#cloudlessthoughts

I feel this vibe when I see you

If I catch you glance my way,

the energy rushes through

like a thousand little drims playing on repeat

like a lightning bolt struck through me,

I can barely speak.

Each time you leave,

I keep saying it’s not true.

Each time you come back, 

I keep wishing you’d feel it too.

This silly heart of mine won’t stop fluttering for you

This silly heart of mine keeps saying, “HEY! I like you!”

My mind’s a mess of tangled thoughts of what ifs 

My mind’s a clutter of scenarios that won’t fit.

These foolish things keep running on my mind

But I know that in truth, all these things are just pretty lies

So I need to stop myself from falling for you

Because the crash is fast approaching if I don’t stop thinking of you.

You

You were standing in the middle of a crowded street when I first saw you. You could have just been another stranger Until you crossed the distance, and smiled at me. Your face caught the reflection of the late afternoon sun.. And I told myself, I could look at you forever.

Slowly, I got to know you better Every detail Every single thing that made you smile, Upset, Surprise, Even your frustrations, your soft spots.

You were this guy who had his whole life neatly arranged on rows. I was the all around, live for the moment kind. You spent everyday of your life calculating Every step you had to take And I lived for my words You told me that Albert was your first hero I admitted, Shakespeare was mine.

Looking back, I completely missed out on how entirely different our lives were How different we were from each other Is that why I lost you?

Us

There were those days when you would fill me with your stories that seemed to exceed all boundaries, There were those days when your presence was a warm blanket that securely wrapped me from all the uncertainties of the world, Embracing me when my bones were all broken from its weight.

I've always admired you for the strength that seemed to wrap around you like a second skin. I still don't understand how I lost you in the middle of it all, How from being that soothing balm that dulled every pain I had, you ended up being that nagging regret crawling on my skin, keeping me awake each night Reminding me, that people can walk away that easily Just as you did. You used to be my rock. Until you walked away and left me for someone else.

Me  

But as much as how that street sign from three years ago reminded me to be careful, Yours is the voice that tells me to slow down, Your memory a constant reminder for me to be gentle with myself, To never break my ribcage and cut my heart out open for anyone who only wants to make it their temporary home That when someone leaves me cold out there in the open, I can always wrap myself on my cape And be my own hero instead That life isn't meant to be lived in one place. That sometimes even the thought of being under the same sky, And breathing the same air, Or standing in the midst of every storm for people Won't make them stay.

You never stayed I watched you walk away that day In the middle of what could have been our defining moment together..

I lost you.

It is something which I feel need not necessarily come from a specific person as the current trend conceptualizes or stereotypes love.

For me, it is not found in a ‘significant other’ but rather, can be felt in the simplest of things and with the right people. But I also believe in the oxymoron of love. It is both simple and complicated. Rational and irrational. It is something that is hard to explain but can be explained in a lot of different ways depending on the perception of each person. Love is a very subjective thing. It is also one of the things in life that we live for and as history has taught us, die for.