches off he turns his gaze on her. Y/n chances a look at him. He’s watching her carefully and she can already hear him chiding for her being a terrible liar.

“Are you?”

Yoongi snorts knowing well that she’s avoiding his question. Y/n waits for him to say he’s fine or busy with exams, but he doesn’t. Instead her stomach rolls when he replies with a sincere, “Not really. I’ve been better.”

She follows it with her own honest, “Me too.”

Yoongi watches her for a moment, wanting to say something, comfort her. He’s even tempted to admit he missed her, instead he grabs her bag for her, hoists it into his lap and says, “Come on, let’s go inside.”

Y/n is a little surprised by the action and nods. She follows after him, shutting the car door and walks beside him in silence. Yoongi’s apartment is on the third floor, it’s not too far up so they’re quiet walk is short and filled with the shuffle of their movements. Yoongi fumbles with his key and when the door opens he walks inside flicking on a light. She walks in, lingering in the doorway and her eyes darting around to take in everything.

“Make yourself at home,” Yoongi comments as the door clicks shut, toes off his shoes, and walks further into the warm room. Y/n follows behind slowly and cringes at the bright lights that flick on. Yoongi is already unraveling his scarf from around his neck and slipping out of his jacket. To the right is the living room, it’s a small space with a small couch where one person could probably sprawl out comfortably and a loveseat for guests. There’s also a coffee table littered with open books, notes, his digital camera is out along with several prints, and what she assumes might be a cold cup of coffee.

To the left of the living room is a hallway that leads to what she can imagine is his bedroom and bathroom. His kitchen is to her left, it’s a small comfortable space as well, it’d probably be crowded with four people there, but it’s enough for Yoongi to move around without hassle. The dining room is a small space at the end of the living space and to the right of it is a glass door where she assumes is a small balcony or porch area.

It’s much neater than she expected and at the same time a little messy. It looks lived in and homey. She can tell he’s been studying, possibly making rushed meals for himself and sitting back to watch a little TV when free. There’s a soft throw laid out haphazardly on the couch and she can already picture him beneath the covers, in between dozing off and fighting to stay awake.

“Are you going to stand there all night?” Yoongi asks as he lingers in the entrance of his small kitchen.

“No…” her voice is childishly pouty.

“Well move…” Yoongi replies, a lopsided grin on his face. He ducks into the kitchen where he begins to rummage around, pulling things out and setting them on the countertop.

“I’m going…” she replies and follows suit, toeing off her own shoes and jacket. Yoongi has already left her bag on the back of a chair.

“Clearly you’re one of the best hosts ever,” Y/n shoots at him.

“I am and if you don’t appreciate it you can sit out front until Taehyung is done with his date.

“You wouldn’t dare, you offered to let me stay here.”

“And I can take it back, so play nice.” Yoongi walks around the kitchen counter dividing it from the living room and stops in front of her, two mugs in his hands, “Here.”

Y/n is surprised when a coffee mug is pressed into her hands and she almost pulls away.

“What is it too hot?” Yoongi looks at her hands carefully.

“No. It’s fine.”

Yoongi raises a brow, “Don’t tell me you have something against hot chocolate.”

Y/n’s lips spread out into a grin and she fights back a giggle, “No, I love it, thank you.”

“Good now sit down you’re making me nervous.” Yoongi moves across the room and sits at the far end of the couch leaving her on the other. He flicks on the TV to some random program although Y/n is certain she’s not going to watch as she lowers herself to sit down she presses her body against the opposite end, careful not to touch him or invade his personal space. The fact Yoongi seems completely at ease only makes her feel awkward.

It’s after a stifled fifteen minutes or so that Yoongi looks at her and asks, “What were you doing at school anyway?”

“I was finishing my art pieces,” she speaks into her mug as she sips the creamy drink and lets it warm her insides all the way down to her toes.

“Did you finish?”

Y/n nods and chances a look over at him, he’s sipping on his hot chocolate as well. She finds it endearing when she sees his pink tongue dart out to wipe the chocolate mustache on his upper lip.

“I did. I’m proud of it and I kind of can’t wait for everyone to see them.”

“You should be.”

Y/n aims her body towards Yoongi this time and pulls her knees in close, her feet on the couch seat. Yoongi notices, but doesn’t complain. He just gives her small smile and angles his body towards hers as well.

“What were you doing?” She finally asks.

“Using the studio to take the last shot for the competition. The last theme is free so I had to come up with my own definition of happiness. I chose myself as the subject.” A hand comes up to rub at his neck awkwardly. He doesn’t seem to ever discuss his work often, Y/n can tell because he’s careful about giving too many details, he’s afraid of boring her and being judged for his fascination with capturing moments. Which she thinks is rather unfair because no one should ever be shunned for talking about the things they love.

“For what it’s worth, I think you’re great at what you do.”

Yoongi’s ears turn pink and he sticks his face in his mug. He’s definitely shier than she’d ever anticipated. When he puts his mug down he utters a quiet ‘thank you’ and he can’t meet her eyes.

“Why are you so far anyway?” Yoongi narrows his eyes at her, making her shift uncomfortably in her spot.

“Because…”

“We’re friends…you don’t have to act weird you know that. Even if you’ve been acting weird for like the past few weeks.”

Y/n feels her pulse speed up at this and her breaths start coming out shorter. She has to tell him, it’s now or never.

“You never even explained to me what was going on.”

“Yoongi…the thing is…” Y/n starts, but the words falter in her mouth when Yoongi continues.

“I’m sorry if I made things uncomfortable before ok? I realized after, it might’ve seemed like I was acting strange. You’re a good friend and I want to stay friends. I like being around you,” Yoongi looks away for a bit, “Probably more than I should, considering you’re an obnoxious brat, but you know…you’ve grown on me.”

There’s a strange mélange of happiness and disappointment swirling around in the pit of her stomach. Yoongi’s admitted to wanting to keep her around, but as a friend. It’s not what she wants to hear and again the fear of speaking up is creeping up on her. What good would it be to talk about it now?

“Yoongi that’s the thing…it’s not you…I have to tell you something—I’m”

The ring of a phone sounds over them and Y/n shuts her mouth. Yoongi stretches over the edge of his couch to pick up his phone off the coffee table. From where Y/n can see the caller id tells him it’s his parents and Yoongi’s face blanches. He’s not expecting this because the last time he talked about it, they were upset with him. He’d been losing sleep over how to talk to his parents and reason with them. However, Y/n isn’t supposed to know any of that so she doesn’t move to comfort Yoongi she only smiles weakly and says, “You should get that.”

“Yeah,” he swallows thickly and swipes the phone off the coffee table before disappearing into his room. He can’t quite focus on what he’s saying, he’s thinking about his blatant lie to remain friends and he’s trying to stay calm when he answers with a tentative, “Hey.”

Yoongi doesn’t know if he’s made a bigger mess of the issue at hand.

When Y/n opens her eyes she feels a heavy weight draped over her shoulders. She’s warmer than she expected and when she looks around the dim room she realizes she isn’t home. The TV is still on, playing some unnamed movie and there’s a large throw over her.

Yoongi is beside her, his arm loosely thrown around her and her face nestled into his side. It’s a sickeningly sweet cliché, but now she knows why all the books and movies stick this type of scene in between.

Y/n doesn’t think she’s ever felt so safe and warm. Hoseok is cuddly and affectionate, he’s the kind of person who likes to hug and kiss, but it never feels like this. It doesn’t make her skin tingle and warmth pool into the crevices of her body or make her legs feel like jelly.

Y/n shifts against him and pulls away, afraid that he might panic or feel weird about waking up like that, so she moves and the movement rouses him from his sleep.

“Shit…”

“Good morning,” she teases and Yoongi rubs at his sleep swollen eyes.

“Ugh, what time is it?” He grumbles out. Y/n isn’t too surprised to find out he’s a bit of a grump when he wakes up.

“Like two maybe? Taehyung said he they might go out to eat and then he’d be dropping off Kookie. He should he here soon.”

Yoongi nods and turns to look at Y/n. Her cheeks are rosy from sleep and her hair is tousled, but he likes it anyway.

“What?” She quirks a brow and Yoongi grins.

“You look like a child.”

“Shut up, so do you! ” She kicks at him, but he catches her foot easily.

“Says the brat who clearly has no concept of what personal space is,” Yoongi aims a smug look at her and her jaw slackens.

“As if! That was a mistake and I was cold.”

“I gave you a blanket.” Yoongi deadpans.

Y/n doesn’t know what to say and shakes her head. “Whatever.”

Yoongi snickers at her and stands, stretching his back out. Y/n may or may not have eyed him up and down, but she’d never admit it though. She’ll just pretend she’s busy with the pattern on the comfortable throw.

“I didn’t think you’d be asleep when I got off the phone…”

“I didn’t either, but I’m sure it was important. Don’t worry about it.”

“I’ll be back in a bit ok? I’m going to go change, sleeping in jeans isn’t exactly fun.” Yoongi comments and disappears into the hall leading to his room. Y/n watches him leave and takes a moment to sort through her thoughts. She needs to tell Yoongi about everything. She needs to come clean before it’s too late.

The room is starting to feel too warm for her and she kicks the blanket off. The photos, text books, and notes are still scattered across the coffee table. Feeling daring, Y/n’s fingers skim across the papers taking in the sight of scattered notes, Yoongi’s sharp scrawl littered across the pages haphazardly. He’s down to his last exams like her and the thought makes her happy for him, he’ll finally get the rest he deserves. Her fingers dance across the surface to the far edge, but instead of skipping over the sheet she sends a card flying across the floor. Y/n doesn’t waste time in picking the sheet up, but as she lifts it, she doesn’t miss the glossy sheen or the almost rubbery coating of the paper. It’s not a card, but a photo. She sits back down leaning against the couch.

It takes her a moment to pick out the details, but she recognizes the first photo as one of Taehyung, taken the day of their early holiday outing. He’s crouching in front of the woman, holding the food out to her. The lights in the background have faded into a glowing bokeh effect and the most bewitching part is not the glittering lights, but the look on their faces as Taehyung holds the gift out to the woman and the woman stares at Taehyung in lucid admiration, eyes shining.

Feeling curious she looks at the pile of photos turned face down. Y/n knows that perhaps she shouldn’t be looking, but Yoongi is still in his room and she figures a small peek wouldn’t hurt. She gathers the pictures in her hands and slowly begins to thumb through them. There’s more photos of their outing than she thought. She finds several shots of Namjoon and Jungkook at the ice skating rink, a couple of Jimin and Taehyung clinging to each other with ear splitting grins. There’s one of Hoseok and Jin, both boys stuffing their faces with fried snacks and she can’t help, but giggle at the blissful look on Jin’s face or Hoseok’s crescent shaped eyes.

The rest of the pictures are similar candid shots, some of them are close up shots of the decorations, food, and the buildings. Looking at the pictures she feels guilt churn her stomach. If she hadn’t been so nervous and irate she could’ve enjoyed herself more.

With a small sigh she finally flips to the last pictures and finds them to be of herself and she feels her skin warm.

“You know those pictures would’ve turned out better if you hadn’t spent the whole evening in such a bad mood,” Yoongi’s voice sounds in her ear and she snaps her head in his direction, immediately regretting the action when she feels the clumsy graze of skin against her cheek and nose.

Yoongi hadn’t meant to startle her, he’d walked in to find her thumbing through the pictures and watched in her silence, smiling fondly at the shots from their outing weeks ago. It’s when she stops on the pictures of herself and frowns that he decides to tease her, leaning close enough to feel the heat radiating off her body and catch the clean and light flowery scent of perfume mixed with something powdery.

He feels a pull, as if wanting to sink into the crook of her neck, but once he realizes he’s lingered beside her too long he speaks up.

Yoongi expects her to gasp or reel back, a snarky reply on her lips, but she turns her head far too quick and he realizes how close he is. He can count the lashes on her lids, he spots a mole he’d never seen before, and he can see the dark blown out pupil of her eyes.

It’s much too easy to slip forward those last centimeters and press his mouth to hers, to feel her unravel under him and reach around to feel her cheek underneath the burning palm of his hand.

He needs to.

And he swears there’s a voice egging him on because she has yet to move or breathe for that matter, as if she’s waiting for him to simply press his lips against hers. It’s like holding a gun with a finger around the trigger.

So he slips forward, his bangs brushing against hers as he presses their foreheads together, heat bleeding through their skin. She tilts her head ever so slightly and Yoongi feels his skin burn when he realizes she’s letting this happen. Maybe she wants this too. His nose bumps against hers as he settles further against the couch and his eyes flutter shut. He can taste her on his lips, but he doesn’t kiss her just yet. Instead his face slips and he nuzzles the side of her face, leaving a burning trail wherever his skin grazes hers.

He dips until his lips are tickling the skin of her neck, but he doesn’t kiss, doesn’t leave a mark, just feels her underneath his lips. He’s listening to the hitch in her breath, savoring the warmth that pulls him in, and trying to decipher if the thundering pounding in his ears, is his heart or hers.

“Yoongi?” her voice is small, raspy, and it sends a shiver down the line of his spine.

He drags his face back up, cheek pressed against hers and he shakily pulls back to survey her expression, cheeks flushed, lips parted, and eyes dark.

“Can I?” his voice is low and rough, as if his vocal chords have been pulled tight from the need that’s quivering in his body.

Y/n’s lips part for just a moment, he can already hear the yes on the tip of her tongue, but he waits for it come. He wants to know she wants this as much as he does. He drags a hand, threads it through her hair, and waits for it.

“Yoongi… I—”

There’s a sharp knocking at the door and he reels back, stomach plummeting and a shaky breath passing through his lips.  He feels like someone’s just doused him with cold water, but his hands are burning, as well as the skin of his cheek and lips.

“I-I think that’s Taehyung,” Y/n mumbles out, eyes wide and face bright red.

He leans casually against the arm of his couch, acting like everything is ok, but his head is spinning so fast he thinks he might just topple over. Or implode, that sounds like a possibility with the way he’s feeling right now.

“Yeah ok…” Yoongi clears his throat and moves to answer the door. Y/n meanwhile, untucks her legs from underneath her and runs into the bathroom to calm herself.

Yoongi doesn’t know what to think. Y/n never said yes, but she never stopped him. He doesn’t know what she’s thinking and the way she’s acting could mean two things, either she’s a mess because she wanted this too or Yoongi’s ruined things beyond repair.

Yoongi pulls the door open to find Taehyung leaning against the the frame, a suggestive smile on his face and his brows are high.

“I’m going to kill you…” Yoongi hisses out

Taehyung’s mouth falls open, “Wait what?”

“Nothing…just never mind…Y/n is in the bathroom.”

Taehyung’s mouth falls open, “Wait did I just…?”

“Nothing. Nothing happened.”

Taehyung colors, “Well…this is awkward.”

Yoongi raises a brow, “You think?”

Y/n appears from around the corner, her face isn’t as flushed as it was a moment ago, but she can’t really bring herself to look Yoongi in the face.

“Thanks for everything,” she smiles weakly and crosses the room to gather her things. Yoongi doesn’t know if he should keep his distance or help her gather her belongings so he nods and watches her rush.

“It’s no problem.” He replies, voice sullen and eyes trained elsewhere.

Before leaving she quickly throws an arm around him and speaks into his shirt, voice muffled, “We really need to talk Yoongi. Can we talk later? Maybe after finals?”

Yoongi feels his blood run cold when she pulls back and meets his eyes. “Yeah, sure…is it about…this?”

“I can’t tell you now, but we’ll talk ok?”

The way she looks at him makes Yoongi’s heart jump  and he feels the color drain from his face. He doesn’t miss the uncomfortable look Taehyung shoots him as he says goodbye and walks out the door with Y/n.

Yoongi doesn’t know what to think, but he feels sick and like he’s ruined any shot he might’ve had, be it her friendship or a relationship.

He doesn’t get much sleep that night, he’s too busy tossing and turning. He’s trying to shake the memory from his mind, telling himself to forget about her and tell her he’d made a mistake.

He doesn’t want her taking the words right out if his mouth.

It’s cowardly, he knows, but he doesn’t want to deal with this much longer. He’s afraid of being let down once more.

The next morning Yoongi is woken by the sound of a text message, one from Namjoon. He wants to go gift shopping and wants Yoongi to come with. He’s about to type out a quick reply, telling him not today, but there’s a knocking at the door and Yoongi curses out loud. Leave it to Namjoon to show up uninvited.

After crawling out of bed and throwing on a shirt Yoongi makes his way to the door. He swings open the door, thinking it’ll be Namjoon. Instead finds himself face to face with Hyuna, her blonde hair looking perfectly tousled and a grin on her red lips. He’s always liked that she made an effort to look done up and carried herself with an enviable confidence that made heads turn. When they were dating she was always careful about her appearance. While it left him in awe of her, it often made him feel rather small at her side. When he thinks back on it, he wonders if his crippling awkwardness was the cause of their decision to go different ways.

They’d never ended off on a bad note, as a matter of fact they remained friends. He wouldn’t say they were best friends or close friends, but it was enough for them to feel at ease around each other and be happy when they caught up. He always thought Hyuna deserved someone on her own level. Two years ago, he didn’t feel up to par and it reflected in his indifference with her. His actions reflected clashing signals of being smitten and then uninterested. She didn’t deserve that and they both know it.

 “Hey.”

Yoongi blinks, still feeling the weighty sleepiness in his eyes and replies with a gravelly, “Hey.”

“Were you busy?” She leans against the door, eyes raking his ruffled form.

“Not really, just sleeping,” Yoongi ruffles his messy hair and steps aside letting her waltz right in.

“Are you hungry? I was driving by and wondering if you wanted to get something to eat? We haven’t really caught up in a while and I thought it’d be something nice,” Hyuna’s gaze is hopeful and coquette.

It makes Yoongi swallow thickly and he shifts his weight on his feet, “Um…”

Hyuna sees his hesitance and her smile drops slightly, he can tell she doesn’t like his lack of response. She was expecting something else.

“Yoongi, do you like me?” Hyuna asks bluntly and falls back to sit against the back of the couch.

The question takes him by surprise and his eyes widen, “Of course, we’re friends. I told you there weren’t any hard feelings. I fucked up…a lot and you didn’t deserve half of what I put you through. I was…in a strange place where I wasn’t comfortable with myself and I took it out on you.”

Hyuna nods, lips pursed into a thin line. She’s not mad so much as she is disappointed. “Yoongi if I told you I was interested in being more than friends and giving what we had another chance what would you say?”

The room feels too small and the air is thick, making it hard for him to swallow. His stunned silence is enough of an answer, but he knows Hyuna well enough and she wants to hear him say no. When they were together, she held on too long, waiting till the last moment when he cut it all down and said he was unhappy. He is aware now that he wasn’t unhappy because of her. He was unhappy with himself and in turn he became unhappy with their relationship.

“Hyuna, you know I care about you, but not like that,” Yoongi answers and looks away, finding her gaze too strong, as if she’s picking him apart and trying to fathom ‘why’.

“It’s been two years, we’ve both changed. Back then, we both messed up, we didn’t know what we were doing.  You were ignoring me and I wasn’t going about it the right way either. We apologized and we know what to do now, so why not? We didn’t even give ourselves a chance and we could now,” Hyuna is frustrated and he can understand. He’s frustrated with himself for not feeling the same, after all it’d be much easier right?

He could try and feel more for her, it’d be easy because she’s breathtaking, smart, and self-assured. It’d be like revisiting all the good memories that surrounded them, but what people also fail to realize is that nostalgia is also a dirty liar, making things seem much better than they were. That place that he knows, hasn’t changed, but he has and perhaps he doesn’t fit as well as he’d like anymore.

Yoongi could trick himself into thinking she’s everything he wanted because it’s easy to lie. It’s much harder to be honest and gather the courage to chase the things you yearn for. If he were to choose her, he’d only fall back into the pattern of half-assed feelings that will later turn into sour resentment and he doesn’t want to be that person that stains her chaste feelings.

“Hyuna, I don’t feel that way about you and you can’t force me to. I’m sorry, I wish I did, but things have changed.”

Hyuna nods and mulls over the words in her mind for a moment. She understands Yoongi, but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less. She genuinely likes him, she always has.

“Can we still be friends?” Hyuna asks and Yoongi nods, moving across the space to lean against the couch with her.

“Yeah, but let’s just give it sometime.”

It’s cruel, but looking at Hyuna, hands fisted at her sides and eyes solemn, Yoongi realizes that he needs to gather his own courage and talk to Y/n. If Hyuna was brave enough to talk to him, then he should at least be brave enough to face Y/n.

Hyuna turned her head to him and tilts it, studying his pensive face. When Yoongi meets her eyes, she blinks and her mouth parts slightly. She’s noticed something, but he doesn’t know what, so he quirks a brow.

“Yoongi what’s changed? You or is it someone else?” She doesn’t sound accusing, just genuinely curious because she’s never seen Min Yoongi looking so distraught. It’s a new sight and she can’t help the small bubble of envy. She’s not sure she’s ever been able to charm Yoongi in such a way.

“Both…I think,” Yoongi’s reply is mumbled, like he’s embarrassed to admit it. Hyuna doesn’t expect any less. They’d dated for almost a year and she’d barely gotten past his first layer. At one point she was certain he had the emotional capacity of a rock when it came to dealing with her affection. While she knows this wasn’t her fault, she feels like perhaps she wasn’t good enough to see other sides of him. Hyuna doesn’t dwell on it though and forces herself to be happy for Yoongi, he deserves to be.

“Well I hope you decide to tell her, if she’s got you feeling like this then she’s bound to be special. You need to speak up before she gets swooped up by some prince charming,” Hyuna pushes off the couch and begins to dig around in her bag.

“Yeah…I’m afraid you’re right,” Yoongi replies, he’s never heard Y/n mention other guys and the only person he knows of is Jay, but that’s over with as far as he knows. Still, the thought of someone that’s not him enthralling her, makes his stomach knot.

“Well I guess I better get going, I’ll call Jiyoon instead and have her eat with me, clearly you’re off limits,” Hyuna jokes and Yoongi offers a sorry smile. He doesn’t know what to say, but he appreciates that at least Hyuna is trying to make light of the situation.

“Can you hold this for a second?” Hyuna asks distractedly and hands a phone over to Yoongi, but he doesn’t recognize it as Hyuna’s.

“Is this yours?” Yoongi quirks a brow.

Hyuna looks up and fishes out her own slim white phone, “No it’s Y/n's . She left it in Jiyoon’s car last night, but we forgot to give it back with all her things. I’m going to drop it off right now.”

Hyuna makes her way to the door, already dialing Jiyoon and Yoongi follows with Y/n’s phone in hand. He doesn’t know why he does it, maybe it’s a habit. Maybe he’s just curious about her lock screen, but he slides his thumb over the dip of the home button and presses it gently, lighting up the screen. What he sees though isn’t a photo background or some random wallpaper. Instead it’s a list of missed calls and two lone messages, from a sender he knows well.

Min Suga