#closed adoption

STEVEN!!!!!

Pop artist Ferera Swan has been musically gifted since she can remember. She started learning piano at age 3, when she was told by her piano teacher that she had perfect pitch, and by age 6, she started playing the violin as well. She was already writing instrumentals with the piano at age 10, which was when she was told that she was adopted. This was a turning point for her, as she started to turn to music, where she poured her unanswered questions and found solace in a world that had been turned upside down. Since then, she’s been classically trained on the Piano and Violin and writes music that reflect her experiences with being an adult child of closed adoption, hoping to help others find peace.

“These songs are a universal call for collective healing. Within them, I’m telling my story and speaking my truth,” shares Ferera.

Her new single, “To Say Goodbye,” is a beautifully crafted cinematic pop song, with thoughtful lyrics that showcase the emotions that an adult child of adoption can go through, like grief, pain, shame, secrecy, and family separation, it sounds like sound Kelly Clarkson meets Rachel Platton in music and vocals. “To Say Goodbye” tells this story through the music.

Listen to “To Say Goodbye” here: https://open.spotify.com/track/7y3JS60OkmUMvxFqVORX6e?si=0bc0dc5c6bf749f0

“Adoptee grief is largely misunderstood by those outside of this life experience,” shares Ferera. “We grieve our mothers, families, our roots. I believe it’s in allowing ourselves to hold grief and gratitude simultaneously—the integration of both—where we can truly discover healing.” She is a beacon of hope and healing for other adult adoptees processing an often misunderstood legacy of grief. It’s a broadly resonant journey, and it will inspire anyone who has ever fought to take back their lives and embrace their authentic selves.

There are personal reasons for a person or a couple to adopt a child. Unable to conceive a child, or just because a child deserves a better home. Adoption has been evident in society for hundreds of years. The laws surrounding adoption have evolved immensely over the past decades as there is a huge difference between wanting a child and living with the child. People usually tend to confuse adoption as a result of thought process versus reality.

When adopting a child there are two ways one can seek to go about the process:

Open adoption or a closed Adoption

Open Vs Closed adoption, what is the difference?

Open adoption is when the birth parents and the adoptive parents are into an agreement regarding the adoption of the child who is yet to be born. Sometimes couples face unwanted pregnancy, a pregnant woman who cannot abort the child and is in no condition to provide for the child may enter into such an agreement. The reasons vary why couples or women would want to give their child up to adoption. But it is due to such a decision an open adoption system is in place. For the betterment of the child, the woman moves ahead with the pregnancy and sends regular updates to the adoptive parents. Pictures of the baby bump, sonography, medical reports on how the pregnancy is faring through. There are limitations by the law for

Adoptive and birth parents- chose to go above and beyond to stay in contact with each other throughout the pregnancy 

Prospective and birth parents- they keep the contact minimal and sometimes through an attorney to see the medical reports and growth of the child during the pregnancy.

Closed Adoptions is when the birth parents and the adoptive parents are in no contact with each other. There is strict confidentiality between the two parties. Most of the time it is out of fear that the birth parents may return into the child's life and demand that child be returned to them. There is an immense emotional attachment between the parents and a child. The adoptive parents being capable and willing to love a child who isn't biologically theirs is love beyond measure. And the fear of abandonment by the child causes them to move ahead with a closed adoption process.

People also move ahead for a closed adoption process if there are high-profile people involved. Adopting a child by a famous person causes the media to look into matters and step into the personal space between the parent and the child. Hence even in such cases, famous personalities go for a closed adoption process.

What are the pros and cons of open and closed adoption?

Openness between parents and the child

A stunning statistic shows that only 5% of the total adoption process is a closed adoption. People are moving towards a more flexible adoption process. Parents prefer their children to know that they are adopted and also willing that they can keep in touch with the biological parents.

As mentioned earlier there are reasons why a mother or a couple would put a child in adoption. Through open adoption, the child will not have any questions like who are my real parents? Why do I look different from you?

The self-esteem of the child

Open adoption causes a child to manage their feelings. They know about balancing their feelings between biological and adoptive parents. A closed adoption may cause a child to suppress questions that they may have in mind. They may not learn to question and even communicate compared to open adoption children. But it is also as per the interest of the child. 

In a closed adoption pragmatically the adoptive parents put emotional, physical, and financial investment in the upbringing of the child and if in any case, the biological parents tend to get fonder of their child, matters can get complicated. This results in emotional pressure not just between the parents but also the child involved.

The dilemma of  being “given away’

Every child as seen in movies runs away to find their adoptive parents. The very famous movie Lion is portrayed by Dev Patel. It was inspired by a real-life story of Indian Biological parents and the adoptive parents. Sometimes the stroke of luck plays a part in the child's life to know about their biological parents and sometimes they are left in a dilemma that the child was unwanted and given away.

Open adoption on the other hand like the movie “Juno'' starring Ellen Page was Jennifer Garner. It is an excellent portrayal of how open adoption eases the psychological gap between parents and the child to be born.

Access to Medical History

The adoptive parents will have access to the medical history of the child and the biological parents. This information can be potentially life-saving when it comes to accidental injuries, life-threatening diseases where having the parental medical history plays an important role.

Summary

At first, many new parents consider Closed Adoption as the ultimate method of adoption. But when they meet the parents and consider that the child is also a part of their lives even if it means for some time. They should be involved with them. Since the growing importance of child care begins right from the womb, both the mothers and fathers understand the importance of having open adoption instead of a closed adoption. The trend is growing at an exponential rate where the biological mother and the adoptive mother have meditation and yoga sessions together for the benefit of the child in the womb.

However, it may seem like an easy process, everything emotional is even more difficult to deal with legally. Hence adoptive parents must not be swayed into the emotional baggage that is a part and parcel of adoption but is pragmatic in their dealing with the adoption agreements.

NFL Coach and adoptee in a closed adoption Deland McCullough’s 44-year journey to find his biological parents highlights the need for transparency in adoption and shows the valuable impact that birthfathers can have on their child’s life. After McCullough discovered the truth about his birthfather, there was no jealousy, resentment, or regret—only gratitude for the winding paths that brought them all together.