#clownary

Ol Reign 10/10 New year, same shit. No goals, their best players injured, fucking clowns on the bottom.

Portland Thorns 8.5/10 Performing slightly better than some but they’re still clowns. Lindsey Horan and Bella Bixby cannot carry this team on their backs. Traded a keystone of their backline for a forward that has not even played.

Chicago Red Stars 20/10 They excel in not connecting passes. Aims for empty spaces. Sorry, bad Internet connection, delayed by 2 seconds. They really said we have no response for losing Sam Kerr. Julie motherfucking Ertz deserves better than this.

Sky Blue FC 10/10 We don’t know what’s happening there, but we can smell the clownery emanating from the clusterfuck. The only braincell resides with Sheridan, occasionally stolen by Midge Purce.

Houston Dash 0/10 Our only hope vs the team that will not be named. They really came to say WE WILL BE RESPECTED and we love them for it. The only team that remembered how to play the sport properly. Doing great, we love them.

Washington Spirit 6/10 Doing better than some, but Rose is doing work whilst her teammates ride her coattails.

North Carolina Courage 1/10 Performing as usual and we hate them for it. The clownery that is the commentators fawning over Honkle.Dash win the cup challenge

Utah Royals FC 7/10 ARod is trying her hardest. Tziarra is a queen for saving their asses. Christen took the only two braincells. Royals can’t be jinxed because of ARod.